Cake. Regret.
June 1, 2011 2:21 AM Subscribe
Way to dispose of the monitor: portal #1 on the ceiling above it, portal #1 below it, wait for it to reach terminal velocity, go outside, shoot portal #1 on a vertical wall, watch it fly to the horizon.
I mean, if we're playing.
posted by jaduncan at 3:35 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
I mean, if we're playing.
posted by jaduncan at 3:35 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
That was great, thanks. Makes me want to see a proper Portal movie. The only weakness was the wonky-sounding GLaDOS, but it's tough to replicate Ellen McLane.
Not impossible, though -- this fan-made Q&A series was a near-perfect mimic. I had a brief exchange with the creator back when it was first uploaded; they said they made the whole thing with basic audio tools, and promised to share the technique publicly in the next video. Sadly, they disappeared after that. After Portal 2 came out I found the creator's website via a link from a Wayback Machine archive and sent them a follow-up question about it... and was flatly ignored, despite their maintaining an active Twitter account under the same handle. :/
posted by Rhaomi at 4:01 AM on June 1, 2011
Not impossible, though -- this fan-made Q&A series was a near-perfect mimic. I had a brief exchange with the creator back when it was first uploaded; they said they made the whole thing with basic audio tools, and promised to share the technique publicly in the next video. Sadly, they disappeared after that. After Portal 2 came out I found the creator's website via a link from a Wayback Machine archive and sent them a follow-up question about it... and was flatly ignored, despite their maintaining an active Twitter account under the same handle. :/
posted by Rhaomi at 4:01 AM on June 1, 2011
http://spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccee.com/
posted by Evilspork at 4:34 AM on June 1, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Evilspork at 4:34 AM on June 1, 2011 [6 favorites]
Phire: "Aw, Chell."
Qué lástima, qué lástima... oh cara mia, addio!
posted by Rhaomi at 4:34 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
Qué lástima, qué lástima... oh cara mia, addio!
posted by Rhaomi at 4:34 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
What, she didn't think to lick the spoon on the first attempt?
She's a stronger person than me
posted by Gordafarin at 4:34 AM on June 1, 2011
She's a stronger person than me
posted by Gordafarin at 4:34 AM on June 1, 2011
Are there any spoilers in the video? An awesome friend gifted me Portal 2 last week and I'm only about half way through.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:43 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:43 AM on June 1, 2011
that was fun and nicely done. thanks.
(the bit with her scratching her back was priceless.)
posted by jammy at 4:51 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
(the bit with her scratching her back was priceless.)
posted by jammy at 4:51 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
Thanks rebent! That was fantastic!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:58 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:58 AM on June 1, 2011
This only serves to fuel my impossible desire to acquire a real-world portal gun.
posted by jklaiho at 5:14 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by jklaiho at 5:14 AM on June 1, 2011
Cara Mia (a capella)
I don't think there's a game that's made me smile as much as the portal series did. The space sphere still makes me crack up every time that it's mentioned...
Stalemate Detected.
posted by schmod at 5:38 AM on June 1, 2011
I don't think there's a game that's made me smile as much as the portal series did. The space sphere still makes me crack up every time that it's mentioned...
Stalemate Detected.
posted by schmod at 5:38 AM on June 1, 2011
I laughed at the bit when she scratched her back.
Then I remembered Rule34 and wondered why I'd not heard of any Portal Porn, where a girl goes down on herself. All you'd need is two hula hoops and some twins...
Don't mind me... my brain was broken by a previous job...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 5:45 AM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]
Then I remembered Rule34 and wondered why I'd not heard of any Portal Porn, where a girl goes down on herself. All you'd need is two hula hoops and some twins...
Don't mind me... my brain was broken by a previous job...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 5:45 AM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]
Recipe for Chell's cake:
- 1 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix.
- 1 can prepared coconut pecan frosting.
- 3/4 cup vegetable oil.
- 4 large eggs.
- 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips.
- 3/4 cups butter or margarine.
- 1 & 2/3 cups granulated sugar.
- 2 cups all purpose flour.
- Fish shaped crackers.
- Fish shaped candies.
- Fish shaped solid waste.
- Fish shaped dirt.
- Fish shaped ethyl benzene.
- Pull and peel licorice.
- Fish shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment.
- Candy coated peanut butter pieces, shaped like fish.
- 1 cup lemon juice.
- Alpha resins.
- Unsaturated polyester resin.
- Fiberglass surface resins.
- Volatile malted milk impoundments.
