IM IN UR WASTELANDS, RUINING UR LITERATURES

October 17, 2007 3:04 PM

IM IN UR WASTELAND BURYING UR DEAD
april hates u, makes lilacs, u no can has.
april in ur memoriez, making ur desire.
spring rain in ur dull rootzes.
posted by ardgedee (85 comments total)

Oh dear.
posted by jonson at 3:09 PM on October 17, 2007

[OMG this is teh good]
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:09 PM on October 17, 2007

a) LOLcats ceased being funny about 30 years ago internet time.

b) IT'S NOT LOLCATS IF THERE ARE NO FUCKING CATS.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:09 PM on October 17, 2007

INVISIBLE IRISH GIRL
in ur homelandz, freshening ur windz

unholy fucker of mothers, that's something.
posted by taliaferro at 3:09 PM on October 17, 2007 [3 favorites]

Ho ha! That is deliciously silly.
INVISIBLE BANDERSNATCH!
posted by ...possums at 3:10 PM on October 17, 2007

“i has bad nerves.
u can has speeches?
u can has thoughts?
u can has thinkings?”

OMG WTF RAT ALLEY
dead manz no bonez!!!?!

(lol)
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:10 PM on October 17, 2007

THIS IS WAI WORLD ENDS? NO WAI!
posted by turaho at 3:12 PM on October 17, 2007 [9 favorites]

Good heavens.
That's ridiculous.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 3:12 PM on October 17, 2007

O O O O
I take umbrage.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:13 PM on October 17, 2007

For the love of God, no.
posted by psmealey at 3:15 PM on October 17, 2007

I CAN HAZ SHAPE? I CAN HAS SHADE?
NO!!! THEY BE TAKIN MA FORM AND COLUR!!!
posted by LionIndex at 3:16 PM on October 17, 2007

As featured in Old Possum's Book of Hilarious Cats.
posted by DaShiv at 3:17 PM on October 17, 2007 [3 favorites]

has anybody done J Alfred Lolfrock?

I can haz already knowinz:—
Haz noes eveninz, morningz, afternoonzes,
In my life, measurin with yr coffee spoons;
OMG deadz voices!
In farther room, under yr musics.
I can haz presume?
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:23 PM on October 17, 2007 [3 favorites]

All right, I’m going to be an ass here. There’s just no point to this if there are no pictures of cats to look at. The lolcat pidgin isn’t that interesting in and of itself. Lolcats took off in the first place because everyone likes to pretend that their cat has thoughts and feelings and is trying to talk to them when they meow, and because everyone likes looking at pictures of cute kitties. But this text-only stuff? Do not want.
posted by tepidmonkey at 3:25 PM on October 17, 2007

LOLwilliamcarloswilliams:

OH HAI i saved you a plums, but i eated it,sry
posted by wowbobwow at 3:29 PM on October 17, 2007 [34 favorites]

[we interrupt this hilarity to bring you a sober analysis by tepidmonkey; normal commenting will resume shortly]
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:34 PM on October 17, 2007

I hope they do Donald Rumsfeld's Unknown.
posted by no_moniker at 3:35 PM on October 17, 2007

Wake up kitty, you're probably next.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 3:41 PM on October 17, 2007

Hey, I’m only expanding on what eyeballkid said. rly iz jus want to see pichurs of kitteez kthnx
posted by tepidmonkey at 3:43 PM on October 17, 2007

I'll wait for LOLFINNEGANZWAKE.
posted by darkripper at 3:44 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

I propose that this is the image to look at while you read the poem.

Cat picture problem solved.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:44 PM on October 17, 2007 [3 favorites]

APRIL be de cruellest mond, breedin'
Lilacs out uh de wasted land, mixin'
Memo'y and desire, stirrin'
Dull roots wid sprin' rain.
'S coo', bro.
Winta' kep' us warm, coverin'
Eard in fo'getful snow, feedin'
A little life wid dried tubers.
Slap mah 'fro.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:46 PM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

LOLBasho:

o hai! road
INVISIBLE TRAVELER
o hai! night
posted by ardgedee at 3:46 PM on October 17, 2007 [3 favorites]

Also, lolbasho:

im by ur old pond
i can has frog to eat plz?
plop - im in ur pond.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:47 PM on October 17, 2007 [6 favorites]

Basho rules the thread from 1:46 to 1:47.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:47 PM on October 17, 2007

I made you a madeleine.

