"Watching progress bars change has never been this much fun."
March 16, 2010 4:21 AM Subscribe
Tired of leveling up your mafia and building your farm? Get right to the heart of the matter with Progress Wars!
greasy_skillet likes this.
posted by greasy_skillet at 4:31 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by greasy_skillet at 4:31 AM on March 16, 2010
A Progress Quest ripoff? Now I've seen anything!
posted by Mister_A at 4:41 AM on March 16, 2010 [5 favorites]
posted by Mister_A at 4:41 AM on March 16, 2010 [5 favorites]
Any idea how to beat level 9?
posted by DU at 4:55 AM on March 16, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by DU at 4:55 AM on March 16, 2010 [4 favorites]
This is actually surprisingly addictive.
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 5:07 AM on March 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 5:07 AM on March 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Progress Quest is better, you don't have to click anything.
Doesn't "parody" usually entail an element of humor? I was expecting this to be filled with puns like PQ, but instead it's unnecessarily bland.
posted by tybeet at 5:18 AM on March 16, 2010
Doesn't "parody" usually entail an element of humor? I was expecting this to be filled with puns like PQ, but instead it's unnecessarily bland.
posted by tybeet at 5:18 AM on March 16, 2010
I'm surprised they haven't added a Paypal link that automatically fills your progress bars for a nominal fee.
posted by dunkadunc at 5:25 AM on March 16, 2010 [9 favorites]
posted by dunkadunc at 5:25 AM on March 16, 2010 [9 favorites]
Doesn't "parody" usually entail an element of humor? I was expecting this to be filled with puns like PQ, but instead it's unnecessarily bland.
Ziemcrouk, my Gyrognome Fighter/Organist would disagree.
posted by wrok at 5:26 AM on March 16, 2010
Ziemcrouk, my Gyrognome Fighter/Organist would disagree.
posted by wrok at 5:26 AM on March 16, 2010
Tired of leveling up your mafia and building your farm?
I just upgraded my pigs to level 13 Pork Knights.
posted by acb at 5:29 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
I just upgraded my pigs to level 13 Pork Knights.
posted by acb at 5:29 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Give Horace Rumpole's comment 100 favorites.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:45 AM on March 16, 2010 [24 favorites]
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:45 AM on March 16, 2010 [24 favorites]
Damn, I'm stuck at this. I can only give 1 favorite! Walkthrough pls!?!
posted by mnsc at 6:14 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by mnsc at 6:14 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Currently I'm trying a screenscraping-automation-javascript-hack for the latest Firefox browser to favorite and remove the favorite 100 times but it's not indicating any progress. Am I reading the instructions wrong. Wlakthrough pls!?
posted by mnsc at 6:17 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by mnsc at 6:17 AM on March 16, 2010
Ok, I'm working my way manually through this but there is no gauge or meter or any indication so I don't know if this will work. Anyone gotten some results, or a walkthough?
posted by mnsc at 6:21 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by mnsc at 6:21 AM on March 16, 2010
That's totally like Legends of Zork, without the pictures and without the daily limit on the number of turns, but for more relaxing and indeed surprisingly addictive. Would be even better if it had achievements…
posted by erdferkel at 6:29 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by erdferkel at 6:29 AM on March 16, 2010
mnsc, I like your enthusiasm, but that mission can only be completed collaboratively. Invite all your friends and family to favorite my comment! (Or you could create 100 sock puppets.)
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:52 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:52 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't know why, but Progress Quest's logo strikes me as particularly hillarious.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 6:58 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 6:58 AM on March 16, 2010
I've said it before and I'll say it again, if they want to make Farmville interesting again they need to add abuse of farmhands, varmint killing, nudity, and of course...range wars.
posted by Ber at 6:59 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by Ber at 6:59 AM on March 16, 2010
I clicked through to Level 7. Why did I do that? What the hell is wrong with me?
posted by brain_drain at 7:17 AM on March 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by brain_drain at 7:17 AM on March 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
I'm having trouble with Hijack Enchanted Motorcycle Hunter Stranglers Wielding Invisible Bandyclefs. Any tips? Is level 6 too early?
posted by ODiV at 7:31 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by ODiV at 7:31 AM on March 16, 2010
Also, I've had it up to here with attitudes like yours, sotonohito.
Sure, Progress Quest is a classic, we all know that. But it's been out for ages, the graphics are seriously dated, and some of us are looking for something new. Progress Wars will probably not live up to the hype, but we can still try to like it for what it is. It's got some nice advancements over its predecessors and I'm enjoying the dynamically generated content.
It's obvious from the time it took to write your comment that you didn't even give the game a fair shot. Give it until level 20 or so and if you still don't like it, fine, but stop trying to disparage those of us who do.
posted by ODiV at 7:38 AM on March 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
Sure, Progress Quest is a classic, we all know that. But it's been out for ages, the graphics are seriously dated, and some of us are looking for something new. Progress Wars will probably not live up to the hype, but we can still try to like it for what it is. It's got some nice advancements over its predecessors and I'm enjoying the dynamically generated content.