Is she writing "Chell Johnson" on the testing application at the beginning? Oh dear.
posted by neckro23 at 5:57 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by neckro23 at 5:57 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
Are there any spoilers in the video? An awesome friend gifted me Portal 2 last week and I'm only about half way through.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 12:43 PM on June 1
I envy you not knowing about the ending. Don't let anyone tell you! Stay away from those people!
posted by Decani at 6:06 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 12:43 PM on June 1
I envy you not knowing about the ending. Don't let anyone tell you! Stay away from those people!
posted by Decani at 6:06 AM on June 1, 2011
neckro23, that's exactly what I thought. And I almost lost my mind.
posted by deezil at 6:07 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by deezil at 6:07 AM on June 1, 2011
Then I remembered Rule34 and wondered why I'd not heard of any Portal Porn, where a girl goes down on herself.
You have summoned the Porn Genie.
*poof*
WISH GRANTED. Really, really NSFW.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:42 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
You have summoned the Porn Genie.
*poof*
WISH GRANTED. Really, really NSFW.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:42 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
That was fun and charming and pretty well made. Thanks for posting.
posted by hippybear at 7:39 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by hippybear at 7:39 AM on June 1, 2011
I've always wondered if a portal would be of any use in the real world. Does the portal only work on portable surfaces, or are all other surfaces covered with anti-portal coating?
posted by oxford blue at 7:56 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by oxford blue at 7:56 AM on June 1, 2011
OK, apologies for the derail... but there is a really great Rule 34 for Portal (NSFW NSFW NSFW).
posted by Jonathan Harford at 7:58 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Jonathan Harford at 7:58 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
There is also a rule34ish thing that combines Portal and Human Centipede. Yes, like that.
posted by Authorized User at 8:00 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by Authorized User at 8:00 AM on June 1, 2011
Oh my god. There is NSFW and then there is that.
posted by oxford blue at 8:01 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by oxford blue at 8:01 AM on June 1, 2011
Oh my god. There is NSFW and then there is that.
posted by oxford blue at 4:01 PM on June 1 [+] [!]
There is a girl in a tub who wants to talk to you about how easily shocked you are.
posted by jaduncan at 8:04 AM on June 1, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by oxford blue at 4:01 PM on June 1 [+] [!]
There is a girl in a tub who wants to talk to you about how easily shocked you are.
posted by jaduncan at 8:04 AM on June 1, 2011 [6 favorites]
On a less prurient note, I thought the video was rather clever.
I think it managed to convey the psychological damage that anyone going through such an experience would be victim to. I like how it clearly changed her to the extent that she has absorbed, unwillingly, the iterative nature of the test protocols in her post-test life.
I shuddered every time she ate of that giant knife though.
posted by oxford blue at 8:05 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
I think it managed to convey the psychological damage that anyone going through such an experience would be victim to. I like how it clearly changed her to the extent that she has absorbed, unwillingly, the iterative nature of the test protocols in her post-test life.
I shuddered every time she ate of that giant knife though.
posted by oxford blue at 8:05 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
There is a girl in a tub who wants to talk to you about how easily shocked you are.
posted by jaduncan at 2:04 AM on June 2 [+] [!]
You owe me a new monocle, and I fear Mamam will never recover.
posted by oxford blue at 8:06 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by jaduncan at 2:04 AM on June 2 [+] [!]
You owe me a new monocle, and I fear Mamam will never recover.
posted by oxford blue at 8:06 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
The one part I don't entirely get is... where is she? Is that some sort of abandoned Aperture Science worker's cottage? It looks like the relaxation module, but clearly isn't, because it has a kitchen.
(To be clear, this is talking about the video, and not the location of the NSFW artwork. Or the tub.)
posted by running order squabble fest at 8:12 AM on June 1, 2011
(To be clear, this is talking about the video, and not the location of the NSFW artwork. Or the tub.)
posted by running order squabble fest at 8:12 AM on June 1, 2011
Yes I was thinking this too. Part of me think's it's almost a GLaDOS-created trap for her. But perhaps it's just Aperture worker housing? Or possible even housing designed for some sort of socio-psychological testing.
posted by oxford blue at 8:14 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by oxford blue at 8:14 AM on June 1, 2011
Every single thing about this was perfect.
And it addresses the game's not so happy ending, which is Chell is a dangerous, mute, basket case.
posted by The Whelk at 9:00 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
And it addresses the game's not so happy ending, which is Chell is a dangerous, mute, basket case.
posted by The Whelk at 9:00 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
Also, IIRC, in Portal I, Chell is revived for her first tests a few years after the '7 Hour War' with the aliens featured in Half Life 2. So, even if she is out, there is little of humanity left around anyways, and those refugee cities are probably nowhere near northern Michigan, where the Aperture testing facility is supposedly located, so she would have to survive on whatever was left around the facility after it was abandoned, along the lines of what oxford blue is suggesting above.
/back-story geek-outs are just too damn fun for me, especially with Valve titles.
posted by chambers at 9:02 AM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]
/back-story geek-outs are just too damn fun for me, especially with Valve titles.
posted by chambers at 9:02 AM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]
I'm sorry, thread, I really am. I didn't mean to do that to you. I'll go see if I can find my internal censor before I next go near a comments box.
