Are we just sick of each other?
October 3, 2007 12:53 PM   Subscribe

Is there any hope for making love last? Contrary to popular belief, more people are staying married. But are we just treading water for the kids, trying find real love with our "emotional friends?" Where does it all go wrong? Something deep, dark and masculine inside makes me feat that women do change once they've sealed the deal. Or maybe they just realize that most every guy is a pig, deep down. Whatever, at least the kids on Facebook still savor sweet romance.
posted by PeteNicely (47 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Okay, you appear to have lead off this post with a self-link. I'm not sure this relationship is going to work out. -- cortex



 
I'm guessing you've never been in a relationship with a man, but trust me, they change too.
posted by desjardins at 12:57 PM on October 3, 2007


It's just that we would so much love to be always loved, we get fuzzy if and when we notice some change that just MAY remotely be menacing.

And try to fix the person back, and in the process discover people don't change much or at all, get mad at him/her , probably forgetting we were the ones enamoured with an idea to begin with.

But it's all good, it can be handled for better. Love can last, if we want : not exactly always the very same, that's it.
posted by elpapacito at 1:03 PM on October 3, 2007


YOU SIR, HAVE LOVE CONFUSED WITH HORMONES.
posted by quonsar at 1:04 PM on October 3, 2007


BTW... it ain't that deep.
posted by Hugh2d2 at 1:05 PM on October 3, 2007


I recently gave up on a two year courtship (interrupted by a seven month relationship with someone else) with a girl I've known for 12 years, that ended when the girl told me she had basically accepted the fact that at some point she'll break down and cheat on her future husband. I told her honesty is great but I just crossed her off my potential wife list. Then she turned around and told me that she had loved me for a long time and we should be together forever. That was an awkward position. We broke it off over Facebook later that week.

I for one have developed some doubts, but at the core I still believe in true love if you find the right person. I think that many girls these days are caught up in a "Sex in the City" mentality where they feel equally as cheated as your stereotypical male pig when considering monogamy. My strategy while I wait to meet that one special girl is to satisfy short-term urges with divorcees who just want some ass. Being in my early thirties at a time when my contemporaries are starting the first wave of divorce, along with the fact that many guys my age have either married off, become fat, bald, or virtually bankrupt puts me in a target rich environment for this type of relationship. It's good enough for now, and there are many people my age of both genders in the same position.
posted by autodidact at 1:06 PM on October 3, 2007


Those blog posts were super awesome and deep, thanks for sharing!!!11!
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 1:07 PM on October 3, 2007


Pete, you just got burned in a relationship, didn't you.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 1:09 PM on October 3, 2007


A wise old man once told me that a man needs four things to be happy in life:

Food, shelter, pussy and strange pussy.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:11 PM on October 3, 2007 [5 favorites]


I'm thoroughly unconvinced that humans are meant to mate for life.
posted by Kadin2048 at 1:12 PM on October 3, 2007


Wow, that Britney Spears girl sounds like one messed-up tomato.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:14 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite]


wow, relationshipfilter on the blue.
posted by Ironmouth at 1:14 PM on October 3, 2007


Food, shelter, pussy and strange pussy.

Octopussy?
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:15 PM on October 3, 2007


Is there any hope for making love last?

Yes. Yes there is.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:15 PM on October 3, 2007 [2 favorites]


A man marries a woman, hoping she will never change.
She does.

A woman marries a man, hoping he *will* change.
He doesn't.
posted by LordSludge at 1:18 PM on October 3, 2007 [3 favorites]


The poster seems more than a little confused.

Yes, people change over the course of a relationship. How and how much they change depends on the age frame of the relationship and how compatible they were initially.

On average, it seems as though personalities don't firm up well until about age 25. Anyone getting married before then is likely to find that his/her spouse gradually becomes an unrecognizeable person.

And obviously if you get involved with someone who isn't compatible with you, there's a high probability that both of your personalities will continue to diverge.

However, if you both have well defined personalities and are very compatible, you may end up becoming too familiar with each other.

What do you want? Sexual excitement or placid comfort? Long-term relationships spell the death of your sex life. No one wants to believe that, but it's true more often than not.

Fortunately, as we age, we may have less of a need for constant sexual excitement (depending on how we've conditioned ourselves over the years). A long-term, stable relationship with a compatible mate can be very pleasant (not to mention constructive) in all sorts of unexciting ways.

Ask yourself what you want: loneliness/sexual hijinks, companionship/peace, or something else. (I don't know what that "something else" might be, or even if it's practical.)
posted by bshock at 1:18 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite]


Yukfilter.

Real world/Valentines world, most grown ups know the difference.
posted by surfdad at 1:20 PM on October 3, 2007


She told me, honey I don't want your love
My heart's as hollow as an empty glove
All that I can feel for you is a kind of blues
Coz you're in love with love from your head to your shoes
(a-pom-pom-pom-pom-pom-pom-pom, a-doodle-doodle-doo)
posted by Sailormom at 1:21 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite]


A link to the Howard Stern show? Really?
posted by Pastabagel at 1:21 PM on October 3, 2007


On average, it seems as though personalities don't firm up well until about age 25.
Er actually the front part of your brain doesn't stop developing till around that age so it makes sense that personalities don't congeal until after then as well
posted by edgeways at 1:25 PM on October 3, 2007


That's also why Aunt Marion says you shouldn't get married until you're 30.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:28 PM on October 3, 2007


There all you go. Hate'n on love again.