But I eated it.
posted by The Straightener at 3:48 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

At the rate this is going, I'll be able to turn in my dissertation in LOLcat-speak.
posted by Rangeboy at 3:53 PM on October 17, 2007

Please, for the love of God, no one attempt an LOLcat "Howl."
posted by digaman at 3:55 PM on October 17, 2007

Ugh. As if The Waste Land wasn't already pure crap. Ugh.
posted by trip and a half at 3:58 PM on October 17, 2007

I'd agree with the posters complaining about the notable lack of cats, except that I'm facinated by the emergance of LOLgrammar. The Bible, The Wasteland, soon, yes soon Ulysses.
posted by lekvar at 4:00 PM on October 17, 2007

> Please, for the love of God, no one attempt an LOLcat "Howl."

MAH PEEPS MINDS HAS NO BUKKITS...
posted by ardgedee at 4:07 PM on October 17, 2007

Eliot got teh catz out of his system with "Ol' Possum's Book of Practical Cats," which was turned into the musical called... well, make a wild guess. Rendering that book in LOLcats would be like meta-LOLcats.
posted by digaman at 4:08 PM on October 17, 2007

Don't start, ardgedee.
posted by digaman at 4:09 PM on October 17, 2007

Awesome.

Here, I'll try LOLPOUND:

I'm in ur subway station lookin at teh faces
LOL they're like wet petals on a tree amirite???
posted by bardic at 4:18 PM on October 17, 2007

waz brillig an teh slithy tovez
waz gyrin an gimblin in teh
INVISIBLE WABE
all mimsy waz teh borogovez
mome rathez can haz outgrabe?

im in yr tulgey wood snicker-snackin yr jabberwockeyz
posted by gottabefunky at 4:30 PM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

TYGR TYGR PANTZ ON FIR
IN THE WOODS WENZ DARK
WHO CAN HAZ HANDZ UR EYEZ
TA... OOO SCAAARY KITTY.
posted by From Bklyn at 4:38 PM on October 17, 2007 [3 favorites]

I am tired of these cats and their lolling.

Get Off My LOLawn!
posted by crossoverman at 4:38 PM on October 17, 2007

has anybody done J Alfred Lolfrock?

I CAN HAS PEACH?
posted by brain_drain at 4:38 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

Can LOLrap be far behind?

Eliot was a punk. He deserves this.
posted by spitbull at 4:56 PM on October 17, 2007

Loldyssey?
posted by The Straightener at 4:57 PM on October 17, 2007

MEGA LULZ OMG.
posted by jokeefe at 4:59 PM on October 17, 2007

In the list of programming languages used for this year's International Conference on Functional Programming's Programming Contest was LOLCODE. Used by 2 teams. It's in the report.
posted by needled at 5:06 PM on October 17, 2007

Im in ur America,
puttin mah queer pawz to teh wheel.
posted by digaman at 5:08 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

Definitely enjoyed it more than the original. I LOLed.
posted by chlorus at 5:14 PM on October 17, 2007

I'll wait for LOLFINNEGANZWAKE.

OH NOES! I IZ FALLING (BABABADALGHARAAGHTAKAMMINARRONNKONNBRONNTONNERRONNTUONNTHUNNTROVARRHOUNAWNSKAWNTOOHOOHOORDENENTHUR)!

(I made you a lame pun about Meowth Castle and Environs but I deletid it.)
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:50 PM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

Feerful Symatrez, I haz it!!
posted by AndrewStephens at 6:11 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

I don't understand the point of commenting on a lol-thing if you are sick of lolspeak.

