Quiz: are you an asshole ?
December 6, 2007 4:54 PM   Subscribe

Are you an asshole ? Of course you are not ...but what if you look, walk, and quack like an ....asshole ? You may be seen as one ! Fear not, for this King of All AssHoles that goes by the name of Bob Sutton wrote a test for you. He also wrote a book and he dares teach at Stanford and even has spare time to run a blog. What a royal ass !
posted by elpapacito (40 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
A-SS-HO-LE, everybody!
posted by cog_nate at 4:59 PM on December 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

posted by jeffamaphone at 5:01 PM on December 6, 2007

I've got an universal asshole quiz. Consists of one question.

Q: Are you an asshole?

A: Yes
B: No

If you answered A: congratulations, you're an asshole, asshole.
If you answered B: congratulations, you're the annoying kind of asshole who doesn't realise they're an asshole, asshole.
posted by slimepuppy at 5:02 PM on December 6, 2007 [5 favorites]

His blog uses dark blue for blockquotes -- well, what I'd assume would be blockquotes if he weren't glomming his posts in from Office -- and black for normal text. I thought I was going blind because the difference is just barely perceptible. I scrolled back and forth repeatedly trying to see exactly what was going on. Maddening. Absolutely maddening.
posted by boo_radley at 5:04 PM on December 6, 2007

that's a relief-- I only got a 4. : >

(of course, it's situational--and very dependent on the people above you and how they treat everyone, i think--and whatever systems are in place, controlwise--you can't trust or be nice to people who don't ever return the favor or even care to)
posted by amberglow at 5:04 PM on December 6, 2007

and of course, slimepuppy has a point too ; >
posted by amberglow at 5:05 PM on December 6, 2007

I don't need no steenking quiz to tell me I'm an asshole.

I've worked hard, and I'm pretty good at it.
posted by Clave at 5:06 PM on December 6, 2007

amberglow writes "that's a relief-- I only got a 4. : >"

Meh, wrong test ! Try Royal Bitch :D !
posted by elpapacito at 5:06 PM on December 6, 2007

that's a relief-- I only got a 4

12, Bitches! In your face!!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 5:12 PM on December 6, 2007

Am I an asshole if I say that that was such an asinine quiz that I couldn't finish it?
I think if I had finished it, it was going to say I wasn't an asshole, but that is (obviously) just because all of their questions were describing a different kind of asshole than I am.

(I'm a friendly-ass asshole who only resorts to ass-holiness when it is really necessary.)
posted by finite at 5:16 PM on December 6, 2007

17 of course I do work with morons who try to sabotage me. So there is that.
posted by Megafly at 5:17 PM on December 6, 2007

See, the problem is that this is only really a test of if you are an asshole in the workplace. When I'm here, I'm tranquility itself. I the serene giver of life and taker of sadness.

But when I hit the streets, oh. my.

Let's just put it this way: cars were given bumpers for a reason.

And sometimes that reason other cars.

And other times it's pedestrians.

But mostly, it's for entertainment.
posted by quin at 5:18 PM on December 6, 2007 [4 favorites]

Are you an asshole ?

Of course I am. We all are. The entire process of life is uncovering exactly what subspecies of asshole you are.
posted by jonmc at 5:24 PM on December 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

Long answer yes with a maybe, short answer no with a but.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 5:26 PM on December 6, 2007


But, trust me, I can be a total asshole when I want to be.
posted by jscalzi at 5:31 PM on December 6, 2007

I think the test confuses "asshole" with "sociopath fuckwad".
posted by snsranch at 5:35 PM on December 6, 2007

posted by edgeways at 5:36 PM on December 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

"You were a nice person until you started working with the current bunch of creeps."
false - I was never a nice person.

"You don’t trust the people around you, and they don’t trust you."
false - The morons trust, nay, idolize me.

"You see your co-workers as competitors."
false - How could those idiots possibly compete?

"You secretly enjoy watching other people suffer and squirm."
false - nothing secretive about it.

"Sometimes you just can’t contain your contempt toward the losers and jerks at your workplace."
false - sometimes?

"You take credit for the accomplishments of your team – why not? They would be nowhere without you."
false - I contribute as little as humanly possible to my team.

"You constantly interrupt people because, after all, what you have to say is more important."
false - I constantly interrupt people because I wasn't listening in the first place.

"You love your immediate team and they love you, but are at constant warfare with the rest of the organization. You treat everyone else like crap because, after all, if you’re not on my team, you either don’t matter or are the enemy."
false - I despise my immediate team


4 - good to see I'm not an asshole!
posted by kigpig at 5:37 PM on December 6, 2007 [5 favorites]

do they have a test to see if you're a psychotic bastard?
posted by pyramid termite at 5:41 PM on December 6, 2007

This test is not very scientific. <- Pedantic, internet asshole
posted by DU at 5:47 PM on December 6, 2007

quin and I are on the same wavelength.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:52 PM on December 6, 2007

I pretended I was Jesus and took the quiz. I got a 12.

