Drunk Ron Swanson

January 20, 2012 1:14 AM

Drunk Ron Swanson That is all.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken (79 comments total)

Like damn.
posted by three blind mice at 1:23 AM on January 20

Best of the web.
posted by Neale at 2:02 AM on January 20 [2 favorites]

That is, indeed, all. Can we get a "basicallyYTMND" tag?
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike at 2:13 AM on January 20 [4 favorites]

My elaborate decade-long scheme, stretched reluctantly like atomic-wedgie underpants across the skull of the world, my sacrifice for and dedication to a secret cause that only now I am able to reveal, the painful scrotal damage and the quick but witless ripostes, the endless sweltering cavebound scraping at the rockface of the web, hiding URLesque nuggets in my de.licio.us meta meat locker, planning, plotting, perfecting, pooping a little when the excitement of it all got to be too much, my kneeling to the Neale, my two-tone leather-sofa Zoroastrian Zoranating, my hurly-burly mock-furry refurbished internet Hurstonization?

It all culminates in this moment: pulling Neale out of The Endless Lurk. My work here: she is done.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:22 AM on January 20 [16 favorites]

I'm afraid I had to look up who Ron Swanson was. Is it from a show you would recommend?
posted by TheAlarminglySwollenFinger at 2:28 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

In response to the post in general and TheAlarminglySwollenFinger in particular: Yes.
posted by Apoch at 2:31 AM on January 20 [6 favorites]

Ron Swanson is undeniably one of the best comedic characters TV-land has generated in some time, from a show that appears to be criminally underrated My favourite Ron Swanson moment is as follows.

Chris: Hey gang!
Leslie: Hey, what did you bring?
Chris: I was in charge of the cake. To be fair, it's not a cake so much as it is a vegetable loaf. You got your mushrooms, your alfalfa sprouts, your spinach and I had it sweetened with fruit reduction.
Ron: But did they ask you to bring a vegetable loaf or a cake?
Chris: No, a cake, but this is so much healthier.
Ron: So not only does this thing exist, but now you have deprived everyone of cake!
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:32 AM on January 20 [16 favorites]

Ron: So not only does this thing exist, but now you have deprived everyone of cake!

This sounds up my street. Will check it out this weekend. Thanks, Metafilter!
posted by TheAlarminglySwollenFinger at 2:35 AM on January 20

Ron Swanson is my spirit animal.
posted by flaterik at 2:48 AM on January 20 [29 favorites]

All the bacon and eggs you have.
posted by no regrets, coyote at 2:50 AM on January 20 [8 favorites]

Obligatory.
posted by fight or flight at 2:54 AM on January 20 [2 favorites]

Thank you for this. My day has officially been made, and amazingly early. I see nothing but greatness ahead.
posted by Ducks or monkeys at 3:18 AM on January 20

... and it's got a beat you can dance to. Just what I needed to get the day going. Thank you, Chicken Man.
posted by rudster at 3:19 AM on January 20

Listenable.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:28 AM on January 20

You had me at Meat Tornado.
posted by elsietheeel at 4:43 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

Shop Proud
posted by Rhomboid at 4:45 AM on January 20 [5 favorites]

Also.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:03 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: not only does this thing exist, but now you have deprived everyone of cake!
posted by Blue_Villain at 5:15 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

This is truly the pinnacle of the online age. That's it everyone. Shut it all down.
posted by purephase at 5:20 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

I've got to say, as much as I love Community and miss it, Parks & Rec is the funniest thing on TV right now. Andy and April at the hospital last night? Hilarious! And now Paul Rudd too? I'm as happy as Chris Traeger!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:25 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]

Bacon-wrapped shrimp.

I wasn't offering.
posted by michaelh at 5:43 AM on January 20

This sounds up my street. Will check it out this weekend. Thanks, Metafilter!

Protip: if you want to watch the episodes in a systematic way (rather than just picking one at random), don't bother with Season 1. Just start at the beginning of Season 2.
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:47 AM on January 20 [5 favorites]

Also: "If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, could you guarantee fridge space?"
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:49 AM on January 20 [2 favorites]

The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness goes a long way toward explaining this wonderful character to the uninitiated.
posted by Maaik at 5:54 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]

I've said this on Tumblr, but Ron Swanson is the Jesús Malverde of meats. I expect to see busts of Ron Swanson for sale at the flea market any day now.
posted by crataegus at 5:56 AM on January 20

