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Clean hair is the new catnip.
August 27, 2012 5:22 AM   Subscribe


 
Holy cow, that is one cuddly cat!
posted by LN at 5:41 AM on August 27, 2012


I know understand why people have children! A child is an excellent place to store a cat! Although I vaguely remember laying on cats as a child, so perhaps the reverse is also true, once claws and tail-grabbing are successfully negotiated.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:43 AM on August 27, 2012 [3 favorites]


The cat is a hat.

Granted, it's not a very good hat.
posted by tommasz at 5:49 AM on August 27, 2012 [12 favorites]


You should expect things like this to happen when you use catnip shampoo.
posted by Dr-Baa at 5:49 AM on August 27, 2012 [4 favorites]


Aw, that child did not have 3:51 worth of patience for that experience.
posted by thejoshu at 5:51 AM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


(but I did!)
posted by thejoshu at 5:51 AM on August 27, 2012


If I knew I could produce such adorable offspring I might consider removing myself from the VHEM. Unfortunately my husband and I are both drab brunettes.
posted by Mooseli at 5:55 AM on August 27, 2012


This video is cruel and disgusting.

That cat was obviously trying to eat that small human child's head, but it appears that the cat was interfered with by the photographer between shots the cat was repeatedly denied it's prey for the purposes of internet karma.

That's just inhumane. Cats are obligate carnivores and they should be allowed to hunt suitable and plentiful small game such as this.

I can smell your brains. They smell... spicy.
posted by loquacious at 6:05 AM on August 27, 2012 [9 favorites]


Yes, my little paw cushion, remain still, behave, and after a bit of grooming and thorough washing, I shall promote you to head pillow. Remain still, I said!
posted by likeso at 6:06 AM on August 27, 2012 [6 favorites]


*sigh* Well, it is at least now properly marked as my property.
posted by likeso at 6:07 AM on August 27, 2012


Aw, that kid looked so awkward!
posted by nile_red at 6:09 AM on August 27, 2012


I think I would have killed that cat. I love cats as long as they keep their tongues and wet noses to themselves.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:12 AM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


I love cats as long as they keep their tongues and wet noses to themselves.

I like 'em regardless, although the licky little beast I visited a few weekends ago tried my patience something fierce.

I once knew a cat of savage and surly demeanor who, I swear, had an extra gland in her head for storing mucous. If you fell asleep within her territory, she would pain broad stripes of wet catness on you with her nose. It was quite remarkable. And quite disgusting.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:16 AM on August 27, 2012


That was almost profoundly underwhelming.
You ain't got shit on Maru, kid. By which I mean cat.
posted by GoingToShopping at 6:25 AM on August 27, 2012 [3 favorites]


This is a reminder of why I wish they made cat-sized Habitrails, so I could have a cat, but safely ensconced in polycarbonate tubes like a zoo animal.
posted by sonascope at 6:25 AM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


You know those, like everything else you could ever want, exist somewhere.
posted by srboisvert at 6:29 AM on August 27, 2012 [2 favorites]


Well, the kid clearly needed grooming.
posted by rtha at 6:38 AM on August 27, 2012 [8 favorites]


I am normally against declawing, but if a cat was repeatedly pawing my head I would hope that it didn't have sharp pointy things to stick in my skull. Been there, done that.
posted by desjardins at 6:43 AM on August 27, 2012


Johnson & Johnson No Tears Fancy Feast Child's Tasty Head Shampoo.
posted by Auden at 6:58 AM on August 27, 2012 [27 favorites]


That was gross. I've seen/smelled what cats like to roll in, and I can only assume that kid didn't smell as freshly showered as I like kids to be.
posted by heyho at 7:05 AM on August 27, 2012


Honey puss don't give a shit!
posted by schleppo at 7:30 AM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


Unmistakable catnip-driven behavior.
posted by Jode at 7:33 AM on August 27, 2012


Our most recently added cat will lick anything fuzzy to within an inch of its life. Kid's favorite stuffed animal / blankie? Drool magnet, the cat will nuzzle and lick. My wife's Polarfleece blanket, the one she has cuddled with in bed for over a decade? We had to ban the little monster from the room, because he repeatedly woke her up at night, even going so far as to burrow under the blankets in search of his target, leaving her with a wet, drooled-on blanket.

And our old kitty. He's quite fluffy. New cat LOOOOOOOOVES to lick him. He is tolerant... to a degree. But then it becomes an argument. And little cat, half the size of big old cat, wins a lot more than you'd expect based on size. Persistence pays off, and big fluffy cat ends up licked in more ways than one, grumpily accepting his tongue bath...

Glad neither one goes after hair. Well, aside from cat hair, anyway.
posted by caution live frogs at 7:37 AM on August 27, 2012 [2 favorites]


My childhood cat used to do this to me... she'd sleep on the pillow next to my head at night and bathe the back of my skull so fiercely that I had a semi-permanent cowlick. And then my grandma got frustrated with trying to tame the cowlick (catlick?), so I had to wear a plastic shower cap to bed every night. For a year. Until the cat got tired of the taste of my head.

