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Goats Yelling Like Humans
February 14, 2013 2:25 AM   Subscribe

Goats Yelling Like Humans. Does what it says on the tin. [SLYT]
posted by olinerd (61 comments total) 40 users marked this as a favorite

 
OK, the one at :25 has got to be bullshit. Otherwise it's just too hysterically awesome.
posted by ShutterBun at 2:32 AM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I admit I was kind of loath to make my first ever FPP a SLYT, but it was so good, and I figure Metafilter is the kind of place where a goat farmer will come in and tell us whether this is normal (or at least not unheard of) and, if so, why it happens. So come on, MetaFilter's Own (TM) Sheep and/or Goat Farmer. We're waiting for you.
posted by olinerd at 2:38 AM on February 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


Apparently... goats have a lot to say.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:46 AM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also, it says nothing on the tin, because the goats ate the labels. Sorry.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:47 AM on February 14, 2013 [15 favorites]


You want some cheese with that whine?
posted by three blind mice at 3:01 AM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


BUHH BLUH BWUUUAAAHHH
posted by Rhaomi at 3:03 AM on February 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


ITT, can we talk about the life choices that I need to start making to end up owning a goat? Also can we talk about how owning a goat is different than watching goat vids, and looking a goat jpgs?
posted by jonbro at 3:05 AM on February 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


OK, the one at :25 has got to be bullshit.

We had Anglo-Nubians. One of them (the imaginatively-monikered 'Nanny') sounded pretty close to that. Between her and the curlews, night time on acreage was pretty fuckin' freaky.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 3:13 AM on February 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


I feel like thiis the year we're going to realize animals are actually trying to communicate with us - and that they're communicating their mockery of the babbling naked apes who just don't know when to STFU.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 3:17 AM on February 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


What kind of goat yelling super-cut misses this classic?

Granted, they had one half of it, but without the translation it's worthless.
posted by orme at 3:19 AM on February 14, 2013 [10 favorites]


After all these years of parenting, the last thing I need is to go watch a video of more kids yelling at me.
posted by drlith at 3:44 AM on February 14, 2013 [17 favorites]


Jonbro, I for one think that we should. I have said half jokingly for years that I want goats, and now I am not even kidding.

Those goats externalize how I feel even better than typing in all caps does. I know, little goat, I know. Sometimes you just gotta yell. AAAAAAAH, says the goat. AAAHHHHHHHH.
posted by Made of Star Stuff at 4:20 AM on February 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


olinerd: I figure Metafilter is the kind of place where a goat farmer will come in and tell us whether this is normal (or at least not unheard of) and, if so, why it happens.

I think you meant to post this to AAAAAAASK MetaFilter.

FLAAAAAAAAGGGHed!!!!!
posted by not_on_display at 4:32 AM on February 14, 2013 [7 favorites]


They make these noises and then they stare at you with those freaky eyes and they just staaaand there.

Then they eat your phone.

I love goats.
posted by seanmpuckett at 4:49 AM on February 14, 2013 [11 favorites]


I was, for a brief time, owned by a collection of Nigerian dwarf goats and even the sketchy one at :25 sounds pretty plausible for a sound a goat would make. One of them even learned my name, BOOOAUGHOOOAUGHUOOB! BOOOAUGHOOOAUGHUOOB!, and would use it frequently when she wanted to brawl or try me for a game of tag (she would run when I chased her and chase me when I ran - I did all the alternating).
posted by Blasdelb at 4:53 AM on February 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm going on only three hours of sleep or so and can go back to bed if I want but I really can't now. I am laughing way too hard and all the sleep has been chased out of my head. Oh crap...when they guy said "What can I do for you?" to the little goat with the stubby legs! OH MAN!

How are we sure these aren't people like that Peter Pans friend who were turned in to goats and are now screaming for some sort of help?