It's all about pheromones. If you want it to last never ever ever shower.
posted by tkchrist at 1:30 PM on October 3, 2007


A link to the Howard Stern show? Really?

Not to mention HBO and MTV. It's like PeteNicely measures love and relationships by what he sees on television.
posted by NationalKato at 1:32 PM on October 3, 2007


It's like PeteNicely measures love and relationships by what he sees on television.
Are we not supposed to?
posted by eurasian at 1:33 PM on October 3, 2007


We broke it off over Facebook later that week...Being in my early thirties

I am thinking that I may be wildly out of touch with the world.
posted by flarbuse at 1:35 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite]


Thanks for the rambling, shallow blog entries, links to celebrity non-stories, and naive and ignorant generalizations based on gender. I really learned something.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 1:36 PM on October 3, 2007 [2 favorites]


"Is there any hope for making love last?"

Yeah.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:40 PM on October 3, 2007


You find true love in the last place you look. Not because it is hiding but because that is when you stop looking.
posted by srboisvert at 1:41 PM on October 3, 2007


Food, shelter, pussy and strange pussy.

Octopussy?


That really should be "NP" - new pussy.
posted by wfc123 at 1:45 PM on October 3, 2007


You find true love in the last place you look.

Dude, you find everything in the last place you look!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:46 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite]


At the risk of being accused of being OVERSENSITIVE, I'm flagging this post for being annoyingly heterosexist.
posted by serazin at 1:51 PM on October 3, 2007


That really should be "NP" - new pussy.

Yeah, it's a local idiom. Although there's nothing wrong with a bit of tentacle sex, obviously.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:51 PM on October 3, 2007


posted by srboisvert You find true love in the last place you look. Not because it is hiding but because that is when you stop looking.

What happens if you fall in love with Schrodinger's cat?
posted by fandango_matt at 1:52 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite]


Robin is dating Jim Florentine?? (sorry - haven't heard the show since Howard moved to Sirius)
posted by wfc123 at 1:54 PM on October 3, 2007


TLameDR.
posted by Don Pepino at 1:54 PM on October 3, 2007


I'm flagging this post for being annoyingly heterosexist.

What colour flag will you use? And will you flag it on the left, or on the right?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:56 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite]


I quoth the wiki: In Japanese, the word for blue (青 ao) is often used for colors that English speakers would refer to as green, such as the color of a traffic signal meaning "go".

That is the only explanation I can come up with for this post.
posted by dreamsign at 1:59 PM on October 3, 2007 [3 favorites]


We get together
Oh, we get together
But separate's always better when there's feelings involved
If what they say is
Nothing is forever
Then what makes
Then what makes
Then what makes
Love the exception?

posted by casarkos at 2:00 PM on October 3, 2007


Your "women do change" links to an excellent piece on the difference between personality (public persona) and character (that I prefer to call true self). I agree with the premise the author is making.

Really enjoyed that, thank you PeteNicely. The name of that particular blog is mischievous, discourse and datcourse.

Actually, I think that article makes sense reading in regard to any personal relationship, including friendship.

The best book I've ever read about the biology of human relationships is by an author-scientist named Diane Ackerman, A Natural History Of Love, which didn't get great reviews but which was a profoundly informative book for me, especially illuminating about why men are not monogamous but demand that of women.
posted by nickyskye at 2:02 PM on October 3, 2007


Can someone tell me why the author of the first blog linked to (I need a hand to feel in mine) links back to the the blog listed in PeteNicely's profile?
posted by otherwordlyglow at 2:03 PM on October 3, 2007


Ugh. There's no way to substantively engage with the topic given the framing by the OP.

so mething deep, dark and masculine inside

Who says your prejudices are masculine?

maybe they just realize that most every guy is a pig, deep down

Oh, joy; sexism, lame excuse, and twisted self-deprecation in a few short words.

Flagged.
posted by Miko at 2:03 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite]


What colour flag will you use? And will you flag it on the left, or on the right?

Peter, my flag is not any "colour", its a "color" - you crazy brit you!
posted by serazin at 2:04 PM on October 3, 2007


She never never puts the cup back in the bucket.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:06 PM on October 3, 2007


She never never puts the lotion in the basket.
posted by Dr-Baa at 2:07 PM on October 3, 2007


That really should be "NP" - new pussy.

oh, and lets don't forget about OPP!
posted by mano at 2:08 PM on October 3, 2007


Yeah, you know me.
posted by Miko at 2:10 PM on October 3, 2007


On average, it seems as though personalities don't firm up well until about age 25.

Ha! Make that 35 or 45 (and probably 55 and 65, too).

As for love, whatever you think it is, you're wrong. Something will always come along and make you re-evaluate and redefine it.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:12 PM on October 3, 2007


Everybody needs a little Ecstasy.
posted by Curry at 2:12 PM on October 3, 2007


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