Join 3,513 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)

Tags:

Croquet
July 13, 2011 3:08 AM   Subscribe

He has won more Wimbledon singles titles than Martina Navratilova, Pete Sampras, Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe combined, and yet you have probably never heard of him. Because you don't care about croquet.

Croquet is more exciting than you can possibly imagine. Croquet championships are intense and extreme. Croquet is amazing and needed to woo women.
posted by twoleftfeet (34 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
You cannot be serious!

I never knew Navratilova, Sampras, Bjorg or McEnroe played croquet. It would have been very entertaining to watch McEnroe play.
posted by Elmore at 3:30 AM on July 13, 2011


Who is he?
posted by XhaustedProphet at 3:37 AM on July 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


Because you don't care about croquet.

Says you.
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:05 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I like the balls they are using. Actually, all of the equipment looks pretty great.
posted by DU at 4:21 AM on July 13, 2011


I haven't cared about it probably since the same guy won basically every year since the late 60s.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 4:32 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


All I know about croquet is that the mallet comes in handy when your family starts whining about being snowed in and won't let you attend to the Hotel properly.
posted by Dr Dracator at 4:37 AM on July 13, 2011 [8 favorites]


Between 1963 and 2002 he lifted the trophy a staggering 37 times

Is it that heavy?
posted by pracowity at 5:08 AM on July 13, 2011 [6 favorites]


I love that the name of the guy still hasn't appeared in this thread. Come on, campers. Let's keep this going. An entire thread that doesn't mention the post subject? We can do it if we try.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 5:13 AM on July 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


What about the lady who's won every single Wimbledon bake sale, huh? What about her?
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:19 AM on July 13, 2011


Those guys sure look like athletes - it's like the penultimate of what Ancient Greece was envisioning

oh, and Croquet Animal? Really ESPN?
posted by AndrewKemendo at 5:28 AM on July 13, 2011


Croquet is more exciting than you can possibly imagine.

I can imagine a lot.
posted by Flood at 5:31 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


My concept of Extreme Croquet differs from yours.
posted by londonmark at 5:33 AM on July 13, 2011


The only time I've ever played croquet was on my honeymoon at the hotel we were staying at; the (course? court? field?) had more hills than I imagine is normal for croquet. Also, we played well after it got dark. Then we went to the pool and were bad examples. It was a good honeymoon.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:38 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


AndrewKemendo: "Those guys sure look like athletes - it's like the penultimate of what Ancient Greece was envisioning"

The last but one, you mean?
posted by Chrysostom at 5:44 AM on July 13, 2011


Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask to be red, knowing I'm ALWAYS red...
posted by dnash at 5:46 AM on July 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


I like the chicken ones. But salmon is delicious too.
posted by Splunge at 5:53 AM on July 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


Isn't "Extreme Croquet" just called "Golf"?
posted by mhoye at 5:53 AM on July 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


As a kid, my extended family spent almost every summer evening playing croquet. It taught me a valuable life lesson: nobody is your friend.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 6:01 AM on July 13, 2011 [6 favorites]


Man, when Jim wins the 1997 championship and gives a speech and gets teary and then APOLOGIZES for getting emotional, that just kills me. I wish men wouldn't feel the need to apologize for the natural result of emotional investment, hard work, and adrenaline. Its okay.
posted by lazaruslong at 6:04 AM on July 13, 2011


and yet you have probably never heard of him. Because you don't care about croquet

Truer words were never spoken.
posted by briank at 6:50 AM on July 13, 2011


"It's not a very great achievement," he said modestly. "These were the club championships for members only, and not many members of the All England Club play croquet at all."

British Guy: [on the ham radio] ... And now with sports, here's Framptal Tromwibbler.

Framptal Tromwibbler: From the world of sport, the Cointen Spinky Whompers flumped the Floing Boing Welfencloppers, 70-fluff to 40-flabe. At the tone, the time will be 26 railroad. [tone beeps]
posted by T.D. Strange at 7:19 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Man this guy's like the Edwin Moses of croquet.
posted by dersins at 7:32 AM on July 13, 2011


I don't know, a post about knitting? That's pretty weak.
posted by QuarterlyProphet at 7:35 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


The dude is awesome. A civil engineer who designed part of the Centre Court's retractable roof, dominated Wimbledon's croquet tournament for 37 years, and is an expert on croquet history. Wow, I'd consider my life a success if I can achieve just half of that by the time I'm 87.
posted by the cydonian at 7:44 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm glad more people don't care about this game because if you ever want to see the depths of vicious human depravity, just get out a croquet set. Especially around my friend Mary Ann, who is the kindest, gentlest, most empathetic Garrison-Keillor-listening liberal on earth . . . until she sees a backgammon board or croquet mallet, which instantly turns her into Genghis Khan. Crushed, driven, lamentation, the whole schmeer.
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:14 AM on July 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


This deserves a somewhat related previously
posted by k5.user at 8:19 AM on July 13, 2011


Croquet is more exciting than you can possibly imagine.

I approve of any game played with mallets and forethought.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 8:44 AM on July 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


I don't know. The grass seems too short. When you play in a yard where the lawn has been recently cut short, there's no need to send the ball airborne. That's not the croquet I grew up with.
posted by nimmpau at 9:19 AM on July 13, 2011


[flinch] Oh god, don't mention the grass length, I beseech you. I'm still having nightmares about the most recent croquet party I hosted, in 1994, when ostensibly grown adults were right up in each other's faces practically shrieking about "non-regulation grass length" and shooting me vaguely menacing, "Either you did not really mow yesterday, or you need to get that mower repaired" remarks under their breath.
posted by FelliniBlank at 10:03 AM on July 13, 2011


That ESPN coverage of Croquet is just hilariously awesome!

Every time I see games like croquet and bocce ball played correctly, it just confuses the hell out of me. When I was growing up, we played both of these games like giant obstacle courses. We would be practically shotputting bocce balls across roads, down hills, banking them off things. The same for croquet -- I think our croquet courses were longer than most golf courses. I had no idea these games were so rigid and refined. I think I preferred our versions better.
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 10:53 AM on July 13, 2011


Wait. Croquet is an *outdoor* sport?
posted by erniepan at 12:23 PM on July 13, 2011


My family plays Croquet at our reunions. Those professionals look rather ...tidy. Our version involves screams of anguish, fights, grass stains, blood. They don't know what they're missing.
posted by deborah at 2:37 PM on July 13, 2011


I can't help but think that if a group of 20somethings all decided to waste the next year of their lives playing croquet rather than planking or making cat videos or prestiging in call of duty, they could completely dominate (and really enrage) all these elderly folk currently winning croquet titles.

The ironic "I'd Hit It" and "Wicket Awesome" threadless tshirts practially print themselves. And then the movie: "Balls of Fire 2: Hammertime"

And I still don't know who the hell this post is talking about.
posted by jermsplan at 11:53 AM on July 14, 2011


deborah writes "Our version involves screams of anguish, fights, grass stains, blood. They don't know what they're missing."

My daughter insisted we play croquet at the beach this weekend. It was a hoot but pretty well the polar opposite of the fields in the links.
posted by Mitheral at 7:11 PM on August 8, 2011


« Older Everyone knows that correlation doesn't imply caus...  |  School of French Kissing for D... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments