MetaFilter

I'm no native speaker, but I'm pretty sure this is unrelated to taqiyya (which is not "a concept of lying to non-Muslims" but a legal dispensation whereby Muslims—usually Shi'ite, because of their history of oppression and different legal system—can deny their faith while they are at risk of significant persecution) but a mistake for a form like ﺘﮐﺬب; i.e., a form of كذب k-dh-b '(tell a) lie, deceive' with the... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by languagehat at 2:19 PM on January 3, 2014

My Egyptian husband agrees with evariste, except he thinks this was not said at all/is not a "thing" in the culture.

Mr. Jbenben does note that there is a culture of (perhaps false) flattery between people - I've experienced this as the wife of someone from that part of the world - folks are very very nice to me, too nice.

We also know someone from a well-to-do family in Morrocco who makes disparaging remarks about "Arabs"... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jbenben at 9:31 PM on January 3, 2014


.eyes { opacity: dusty }

posted to MetaFilter by crayz at 8:51 AM on June 21, 2014

AGH, YES! Sorry for the double post, but:

OFWAIHHBTNTKCTWBDOEAIIIHFUTDODBAFUOT
AWFTWTAUALUNITBDUFEFTITKTPATGFAEA

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name... etc etc etc
posted to Ask MetaFilter by harperpitt at 4:26 PM on January 20, 2014 marked best answer

How about: "I don't think that's funny," or "Would you have said that if I were "X?"

In my view, jokes are tools used to instruct, and to promote group solidarity. When you have time to sit and think about any given joke, you may be able to decide whether the humor is intended to be derisive or merely ironic. A person who you deem to be a "casual" bigot may not be very much different from you in his core beliefs. A one-liner isn't... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by mule98J at 10:58 AM on June 28, 2013

I've used the "I don't get it" response really effectively. The trick is to just keep repeating it over and over again.

"(Horrible racist joke!)"

"I don't get it."

"Oh, come on, it's just a joke."

"Yeah, but I don't get it."

"Oh, you know what they're like!"

"Mmmmmmyeah, no, I don't... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by KathrynT at 8:39 AM on June 28, 2013 marked best answer

I have become the expert on shutting this kind of shit down without an argument on Facebook. I don't know how well this translates to real life, though I've done it and seen it work.

I just throw in one unequivocal statement, and then I leave the room or change the subject.

On facebook I use a lot of "I have friends who are [members of group], and I will not have them seeing this kind of hate on my posts."

In... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Sara C. at 8:39 AM on June 28, 2013

You could always make a disparaging riposte or find some other way to put the person down.

I'm not a fan of mocking people in general, and especially not in these cases as all it does is alienate them, and make them bed down their opinion, and also I don't think insulting people is really a path to enlightenment (however much I fall short of the mark).

For similar reasons, I'm not a huge fan of some kind of elaborate... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by smoke at 8:06 AM on June 28, 2013 marked best answer

Oh man, do I ever relate to this question. As a mostly-white person, it's startling to me how often I'm subjected to people blathering on in a bigoted way about non-white folks (and other demographics who aren't "like them").

My go-to response nowadays is: "That statement is irrational." Because really, bigotry *is* an irrational stance. The preponderence of evidence undercuts any claim that "people who are [insert ethnicity, gender, sexual... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by nacho fries at 7:52 AM on June 28, 2013

Miss Manners' advice on dealing with racist jokes sounds like it might could be applicable to your situation.

Dear Miss Manners:

Last night, a guest in our home told a racist joke. Not wanting to make him feel awkward, I laughed weakly, then felt awful the rest of the night, even though fortunately no targets of the joke were present. I want to know what the appropriate response would be if it happens again.

I... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by magstheaxe at 7:49 AM on June 28, 2013 marked best answer

Recently, I had an acquaintance (generally a lovely fellow!) says something out of the blue that was exceptionally naive and offensive to my ears. We were at a cocktail party at a think tank, a work event for both of us. My blood pressure shot up, but it was obviously neither the time nor place to get into the 1,000 reasons why what he was saying was ALL WRONG. So, I said, "Wow, I really, really disagree with what you just said and have a ton to say about it, but we're at such a lovely... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by whitewall at 6:53 AM on June 28, 2013 marked best answer

Here's the thing, you're not going to change that person's mind, but you should let them know that you disagree and even disapprove.

"Why would you say that?" is great, so is, "Dude, that's not cool."