This got dark really fast...
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 4:55 AM on February 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


The last one. No. NO.
posted by DU at 5:01 AM on February 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


Kinda puts me off cabrito.
posted by Houstonian at 5:06 AM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


owned by a collection of Nigerian dwarf goats.

What does this mean?
posted by jonbro at 5:15 AM on February 14, 2013


They're kind of like cats where they are more than smart enough to understand that you are where food comes from but are not dog like enough to appreciate it or see you as the boss.
posted by Blasdelb at 5:29 AM on February 14, 2013 [8 favorites]


We need a mandatory two day cooling off period before any Facebook meme can get FPP'd.
posted by ryanshepard at 5:54 AM on February 14, 2013


I'm amazed that there aren't more stories and fairy tales about people being turned into goats, now; that screaming-lady one is just uncanny.
posted by ook at 5:55 AM on February 14, 2013


What I have taken away from that is that goats are like cats, and I like cats, so... Looking forward to having a goat trying to get in the way of me typing.
posted by jonbro at 5:57 AM on February 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


They're kind of like cats where they are more than smart enough to understand that you are where food comes from but are not dog like enough to appreciate it or see you as the boss.

Someone once referred to them as 'wee prancy bastards' in my presence and now I can't really describe them as anything else.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 5:57 AM on February 14, 2013 [19 favorites]


The guy getting into an argument with a goat at 1:23 will probably be the highlight of my Valentine's Day and I don't mind.
posted by saturday_morning at 6:12 AM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Suddently the stories about Bacchus and satyrs make a lot more sense.

( I was in New Orleans a while back and saw a very dapper group of young adults walking thier goat through town on a rope leash. It seemed to be quite a civilized goat and I hoped it wasn't for eating.)
posted by The Whelk at 6:20 AM on February 14, 2013


Yeah, don't forget Usher vs Goat
posted by symbioid at 6:29 AM on February 14, 2013 [18 favorites]


ITT, can we talk about the life choices that I need to start making to end up owning a goat?

Convince yourself that the goat will do something practical, like keep the grass down in your yard or prevent you from ever having a garden. Or use it as an occasion to learn a new skill, like hastily improvised fence-mending.
posted by Cash4Lead at 6:29 AM on February 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


Nope

My great grandfather (a farmer) refused to slaughter goats and sheep because their cries sounded too similar to those of children.
posted by Young Kullervo at 6:43 AM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


"The guy getting into an argument with a goat at 1:23 will probably be the highlight of my Valentine's Day and I don't mind."

Man argues with spitting ibex, if you gave the goat acceptance into a university, what this guy is doing would basically be my job description when I was teaching.
posted by Blasdelb at 6:47 AM on February 14, 2013 [10 favorites]


Have the lambs stopped screaming, Clarice?
posted by Room 641-A at 6:51 AM on February 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


While it's not quite as awesome, I'm a big fan of this picture of a goat from Wikipedia. There's two things that are awesome about this goat: 1) He's adorable and tiny, but has big horns and 2) The file is titled "too_much_ramming.jpg."
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:04 AM on February 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


The one at 1:50 is clearly imitating an early-sixties Jerry Lewis movie.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:19 AM on February 14, 2013


Holy shit, Kierkegaard has been reincarnated as like 25 goats!
posted by Apropos of Something at 7:26 AM on February 14, 2013


I love goats. When I was on my uncles farm and we'd go out to feed/milk animals in the barn they'd always run up and sort of wander around and it always sounded like they were saying MAAAAAAAN MAAAAN. And then they'd usually wander into something or get lost or push you around while you're trying to milk another goat. They are also really extra cute when they're babies. I haven't heard one scream quite like the ones in the videos, but I wouldn't put it past them.
posted by nTeleKy at 7:27 AM on February 14, 2013


they'd always run up and sort of wander around and it always sounded like they were saying MAAAAAAAN MAAAAN.