Good times... good times.
posted by palomar at 7:41 AM on August 27, 2012 [10 favorites]


That's nothing, wait until your beard starts coming in and you wake up to your 20 pound cat furiously licking your face with an air of "Dear god how do you even leave the house like this you can't groom yourself to save your life."
posted by The Whelk at 7:44 AM on August 27, 2012 [17 favorites]


Cat is clearly attempting a mind-meld on that human.
posted by broadway bill at 7:49 AM on August 27, 2012


I was too young to understand the ramifications, but I trained my childhood cat (and best buddy) to sleep on my pillow, curled around my head. It was awesome in the winter, and just really pleasant, falling asleep to purring. As hegit bigger, he decided that he needed more pillow, and usually I'd wake up to find my head resting on the bed with my cat occupying the entirety of the pillow.

Sure, they're cute and fluffy. They're also scheming little bastards, just waiting for you to show one little moment of poor judgement.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:59 AM on August 27, 2012


I'm sure all cat lovers/owners eventually come to this realization but I'm going to write it here for the record: Your relationship with your cat is not complete until the cat is thoroughly convinced that she owns you. Humans are merely chattel for cats.

Also also: When I was eleven I had to get a special allergy cream for my eyes because our Seal Point Siamese overlord had decided that my face was the best bed in the house. The easier remedy would have been to stop letting her sleep on my face, but we didn't want to upset Her Majesty. Oh no, that would not do.
posted by Doleful Creature at 8:01 AM on August 27, 2012 [7 favorites]


I see lots and lots of love. Pity cats live such a short time, compared to little girls. I fear if I got a cat, I'd spend too much time creating cat videos.
posted by Goofyy at 8:12 AM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cats stay cats longer than girls stay little.
posted by maryr at 8:18 AM on August 27, 2012 [9 favorites]


We have a cat who does this exact thing. Anyone sitting in my husband's chair is subject to this treatment, clean hair or not, it doesn't matter. Only that you are there and clearly require grooming because that's what "we cats do to each other." she's a strange one...
posted by susanbeeswax at 8:21 AM on August 27, 2012


This is my cat's favorite way to wake up my boyfriend. Swatting, meowing, whatever-my boyfriend will not move. The second my cat pulls out the tongue? My boyfriend complains about being damp and will get up and do my cat's bidding.

This is also why my cat doesn't bother waking me up anymore: Boyfriend is a much easier target. Apparently the real way to stop cat harassment is just to live with someone who is much more easily harassed than you.

Also, I was going to try to avoid cats on the internet today. That was truly stupid endeavor.
posted by dinty_moore at 8:25 AM on August 27, 2012 [2 favorites]


As I watched this, one of my own cats decided to use me as a butt rest. So glad I could be useful.
posted by medeine at 8:42 AM on August 27, 2012 [5 favorites]


I wish to spread some good news! You can try this at home. This is a cat thing with human hair. Not just this cat. Perhaps most cats though my n=3 now. Kneel on the floor with your forehead to the floor. Somehow entice cat to your hair. ... You're welcome. (Seriously, they go insane and I have never been harmed.)
posted by zeek321 at 8:44 AM on August 27, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh, you guys got licked? Your skin got a little irritated? Gosh, that's mildly uncomfortable.

I'll see your distress over licking and raise you a full fledged attack of bursitis that had me practically crying and begging on AskMe for some way I could get a cortisone shot in Toronto on the weekend. The "awkward, constrained position" I slept in that caused it was the way Fergus required that I sleep: right arm curved so that he could snore and knead while cradled against my arm and hip. He made his last visit to the vet less than a month later. I miss that little bastard.
posted by maudlin at 8:56 AM on August 27, 2012 [4 favorites]


That's nothing, wait until your beard starts coming in and you wake up to your 20 pound cat furiously licking your face with an air of "Dear god how do you even leave the house like this you can't groom yourself to save your life."

Totally been there. This is a thing. Cats act around beards the same way guys hope girls (or other guys) would act if they grew one.