Then leave it alone. Don't engage the person because argueing with them lets them believe that their point of view has merit and is worthy of thought and discussion. It is not.

If the idiot persists,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Ruthless Bunny at 6:03 AM on June 28, 2013

I was stuck in a situation the other day where a very senior person in our department said a very naive thing in a meeting that showed he had no idea about gender issues. I was stunned into silence for a minute, then realised my instinctive "fuck you" would not be good for my career. I said, "Wow. I completely disagree with you about that" and left it at that. No one can hold it against you that you disagree. If you get the tone right it isn't even confrontational. But it... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lollusc at 5:14 AM on June 28, 2013

There are two phrases I have picked up from AskMe that are invaluable. One is "That won't be possible." The other is "Why would/do you say that?"

I've used That Won't Be Possible and it. is. amazing. There is no counter argument. I had a lady yelling at me because she wanted something and I just kept on falling back on "That isn't possible." She kept on getting more upset but she couldn't do anything. I didn't have to get upset because I... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by spec80 at 4:55 AM on June 28, 2013 marked best answer

For general bigoted statements:

"That hasn't been my experience at all."

This gets across that I completely but respectfully disagree; leaves open the door to productive discourse by suggesting that if they want to have a conversation about their premise, they can follow up by asking me about my experiences; but doesn't start fights or call anyone racist or indeed make any assumptions about what is motivating their statement.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by shattersock at 6:00 PM on June 28, 2013

Scott Adams wrote my favourite line for this, albeit in a different context: "You think you're funny, but you're not."

Sometimes, deciding what constitutes basic politeness needs consideration of the bigger picture.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by flabdablet at 8:30 PM on June 28, 2013

It's tempting but probably quite wrong to imagine that the more distributed nervous function of the octopus you describe implies an alienation of the octopus's "self" from what its arm is doing.

Very well put, and it was lazy framing on my part to imply anything else.

One thing I find as a programmer, and I'm guessing it's the same for you, localroger, is that this ability to offload rote tasks to non-cognitive... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by George_Spiggott at 5:40 PM on June 23, 2013

Just don't anthropomorphize your objects. They hate that!

This guy wants me to give him a pointer to an array of these guys, whatever! There's no guy. They're not people. They're arbitrary abstractions that may or may not map well onto the problem you're trying to solve.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 3:35 PM on November 21, 2007

Unlike a credit report, ChexSystems only contains bad stuff.

Anyway, to the original poster: this is a very bad idea. The collection agency is trying to pull a fast one on your friend, and on you. You will be fucked if you go along with this, and you will regret it. Furthermore, it sounds like your friend isn't very good with money, so if she ends up causing a thousand dollars to be taken out of your bank account and can't pay it back, it might put a strain on your... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 5:47 PM on November 29, 2007

Do you have a list written down, in your own words, of the reasons why you quit smoking? If not, you should make one. The list is like a thread connecting two versions of you in time: the you who wanted to and successfully did quit smoking, and the you who's craving a cigarette right now and liable to give in to the urge to try one. The written word has an authority, and it's outside your head where the excuse-making addict lives, so that gives it more power. It's good ammunition against... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 10:53 PM on December 24, 2007

Microwave a pita loaf, cut it open, and stuff food in it. Then eat it. Things I really like in a hot pita loaf:

-A can of tuna plus a few pitted olives. Optional bonus: capers! Good tuna is worth the extra money, so get the expensive kind, not the cat food kind.

-Two or three boiled eggs. You can't boil eggs in a microwave, unfortunately, but if you can get access to a stovetop, you should do this. Just peel the eggs and put them in there whole,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 12:10 AM on January 26, 2008

It's possible, but it's not very probable. Everyone gets joe-jobbed, it goes with the territory of being an email user. Think of it as another little unavoidable irritation of life. Don't look for your ex behind every tree.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 10:57 PM on February 1, 2008

Oh, your reaction is sooo normal! I was in your shoes last year. I was on my way to my friend A's pad to hang out for an hour or two before retiring for the night. I lost control on some black ice on the highway that I didn't even know was there. It had been such a beautiful day. Mutual friend G was my passenger. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and his head slammed into my face really hard.