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 9:11 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 9:11 AM on June 1, 2011
Just in case this videos got you in a portal-creating mood, here's a link to the 2D Flash Version
posted by das1969 at 9:57 AM on June 1, 2011
posted by das1969 at 9:57 AM on June 1, 2011
The one part I don't entirely get is... where is she? Is that some sort of abandoned Aperture Science worker's cottage? It looks like the relaxation module, but clearly isn't, because it has a kitchen.
I thought shed managed to make it out to some sort of company village type of thing.
And the little flashes with the companion cube, the cameras, the failing to notice salt not sugar, and bedding down on newspaper, and so on gave it a certain pathos that took it above a normal fan vid for me.
posted by rodgerd at 11:51 AM on June 1, 2011
I thought shed managed to make it out to some sort of company village type of thing.
And the little flashes with the companion cube, the cameras, the failing to notice salt not sugar, and bedding down on newspaper, and so on gave it a certain pathos that took it above a normal fan vid for me.
posted by rodgerd at 11:51 AM on June 1, 2011
I could nit pick, but since this is infinitely better than the Portal fan video I will never make, I will simply be glad it was made.
posted by owtytrof at 1:27 PM on June 1, 2011
posted by owtytrof at 1:27 PM on June 1, 2011
The one part I don't entirely get is... where is she? Is that some sort of abandoned Aperture Science worker's cottage? It looks like the relaxation module, but clearly isn't, because it has a kitchen.
From the FAQ: "We took the route of her waking up, and finding an apartment on the Aperture Laboratories campus, which would still have power in 200X due to Aperture’s significant nuclear power plants. As for it being stocked with food—I’d expect that everyday life at Aperture kind of froze on the Bring Your Daughter To Work Day massacre. (where did Ratmann get his beans?)"
posted by homunculus at 2:45 PM on June 1, 2011
From the FAQ: "We took the route of her waking up, and finding an apartment on the Aperture Laboratories campus, which would still have power in 200X due to Aperture’s significant nuclear power plants. As for it being stocked with food—I’d expect that everyday life at Aperture kind of froze on the Bring Your Daughter To Work Day massacre. (where did Ratmann get his beans?)"
posted by homunculus at 2:45 PM on June 1, 2011
It's well made and totally holds together and her obsessive waiting for the cake to be done is pretty awesome. Like this is still eight times better then I ever thought a portal fan video would be and it addresses the thing above, Chell is the hero, but Chell has a fucking huge dose of PTSD along with GLADOS- Related social malfuction.
She's so not a normal person.
posted by The Whelk at 4:13 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
She's so not a normal person.
posted by The Whelk at 4:13 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
She's so not a normal person.
And yet, when you play Portal, you ARE Chell.... so what are you really saying?
;)
posted by hippybear at 4:19 PM on June 1, 2011
And yet, when you play Portal, you ARE Chell.... so what are you really saying?
;)
posted by hippybear at 4:19 PM on June 1, 2011
When I'm playing Chell, I'm not saying anything.
posted by The Whelk at 4:57 PM on June 1, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 4:57 PM on June 1, 2011 [6 favorites]
This film was very sweet in its intentions and technically well done. However, it also evidences an incredibly surface reading of the text, which is really disappointing.
I like the idea of Chell trying to figure out what to do with herself post-game, and of her being somewhat damaged by her experiences. But I don't actually think that she was particularly interested in cake or emotionally attached to the companion cubes. Part of what makes GLaDOS interesting (and charming, for me anyway) is that her attempts at emotionally tormenting Chell are so laughably naive.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 1:10 PM on June 2, 2011
I like the idea of Chell trying to figure out what to do with herself post-game, and of her being somewhat damaged by her experiences. But I don't actually think that she was particularly interested in cake or emotionally attached to the companion cubes. Part of what makes GLaDOS interesting (and charming, for me anyway) is that her attempts at emotionally tormenting Chell are so laughably naive.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 1:10 PM on June 2, 2011
Yeah but we have no indication of what Chell actually likes/ is as a person before the Testing. After all of it, she's too damaged and freaked up to commicate a personality.
So I like the idea that Chell writes " cake " on a form, absentmindedly , and then GLADOS seizes on it, cause it's on the form, for so long, and presses it it so hard ...while she tortures Chell, that it does literally become all Chell wants.
That is way more scary and sad.
posted by The Whelk at 2:38 PM on June 2, 2011
So I like the idea that Chell writes " cake " on a form, absentmindedly , and then GLADOS seizes on it, cause it's on the form, for so long, and presses it it so hard ...while she tortures Chell, that it does literally become all Chell wants.
That is way more scary and sad.
posted by The Whelk at 2:38 PM on June 2, 2011
« Older "The girls who were detained were not like your... | June is Goat Trauma Awareness Month Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 3:34 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]