In the "Parks and Rec" book, there's a great bit "by" Ron Swanson on how to practice basketball. It involves dribbling on gravel, trying 100 free throws and eating hamburgers.
posted by drezdn at 6:14 AM on January 20

The Ron Swanson Moment that secured his position as one of my short duration personal saviors occurred when he was recruiting children who wanted a much more challenging Scouting experience. Youtube is failing me for the clip, but it went a little like this:

"Now, do any of you children have any dietary restrictions?"
(Solemn shaking heads.)
"Correct! You do not."
posted by Drastic at 6:16 AM on January 20 [7 favorites]

Nick Offerman was on the most recent Comedy Bang Bang and I was surprised to learn that is he an actual woodworker.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:40 AM on January 20

I can't stop going back to that site. Damn!
posted by Bovine Love at 6:44 AM on January 20

Yeah, Ron Swanson wasn't originally scripted to be a woodworker - Nick brought that in.
posted by maryr at 6:44 AM on January 20

Not just a woodworker. He seems pretty good at it, judging by his output. And the video of his shop looks like it gets real use, not just a "show shop".
posted by DU at 6:52 AM on January 20

I'll be workshopping my 'Raekwon Swanson' character at the Laff Stop in Toluca Lake next Thursday night. Everyone's invited.
posted by mintcake! at 6:58 AM on January 20 [2 favorites]

TheAlarminglySwollenFinger: I'd missed/avoided Parks & Rec until some thread here got me on board about a week ago. It is seriously that good. Watch it watch it watch it.

but yeah start with Season 2
posted by Navelgazer at 6:58 AM on January 20

re: Ron Swanson, woodworker...

There's a great article about Nick Offerman and his dedication to the craft of woodworking in a recent issue of American Craft Magazine.

"I love making a bed or a dining room table, because those are two very necessary pieces of furniture. You're making someone the board off which they'll feed themselves. Or they'll play cards, or they'll drink and have a rousing good time. To me there's something holy about getting to do that for people."
posted by jammy at 7:10 AM on January 20 [4 favorites]

I'll second advice to start with season 2. Season 1 started out as a weak The Office clone, and while it improved after the first few episodes of that, it still took awhile to find its own identity.
posted by Drastic at 7:15 AM on January 20

Ron Swanson: Bacon Wrangler
posted by odinsdream at 7:16 AM on January 20

Just give me all the bacon and eggs that you have.

Wait, wait. I worry what you just heard was give me a lot of bacon and eggs.

What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?

My other favorite: Ron's circular desk.

I resisted watching Parks & Rec for quite a long time, because I'd always heard it being compared to The Office, which I generally dislike for its believably-unlikable characters and overemphasis on awkward humor, and also because I wasn't sure I'd be able to withstand a show that featured Amy Poehler as a central character. My previous experiences with her had led me to believe that she was a SNL-style actress -- great in small doses, but grataing and unbearable in anything longer than a 3-minute sketch.

Fortunately, I was wrong about all of this. After getting my boyfriend hooked on Community, he convinced me to watch a few episodes of P&R, and I was immediately hooked. The characters are all over the top, but also happen to be eminently likable (perhaps with the exception of Aziz Ansari's character). Ron Swanson is an absolute standout, and the stories in many of the episodes are fun and lighthearted, which doesn't seem to happen all too often on TV comedies today.

Frankly, NBC's marketing of this show absolutely stinks. Had they omitted all of the Office comparisons in their advertising, I might have actually watched the show out of my own volition. They've unquestionably got the 3 best comedies on network TV (Parks & Rec, Community, and 30 Rock), and somehow can't successfully market any of them, and are considering all 3 for the chopping block.
posted by schmod at 7:22 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

To me, the place where Parks & Rec came in to its own and became great was when they stopped trying to be The Office - more specifically, when they stopped trying to make Leslie Knope into Michael Scott and instead made her AWESOME.

I can't find the whole quote online, but the perfect example of this is Ann talking to Ben about Leslie's steamrolling in the "The Smallest Park" episode this season. Ann tells Ben “[Leslie] once made me eat a whole cheesecake at a potluck so that she didn’t look bad.” When Ben asks why Ann would do that, Ann explains that Leslie has done so much for her, that she would eat 10 cheesecakes for her. And, “Also, because it was delicious and amazing like everything she does.”

The other perfect example is the episode where Leslie gets the flu, but that entire episode is just made of perfection.
posted by maryr at 7:30 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]

And Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope aside, Chris Traeger is literally the best thing on television.
posted by maryr at 7:36 AM on January 20 [7 favorites]

Frankly, NBC's marketing of this show absolutely stinks. Had they omitted all of the Office comparisons in their advertising, I might have actually watched the show out of my own volition. They've unquestionably got the 3 best comedies on network TV (Parks & Rec, Community, and 30 Rock), and somehow can't successfully market any of them, and are considering all 3 for the chopping block.