Y U B HATIN?
posted by emjaybee at 6:16 PM on October 17, 2007

Y'know, I hate mostly all things LOL____ related. But this made me chuckle. Thanks.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 6:18 PM on October 17, 2007

LOLCats, the objective correlative for wannabe?
posted by Grod at 6:22 PM on October 17, 2007

Die, meme.
posted by m0nm0n at 6:44 PM on October 17, 2007

I want to drown LOLcats in a hessian sack.
posted by L.P. Hatecraft at 6:52 PM on October 17, 2007

oral sex metaphors in ur poem.
posted by Balisong at 6:56 PM on October 17, 2007

*points*

*gibbers*
posted by SansPoint at 7:36 PM on October 17, 2007

I haven't even clicked the damn link yet and I've LOLed my way through this thread.
posted by rtha at 7:38 PM on October 17, 2007

IT HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE, the LOLCATTING of TS ELIOT:

i can has backpart? i can has peach?
im in ur white flannel trousers walkin on ur beach
have heard mermaids singing each in each

i do not think they say o hai to me.

and of course the image
posted by needs more cowbell at 7:43 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

So this is the way the world ends.

With a cat macro.
posted by konolia at 8:01 PM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

Im in ur Xanadu decreein ur pleasure dome.
posted by Bookhouse at 8:18 PM on October 17, 2007

In ur Darien, checkin out ur Homer.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:40 PM on October 17, 2007

It's interesting that in every LOL___ thread there's at least one person who says something like "I normally hate this shit but that was hilarious!"
posted by danb at 8:46 PM on October 17, 2007

NO HAS BAD MAN WINED
NO FAIR ,,,,,,, NOT!!!!!11 WE SED

lolcummings
posted by not_on_display at 8:53 PM on October 17, 2007

HAS HAF A LEEG, HAF A LEEG
HAF A LEEG, HAS THEM
BOOMS TO THE RIGHT, BOOMS TO THE LEFT
BOOMS TO THE FRONT
LOLS, THE SIXES HUNDREDS
LOOKZ LIKE GROUNZ BEEF
CAN HAS JAWS OF DETH, CAN HAS HELL
CAN NO HAS ALL LIMZ
O, FUCKIN' WELL
posted by pyramid termite at 9:18 PM on October 17, 2007

Needled - thanks for pointing out LOLCODE. It's pretty awesome.
posted by pombe at 9:20 PM on October 17, 2007

i have a request: Howl.
posted by empath at 10:07 PM on October 17, 2007

OK.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooo!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:13 PM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm waiting for lolcat Heidegger.

I can has praxis?
posted by generichuman at 11:37 PM on October 17, 2007

O HAI
*invisible plums*

I has eated
sum plums
they wuz in
teh icebox

and witch
you wuz probubbly
saving
for brekfist.

Forgives me?
they weres delishiss
so sweet
an so coldz!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:11 AM on October 18, 2007 [4 favorites]

-Willliam Catlol Williams
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:12 AM on October 18, 2007

*Notices that This is Just to Say was pretty much covered... laments that Daddy, by Sylvis Plath is pretty much in lolcat already, drinks, near the oven.*
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:18 AM on October 18, 2007

This is great.
posted by algreer at 1:50 AM on October 18, 2007

i have a request: Howl.

I think you mean: Meow: for 'Snuggles' Soloman.

"I SAW THE BEST MEOWS OF MY GENERATION DESTROYED BY CATNIP, STARVING HYSTERICAL NAKED,
DRAGGING THEMSELVES THROUGH THE NEGRO ALLEYS AT DAWN, LOOKING FOR AN ANGRY SNIFF"


"OH HAI SNUGGLEZ, I BE WIT YOU IN DA KITTY POUND,
WHERE UR RABIEZ IS WORSE DEN MINE,
I BE WIT YOU IN DA KITTY POUND,
WHERE DEY BE TAKIN' UR BUKKIT,
I BE WITH YOU IN DA KITTY POUND,
BECAUSE U MADE DEM A COOKIE, BUT YOU ET IT,
I BE WIT U IN DA KITTY POUND,
BECAUSE U PEEP OUT OF A HOLE IN THE CEILING TO WATCH PEOPLE MASTURBATE,
I BE WIT U IN DA KITTY POUND,
BECOZ WEEZ BOFE FAMUS INTERNET ICONS WHO HAD OUR PICTUREZ ON THE SAME GRATE LOLCATMACRO"
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:30 AM on October 18, 2007 [2 favorites]

How unpleasant to meet Mr. Eliot!
With a bobtail cur
In a coat of fur
And a porpentine cat
And a wopsical hat:
How unpleasant to meet Mr. Eliot!

