Roll to the front, because I spent my youth in Texas. Where there are roaches. Where there are roaches everywhere oh sweet mercy roaches everywhere I hate roaches oh my.
And when you wake up in the night, stumble to the bathroom, and flick on the light, if* there's a roach in there, [it will] hide somewhere. And once in a million times, it will hide behind the toilet paper roll, and when you put your hand back there to pull down some paper, the roach will scurry onto your hand and right up your arm while you sit there on the toilet, thinking --- hoping --- that you are having a nightmare.
*IF. Don't tell me there definitely is a roach in there, or I will never sleep again, even thought I live two thousand miles away now.
I, uh, is that a good enough reason?
Why are you scootching away?
Compatible, that's what I'd call a pair like you and me
Our charts, our wits, our pheromones all match impeccably
But before we wed let's give a thought to future litigation
For one thing much be established prior to our cohabitation
Do you put the toilet roll paper over or paper under?
It can be a major blunder, it splits the world asunder
If the toilet tissue issue drives you up the wall
But it's neither better or worse, it's just different, that's all
Well, some people justify their choice, defending inconsolably
"It's easier to grab", "It doesn't spool off uncontrollably!"
Then dummies spit despite the fact it's really a line call
Whether whim, aesthetic or logic, it's different, that's all
Think of mum and dad next time you pull upon those perforations
Role models play a part, it passes down through generations
And your preference was imprinting prior to days when you could crawl
Whether genes, recessive or dominant, it's different, that's all
OK, hands up all the overs, and now all the unders raise a hand
Now all those who don't give a rat's, you're in denial, I understand
I won't get onto scrunch or fold, it may incite a brawl
Whether printed, patterned or perfumed, it's just different, that's all
Now you may be thinking quietly, "What a stupid subject for a song"
But history's page is bloodied by such petty bickering gone wrong
It only takes the slightest slip to make the mighty fall
Whether gods or bollocks or politics, it's different, that's all
So do whales, who also live en masse, debate the daft meticulous
Is it "oaoroa" or "oaaror"? Would that be so ridiculous?
Decisions may cause schisms for all creatures great and small
Even amoebas can be divisive, it's different, that's all
Well I tried to make this song a reel to bring a smile to Irish eyes
I prayed they'd maybe play it gaily 'til the day the diddly dies
But its resemblance to a real reel is really small
And it's not a jig or a hornpipe, it's different, that's all
© Mal Webb
You mean not if the cats in your house have 'owners.'
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