Seriously, WTH is up with this? They were smart enough to pick up the shows in the first place, and smart enough to not tinker too heavily with the formula. So clearly someone at NBC sees why these shows are good and what makes them funny and special and why they've all drawn a following. Yet none of that translates to the marketing. What's the disconnect?
posted by Maaik at 8:08 AM on January 20

I'm getting a black screen with a counter.

So is it just the standard animated gif from the Snakehole/Snakejuice episode? With the silly hat?

You may enjoy Park and Rec GIFs a little longer.

Most relatedly, The Many Faces of Ron Swanson
posted by mrgrimm at 8:25 AM on January 20 [2 favorites]

mrgrimm. it is exactly that. that's all you need.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:26 AM on January 20

After last week's episode, I will never be able to hear Gloria Estefan's "Get On Your Feet" without pissing my pants and dying of laughter.
posted by chara at 8:27 AM on January 20 [5 favorites]

Hipster Parks and Rec: featuring my personal favorite The Low Cal Calzone Zone.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:27 AM on January 20

Mr. Ron Swanson and His Glorious Face

"Admire My Girth"
posted by mrgrimm at 8:30 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

The other perfect example is the episode where Leslie gets the flu, but that entire episode is just made of perfection

Leslie: If I was sick, could I do this?
Ann: What are you doing?
Leslie: Cartwheels. Am I not doing them?
Ann: No.
posted by elsietheeel at 8:31 AM on January 20 [7 favorites]

Chris Traeger is literally the best thing on television

I enjoy Chris Traeger, but then I kinda miss Mark Brendanawicz.

I heard Louis CK was coming back tho, and it looks like Paul Rudd is good for at least another few episodes.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:38 AM on January 20

schmod: I resisted watching Parks & Rec for quite a long time, because I'd always heard it being compared to The Office, which I generally dislike for its believably-unlikable characters...

It makes so much sense that someone would react to it that way initially. What is unfortunate about this is that, and what you've no doubt discovered, is that despite their similarity in style (fake documentary), shared network, and broadcast night, Parks and Rec has become, character-wise, nearly the anti-Office because it is full of characters that I find it impossible not to love.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:43 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

you mean Mark Brandana-quits? That old sandwich eater.

This post is just throwing kerosene on the fire of love that burns in my heart for both Ron Swanson the character, and Nick Offerman the actor. I'm seriously about five seconds away from pulling a lady-astronaut-in-diapers move, except that I also love/respect/fear Megan Mullaly so I probably won't do it. But oh man, I sure want to.
posted by palomar at 8:43 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]

God I hate that "all the bacon and eggs you have" line. A character as great as Ron Swanson doesn't deserve a reductive catch phrase on par with "git 'er done."

Anyway, the Ron and Leslie relationship is one of the best I've seen on a TV show. I almost cried at the end of the episode about Ron's birthday.
posted by mullacc at 8:53 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]

Since I don't know who else to turn to, I'm just going to ask this here. In one episode -- maybe "I'm Leslie Knope" -- Ron Swanson grabs a bag and escapes into an air vent. When I saw it I was certain it wasn't Nick Offerman, but instead was some other actor in a Ron Swanson moustache. Was this all a hallucination of mine?
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:01 AM on January 20

Ron Swanson and my Dad are the only libertarians I like.
posted by EatTheWeak at 9:02 AM on January 20 [4 favorites]

Wait... Ron and Tammy 2 are married in real life!!?

i... i need to go lie down
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:03 AM on January 20 [9 favorites]

And Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope aside, Chris Traeger is literally the best thing on television.

I think you mean lit'rally.
posted by kmz at 9:15 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]

This. This is exactly why SOPA/PIPA must be stopped.

Well, that, and the chilling effect it would have on user-submitted content sites, and the fact that it would serve to literally disassemble the internet.

