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I worry that one day I’ll be a regular target for his anger, judgment, and blame. No no no no no no no no. Breakup breakup breakup breakup. What you are saying is completely true. You will get bitched at over nothing for the rest of this relationship. I am literally screaming in fear for you on the other side of my monitor. You need to stop dating this person, they will make you MISERABLE. Omg, ...
posted to Ask MeFi by benadryl at 8:07 PM on February 22, 2017

I'm sorry you are faced with such a difficult decision and an emotionally gut-wrenching action you need to take. I have been there, as have many. It's easier in some ways when you can vilify your partner and have the clarity that brings; when you love them and it just doesn't feel right... that's really hard. What can the heart tolerate? The pain of the breakup will be immense-- your heart will ...
posted to Ask MeFi by MyBeautifulThrowaway at 11:47 AM on November 28, 2022

Recently, I had a fairly unpleasant breakup with someone who: a) has a benign breast tumor b) was cheating on me and lying about it c) was impoverished to the point that removing the lump in the next few months is unrealistic without my help & had job options that primarily involve things that would exacerbate the lump d) cheating on me with someone who doesn't have the money to pay for its ...
posted to MeFi by saysthis at 3:18 AM on April 5, 2019

To answer the specific question, I've been reading psychology articles lately and one of the reasons breakups can be so hard is that they really mess with our self-identity (how we view ourselves) and how we represent ourselves to others. Breakups make us lose track of who we are as people, and most people hate feeling confused in that way. This psypost article explains how that can often lead ... with their partner even if it was a really bad relationship. I think the desire for a "bad breakup" (which seems pretty common) instead of a ...
posted to Ask MeFi by JZig at 11:43 PM on April 27, 2024

I had a pretty rapid-fire series of major breakups in the first several years after I graduated college (fell too hard, too fast, for too many people) and by the third one I had worked out a practice that, for me, was shockingly effective, including dealing with a 3-year relationship. I realize in hindsight that having so many emotionally devastating breakups that I actually had a systematized ... mean it didn't need external reinforcement.) 3. Remember that you've loved before. For me, each breakup was a palate-cleanser for the breakup that ...
posted to Ask MeFi by firstbest at 11:59 AM on May 30, 2012

Glass says, "I was an idiot. I was in the wrong. About the breakup. About the haircut story. About so many things with her. Anything bad she says about me I can confirm." Jesus Christ, you mean he talks like that in real life too?
posted to MeFi by Joe Beese at 6:37 AM on March 11, 2010

I read a couple of house DIY blogs every so often, and one of the people writing just went through a breakup and is working their ass off, and after explaining all this upheaval one of their commenters was like " That's so sad and so awful AND NOW I HOPE YOU WILL GO BACK TO POSTING MORE BECAUSE I NEED YOU TO." It's kind of amazing the sense of entitlement people have about something they ...
posted to MeFi by oneirodynia at 1:17 PM on January 23, 2016

It doesn't refute the entire thesis, but those Walkmen lines were always screamed by me and my friends on the understanding of post-breakup devastation per the verses, not middle age.
posted to MeFi by ominous_paws at 2:30 PM on December 27, 2017

I still can't fathom how the song became a radio hit. Oh I dunno, maybe ummmm people like songs that complain about women? I mean, the chorus is serviceable for both generalized misogyny and/or individual heartbreak. feel like this was the bro breakup song to lie in your bed all day to during my early 20s.
posted to MeFi by Miko at 4:53 PM on April 25, 2018

put on some David Byrne and wash this foul taste out! Maybe until you pick up Chris Frantz's memoire, "Remain In Love", wherein Frantz relates that the last straw in the band's breakup was Byrne's racist rants against aboriginals in Australia, and (having traveled all the way there) Bryne refused to go on for barefoot savages.
posted to MeFi by StickyCarpet at 7:28 AM on November 15, 2021

Can I get over my ex while still retaining hope that we might get back together someday? Not really. On the other hand, you can move on. When I've been through really sad breakups where we both still cared about each other but just couldn't usefully make a relationship work, I've always had a sort of long view and a short view. The long view was something like "Well maybe the world will ... my approach works for most people but in many cases, I've dealt with the short term pain of a breakup by saying [to my ex, or just to myself] ...
posted to Ask MeFi by jessamyn at 9:59 PM on January 29, 2008

"While you were gone I had a chance to think about where this might be headed..." I was once on the receiving end of a similar "just not that into you" one-sided breakup, and to this day I still say it was the best breakup I ever had. The guy handled it nobly and masterfully and he should give lessons in how to do it. He emphasized a few points which helped it go down ...
posted to Ask MeFi by Miko at 1:02 PM on April 14, 2008

In the early early days of my most recent breakup (living together, five years, still in love (maybe) (ish) but it was no longer healthy for us to be together)(and very amicable and still close friends today), I remember wanting to put as much time as possible between now, whenever "now" was, and that terrible conversation late at night where we decided to end it. No-contact wasn't ...
posted to Ask MeFi by magdalemon at 11:35 AM on August 3, 2014

Keep doing all of this: I held his hand and hugged him and cried with him and listened to what he had been bottling up for some time now. This is really the meat and potatoes of post breakup support; being an empathetic ear and making him feel heard, understood, not alone. What advice can I give? What language can I use?... I want to let him know that he is worthy of being loved. Tell him ...
posted to Ask MeFi by incolorinred at 7:39 AM on January 4, 2018

I think - and I thought this regarding your earlier questions, too - that overcomplicating both his and your motivations is a defensive tool, employed when the simple truth is too painful to deal with and needs to be covered over. defending yourself is good, and this is an effective strategy. but you can't let yourself go so far into it that you forget it isn't really the point or necessarily ... rule. What you are not seeing, in your analyses of what he said and what he meant, is that his breakup lines were not arguments and not exploratory ...
posted to Ask MeFi by queenofbithynia at 4:50 PM on September 23, 2019

seconding moxiedoll. "no contact" is dumb. i've been booted out the door, romance-wise, by some of america's most gracious women, but i have never had an acrimonious breakup, the wrecks of relationships past are still my closest friends today. i still get to visit them, take them out to dinner, get to meet their grandkids, and help them out when they need it, i just sleep on the couch ...
posted to Ask MeFi by bruce at 5:47 PM on January 21, 2008

I'm married with kids and I still look up my ex on Facebook once in a while (mostly to see if he's better, he was not in a good place emotionally when we dated) so that's a data point. You, however, should treat your anxiety first and reevaluate the things that you're insecure about with your current girlfriend after you have a handle on it. It breakup now and spare her the drama.
posted to Ask MeFi by lydhre at 3:35 PM on April 28, 2017

Consider approaching this as a trauma rather than a garden-variety breakup. There are good internet resources and several recent threads on post-traumatic processing and self-care. When you think you know someone and can trust them and they turn on you abruptly, that's a form of violence. People often respond physically and neurologically in similar ways to an assault, accident, medical ...
posted to Ask MeFi by Lyn Never at 3:48 PM on August 13, 2017

I am not sure if it is about a LDR or a long-distance breakup, but Bruised by Jack's Mannequin fits this, I feel. Also Home again by Shihad. It's 90s Kiwi rock but it's simple in its message.
posted to Ask MeFi by BeeJiddy at 6:29 PM on January 2, 2019

The last time I went through a breakup, I watched Mike Nichols' Closer several times. I think that movie does a tremendous job of showing the way that humans in relationships get their hopes up, and then fail and flail and tear everything apart on their way down. It made me feel lucky to be single again, and eager to focus on myself.
posted to Ask MeFi by heatvision at 8:18 AM on January 17, 2019