I saw a pickup truck losing control in front of me about half a second before I did.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 11:17 PM on December 15, 2011

I tried all the stuff in this thread but that was the only thing that worked. I didn't have the skills to pull the drop of glue off.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 10:28 PM on February 29, 2012

I had this problem for months with my MacBook Pro, and the only fix Apple had was to replace the whole logic board for a princely sum. The tip is made of soft metal, and a safety pin can be hammered into it with a shoe. Once securely hammered in, just pull it out!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 10:27 PM on February 29, 2012

Pre-mature optimization is bad, having a feel for how the major underpinnings of your application works is good.

I can't find my copy to check for sure, but as I recally, Building Scalable Websites has good background on the things you are worrying about, when to worry about them, and approaches for dealing with them at the appropriate time.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Good Brain at 10:07 PM on November 16, 2007

Oh yeah-you asked if are big tables better than lots of joins. The answer is "it depends". Lots of joins can kill your performance, so a lot of people practice what's called "Selective Denormalization", where you deliberately violate Third Normal Form in order to squeeze more performance out. You don't need to design this in from the start. Instead, you need to figure out when it's hurting you and then start selectively denormalizing.

Most people... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 7:51 PM on November 16, 2007

Most people should design their database schema as the world was perfect and joins were free.

Just calling this out because I agree 100%. As suggested above, you're going about this backwards and prematurely optimizing for a problem you don't yet have.

I don't know that I would store an article view count in a cookie or not (it seems like more trouble than it's worth, depending on how often it changes), but those are... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by yerfatma at 6:31 AM on November 17, 2007

This is something I'd like to do someday (I'm almost done with jobs.metafilter.com), but one thing holding me back from doing this is figuring out how to organize it. If it's people selling anything, having one stream of for sale items would probably be too much and require categories and a taxonomy and the next thing I know I'm going to have to duplicate ebay.

But then again, if it was a buck or two to list an item, that might cut things down to a low total per day but... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by mathowie at 7:51 AM on August 23, 2006

Now a wifeswap is something I could, er, get behind.
posted to MetaTalk by RustyBrooks at 7:23 AM on August 23, 2006

The Something Awful forum has a fairly good sales board, which is members only. There's no administration cut or anything. It's just another forum.

Some considerations from what I've seen over there:
Bad buyers/sellers have to be punished somehow.
The $5 membership fee is a meaningless barrier to entry if you're selling anything valuable.
Do you allow preorders, where people pay and then the goods are manufactured, etc.? Even with... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by smackfu at 6:57 AM on August 23, 2006

Posting History:
MetaFilter: no posts and 15 comments
MetaTalk: no posts and 4 comments
Ask MeFi: no questions and 14 answers
MeFi Swap: 5 A+++ WLD BUY FROM AGAIN, ITEM IN EXELENT CONDITION and 3 PAID PROMPLY, NO PROBS and 1 PAID $1500 FOR LAPTOP, RECEIVED BOX OF DAMP SMELLY ROCKS AND MYSTERY 'FLUID' and one I'll bid on you til there's nothing left but crumbs! Then I'll bid on the crumbs
posted to MetaTalk by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 6:38 AM on August 23, 2006

The detrusor muscle is the muscle that contracts automatically when you want to pee. You pushing is mostly you contracting your abdominal muscles to increase intra-abdominal pressure and put pressure on the bladder. Men have two sphincters, an internal one, before the prostate, and an external one, after the prostate. Women only have one.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by gramcracker at 11:54 PM on November 22, 2005 marked best answer

No start-and-stop here but for the very end.

Anybody else get forgetful about that last bit when they're in a hurry?

No?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by cortex at 5:12 PM on November 22, 2005 marked best answer

And why am I bladder shy?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Captaintripps at 3:27 PM on November 22, 2005 marked best answer

You can't squeeze with your prostate: it's a gland. It'd be like doing pushups with your thyroid.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by gleuschk at 2:05 PM on November 22, 2005 marked best answer

Very interesting, thanks all! maxreax, Ethereal Bligh: I found your intellectual joust over annotation/criticism fascinating. I think I'll be reading well-recommended annotated versions of only the most impenetrable texts; otherwise, original sources.

Everyone has given me a lot to chew on. Mr. Bligh, I want to especially thank you for the idea to find a theme to focus on, as an autodidact, rather than trying to drink the ocean all at once. I'll keep it in mind as I... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by evariste at 6:50 PM on February 22, 2006

If I were trapped on an island with the absolute minimum of three or four books, they would be:

Homer: The Iliad
Shakespeare: Hamlet and Lear
Tolstoy: Anna Karenina

Read Anna Karenina. It is, I think, the greatest novel ever written, and almost certainly the greatest 'classic' novel. (That's just my opinion, of course--really it... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by josh at 10:17 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

The bible is eastern, but if you are going to throw that into a list you might as well throw in the Koran.