But mostly this.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 9:23 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

Also, I don't know if it's just me but man I can barely stand to watch 30 Rock anymore. I think the only reason I still do is inertia. The show's always been full of caricatures and not really likeable people, but for some reason they seem much less enjoyable now. Maybe it's the repetition. Maybe it's that the Liz/Jack dynamic which I used to love just seems empty and boring now. I know they're very different shows with very different aims, but I can't help but compare Liz/Jack to Leslie/Ron and note how stale and retready the former feels while the latter is just... indescribably awesome.
posted by kmz at 9:24 AM on January 20

What did Leslie give Ron for Christmas? The Avclub mentions he uses the gift in this week's episode by I didn't notice.
posted by drezdn at 9:33 AM on January 20

Hmm... I want to say it was something like a remote controlled door closer for his office.
posted by kmz at 9:36 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

She gave him the button to shut his doors remotely. He tries to use it on Chris this episode but Chris is to quick and nimble (and nicely doesn't acknowledge the attempt at all.)
posted by Navelgazer at 9:36 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

Since I don't know who else to turn to, I'm just going to ask this here. In one episode -- maybe "I'm Leslie Knope" -- Ron Swanson grabs a bag and escapes into an air vent. When I saw it I was certain it wasn't Nick Offerman, but instead was some other actor in a Ron Swanson moustache. Was this all a hallucination of mine?

You're thinking of the scene where he grabs his bug out bag out of an air vent
posted by jefftang at 9:37 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]

Exactly, and thanks for that clip. Doesn't he look odd? Is that Ron Offerman?
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:03 AM on January 20

Heh. Nick, I mean.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:04 AM on January 20

Exactly, and thanks for that clip. Doesn't he look odd? Is that Ron Offerman?

He looks a little different than usual there because he's had his facial hair and eyebrows singed by a fireball that Jerry caused, but I'm virtually certain it's Offerman
posted by Copronymus at 10:12 AM on January 20

Ah, that must be it. He sounds and moves like Offerman; it's the hair that looks odd.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:18 AM on January 20

kmz: I considered spelling it litreally, but thought people would assume it was a typo.

But yeah, 30 Rock sort of bottomed out for me. There's no goal, no strife, just awful people and Kenneth.
posted by maryr at 10:24 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]

Wait... Ron and Tammy 2 are married in real life!!?

i... i need to go lie down

I'm not sure if you're ready for this, but Offerman also did full frontal in the 2nd episode of Deadwood.
posted by zombieflanders at 10:26 AM on January 20 [2 favorites]

Yeah, it took me a while to connect Ron Swanson and Tom Mason but when I did I was gleeful.

30 Rock sort of bottomed out for me

I lost interest sometime in the middle of Season 2. There's no telic arc.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:58 AM on January 20

Parks and Rec has become, character-wise, nearly the anti-Office because it is full of characters that I find it impossible not to love.

Parks and Rec is clearly my favorite show right now, but I've also been impressed with the post-Carrell The Office ... it's not as funny, of course, but they've taken some interesting approaches, imo.

"I am the Bacchus, god of wine!"

...

"And I am Bacchus' friend!"
posted by mrgrimm at 11:14 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]

My favorite Ron Swanson moment is when he turns a young girl into a libertarian.

"Why does government matter?" "It doesn't."
posted by nooneyouknow at 11:38 AM on January 20

I actually like The Office too as well and have been impressed that they managed to continued so well after Carrell left. In fact, I think the show has improved this season over the last few -- revitalized by the change, I think. But the worldview feels so different that I don't even watch them on the same night anymore. (Also, my partner feels the same way about it that schmod does -- the awkwardness drives him so crazy that he often finds himself plugging his ears and going 'la la la' to avoid it.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:01 PM on January 20

nooneyouknow: my favorite thing about that is the girl's angry mother: "You ate her lunch? You gave her a land mine?" It's the only time in the series where I can recall Ron Fucking Swanson ever actually being a little taken aback and slightly ashamed of himself, even if "it made sense in context."
posted by Navelgazer at 1:04 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]

my favorite thing about that is the girl's angry mother

Me, too! The scene where she confronts him is glorious. Ron and the girl were great, but the Ron and the mom is fantastic.
posted by nooneyouknow at 1:19 PM on January 20

Ron Swanson Valentine's Day cards. (Direct link, not working for me.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:30 PM on January 20

I loved the bright improv-ness of P&R from the beginning, but the first season they clearly had some things that were not working, like Mark Brandanowitz, who was too straight to fit in, and pairings that weren't working out, like Ann and Andy. With Season 3, they managed to effectively reboot the show without actually changing it all that much, and gravitated as early as partway through Season 2 toward the discovered pairings of Leslie and Ann and Andy and April, which showed they knew what they were doing. Ben, now, is almost as much of a straight man as Mark, but perfectly more tightly wound, and knows how to make that funny -- they show it in the title sequence, when he sort of scoffs fourth-wall-breakage-style at the camera trying to capture him doing something funny. Chris, of course, is a brilliant turn by Lowe, who understands the limitations of his public persona and leverages them. He's a perfect wild card ready to drag them anywhere plotwise.
posted by dhartung at 2:23 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]

