Really lookin forward to the weekend, you guys.

August 16, 2011 1:41 PM

Meet Karl Welzien. He lives in Grand Blanc, Michigan. He is recently divorced from Ann, and lives with his buddy Dave. He loves drinking cold ones, driving his Sebring, maxing out some karaoke, and knocking back some Chili's hot wings because they have big bold flavor. He's a big fan of Guy Fieri, and loves the occasional "toilet nap" during his workday. Karl is a fictional character that exists only on Twitter, @DadBoner.

Aaron Belz at HuffPo calls him "deeper than 'Family Guy' or 'King of the Hill,' @DadBoner is a Beckett in progress." Entertainment blog MamaPop says he is the "new S*it My Dad Says." Another blogger has this to say about him:

What blows my mind is the character development. Using subtle language and context clues, we’re given a startlingly intimate portrait of who Karl is. Even the list of feeds he follows tells a story. I’ve never seen the narrative format of Twitter used in such a brilliant way. It’s subtle. Non-obvious. Though it’s all told in the first person, I feel like I understand Karl as though he’s a character in a novel. His angst, fear, confusion… I feel like I know Karl. I’m rooting for him. You will too.

Some recent story arcs in the life of Karl:

Mortifying himself in front of the new black co-worker
Jack Daniels & Hungry Man dinners are a bad choice
Dave says he should trim his pubes
Piercing his own ear goes horribly wrong
Getting entrepreneurial: Karl plans his pizza joint
... and the epic tale (spread out over the course of several days) of no air conditioning and the Burger King bathroom trip

posted by jbickers (44 comments total)

Add to the pile Aunt Diane.
posted by msbutah at 1:49 PM on August 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

There is no further need for fictional/novely Twitter feeds. The form itself reached its apotheosis when the T-800 signed up.
posted by infinitywaltz at 1:52 PM on August 16, 2011 [11 favorites]

heh
posted by clavdivs at 1:54 PM on August 16, 2011

There is no further need for fictional/novely Twitter feeds. The form itself reached its apotheosis when the T-800 signed up.

That would have been great if he didn't consistently misspell "Sarah Connor" as "Sarah Conner". About a thousand times.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 1:57 PM on August 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Normally when I click on something that says Dad Boner it's uh..


not Twitter.
posted by The Whelk at 2:00 PM on August 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

Why do you think he can't find her, Joakim?
posted by jozxyqk at 2:01 PM on August 16, 2011 [7 favorites]

You go unspellchecked. Something about the field created by a Language Pack.
posted by No-sword at 2:02 PM on August 16, 2011

Deeper than Family Guy? Holy shit, that's pretty deep.
posted by COBRA! at 2:04 PM on August 16, 2011 [16 favorites]

I can tell it's a Beckett, because "boner".
posted by DU at 2:19 PM on August 16, 2011

Guys like Karl don't usually leave tweets like Karl's.
posted by mecran01 at 2:22 PM on August 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

I like it (obviously).

My two new favorite fictional twits are Sad Christian and Pittbull Owner (both created by friends so I can't FPP em).
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:27 PM on August 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

COBRA!: Deeper than Family Guy? Holy shit, that's pretty deep.

INT. GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM - DAY

BRIAN:
Deeper than us?

PETER:
That's deeper than the the pock marks seem to the Smurfs when they climb on the Giant Manual Noriega's face in The Smurfs' Giant Panama Invasion.

CUT TO: PAPA, VANITY, and BRAINY et al climbing up a sleeping GIANT NORIEGA's uniformed body; they walk over his chin and gasp at the canyons before them.

SMURFS
(in unison)
How much longer Papa Smurf?

PAPA
Not long now, my Smurfs.

VANITY
Ew...watch out for that smurfy blackhead.

CUT TO: GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM

BRIAN:
You're right. That's pretty deep.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:31 PM on August 16, 2011 [7 favorites]

@FriendFromHS isn't bad, as far as these things go.
posted by yerfatma at 2:49 PM on August 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

INT. GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM - DAY

PETER:
Holy crap! That's even worse than the time we cut to eleven minutes of dead air!

-NO SIGNAL-

posted by "Elbows" O'Donoghue at 2:50 PM on August 16, 2011 [11 favorites]

Ugh, someone says "deeper than Family Guy" so now the thread is 14% regurgitated Family Guy quips?

Funny how this never happens in gonorrhea threads, despite gonnorhea being about 20x less annoying than family guy.
posted by 7segment at 3:01 PM on August 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

EVERYONE REGURGITATE THEIR GONORRHEA RIGHT NOW
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 3:05 PM on August 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Aaron Belz at HuffPo calls him "deeper than 'Family Guy' or 'King of the Hill,' @DadBoner is a Beckett in progress."

SCREW YOU, Aaron Belz.

Did @DadBoner get selected by the High Lamas to be tested as the reincarnation of Lama Sanglug?
Did @DadBoner wrestle with the issue of his love to Connie vs. his duty to peacefully resign himself to his destiny?
Did @Boner choose Kahn Souphanousinphone, Jr's image on the mirror of Sanglug?
Did it mean that @DadBoner was able to choose love over destiny?

That shit...is DEEP.

Don't tell me that krap, Belz. Go back to any seedy hotel room and go deepthroat your favorite copy of Beckett till you gag on it.
posted by hal_c_on at 3:49 PM on August 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

7segment wins the "any sufficiently advanced satire is indistinguishable to MY OUTRAGE" award
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:58 PM on August 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Need to get my life together. Goin to drink a few cold ones in the Sebring. Need time to think. Might start smoking again. I need to relax.

