"If nobody shoots me, I'll be pretty upset."
May 23, 2007 9:31 AM   Subscribe

flak jackets emblazoned with their unit name, Dead by Dawn. It's a reference to the 1987 cult horror flick Evil Dead II. Yes, they know this dates them.
posted by ElmerFishpaw at 9:40 AM on May 23, 2007

Yeah. That threw me off, too. Hot Topic probably sells EDII shirts these days.
posted by brundlefly at 9:43 AM on May 23, 2007

I read that as "...Scenario Pinball" and I was completely bewildered and excited when I clicked.

posted by cortex at 9:46 AM on May 23, 2007

I love that they're playing a scenario out of WoW.
posted by pombe at 9:48 AM on May 23, 2007

This is the next step in my evolution as a pretend bad ass. Where do I sign up?
posted by tkchrist at 9:57 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Sounds like fun, provided that an unassuming child's doll infused with dark and hellish powers doesn't wreak havoc with the game, ultimately resulting in the real life death of many of your squadmates.

Also, it would be much cooler if you played Battlestar Crew v. Cylons!
posted by The God Complex at 9:58 AM on May 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

That sounds fun. Expensive, but fun.
posted by sciurus at 9:58 AM on May 23, 2007

Why WOW? Surely there are other popular games with characters that actually use guns. Counter-strike for example.
posted by quin at 9:59 AM on May 23, 2007

That the scenarios are based on such highly realistic battle games as WoW just belies a lack of committment or creativity to me. I wanna playmissions from Command and Conquer paintball, with all players limited to what they can say... if I can be Tanya. Now that's dating yourself.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:04 AM on May 23, 2007

^or levels from Contra paintball, replete with slimy aliens^
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:05 AM on May 23, 2007

And I miss paint-ball. My friends called our selves Team Banzai (after Buckaroo Banzai, how's that for dating ourselves...)

Our expertise was pump only games, particularly ones that limited everyone to PGPs. We weren't great, but we had a lot of enthusiasm and didn't mind getting shot if it meant taking a few of them with us.

We all pretty much quit after semi-autos became common. It stopped being about the fun of hunting someone and started being about how much paint you could afford to send down-range.

Which, while also fun, was just too rich for our blood.
posted by quin at 10:07 AM on May 23, 2007

Mil-sim scenarios get bad press though because you're "teaching war and violence and they'll just want to do it with real guns!"

I usually get shot about six times per day including a couple of headshots - why that would make me want to recreate the experience using real bullets I've never understood.
posted by Standeck at 10:07 AM on May 23, 2007

Counter-strike for example.

Where's the fun in that, though? "You are a counter-terrorist. You look exactly like everyone else on your team, and have no discernible personal motivation."

They might as well just use Halo as the theme if they're going to do that:

"You are on the red team. You are red."

"You are on the blue team. You are blue."

Now, as I said, if they assigned you to various crew members on the Battlestar Galactica, and a smaller number to Cylons--and then allowed the Cylons to regenerate if they were killed in close proximity to their "resurrection ship"... okay I'm going to stop now. This is too exciting!
posted by The God Complex at 10:08 AM on May 23, 2007

My first goal in Scenario Paintball would be to re-inact the times I would set my GI Joes up to ambush Cobra. Since I didn't have many Cobra figures, the same guy would take a bullet from every Joe.

On a dark day, I would play Cobra.
posted by drezdn at 10:08 AM on May 23, 2007

I would also do this if they re-inacted "Bionic Commando."
posted by drezdn at 10:08 AM on May 23, 2007

The God Complex writes "They might as well just use Halo as the theme if they're going to do that:

"'You are on the red team. You are red.'

"'You are on the blue team. You are blue.'"

That's if you're basing it on the multiplayer. Humans v. Covenant could be pretty cool. Maybe even assign certain people "Spartan" roles. Maybe those would be able to take more damage before "dying?"
posted by brundlefly at 10:11 AM on May 23, 2007

Scenario paintball? Mil-sim?

It's called 'LARPing'.
posted by Pastabagel at 10:12 AM on May 23, 2007

All this talk about dating yourself... are hermaphrodites big paintball fans?
posted by logicpunk at 10:12 AM on May 23, 2007

I went to one of these big, based-on-a-computer game scenario paintball meets once. I didn't read the scenario very closely, though. Turned out we were playing a battle based off of Civilization II.

I drew the short straw and got the role of "Egyptian Worker #2". I raked a sandbox for three hours before a Roman swordsman shot me in the back of the head.