When asked what was in the briefcase they were holding, the goats responded, "Uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, my, uh, my papers, business papers."
posted by Apropos of Something at 7:31 AM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


oh are we telling goat stories I have a goat story

Friend of ours BANG when you visit her you BANG have to get used to BANG the fact that BANG her goat will BANG continuously ram his head BANG against the front door BANG of her house BANG because he wants BANG to come inside BANG and see what's BANG going on BANG it's a little BANG distracting BANG
posted by ook at 7:32 AM on February 14, 2013 [17 favorites]


My father had an obsession with owning a goat. It was always sort of mysterious; dad said he wanted the goat to eat the blackberry bushes but really I think he wanted somebody other than my mother yelling at him.
posted by angrycat at 7:33 AM on February 14, 2013 [7 favorites]


This edit practically makes itself:

Dr. Lecter:"Then something woke you, didn't it? Was it a dream? What was it?"
Clarice: "It was screaming.
...
L: "And what did you see, Clarice? What did you see?
C: "Lambs... and they were screaming."
L:"They were slaughtering the spring lambs?"
C:"... and they were screaming."
...
L: "You still wake up sometimes don't you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs?"
C: "Yes."
L: "And you think if you save poor Catherine, you could make them stop, don't you? You think if Catherine lives you won't wake up in the dark ever again to that awful screaming of the lambs."
posted by dgaicun at 7:44 AM on February 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


That was much funnier than I expected.
posted by rmd1023 at 8:16 AM on February 14, 2013


Proof of Reincarnation?
posted by Vibrissae at 8:18 AM on February 14, 2013


If you spend any serious time around goats, you will learn that they have about as wide a vocal range as a dog, if not wider. There is the HOLY SHIT IT'S FEEDING TIME yell, the AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I BUTT YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU yell, the PLEASE LET ME IN HERE IT LOOKS INTERESTING yell, the THIS IS A MINOR PROBLEM FOR ME yell, the GOD JUST LET ME HAVE SEX ALREADY scream (particularly male Nubians, it's called "trumpeting" and the first time you hear it it's like, "What the everloving fuck was that, are the dinsoaurs coming back?") and then there is the yell that, in all seriousness, once pulled me out of a dead sleep four acres away because it is, very clearly, the sound of a goat in distress. And once you learn that sound, it becomes seriously uncomfortable to hear it when you can't do anything about it. Someone has their head stuck in the fence, or has hurt themselves, or there is a predator, and by God you have to go save your goats because their sweet little faces are relying on you. You and your opposable thumbs.

And after one or two times of serious human-ish distress calls, listening to goats yelling on YouTube fills you with trepidation because you never know when some ignorant fuck is going to stick a video of a truly upset goat in there and you will bolt upright in your chair as your body say COYOTES IN THE GOAT PEN COYOTES IN THE GOAT PEN GO SAVE THEM!

In all seriousness, goats are wonderful. I fully intend to have some as soon as I don't live in an apartment. They are smart, sweet, affectionate animals (if they get properly socialized to humans) and they are without a doubt the funniest creatures out there.
posted by WidgetAlley at 8:21 AM on February 14, 2013 [42 favorites]


Metafilter: Goats Yelling Like Humans
posted by mazola at 8:32 AM on February 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


Last year I went to my first wool festival, and the biggest surprise of the whole awesome and humongous affair was how much sheep and goats sound exactly like people making fun of sheep and goats. It was mind-boggling.
posted by Diagonalize at 8:51 AM on February 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


About a dozen years ago Mr. Adams and I were at some small tourist attraction someplace that had a small farm animal petting zoo. This big black goat with huge horns was near the fence and I reached over and scritched behind his ears. I started to walk away and he let out the largest basso profundo AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! Heads all over the park turned. I went back and scratched his head some more. Took two steps away and he placed his front legs in the links of the fence and halfway stood up and repeated more loudly AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I ended up standing there for about half an hour petting him, all the while my husband repeating "No, we are NOT taking him home with us...."
posted by Oriole Adams at 8:51 AM on February 14, 2013 [8 favorites]