151;T.S. "LOL" Eliot
posted by steef at 5:28 AM on October 18, 2007

I can has &mpersand?
posted by steef at 5:29 AM on October 18, 2007

Two the two posters who referenced The Hollow Men, thanks. I thought I was the only one who cross-referenced my T.S. Eliot.

Okay, someone is LOLCatting the Holy Bible, and now classic poetry, what's next, LOLCat Shakespeare?:

2 BE OR NOT 2 BE, --DAT IZ TEH QUESHUN:--
WHETHR TIS NOBLR IN DA MIND 2 SUFFR
TEH SLINGS AN ARROWS OV OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE
OR 2 TAEK ARMS AGAINST SEA OV TROUBLEZ,
AN BY OPPOSIN END THEM?

Uh, DO NOT WANT!

but I do like LOLCat Jabberwocky, gottabefunky. That's very meta.
posted by fuse theorem at 6:04 AM on October 18, 2007

Peter McD -- excellent, and I didn't think anyone could do it. By avoiding the trap of just doing the opening section, you pwned.
posted by digaman at 6:11 AM on October 18, 2007

DO NOT WANT.
posted by triv at 6:27 AM on October 18, 2007

They be stealin' my OH HAI-ku.
posted by bashos_frog at 11:53 AM on October 18, 2007

LUV POME 1:30

MY GF'S IZE SUX
HR LIPS R KINDA PINK
N HUR TITS R 2,
& HER HARES A FUKKIN MESS!!!!!

PALE CHEEKS< AND HER BRETH STANKZ!!

I LIKE HR VOISE BUT XTINAS IZ BETUR
AND SHE WALKZ LIKE A MONKY.

BUT DATS OK
I WUV HR ANYWAY

BILLY SHAKEZ RULZ!!!1
posted by not_on_display at 12:13 PM on October 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

So this is the way the world ends.

OH HAI! I BLOWED UP YR EARTH, SRRY.
posted by jonp72 at 1:29 PM on October 18, 2007

i has a bukket -- you has none
invisible deth i see --
no no! -- not even u can take --
bukket away -- from me!
posted by nonane at 8:49 PM on October 18, 2007

LOLZ I LOVZ U ALL SORTZ OF SPECIALZ WAYZ
I LOVZ U THIZ HIGH AND WIDE AND DEEP, TOO
EVEN WHENZ MY SOUL PLAYZ TEH PEEKABOO
FROM GRACE AND IZNESS, IN LIFE'Z CRUEL MAYZ
LOLZ I LOVZ U TO ALL LEVELZ OF GAME
WE PLAYZ DAY TO DAY, BY SUNZ AND MOONZLIGHT
I LOVZ U EAZY, LIKE WE ALLZ MAKEZ RIGHT
I LOVZ U SHYZLIKE, COZ I DONT NEED FAME
I LOVZ U LIKE BEEZ IN MY BOD, BABE BEAR
FROM MY OLD BOOHOOZ, LIKE A KIDDIEZ DREEMZ
I LOVZ U WITH LOVZ I LOST LIKE BUKKET
LIKE LOST ANGELZ - I LOVZ U LIKE BREETHZ AIR
LOLZ, CRYZ, OF ALL MY DAYZ!! - AND IF GODZ DEEMZ
IZ LOVZ YOU MORE WEHN MY HEARTZ SAYZ FUKKET.
posted by pyramid termite at 10:28 PM on October 18, 2007 [3 favorites]

Damn.
pyramid termite is playing for keeps.
(damn you, PeterMcDermott)

Mybe I should re-think my effort...gotta find a LOLdictionary...get to work but seriously
posted by From Bklyn at 12:38 AM on October 19, 2007

LOLambic pentameter, even! Exit, stage right!
posted by not_on_display at 10:57 AM on October 19, 2007

i showed an indonesian friend some lolcats.
he nodded politely and walked away (seeming) puzzled.
he later asked me if the cats were speaking bahasa.
posted by sushiwiththejury at 11:59 AM on October 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

Saya bisa makan keju burger?
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:34 PM on October 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

I can has &mpersand?

No, no you can't.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:40 PM on October 21, 2007