Worst 50$ I ever spent.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:18 AM on May 23, 2007 [8 favorites]

I'd be a lot more impressed if they were running Arathi Basin.
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:23 AM on May 23, 2007

Holy cow- instead of farting around on Metafilter right now I'm supposed to be getting product ready for a scenario game in FL this weekend.
I never ever thought an FPP would be about my *job* :-)

(At least scenario players are fun-crazy, not whiny-crazy like tournament players.)
posted by Mamapotomus at 10:30 AM on May 23, 2007

My Star Trek Club has been doing Star Trek themed paintball twice a year since the late 90's. (photos technically from 2000, and yeah, those are kind of self-links). Y'all missed Spring Paintball, but if you want to fly out to the east coast, tkchrist, there will be another this Fall.

Most of them have been Star Trek scenarios, but they've done Babylon 5, Stargate, and a few others. When I was 29, I got to be a runner in the "Logan's Run" scenario (Everyone 27 and under were hunting, and everyone 31 and older got to hang out at "Sanctuary" and watch/mock. The rest of us... got shot a lot. I didn't make it.) It's a ball, really. There's an advantage against traditional paintball in that its in-genre to allow shots to be "stun", which gives less experienced players a way to stay in the game. (There's a rules mechanic for 'medics' who can revive downed players.)

We all laughed when Bill Shatner did one, after we'd been running them for years.
posted by Karmakaze at 10:42 AM on May 23, 2007

Now I want to open up Paint Stalingrad.

No, wait. Rorke's Drift, with giant paintbrush assegais. Actually, it can be Agincourt for all I care, so long as it involves dudes running across playgrounds wielding giant paintbrushes under a hail of paintballs.
posted by furiousthought at 10:57 AM on May 23, 2007

Karmakaze: I scored one of the Shats' autographed jerseys at a charity auction last year.
Yeah, no one else cares either.
posted by Mamapotomus at 11:26 AM on May 23, 2007

Baaaaaaaad Aaaaaasss
posted by craven_morhead at 11:41 AM on May 23, 2007

I've played scenario games that were straight military sim. World War II, and a near-future game where Mexican drug cartels were invading Texas for some reason. I've also played in one where we were white trash, Hatfield-McCoy types feuding over an upcoming shotgun-wedding (we had people driving tractors while shooting for that one). They're a ton of fun.

We've got a lot of military around these parts, though. The nighttime action on the two-day camping games can really suck when you're fighting dudes with night-vision equipment.
posted by Thoughtcrime at 12:15 PM on May 23, 2007

Fucking a, I haven't played paintball in about 5 years but I would love to do something like this.

Anyone know of a directory for these sorts of things, I'd like to track one down on the NE coast.
posted by smackwich at 12:55 PM on May 23, 2007

Back when I used to be able to paintball, we did a "Terminator" scenario. Two teams went after each other as normal, with the twist that one additional player was in the field as an unstoppable killing machine. He wasn't allowed to run, and had no teammates, but he could never be shot out of a game. His goal was to simply eliminate everyone.

God, those were good times.
posted by moonbiter at 1:08 PM on May 23, 2007

That the scenarios are based on such highly realistic battle games as WoW just belies a lack of committment or creativity to me. I wanna playmissions from Command and Conquer paintball, with all players limited to what they can say... if I can be Tanya. Now that's dating yourself.

Back In The Day, when C&C was played in DOS, I remember wishing that it had an FPS mode, so I could lead one of my Infantry Rushes, or at least be a grunt. Actually, I seem to remember that there was a game along those lines - switching between RTS and FPS. One of the Mechwarrior games, perhaps?
posted by spaceman_spiff at 2:42 PM on May 23, 2007

Cosplay/LARPing for the military enthusiast. Like civil war recreation with out the historical baggage. Scenario games have been a big part of airsoft for quite some time. See "Operation Irene" for really over the top, multiple day private MilSim. Its about time paintballers finally figured out that its more fun than running around in BMX gear and hiding behind inflatable barriers. Not that there's anything wrong with that
posted by subtle_squid at 2:53 PM on May 23, 2007

Smackwich, does Nebraska have a coast?
posted by Karmakaze at 3:32 PM on May 23, 2007

I relish the idea of a paintball version of Duck Hunt with the role of the dog play by my most feared enemies: The Hamburgler, Alec Baldwin and the animatronic corpse of the late Pope John Paul II.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 4:25 PM on May 23, 2007

Seconding the Stalingrad one. Wished mightly for some paint grenades, back in the day.