Christ: what an asshole.
posted by MrVisible at 6:36 PM on December 6, 2007 [5 favorites]

Metafilter: you feel surrounded by incompetent idiots and you can’t help letting them know the truth every now and then
posted by Smedleyman at 6:44 PM on December 6, 2007

I read the links expecting this guy to be yet another synthetic shark making his name selling platitudes as ballsy contrarianism, telling the next generation of downsizers and outsourcers and golden-parachuters exactly what their charmed and withered little hearts most yearn to hear: that kindness is weakness, that there's virtue in destruction, that all good things, for the self and the world, flow from the unhesitating willingness to crush those who hesitate, et cetera - but that's not what this is. Sure, it's simplistic pop business writing, and meant, mostly, to paste a pleasant face over the same old predatory maw, but it opens a small window on a field that's usually too broad to even begin to survey: we - at least we Americans - have carefully crafted a Cult of the Asshole, of the untrammeled ego, of the no-BS unvarnished truth-teller, and that cult has thriving metastatic branches in business, in government, on the roads and sidewalks, in the places we shop and eat and fuck and talk.

To say so may be to tout an even easier platitude, but it's the right platitude, the one your mother, if she did even a middling job, made some token effort to impart: "Yes, dear, Mommy's sometimes an asshole. Your father, if I'm being totally honest about it, would be the Executive Vice-Asshole of the County Board of Assholes by now if he hadn't been such an asshole to the other assholes at the 11th National Conference of Assholes. God knows we could use the extra money. And you, my darling little zucchini, you're showing some very promising signs of growing up into a grade-A All-American asshole. Your teachers tell me that Colgate and Dartmouth are already putting out feelers. Mommy's very proud of you. But there's something you need to hear, just this once, even if you don't really listen to Mommy too much anymore, what with the puppy incident and the non-negotiable demands for ice cream at breakfast and that high-pitched ambulance sound you somehow emit when I mention maybe thinking about discussing turning off the Playstation some time in the next twelve hours: try, please just try, not to be an asshole."
posted by dyoneo at 7:32 PM on December 6, 2007 [3 favorites]

Certainly not!

Whether I'm an arsehole or not remains to be quantified.
posted by pompomtom at 7:45 PM on December 6, 2007

OK, done the test now. What a crap and easily-gamed test. I'm still not an asshole.
posted by pompomtom at 7:49 PM on December 6, 2007

dymeo: stfu n00b
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:49 PM on December 6, 2007

This test is pretty much worthless if you are self employed like me. Although when I have worked for other people, I have always felt surrounded by assholes.
posted by Sukiari at 8:00 PM on December 6, 2007

I think an inclination to list advanced degrees after your name (especially in irrelevant contexts) makes one look like a bit of an asshole.
posted by inoculatedcities at 8:12 PM on December 6, 2007

I'm not the asshole here. It's everyone else.
posted by oddman at 8:13 PM on December 6, 2007

I think an inclination to list advanced degrees after your name (especially in irrelevant contexts) makes one look like a bit of an asshole.

Completely agree.

One of the biggest assholes I've ever met has a law degree that he's never used, and he teaches computer science (or whatever it's called) at a community college. On his website and all his syllabi he calls himself "Dr. Joseph _____, JD." That's right, "Introduction to Microsoft Office. Instructor: Dr. Joseph _____, JD." The very idea of a "juris doctor" calling himself "Dr" is jarring enough.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:20 PM on December 6, 2007

Test is borked. It told me I wasn't an asshole.
posted by dhammond at 11:15 PM on December 6, 2007

That test was too easy. I don't know why all you losers couldn't figure out the right answers.

For those honest enough not to retake the test who also have an inclination for pattern recognition, what were the 'non-asshole' answers to every question? Presuming you caught the pattern early on, did you in between desires to snark, question yourself for being naturally inclined to answer the opposite wondering why the test designer might think this to be an assoholic behaviorism?
posted by kigpig at 12:14 AM on December 7, 2007

Don't forget the Three Asshole Rule, if you meet three or more assholes in one day, you are the asshole.
posted by shothotbot at 3:11 AM on December 7, 2007

snsranch writes "I think the test confuses 'asshole' with 'sociopath fuckwad'"

I guess the latter is a lot more introverse and primary cause of his own misery and of these who are closer to him/her (assuming someone can survive that and isn't codependant) , the former is more self confident and even partially or temporarily conscious that his asshattery is out of control and self damaging, but finds the diffused asshattery as a comfortable excuse for not changing.
posted by elpapacito at 3:47 AM on December 7, 2007

And than we have this new young mefite living with two parent that may fit some definition of jerk, abuser, asshole at a pathological level.

In a parallel, consider the extent of power a boss can have on a person that is in need, expecially financial one..and I am not talking about idiots drowning themselves in debt to buy surplus shit, even if I can sympathize with their weakness...I am talking about people who do need money because they support other people lives or need it to cure themselves, or just to live the "dream" of not needing to beg on daily basis to "just live".

Consider how easily they can be crushed and then imagine what if you are, after all, so much frail you can't even being to imagine how much.
posted by elpapacito at 4:51 AM on December 7, 2007

I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes. Keep firing, Assholes!
posted by sfenders at 7:18 AM on December 7, 2007

The test must be messed up, I only scored three and I know I'm an asshole.
posted by sotonohito at 9:52 AM on December 7, 2007

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