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February 26, 2010 9:06 AM Subscribe
Do you want to live 100 years. Maybe semen has the answer.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Blurby reporting like this is just news-of-the-weird in science drag. If there's not something a lot more substantial to link to, it's really too thin for a mefi post. -- cortex
Doctor Miracles has known this for a long, long time.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:08 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by dunkadunc at 9:08 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
One day, we will figure out how to mess with our genes in a way that will make us live forever. Won't that suck...
posted by NotSoSiniSter at 9:08 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by NotSoSiniSter at 9:08 AM on February 26, 2010
Yes, and I also want to see links to the source jounral articles. If the the closest we get here is "researchers believe ", someone deserves to live about a hundred minutes.
posted by clarknova at 9:08 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by clarknova at 9:08 AM on February 26, 2010
It can also be had from coffee and apples, according to my friend Professer Google.
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:10 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:10 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Wait, maybe all those old folks eating 'yoghurt' up in the Caucuses were... Dannon, check your sources!
posted by drowsy at 9:14 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by drowsy at 9:14 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Professor Malthus always has the last laugh in discussions of immortality.
posted by LD Feral at 9:15 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by LD Feral at 9:15 AM on February 26, 2010
Sweet I'm going to live FOREVER.
posted by Lutoslawski at 9:15 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Lutoslawski at 9:15 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Why are you jerking us around like this? Isn't this post a little thin to be anything but a little ego stroking? It's not even 10 CCs worth of text. Stunt posts will stunt your growth and make you go blind. You should flagellate yourself.
By the way, have you ever considered the bandwidth of a penis?
posted by loquacious at 9:15 AM on February 26, 2010 [3 favorites]
By the way, have you ever considered the bandwidth of a penis?
posted by loquacious at 9:15 AM on February 26, 2010 [3 favorites]
So all that Daoist sexual magic was actually on to something? And I thought semen retention would cum to nothing.
posted by Abiezer at 9:16 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by Abiezer at 9:16 AM on February 26, 2010
(AP) London - Scientists said today that eating your own farts and poop may give humans super powers.
"Ha ha ha ha yeah, um, ha ha, Dr. Smith, ha ha, and I, ahahahaha, Excuse me. Dr. Smith and I discovered that if you all fart and poop on each other, you are very likely to gain super powers, like flying and a mutant healing factor, so everybody go do it," said one Dr. Jones of the International Science Group. When asked about the specific likelihood of super power development, Dr. Jones clarified that it was "very, extremely likely."
"If it doesn't work at first, just fart -- ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, sorry, I was thinking of a funny joke -- Just fart and poop on each other more. It might take a few days. Also maybe eat really nasty foods before hand."
"Like beans," added Dr. Smith. "They're the musical fruit."
"Ha ha ha ha ha, or corn, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, " concluded Dr. Jones.
posted by Damn That Television at 9:16 AM on February 26, 2010 [8 favorites]
"Ha ha ha ha yeah, um, ha ha, Dr. Smith, ha ha, and I, ahahahaha, Excuse me. Dr. Smith and I discovered that if you all fart and poop on each other, you are very likely to gain super powers, like flying and a mutant healing factor, so everybody go do it," said one Dr. Jones of the International Science Group. When asked about the specific likelihood of super power development, Dr. Jones clarified that it was "very, extremely likely."
"If it doesn't work at first, just fart -- ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, sorry, I was thinking of a funny joke -- Just fart and poop on each other more. It might take a few days. Also maybe eat really nasty foods before hand."
"Like beans," added Dr. Smith. "They're the musical fruit."
"Ha ha ha ha ha, or corn, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, " concluded Dr. Jones.
posted by Damn That Television at 9:16 AM on February 26, 2010 [8 favorites]
Damn librul scientists.
posted by LordSludge at 9:20 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by LordSludge at 9:20 AM on February 26, 2010
ask for it by name (possibly nsfw depending on the sensitivity of your filter)
posted by stormpooper at 9:21 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by stormpooper at 9:21 AM on February 26, 2010
This is the link to the original publicaiton.
posted by dov3 at 9:22 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by dov3 at 9:22 AM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
"I think women and sea-men don't mix." - Waylon Smithers
posted by tommasz at 9:23 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by tommasz at 9:23 AM on February 26, 2010
So did you hear about the robbery at the sperm bank? Masked man walks in with a gun, but doesn't want money - tells the woman behind the counter to get a semen sample, take off the lid, and drink it.
As soon as she does, he takes off his mask to reveal that it's her husband.
"Now, honey, be honest," he says, "was that so terrible?"
posted by jbickers at 9:24 AM on February 26, 2010
As soon as she does, he takes off his mask to reveal that it's her husband.
"Now, honey, be honest," he says, "was that so terrible?"
posted by jbickers at 9:24 AM on February 26, 2010
Do you want to live 100 years.
Yes.
Maybe semen has the answer.
Not that badly.
posted by penduluum at 9:24 AM on February 26, 2010
Yes.
Maybe semen has the answer.
Not that badly.
posted by penduluum at 9:24 AM on February 26, 2010
YEA, LADIES, AFORE UNTO ME I HAVE THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH.
posted by cmoj at 9:24 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by cmoj at 9:24 AM on February 26, 2010
Slowing Aging ... With Semen
Hold your laughter. It's not the setup for a joke.
Yes, well, wait 'til the internet hears about it.
posted by rkent at 9:29 AM on February 26, 2010
Hold your laughter. It's not the setup for a joke.
Yes, well, wait 'til the internet hears about it.
posted by rkent at 9:29 AM on February 26, 2010
I'm sure Joan Rivers is already gearing up for that spokesperson position!
posted by deacon_blues at 9:30 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by deacon_blues at 9:30 AM on February 26, 2010
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate and chops a nanosecond off your lifespan.
posted by Dumsnill at 9:30 AM on February 26, 2010
posted by Dumsnill at 9:30 AM on February 26, 2010
ask for it by name (possibly nsfw depending on the sensitivity of your filter)
Dr. Pecker?
posted by squalor at 9:33 AM on February 26, 2010
Dr. Pecker?
posted by squalor at 9:33 AM on February 26, 2010
In related news, saliva was found to be poisonous.
But only when ingested in small amounts over a long period of time.
posted by yhbc at 9:33 AM on February 26, 2010
But only when ingested in small amounts over a long period of time.
posted by yhbc at 9:33 AM on February 26, 2010
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posted by mccarty.tim at 9:07 AM on February 26, 2010