After reading the links in this thread, I think I want to upgrade my spirit animal to being Nick Offerman.
posted by flaterik at 2:35 PM on January 20

schmod: My good friend is in a similar state of mind from where you were, once, when wandering through the wilderness. He hears us talking about Parks & Rec, but he doesn't like Amy Poehler. Rather, he speaks of her in kind of similar terms to what you thought, comparing her to Will Farrell. It apparently doesn't matter to him that three of his four favorite shows are ones that I got him into (HIMYM, Community and Doctor Who, which he fervently avoided until getting sucked into it last season and has now been catching up on everything, old or new, that he can get his hands on including throwing Doctor Who parties now.) For his part, he got me into Archer, which is a decent trade.

Last week, as I was blowing through the entire series, he asked me where the sensibility of the show was. Was it like Community? Like 30 Rock? My answer at the time was that it's like The Office crossed with Community. "Oh, so is it Me-ta?" he asked in his best Shirley voice. "No," I said, "It's more like it engenders the same feeling of loving all of the characters involved."

Case studies for this include Ron Swanson and April Ludgate. Ron is diametrically opposed to me (and Leslie Knope) politically, intentionally cold and distant, and hard-ass and doctrinaire on principle, but he's also amazing. His misanthropy is so out-in-the-open and yet cunningly deployed. His creature comforts are so specific and without apology. And, of course, he's not stupid or foolish, and gives credit where credit is due (which is almost always to Leslie, naturally.

April, on the other hand, is cold and distant because it amuses her to be that way. She would rather go out of her way to be obstructionist and unhelpful than to assist anyone. She is overtly hateful towards Ann, one of the show's most blameless characters, and seems "too cool" to find actual enjoyment in anything real. This should be one of the most detestable characters ever. But the show has, not so much softened her as made her fun in the unlikely but perfect pairing with Andy. Andy the dumb-ass, immature lummox with seemingly nothing to offer anyone, brings out the best in April, and has made their romance genuinely sweet. The shot of her in the current opening credits is perfect, with her walking down the hall while smiling at some inside joke and then rolling her eyes in mock-shame that the camera caught her smiling. Basically the whole character in a tiny moment.

God I love this show.
posted by Navelgazer at 4:49 PM on January 20 [3 favorites]

Ron Swanson is an absolute standout, and the stories in many of the episodes are fun and lighthearted, which doesn't seem to happen all too often on TV comedies today.

Parks and Rec has become, character-wise, nearly the anti-Office because it is full of characters that I find it impossible not to love.

Lighthearted and loving as it might seem, the characters are pretty vicious towards both Jerry (Gary) and Kyle, with a meanness you don't ordinarily see on other ensemble sitcoms. For some reason, I enjoy it when it's Kyle, but not Jerry, probably because Kyle is a caricature and Jerry is a character. I like Jerry, and I understand that's the joke (i.e. the nicest guy gets shit on), but I don't think it works that well. It really runs counter to the rest of the show's grain, imo, but it seems to have stuck.

Also, please give Donna a storyline once in a while. She's pretty hilarious, but one dimensional. All I know about her is that she owns a Benz and likes to indulge herself one day a year with Tom. ;)

The shot of her in the current opening credits is perfect, with her walking down the hall while smiling at some inside joke and then rolling her eyes in mock-shame that the camera caught her smiling.

Meh. That's her one move (looking at the camera), and she overplays it. (Jim Halpert does too.)

I know we aren't supposed to, but I don't like April much at all. I was all ready to declare the Andy-April wedding to be the show's shark-jumping moment, but then they rebounded with Parker Posey 3 weeks later, followed by the big-time 1-2 punch of "The Fight" and "Road Trip" and they've been swinging since...
posted by mrgrimm at 5:06 PM on January 20

April Ludgate is everyone's surly little sister. If you have never known a surly little sister, her character is probably lost on you. I like getting to know the character more, but I LOVED the season one ruthlessness.

(Also, Mr. and Mrs. Ludgate crack me up.)
posted by gjc at 10:47 PM on January 20

I started crying during the "Get On Your Feet" bit on the ice. Literally crying. When Leslie Knope was laid up on the stage, I was done.

My wife asked what was so funny, I went back and showed her. And it was exactly that funny all over again.
posted by shinynewnick at 11:50 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]