This scratches an itch I never knew I had.
posted by punkfloyd at 8:59 AM on February 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


The third one sounds exactly like Minnie Bannister from the Goon show pretending to be a goat--and not doing a great job of it.
posted by yoink at 9:01 AM on February 14, 2013


I just read a short story the other day in which several dead presidents were reincarnated in the bodies of horses... so this is really sort of freaking me out.
posted by palomar at 9:39 AM on February 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


I think they cut off the last one before he could finish his request: "I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow, so if you could be here around... 9:00, that would be great. OK?"
posted by maudlin at 10:00 AM on February 14, 2013


Perhaps the greatest place I've ever stayed was a B&B in Glenwood Springs, Colorado that had countless cats roaming the property, one giant hairy dog, one giant hairy goat, and two BABY PYGMY GOATS. And holy hell those little goats were about the cutest things I've ever seen. I could have spent the whole day sitting in the yard feeding them grass and watching them prance and head-butt each other and do adorable little goat things.

So anyway, yes, please add me to the list for future goat ownership and let me know when you schedule the seminar...
posted by gueneverey at 10:17 AM on February 14, 2013


I was just on a trail in Chile behind a herd of goats for like an hour. Half of them sound like what you expect goats to sound like and the other half sound like a dude who just walked in on his parents doin it. It was killing me.
posted by saul wright at 10:48 AM on February 14, 2013 [12 favorites]


If I ever live in a place with a yard again, I am getting me a couple of pygmy goats. It is on my list of goals for the future. I'm not even remotely kidding, much to my husband's chagrin.
posted by sarcasticah at 2:31 PM on February 14, 2013


mountain goats yelling like humans
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 2:41 PM on February 14, 2013


Related
posted by VTX at 7:05 PM on February 14, 2013


Right this second, there's a half dozen bands in Williamsburg, Brooklyn renaming themselves "Goats Yelling Like Humans".
posted by blaneyphoto at 7:19 PM on February 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm not even remotely kidding, much to my husband's chagrin.
posted by sarcasticah


Not kidding, huh? Gonna just get fully grown tiny goats?
posted by blaneyphoto at 7:20 PM on February 14, 2013


Heh, heh, heh. Ya'll just go ahead and get you some goats. And get good fences. Real good fences. Even better fences than that. And make sure there's nothing a goat can get up on to jump those fences. Goats hate being enclosed. Goats love eating and chewing anything you value. Shrubbery, flowers, tree bark, paint off the house, windshield wipers--did I mention goats love to jump up on the finish of your nice car? Goat berries are fairly innocuous, unless there's a big pile of them on your freshly laundered, now filthy, sheets. Goats love to stand in a circle and torment the dog. And try to stomp the chickens. As mentioned above, goats with horns love to ram into things, especially metal feed troughs. ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

I like goats. Goats are good people. I have no desire to ever own a goat again.
posted by BlueHorse at 10:59 PM on February 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


This was so awesome. I cannot stop laughing. GOATS!

Goats hate being enclosed. Goats love eating and chewing anything you value. Shrubbery, flowers, tree bark, paint off the house, windshield wipers

A friend of mine who used to dog-sit once looked after a dog that lived with two goats. She said the goats were curious and friendly but ate everything. She was in the yard with them and bent over to try and take something away from one goat when the other one ran over, climbed up on her back, and started chewing on her hair.

I don't think she ever looked after the dog or goats again.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:39 PM on February 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


Some Taylor Swift song remixed with goat yelling
posted by angrycat at 12:45 PM on February 27, 2013


Humans yelling like Goats yelling like Humans
posted by DynamiteToast at 10:56 AM on March 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


Some of the humans are better at yelling like goats yelling like humans than others
posted by ook at 11:53 AM on March 7, 2013


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