We'd do more of a Vietnamesque special-ops thing where we'd go reconnoitering and setting ambushes. Our field rules allowed "tagging" by hand, and I'd get in a creek where the trail ran close alongside the bank, hunker down in my ghillie suit under the bushes, and wait for the other team -- a bunch of tooled-up, arrogant teenagers -- to come along. I'd snipe a couple before they realized I was there, and if they kept coming, I wait and "baptize" the last one in line -- hold his head down in the muddy water for a nice slow ten-count, too. One actually made the serious mistake of trying to slug me. Heh.

Good times, good times.
posted by pax digita at 5:30 PM on May 23, 2007

God. I just spent crazy money on paintball equipment, and I'm not done. I got hooked a few weeks ago when a bunch of guys I work with invited me. They have all spent thousands, yes, thousands of dollars on their gear. They have night vision. They are tactical. They talk about Operation Mogadishu Whatever.
I'm working in one of the only professions I know where grown men can talk about paintball and video games without embarrassment. It's odd, though: last weekend I went to the local field, and for a second I thought I was the only adult there. Not that that would have stopped me. I have no shame now. But I spotted one of my buddies. Later, I shot him in the forehead.
There are few feelings more satisfying.
posted by atchafalaya at 5:54 PM on May 23, 2007

Isn't this just a paintball version of airsoft?
posted by Relay at 6:29 PM on May 23, 2007

Ok. I have a good Paint Ball story.

Back in the day I worked at a Kinkos. In the days before it became a corporate fuck-tard business. Most people then were artists or musicians that worked there. I was the Computer Center Manager. They had a radical profit share and you could get well paid. For a day job.

My team had done very well one month. So as a reward the top two stores got to go play paint ball. It was a new thing back then. It hadn't evolved into a sport - so it was more of novelty. Were super psyched and had no idea what to expect.

Now my crew for the computer center was nearly all girls. Mostly art students. Kristen was a dead head and she was all peace and love. The type of hippie that fed her goofy hound dog, a dog she would bring surreptitiously to work, an all vegan diet and it would fart this blue gas under the computer desks all day long. She had a boyfriend who disappeared in the woods with his drumming circle every weekend. Note this: She was an awesome worker. But because she was a passive hippie she got kind of shit on by the management. Trust me this will be important to recall later.

And then there was Lee. He was crazy. In that lovable shaved head post-punk east coast jew who packs a gun in his sock kind of way. He was great at his job. But he had a habit of telling customers to "suck my balls." I always had to keep one eye out for him to keep him from killing a customer when they asked him how to load their fonts on a computer for the fifteenth time. And those of you that have ever been to a Kinko's - let alone worked at one - will understand.

So these guys were on my Pain Ball Team. We were out in the woods in Enumclaw. The play area was huge, hilled, and forested. With a fast moving creek bisecting the two sides. I have some marksman and combat training, though it had been a while. Oddly whay I knew did cross over as much as I thought. So the first game we played another store and we lost becuase we did have our blood lust up yet and as team leader I didn't get a good strategy.

But that changed.

Kristen and Lee, after getting a taste of combat, formed this INSANE symbiotic organism that only existed to shoot paint and to cause pain to their enemies.

i have never seen anything like it. Kristen didn't know which end of the gun to point. She was mortified the paint my hurt some low climbing squirrel. But the second she got hit in the first game she turned into the Terminator. She got this thousand yard stare and when I wold explain my plan to the team she would start growling and saying things like "Roger that Captain."

Lee. Well he was always crazy. But the two of them together formed a sniper team and then an assault team. Neither had any experience at this whatsoever. Yet. They were unstoppable. We had fourteen people on each team. I managed to crawl on my belly right on the border of the play area and snipe three people. Lee and Kristen fragged everybody else.

Over and Over. We played five games. The last one against the Managers. BIG mistake on their part. Those two berserker's would just blitzkrieg over to the other side until the other team just cowered behind the plywood barriers in terror or quit.

Kristen actually belly crawed though the creek and completely flanked the other team. Mocking them as she fragged them one by one from behind. She did this while Lee distrated them by screaming:


from up in some tree.

Born fucking killers. All that customer service rage just blew over.