It's obvious from the time it took to write your comment that you didn't even give the game a fair shot. Give it until level 20 or so and if you still don't like it, fine, but stop trying to disparage those of us who do.
posted by ODiV at 7:38 AM on March 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
I made it to level 33 then received a secret message.
posted by archivist at 7:39 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by archivist at 7:39 AM on March 16, 2010
We are not the intended audience for Farmville. The fact that mi madre continues to pester me with Farmville animals and "Ooh! Why won't you join this fun game?!" could cause heartburn enough -- I did not realize till I visited her recently that nearly every time she opens the game they ask her for real money so she can get more animals.
She already explained to me that she's at a cap -- without more pyramid friends to grow her estate, the only way up is to pay money. She thinks that's ridiculous, but , who out there is ponying up the cash?
It's the same company, with the same game, that they have re-skinned something like 14 times now.
posted by cavalier at 7:42 AM on March 16, 2010
She already explained to me that she's at a cap -- without more pyramid friends to grow her estate, the only way up is to pay money. She thinks that's ridiculous, but , who out there is ponying up the cash?
It's the same company, with the same game, that they have re-skinned something like 14 times now.
posted by cavalier at 7:42 AM on March 16, 2010
Note to self: Today is the day the Facebook profile gets deleted.
posted by Danf at 7:54 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by Danf at 7:54 AM on March 16, 2010
Just wait until my new browser based social game comes out.
In Pyramid SchemeTM you "compete" to build the grandest virtual pyramid. Every time one of your friends signs up you get 10 bonus blocks added, and every time one of their friends joins you get even more bonuses! Soon you'll rival the Pharaohs of old! For a small fee (PayPal and sock puppet accounts accepted) you can even add your own false burial chamber or mummified crocodiles. Just make sure never to stop playing or your pesky successors may deface your burial chamber and wipe your glory from the pages of history.
posted by ecurtz at 8:00 AM on March 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
In Pyramid SchemeTM you "compete" to build the grandest virtual pyramid. Every time one of your friends signs up you get 10 bonus blocks added, and every time one of their friends joins you get even more bonuses! Soon you'll rival the Pharaohs of old! For a small fee (PayPal and sock puppet accounts accepted) you can even add your own false burial chamber or mummified crocodiles. Just make sure never to stop playing or your pesky successors may deface your burial chamber and wipe your glory from the pages of history.
posted by ecurtz at 8:00 AM on March 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
I'm sorry, but if I can't constantly bother my friends with invitations to play the game so that I get some tiny obnoxious thing that allows me to progress, then I'm not interested.
posted by shmegegge at 8:12 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by shmegegge at 8:12 AM on March 16, 2010
Well if we're gonna comment on facebook games, I found out through Tobold's MMORPG blog about a new FB game called My Tribe which apparently more of an actual game than the Zynga crap. My gf and I kinda played around with it last night over the phone. I didn't delve too deep into it, but it definitely seems to have more going on. Imagine, like... animal crossing/sims/gilligan's island??? (I dunno how to describe it i only just started)
Had some weird connection issues, though.
Curious about this game you linked. I'm working on an idea for an Abstract Real Time Strategy game. which your description makes me think of ...
posted by symbioid at 8:18 AM on March 16, 2010
Had some weird connection issues, though.
Curious about this game you linked. I'm working on an idea for an Abstract Real Time Strategy game. which your description makes me think of ...
posted by symbioid at 8:18 AM on March 16, 2010
We are not the intended audience for Farmville.
So who exactly is the intended audience for Farmville, besides thirteen-year-olds?
posted by dunkadunc at 8:28 AM on March 16, 2010
So who exactly is the intended audience for Farmville, besides thirteen-year-olds?
posted by dunkadunc at 8:28 AM on March 16, 2010
I'll help narrow it down, it's likely not farmers...
posted by samsara at 8:45 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by samsara at 8:45 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
dunkadunc If my Facebook experience is anything to go by: people over the age of 60.
posted by sotonohito at 8:47 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by sotonohito at 8:47 AM on March 16, 2010
Seconding sotonhito. My 79 year old grandmother *loves* Farmville, and her circle of Facebook friends is populated almost entirely with people of her demographic.
posted by jpziller at 8:52 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by jpziller at 8:52 AM on March 16, 2010
the message on level 33 is hilarious
posted by sgt.serenity at 10:35 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by sgt.serenity at 10:35 AM on March 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Sure, Progress Quest is a classic, we all know that. But it's been out for ages, the graphics are seriously dated, and some of us are looking for something new. Progress Wars will probably not live up to the hype, but we can still try to like it for what it is. It's got some nice advancements over its predecessors and I'm enjoying the dynamically generated content.