Don Quixote and Candide
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Pollomacho at 8:40 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

Lots of great advice here. I want to echo what others have said about it being useful to have some help with this stuff, either via annotated editions or a reading group. EB's concern that annotations lock you into one semi-official reading of a text is legitimate, but overstated. There are far more instances where annotations will help with obscure historical and cultural references that would otherwise fly right past you.

One of Saul Bellow's novels features a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by LarryC at 7:27 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

I can't believe I'm saying this, but you may want to see if you can get your hands on a syllabus for some freshman year core comp-lit class at a big university. At NYU we had to take this thing called "Conversations of the West" ...I don't really recommend the class in general, but the reading list would span exactly what you're looking for--the very foundation of Western literature and philosophy. I could mention a spattering of things we read--Sophocles, Seneca, Virgil, parts of the... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lampoil at 7:25 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

I know I'm late to the party here, and this has been suggested once already, but as a reader gradually tackling the classics, my indisensible guide is Fadiman's The Lifetime Reading Plan. (I actually prefere the older editions, but the new one is just fine.)

Fadiman does a fantastic job of culling the what from the chaff. He provides a page or two on each book he recommends, explaining its context, explaining why the book is important, and often discussing the author. He... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jdroth at 7:20 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

If at all possible, find someone with whom you can read and discuss these books; cooperative learning is greater than the sum of its parts.

I think this is the best advice given thus far - that, and to read Plato. Starting a reading book, or at least a conversation. It's difficult to know how broad and deep you actually want to go; everyone (well, everyone who also has to make a living, that is) at some point will have to content themselves with a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by xanthippe at 6:52 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

While I have read an almost embarrassingly small number of books, having said this, Siddhartha by Herman Hesse is a favorite, Yes, Siddartha is kind of eastern in a lot of ways, but it was written by a dead white guy and is a great, great book that covers many interesting ideas. Crime and Punishment is one I am currently enjoying and even though I haven't finished it I think it's very good and would recommend it to anyone.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by JackarypQQ at 2:45 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

The Norton Anthology Of World Masterpeices is a good place to start. Some fulls stories, some selections, each prefaced by historical perspective/literary criticsm/bio. Starts at Gilgamesh, goes through the Bible, The Greeks, Romans, Renaissance, Romanticsm, Realism and some Modern and Eastern Writers. Over 80 authors and the selection is excellent.

It contains many of the works on the lists from King's College and St. John's, but also contains other material. The... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by sophist at 1:56 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

*Listen* to Seamus Heaney read his translation of Beowulf. I just did, and it's amazing. I love it. At the same time, I just read Njal's Saga (hello whoever mentioned Icelandic sagas above). I read a version in translation that was slightly modernized. I think I will find some other translations and try them out later.

Don't forget *William* James. what an amazing family!

Bertrand Russell!

The History of The Peloponnesian... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bleary at 1:49 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

Oh--this breaks your "50 Year" rule--but an mind-blowingly beautiful, moving and life-changing book is Gabriel Garcia Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude. World-encompassing and utterly powerful. It will head the list of 20th-century canon novels as we start to construct it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by maxreax at 1:16 AM on February 22, 2006 marked best answer

"Many interesting elements of culture have emerged within, say, the last 25 years."

Of course. But let's move a bit away from the sensitive matter of deciding which late-20th century books to read and instead think about film, which isn't a discussion as badly overloaded with ideological bias.

When you look at many attempts at listing the best films, ever, it's always the case that the last 15 years or so are not as... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Ethereal Bligh at 11:34 PM on February 21, 2006 marked best answer

And despite the last 50 years prohibition, I will state that the books that people really couldn't seem to shut up about tended to be written by Foucault. Discipline and Punish and The History of Sexuality really rocked the worlds of some people.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by epugachev at 11:31 PM on February 21, 2006 marked best answer

I don't consider myself much of a Great Books scholar, but the stuff that had the most impact on me from the liberal arts portion of my college education and from my other attempts to read the classics was probably John Stuart Mill's On Liberty and some of his other essays, Locke's Second Treatise, Kant's Grounding for the Metaphysics of Morals (Kant was painful to read though), Nietzsche's Geneaology of Morals... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by epugachev at 11:24 PM on February 21, 2006 marked best answer