Close, but no cigar.
posted by Rodrigo Lamaitre at 9:00 AM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


If this were my cat, he would have then loving vomited a hairball of my own hair onto my face.
posted by pupus at 9:18 AM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


While technically accurate, the wording of this post falsely suggests that the video picks up at some point and that the absurdity rises beyond the level of being totally mundane.
posted by cmoj at 9:28 AM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


They clearly took a puke break just after 3:00.
posted by Evilspork at 10:09 AM on August 27, 2012


That is my cat's twin in all respects...
posted by dabug at 10:44 AM on August 27, 2012


Our rats used to groom houseguests, if they let them, especially if they (the people, not the rats) had been using pomade.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:46 AM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is why we have two cats, so they can do this to each other.
posted by shelleycat at 10:54 AM on August 27, 2012


Clearly the child is a couple inches too short, and needs to grow some so the cat has a truly comfortable resting place.
posted by eviemath at 11:00 AM on August 27, 2012


My cat is just like that! and she's a grey tabby too.
posted by hotelechozulu at 11:04 AM on August 27, 2012


What is it with hair? It's like catnip. Some cats ignore it, but others just go nuts.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:08 AM on August 27, 2012


NOT AVAILABLE ON MOBILEIST
posted by kbanas at 11:27 AM on August 27, 2012 [2 favorites]


I hate when cats start chewing on your hair. They're totally going for BRAAAAAIIINNNS.
posted by stormpooper at 11:47 AM on August 27, 2012


My cat used to try and lick under my lower lip when I was sleeping and he was hungry, perhaps in some misbegotten attempt to get the Mother Cat to let down milk. When this didn't work, he would geeeeeeently pry open my mouth and put his nose in it. then, as he got comfortable, he would slowly work his head farther and farther into my mouth until I awoke with a start and a sudden gasp for breath.

Nothing like starting your day with a mouth full of warm cat snot.
posted by KathrynT at 1:09 PM on August 27, 2012 [11 favorites]


Ew! Someone got children all over my cute cat video!
posted by Zed at 1:09 PM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


I used to have horrible, horrible nightmares about drowning or being smothered. Every night. It was terrible.

Until one night I woke up earlier in the nightmare and noticed my 25 lb cat was sleeping on my chest.
posted by jeather at 1:22 PM on August 27, 2012 [4 favorites]


I know someone whose cat took to chewing on her hair while she was asleep. She didn't know about it until one day she went for a haircut and the stylist said to her, "Um, this is a weird question, but have you been...cutting your own hair?" And then showed her this tiny hidden patch of hair at the back of her head that had been chewed into strange, uneven lengths.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:37 PM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


Aww, kitty loves her little human!
posted by deborah at 1:38 PM on August 27, 2012



As a pre-teen, my hair was a perma-tangle on the left due to my kitty's all night grooming on the side she snuggled with.

Pity cats live such a short time, compared to little girls.

My cat and my mate's daughter both turned six today. I cannot put into words how bittersweet that is for me... every year I'm proud to see how much his little girl has matured and, every year, I'm too aware how few shared birthdays are left. Already told my mate to bring me a kitten the moment he hears MY (not so little) girl passes.

I'm afraid I'll reject all cats if not immediately given a kitten to console me.
posted by _paegan_ at 4:48 PM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


I discovered that, even though I'm on mobile, I can watch this using TubeMate and clicking the desktop link (Android), if that helps anyone.
posted by notashroom at 4:51 PM on August 27, 2012


Kitty! I want a kitty.

Recently I've been working in an office where I process papers and I attach hundreds of 2x1.5in post-it notes to them each day, for supervisors to read. I started printing little LOLCats in the corners of some of the sticky notes. It's easy, just laser print some cat pics on a sheet of paper, then attach stickies over the printed pics (sticky side at the leading edge) and run it through the laser printer again. I don't print the whole LOLCat, just the cat. I erase the background to white, so it's just the cat printed on the corner of the post-it. Here's an example, it's low rez but it I photoshopped it carefully and changed the tonal curve so it looks perfect when printed at 600dpi about a half inch wide.

I tried a few different types of clip art that nobody understood, but the cats were a huge hit. I see supervisor's desks with rows of little LOLCat stickies lined up. They're so popular, I'm thinking of selling them, but the IP rights of LOLCats are obviously a problem. Maybe I'll just sell bootleg LOLCat stickies, do you think people would pay like $1 or $2 for a sheet of a dozen cute kitties on stickies? Sure they would.
posted by charlie don't surf at 6:03 PM on August 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


Especially if you coated those LOLCat stickies with tabs of catnip.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:42 PM on August 27, 2012


I used to have horrible, horrible nightmares about drowning or being smothered. Every night. It was terrible.

Until one night I woke up earlier in the nightmare and noticed my 25 lb cat was sleeping on my chest.


Night terrors.
posted by carping demon at 10:59 PM on August 27, 2012


HAIR FOR THE HAIR GOD.
posted by Ritchie at 1:42 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: No Tears Fancy Feast Child's Tasty Head Shampoo.*
posted by a halcyon day at 1:49 AM on August 28, 2012


Night terrors.

No, it was just the one cat, and he was really the friendliest, most loving and laziest cat I have ever known.
posted by jeather at 3:19 AM on August 28, 2012


That was gross. I've seen/smelled what cats like to roll in, and I can only assume that kid didn't smell as freshly showered as I like kids to be.
posted by heyho at 3:05 PM on August 27


"Because you smell unclean" is not why cats like to do this to humans.
posted by Decani at 3:52 AM on August 28, 2012




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