Not this again. Maybe some of us don't want to get locked into the insane graphics/presentation arms race. I'm happy with how my macrame vambraces are rendered already and I don't see why I should have to invest in thousands of dollars of new equipment just so I can watch an art director with the aesthetic sense of a 13 year old masturbate all over my monitor. I can already see the grotesque pleather sollerets on my Trans-Kobold Ur-Paladin as a soft breeze causes the Killing Field's trees to rustle softly, and, frankly, it makes me want to vomit.
This isn't hype, it's a suicide pact.
posted by Copronymus at 10:51 AM on March 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Not this again. Maybe some of us don't want to get locked into the insane graphics/presentation arms race. I'm happy with how my macrame vambraces are rendered already and I don't see why I should have to invest in thousands of dollars of new equipment just so I can watch an art director with the aesthetic sense of a 13 year old masturbate all over my monitor. I can already see the grotesque pleather sollerets on my Trans-Kobold Ur-Paladin as a soft breeze causes the Killing Field's trees to rustle softly, and, frankly, it makes me want to vomit.
This isn't hype, it's a suicide pact.
posted by Copronymus at 10:51 AM on March 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
It's not just about the graphics, Copronymus. Progress Wars is infinitely more interactive than Progress Quest, which while enjoyable, is always railroading me along a singular storyline with no choice.
posted by ODiV at 11:09 AM on March 16, 2010
posted by ODiV at 11:09 AM on March 16, 2010
You know, I don't know why I even bothered responding. This is a post specifically about Progress Wars and yet here you are dissing it. You guys and your first post negativity are destroying MetaFilter.
I'm done with this thread.
posted by ODiV at 11:11 AM on March 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
I'm done with this thread.
posted by ODiV at 11:11 AM on March 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
It's not just about the graphics, Copronymus. Progress Wars is infinitely more interactive than Progress Quest, which while enjoyable, is always railroading me along a singular storyline with no choice.
Ah, yes, "interactivity". Who cares about gameplay or plot? News flash: not every game needs to be a fucking sandbox. I play Progess Quest because I care about the quests. They're not just some speedbumps on the way to getting the next level so that I can wander around another pointless, identical map and call it "interactivity".
You know, I don't know why I even bothered responding. This is a post specifically about Progress Wars and yet here you are dissing it. You guys and your first post negativity are destroying MetaFilter.
I'm done with this thread.
Good riddance, then. If you contemptible fanboys can't handle a little bit of criticism of your precious new toy, then maybe you should slink back to the Progress Wars forums where you won't have to worry about defending your opinions.
posted by Copronymus at 11:44 AM on March 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
Ah, yes, "interactivity". Who cares about gameplay or plot? News flash: not every game needs to be a fucking sandbox. I play Progess Quest because I care about the quests. They're not just some speedbumps on the way to getting the next level so that I can wander around another pointless, identical map and call it "interactivity".
You know, I don't know why I even bothered responding. This is a post specifically about Progress Wars and yet here you are dissing it. You guys and your first post negativity are destroying MetaFilter.
I'm done with this thread.
Good riddance, then. If you contemptible fanboys can't handle a little bit of criticism of your precious new toy, then maybe you should slink back to the Progress Wars forums where you won't have to worry about defending your opinions.
posted by Copronymus at 11:44 AM on March 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
*wipes away tears of laughter*
posted by brain_drain at 12:41 PM on March 16, 2010
posted by brain_drain at 12:41 PM on March 16, 2010
I'm trying out Progress Wars, any tips on power leveling? I'm really not liking the pace. Will the multiplayer option let me hook up with a higher level toon and raid some of the higher level dungeons? I think my problem just a problem with my gear, it's all n00b crap. I mean, i have a Lace Gambeson for fucks sake.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:32 PM on March 16, 2010
posted by eyeballkid at 1:32 PM on March 16, 2010
I was all prepared to say Level 33 is a lie, but it's not. It's hilarious.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:55 AM on March 17, 2010
posted by mrgrimm at 8:55 AM on March 17, 2010
The worst part is i was clicking, levelling to level 7 like "ha ha i get the joke" and then i realized "wait, I'm kind of enjoying myself, and i'm not working. THis paradoy of lame games is better than my job." Arghh I hate my life, and i didn't realize it until i played this game.
posted by djduckie at 10:25 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by djduckie at 10:25 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
I was all prepared to say Level 33 is a lie, but it's not. It's hilarious.
I hate you all.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:44 PM on March 17, 2010
I hate you all.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:44 PM on March 17, 2010
The splendor of level 33 is really in its surprising conclusion.
posted by winna at 6:47 AM on March 20, 2010
posted by winna at 6:47 AM on March 20, 2010
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posted by sotonohito at 4:23 AM on March 16, 2010 [11 favorites]