But seriously, this is funny.
posted by hal_c_on at 4:18 PM on August 16, 2011

Dave did a shot of Hennessy. Good luck hurling later. Only full on soul brothers can do that. Honkeys can't handle it full strength.

Ok. This shit is REALLY funny.
posted by hal_c_on at 4:24 PM on August 16, 2011

says he is the "new S*it My Dad Says."

I cannot tell you how hard it is to give something described in those terms any benefit of any doubt.
posted by mhoye at 4:28 PM on August 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

I can't meh this indifferently enough.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 5:03 PM on August 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Dave did a shot of Hennessy. Good luck hurling later. Only full on soul brothers can do that. Honkeys can't handle it full strength.

Nonsense. We just skip the damn oversize snifter.
posted by jonmc at 5:09 PM on August 16, 2011

What's a "'rang"?
posted by GuyZero at 5:15 PM on August 16, 2011

I can't meh this indifferently enough.

I'm impressed by how unimpressed you are.
posted by jonmc at 5:18 PM on August 16, 2011

So, is he shilling for Red Lobster? Because that's a lot of Tweets about Red Lobster.

I get that it's a target ripe for satire, similar to Olive Garden being the fancy restaurant everyone goes to in your home town. But something smells of viral advertising here.

I suppose it's only the next step in the fake Twitter profile evolution. Incorporate paid-for product placement into your fake tweets. Brilliant really. Capitalism never smelled so real.
posted by formless at 5:36 PM on August 16, 2011

So, is this a pitch for a book or a sitcom?
posted by Ideefixe at 5:42 PM on August 16, 2011

I don't understand how a few Red Lobster tweets suddenly become some sort of indictment of Red Lobster. Red Lobster is a fine restaurant which often does have delicious specials that also offer good value for the money. It seems logical to choose Red Lobster as a backdrop for this reality-based comedy tweeting. I'm pretty sure everyone enjoys going to Red Lobster now and then.
posted by GuyZero at 5:54 PM on August 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

But something smells of viral advertising here.

Are you serious? Red Lobster's being used as a goddamn punchline. The whole joke is that the character's clueless, and thinks of Red Lobster as a Fancy Destination. So he mentions a gift card over the course of a single arc of like six tweets. It's entirely contextually appropriate and it belittles the product. Is this how you believe paid advertising works?
posted by Greg Nog at 6:01 PM on August 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

The Red Lobster bit has me longing for Neil Hamburger.
posted by munchingzombie at 6:20 PM on August 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

This kinda makes me feel the way The Onion does a lot of the time, like a certain kind of feeling, sad but also sorta tired at the same time, whachamacalit...

Oh yeah, despair.
posted by pts at 6:23 PM on August 16, 2011

Yeah, this concept has been played. The mayoremanuel guy made it work by being talented. Something the rest of these clowns lack.

With kudos to pts, it's The Onion when they phone it in.
posted by gjc at 6:39 PM on August 16, 2011

Holy shit. I work at a rock/bead shop in New Mexico, I think Ant Diane is most of my customers.
posted by NoraReed at 6:53 PM on August 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

AUNT. Not Ant. Curse you homonyms and your spellcheck-defying ways!
posted by NoraReed at 6:55 PM on August 16, 2011

I suppose it's only the next step in the fake Twitter profile evolution. Incorporate paid-for product placement into your fake tweets. Brilliant really. Capitalism never smelled so real.

Ummm...take off the foil hat.
posted by hal_c_on at 6:59 PM on August 16, 2011

Add to the pile Aunt Diane.

That's not my Aunt Diane. My Aunt Diane is much drunker than that!

God, I wish that was a joke.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:05 PM on August 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

I suppose the next step is that we learn that Aaron Belz, MamaPop and 'Streetboner 1555' (lol) are not actual persons but are in fact inventions of the same writer, promoting his fictional-character-posing-as-real-person-on-Twitter. This is not actually all that much of a stretch.
posted by indubitable at 7:28 PM on August 16, 2011

Ummm...take off the foil hat.

When it comes to foil hats, I only use the best, Reynolds Wrap. Strong Enough for your Toughest Situations. Reynolds Wrap locks in moisture and brand value, and keeps out mind control rays!
posted by formless at 8:57 PM on August 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Grand Blanc used to be posh.
posted by Goofyy at 12:07 AM on August 17, 2011

believe me, it's even posher. I suspect Karl lives in Burton.
posted by clavdivs at 9:33 AM on August 17, 2011

I prefer Jerk Superman myself
posted by The Whelk at 9:36 AM on August 17, 2011

I just read every single tweet. I have no idea if this is original idea or not, or if it is a shill for Kohl's but this is funny. Really funny. I cannot wait for Captain Karl's Pizza Ship to come sailing in. I will be having the cheetos on my pie. Maybe fraternity boy drinking and shitting jokes just get me, but Karl dropping one behind the dumpster at work because of the BK he had and then complaining about it to the company is funny. The only part I think he does not handle well is the part with his kids. Some of it is funny initially, but repetition is more mean than funny.

(A 'rang is an earring.)
posted by JohnnyGunn at 1:02 PM on August 17, 2011

and he looks familar but I am biased, my first paying job was at the BK in Grand Blanc about 30 years ago, i wonder if they are hiring? Perhaps he was a co-worker, i never did get to know the guy on the burger board.
posted by clavdivs at 1:52 PM on August 17, 2011

@mecran01: Guys like Karl don't usually leave tweets like Karl's.

Yeah but, then, guys like Eric Hoffer don't usually write books like Eric Hoffer either.
posted by Twang at 4:20 PM on August 17, 2011