It was a privilege to lead those beautiful bastards into battle let me tell you.
posted by tkchrist at 7:04 PM on May 23, 2007 [15 favorites]

Byline: Ben Paynter.

posted by donpedro at 8:00 PM on May 23, 2007

Paintball is a sport?
posted by Dizzy at 8:31 PM on May 23, 2007

A little youtubing will reveal some frighteningly realistic airsoft mil-sim. I just bought a couple of pistols but the accuracy is so poor (despite numerous reviews to the contrary) that I will probably ebay them.
posted by craniac at 11:17 PM on May 23, 2007

My fave producer is Black Cat Paintball Productions But they weren't doing much on the east coast in 2007. There are also "big games" where you don't get characters and don't do a lot of roleplaying. Those can be fun, too.

Because the producers get so political I don't think there is a place that has all of the events, but you can find a lot of them at Scenario Calendar.

Oh, and thanks for the "previously" link, Brundlefly. That was my first post here. (I think I am on a rate to clear one post every 1.5 years.)
posted by bugmuncher at 7:41 AM on May 24, 2007

craniac - that's because you haven't spent over $1000 on some major league Hong Kong IPSC shooters like those found here.

Check out the custom pistols (SV Infinity types) for prices up to $1200USD - these aren't even the top end custom ones such as those made by Clarence Lai who charges insane amounts for his custom collector IPSC pieces.

Also, to ensure it's accurate make sure you've adjusted the hop-up (iirc it uses the magnus effect to generate lift via spinning the BB's which will stabilise it over distance). It's usually a lot easier to adjust on longarms and in addition to all that you'll also need to ensure that your airsoft gun has a decent muzzle velocity (~350fps) and is using the correct weight bb's. Single shot repeater rifles go up to 500fps using 0.68g bb's and are accurate to over a couple hundred metres. AEGs (Automatic Electric Guns - fucking good fun in other words) have accurate ranges over 100m.

Now I am just waiting until I am allowed to go out and do some mil-sim house clearance (i.e. when I can actually find a spare couple of grand down the back of the sofa).

If you're interested in Airsoft I'd recommend the UKAN forums - lots of really clued up guys and girls who review not just the equipment but the locations and companies that sell the kit.
posted by longbaugh at 9:06 AM on May 24, 2007

I'm not even kidding, and I hate myself for flagrantly coming out as a nerd of the highest order, but seriously:

If anyone in the Southern California area wants to do a BSG paintball thing,



posted by Space Kitty at 11:23 AM on May 24, 2007

One thing that's always confused me about airsoft vs Paintball: doesn't it just turn the thing into playing capguns as a kid? "I hit you!" "Did not!" "Did too!"

Sure, people wipe when playing paintball, but at least there's SOME visible indication you were hit.

And, lest someone tell me the above never happens and airsoft players are full of honor, I've heard that exact same argument coming from an airsoft game next to a paintball field I was on.

posted by flaterik at 12:27 PM on May 24, 2007

My buddy got shot by a sniper in his water carrier so he didn't feel it at all. The sniper quickly remedied this by putting one in the back of his head. He called that one straight away.

Airsoft pellets on thin cloth or bare skin sting like bees. You know you got a hit because you hear the guy say Ow!. And if he doesn't call it you just put another burst in to him. He'll call it just to stop the pain. I've found it to be rare to hear an argument over who whether someone go shot on an airsoft field.

Also when the fun is in the simulated scenario risk is a big part of that. Not calling you're shots is like turning on godmode it breaks down the illusion and lowers you're own level of fun.
posted by subtle_squid at 4:22 PM on May 24, 2007

Back in the day, before we ever got into paintball (in fact, before there ever was paintball), we shot each other with BBs. I would imagine that these hurt as much as airsoft. We switched to paintball because it meant fewer trips to the doctor to remove penetrating BBs*. After a while you got used enough to getting shot that you could avoid saying "ow!", especially if you had the good fortune of getting hit where your camos were a little loose, or if you were smart enough to wear an insulated shirt. In the end there was no way to enforce a n hits and you're out rule, which led to more than a few "I shot you" "nuh-uh" arguments.

*Man, that reminds me of a funny thing. One guy got who went by the name of "Dutch" was kind of crazy, and wouldn't wear any face protection outside of the mandatory squash goggles. Sure enough he got hit in the nose, and the BB went through his nostril and got lodged in his septum. When he went to the doctor to have it removed, and the doctor asked how it happened, he told him he shot himself while cleaning his BB pistol!
posted by moonbiter at 12:07 PM on May 25, 2007

Would it be too recursive to make a scenario of tkchrist's post?
posted by drezdn at 1:38 PM on May 25, 2007

« Older Actually danceable mashups   |   NUTS Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments