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What Kind of D&D Character Would You Be?
August 13, 2013 8:23 PM   Subscribe

"This [129 question] survey will determine your ability scores, fantasy race, class, alignment, and character level describing what you would be if you were transformed into a Dungeons and Dragons character."
posted by jedicus (303 comments total) 45 users marked this as a favorite

 
I took it, and apparently I'm an INFP? Wait, what test is this?
posted by Cash4Lead at 8:37 PM on August 13, 2013 [29 favorites]


i thought this was a front for scientology, actually..
posted by gorestainedrunes at 8:38 PM on August 13, 2013 [7 favorites]


Some of this reads like a cross between the US citizenship exam and an interrogation of a suspected terrorist:

105. The nation is at war. Your community is threatened with invasion. Do you:
Help defend it to your last breath?
Defend the area with the rest of your community?
Flee as soon as things look grim?
Cut a deal with the enemy to act as a spy?

107. Do you respect the laws and authorities of the community?
Yes, without question.
Yes, they're generally the best way to govern.
When it suits me--there are some laws I just don't agree with.
I don't pay attention to the authorities; they've got no hold on me.

111. If offered enough money, would covertly assassinate the President?
Yes, I've done similar things before.
Yes, if I thought I could get away with it.
No, although a vast sum of money would tempt me.
No, and I'd warn the President of the plot.

113. Do you respect the lawful authority of the government?
Yes, I support the government wholeheartedly.
Yes, our leaders are generally fair and just.
No, a politician is no better than anyone else.
No, politicians are invariably corrupted by power.

114. If you were offered a reasonably lucrative deal, would you spy for a hostile foreign power?
Yes, because this nation could stand to be knocked down a peg.
Yes, because the nation's secrets mean little to me.
No, because I might get caught.
No, because I'd never violate the trust my nation puts in me.

posted by griphus at 8:38 PM on August 13, 2013 [21 favorites]


13 questions in, it occurred to me that now that people are wary of the online Scientology personality test, they'd get reel more people in with a long "what kind of D&D character are you" quiz.
posted by ignignokt at 8:39 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


I too loved Ultima IV.

I ended up as a lawful neutral wizard, which is probably accurate but ugh, man, boooooring. The entire point is to not play yourself.
posted by GuyZero at 8:40 PM on August 13, 2013 [10 favorites]


I got "lawful neutral human druid." which pretty much WAS my character the one time I did a tabletop game in college.

I feel a little...unimaginative about that now.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:40 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


I got Lawful Good Human Fighter...

by hitting tab-space-tab-space-tab-space... until all the questions were answered.

So I guess I'm the guy who quits halfway through making his character?
posted by ODiV at 8:44 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


Lawful Neutral Elf Monk. How dull. :|
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:44 PM on August 13, 2013


That's a lot of god damned questions. I'm the D&D character who says "fuck that, you go adventuring without me."
posted by goatdog at 8:45 PM on August 13, 2013 [10 favorites]


Lawful Neutral Human Wizard, with Lawful Good just a few points behind.

I guess the smugness I feel right now justifies the Neutral part.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:46 PM on August 13, 2013


By question 36, I was already thinking "goddamnit, I'm going to get bard. Nobody ever wants to play a bard."
posted by GoingToShopping at 8:46 PM on August 13, 2013 [19 favorites]


True Neutral Elf Wizard.

Which is somewhat surprising, considering I'm a chaotic-good half-elven ranger in real life.
posted by Celsius1414 at 8:48 PM on August 13, 2013 [21 favorites]


Mine nailed me so precisely I wonder if they know me (Chaotic Neutral Human Rogue), but my stats suck:

Ability Scores:
Strength- 15
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 14

I knew I got shitty rolls.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:49 PM on August 13, 2013


How good are you at a thing?

A) Completely terrible at thing, way worse than everyone
B) About average
C) Way better than anyone that I know at thing!
D) Among the best who have ever lived at thing!

*sighs, chooses B*
posted by Kwine at 8:49 PM on August 13, 2013 [72 favorites]


In my last game (which wasn't technically D&D) I was a gluttonous frog-librarian with a penchant for alchemy, theft, and defiling local deities.
posted by Doleful Creature at 8:52 PM on August 13, 2013 [10 favorites]


I got neutral good ranger something something. I usually end up as chaotic good on these things, so maybe I've settled down some.

This was a very frustrating test, because a lot of the options either don't apply to anything i believe, or aren't mutually exclusive.

For example, I have excellent hand-eye coordination, but:

18. When it comes to hand-eye coordination...

I'm horrible at video games.
I could be an Olympic marksman.
I'm about average.
I can juggle well.


I don't really do any of those things.

Or this:

66. I would rather spend two hours...

...alone in the wilderness.
...alone working with my hands.


I mean, I would rather spend two hours alone in the wilderness working with my hands, really, if that's cool with you oh wait i don't care.

Or this:

72. I would rather watch...

...a nature documentary.
...a scientific documentary.



You know usually those are the same thing.


It's like the question about whether justice or mercy is more important, when ideally, justice IS merciful.

But I guess being a ranger is pretty cool, as lomg as you get a bitchin' sword and a cool leather outfit with some nice greaves.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:53 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


but my stats suck:

What edition are you playing where those are crappy stats, Ghostride?
posted by 23 at 8:53 PM on August 13, 2013 [8 favorites]


By question 36, I was already thinking "goddamnit, I'm going to get bard. Nobody ever wants to play a bard."

I spent between 2 and 3 years playing a 3.5 bard (with two levels in fighter.) A bard PC can almost be replaced by some sort of item that lets you cast a Good Hope twice a day. I am DMing currently and the players are definitely getting a bard-in-a-box in the next few sessions. Not just because I find it funny but also to discourage anyone from not listening to me and rolling up a bard after their nearly inevitable demise.
posted by griphus at 8:54 PM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


Neutral Good Halfling Wizard (5th Level).

Okay then.
posted by ceribus peribus at 8:55 PM on August 13, 2013


I tested, "Broke-ass Fabulous Amazon Queen," and there's purple smoke and glitter coming out of my keyboard. I think I did something horribly right.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:56 PM on August 13, 2013 [15 favorites]


Neutral Good Human Bard (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength - 14
Dexterity - 14
Constitution - 14
Intelligence - 15
Wisdom - 15
Charisma - 13

I can live with that.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 8:57 PM on August 13, 2013


CN Human Bard/Wizard. My harp is named Dweomertwang and my specialty is crossing rooms with checkerboard floors.
posted by bleep-blop at 8:57 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


So, apparently, if I got me the first time out, I'd reroll:

True Neutral Human Wizard (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 13
posted by R. Schlock at 8:57 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ugh, I got a human. Bor-ring. Who wants to be human?
posted by smoke at 9:02 PM on August 13, 2013


Sidewinder Fireballs online!

Neutral Good Human Wizard (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 15
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 15
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 12
posted by bswinburn at 9:02 PM on August 13, 2013


True human neutral fighter.

I guess that's as vanilla as it gets. Whatever.
posted by codswallop at 9:03 PM on August 13, 2013


...my specialty is crossing rooms with checkerboard floors.

Something I recently learned: not hordes of monsters or grand conspiracies or even a fucking dragon will make players as hesitant and paranoid as a room with a checkered floor. One simple interior design feature and everyone suddenly turns into Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets.
posted by griphus at 9:03 PM on August 13, 2013 [24 favorites]


45. Animals...

...deserve our respect.
...are delicious.
Yes. Wait, what is the question?
posted by restless_nomad at 9:04 PM on August 13, 2013 [16 favorites]


Lawful Neutral Halfling Cleric (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 11

Time to start raising the dead!
posted by Cash4Lead at 9:05 PM on August 13, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Human Sorcerer (7th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 14
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 13

This is probably like trusting a dog's judgment whether you're OK or not, but it pleased me anyway.
posted by jet_silver at 9:06 PM on August 13, 2013


So, apparently, if I got me the first time out, I'd reroll:

True Neutral Human Wizard (6th Level)


Yeah, "Wizard" doesn't fit at all with all those long "u" sounds. "True Neutral Human Druid," now, that's got some zing to it. That's something you could use as a choir warmup or a sobriety test.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:07 PM on August 13, 2013 [6 favorites]


Ahhh, true neutral. The alignment of self-serving realists everywhere.
posted by annekate at 9:13 PM on August 13, 2013 [7 favorites]


True Neutral Human Druid (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 15
Dexterity- 10
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 14

There's something deeply appropriate about that. Of course a moderator has to be true neutral.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:13 PM on August 13, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's been a long time since I played, and we didn't have the difference between Sorceror and Wizard back then, but otherwise I got pretty much exactly what I expect. (Now I have to look up the difference.)
posted by immlass at 9:14 PM on August 13, 2013


Lawful Good Human Sorcerer (5th level)

Strength- 16
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 16
Intelligence- 20
Wisdom- 17
Charisma- 17

Savin' lives, slingin' fireballs. Oh yeah.
posted by Punkey at 9:16 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


we didn't have the difference between Sorceror and Wizard back then

MAGIC-USER 4 LYFE!!!
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:16 PM on August 13, 2013 [6 favorites]


Next in the series: What kind of Ioun Stone would you be?

While we're discussing Things D&D I want to mention how disconsolate I am that the Incursion guy has officially stuck a fork in it.
posted by XMLicious at 9:16 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Neutral Good Human Wizard/Sorceror (3rd/3rd Level)
posted by bashos_frog at 9:18 PM on August 13, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Gnome Sorcerer (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 8
Dexterity- 9
Constitution- 8
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 12

If anyone wants me, I'll be standing on the front lawn making random cars' tires blow out.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:18 PM on August 13, 2013 [21 favorites]


True Neutral Human Wizard (5th Level), and my reaction was to nod and think, roughly, "Yes, that is unflattering but fair."

... aaaaand I suppose that reaction reflects the accuracy of the result.
posted by Elsa at 9:21 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


This really needs to be using the HTML label tag properly :/
posted by jzed at 9:27 PM on August 13, 2013


Lawful neutral 3rd level wizard. 3rd level? Shoot, I can't even cast second level spells.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 9:27 PM on August 13, 2013


66. I would rather spend two hours...

Doing almost anything other than this quiz.
posted by empath at 9:30 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm assuming the level is related to your age bracket. So no worries, you'll level up.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:31 PM on August 13, 2013


Uncanny.

True Neutral Human Sorcerer/Rogue Level 3/2.

The level is almost right. In real life I am a Software Engineer Level 4 (really, it says so on my paycheck), going for 5.

I like to think I am "philosophically committed to neutrality", but mostly I am "not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way", but I do like good better than evil.

I am one of the least educated but better performing engineers at work, and the following fits like a glove if you substitute code for magic and people with post-docs for wizards: Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time.

Bu the part that better describes my professional life: "while not capable of casting spells on their own, a rogue can sometimes 'fake it' well enough to cast spells from scrolls, activate wands, and use just about any other magic item."
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 9:31 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


111? Nice try NSA.

I think my class is "Brave Sir Robin"
...........

Neutral Good Human Wizard (4th Level)


Ability Scores:
Strength- 9
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 9
posted by symbioid at 9:36 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


'scuse me, I think I need to go put on my robe and wizard hat, now.
posted by symbioid at 9:36 PM on August 13, 2013


Lawful Good Human Wizard 8th Level. I based all my answers on a few years ago when I was in decent health - if I used my present condition, they'd just call me finished before I started.

Haven't played D&D in 30 years, but I wouldn't mind casting a few spells ....
posted by aryma at 9:43 PM on August 13, 2013


I'm assuming the level is related to your age bracket. So no worries, you'll level up.

According to the FAQ, level is based on age and reported life experience. So yes, you won't, um, level down.
posted by Elsa at 9:44 PM on August 13, 2013


Neutral Good Elf Wizard. I don't want to be an elf. I never play elf, dammit. :(
posted by Akhu at 9:44 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Dual class 8th level ranger, 12th level thief.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:50 PM on August 13, 2013


I'm not saying some people in this thread are grossly overestimating their own abilities...

I'm saying the DM needs to rebalance this campaign.
posted by R. Schlock at 9:53 PM on August 13, 2013 [13 favorites]


Chaotic Evil Half-Elf Sorcerer.

That... that doesn't make me sound real pleasant.
posted by ZaphodB at 9:53 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Gosh, everyone here is neutral, huh?
True Neutral Human Ranger (3rd Level)


Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 12
Amusingly everything matches the description of my current character in Skyrim.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 9:54 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Woo!

I am a chaotic neutral elf wizard of the fifth level!

STR - 13
DEX - 9
CON - 13
INT - 17
WIS - 14
CHA - 15

But I feel that no one with a legit 17 INT would have wasted the time to complete the whole quiz in the first place. Also I answered with 'I am the ugliest person I know' and still got a 15 in charisma? That seems completely wrong.
posted by winna at 9:56 PM on August 13, 2013


Wow. This couldn't have gone better if I rolled 4d6 for stats. Chaotic Good elf fighter/sorcerer? Yes please!
posted by Catchfire at 9:56 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've always thought of Mefites in general as mostly Something Neutral...
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:56 PM on August 13, 2013 [5 favorites]


I don't want to be Elfstar anymore. I want to be Debbie!
posted by asperity at 9:57 PM on August 13, 2013 [9 favorites]


Lawful Neutral Human Ranger (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 12
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 10
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:58 PM on August 13, 2013


Lawful Good Halfling Monk

Back in the day my favorite D&D character was a neutral good halfling thief, so ehh, I'm older now?

I'll be over at the supermarket, returning stray shopping carts to the corral, smiling beatifically.
posted by notyou at 10:06 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Lawful Good Elf Monk/Cleric (1st level)

Strength: 8
Dexterity: 9
Constitution: 12
Intelligence: 16
Wisdom: 12
Charisma: 13

I wasn't expecting "lawful good" in the slightest, but twelve-year-old me is totally delighted at "elf cleric".
posted by jeudi at 10:08 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


CN Human Bard.

Ick. I can't even sing.
posted by Night_owl at 10:08 PM on August 13, 2013


Neutral Good Elf Wizard (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 15
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 12
posted by homunculus at 10:10 PM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


Lawful Good Elf Wizard (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 9
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 11
Charisma- 16

The lawful-good makes sense for a global warming activist. The wizard is from all the coding -- that modern metaphor for magic. They had me pened as an elf when they asked me whether I code in Racket.
posted by gmarceau at 10:15 PM on August 13, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Human Ranger (5th Level)


Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 12
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 14


I don't know what these things mean
posted by elizardbits at 10:16 PM on August 13, 2013


They mean moderately above average, across the board.

I'd share mine, but I'm too stupid to cut and past on mobile. And me and the universe accept that.
posted by notyou at 10:20 PM on August 13, 2013


I don't know what these things mean

Looks like you have an animal companion and two favored enemies. I guess that's a dinosaur pet and bonuses against trolls and bots?
posted by 23 at 10:22 PM on August 13, 2013


Lawful Good Human Sorcerer (5th Level)



Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 15
posted by klangklangston at 10:22 PM on August 13, 2013


Chaotic Good Human Cleric, I knew those years in theology school would mean something.
posted by PinkMoose at 10:24 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 8
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 10
Charisma- 12

also terrible scores.
posted by PinkMoose at 10:26 PM on August 13, 2013


I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Human Fighter (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-12
Dexterity-10
Constitution-12
Intelligence-13
Wisdom-13
Charisma-13

Why a fighter? I'm not a fighter.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 10:28 PM on August 13, 2013


Is it because I picked answers like "it is better to be tough" even though that doesn't describe me at all?
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 10:36 PM on August 13, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Human Lover wasn't an option, sorry.
posted by RobotHero at 10:37 PM on August 13, 2013 [5 favorites]


Chaotic Neutral Human Wizard/Sorcerer Level 2/2 is oddly appropriate. Except for the human part.
posted by Weighted Companion Cube at 10:42 PM on August 13, 2013


It says I'm a 5th level true neutral human rogue.

Given that the characters I stuck with in Skyrim were (a) a thief who wanted to be a dragon and (b) an assassin who pretty much avoided killing anyone she wasn't paid to kill, and that lately I've been dabbling with lockpicking, yeah, pretty much.

Mostly I just draw stuff though. I guess I'm one of those thieves who always leaves a cute little calling card after stealing the giant gem or whatever. Except in my case it's probably a cartoon drawing of a hairy dick.
posted by egypturnash at 10:42 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Chaotic Good Human Cleric? With only an average wisdom score? I guess that's the "chaotic" part.
posted by Iridic at 10:45 PM on August 13, 2013


Lawful Good Human Cleric (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 8
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 11

Really? Because there was enough overlap between 'doing the right things' and 'doing the legal thing'?
posted by geek anachronism at 10:49 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Lawful Neutral Half-Elf Wizard (4th Level)



Ability Scores:
Strength- 14
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 15
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 14

ZaphodB - let's tussle.
posted by montag2k at 10:49 PM on August 13, 2013


Neutral Good Human Wizard (6th Level)

So... computer programmer.
posted by Artw at 10:50 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


True Neutral Human Sorcerer (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 16
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 13

Seems about right...
posted by chasing at 10:53 PM on August 13, 2013


I am bemused.

True neutral human druid/sorcerer, level 3/3 (so 6 overall, assuming multiclass), with the following stats:

STR 11
DEX 11
CON 11
INT 16
WIS 13
CHA 15

I am obviously better at being a sorcerer than a druid, though possibly should have been a wizard, just didn't have the nerdiness? I note that the FAQ has the question "Looking at my overall results, it looks like I'm a completely ineffective character. What is your response?" His response is:
Well, I have two responses. One is that all aspects are decided completely independently of one another (except that class choices are limited by your alignment). Since everything is independently determined, it is almost certain that you will not come out as the most effective character possible.

Also, we can assume that not every player character would be completely maximized in a fantasy world. We are seldom maximized in this world. We all know people who would be better suited in another line of work or people whose strengths are not put to good use. Perhaps an unintelligent person was forced to take up wizardry by his father, or a weak person became a mercenary fighter out of necessity.
The other thing I want to know is if I get both an animal companion AND a familiar. Because then I could get two owls, or a wolf and a cat that would snark at each other, or something. Maybe a dire rat and a viper! A riding dog and a hawk! Oh, the combinations!
posted by Athanassiel at 10:56 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


True Neutral Elf Bard (3rd Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 10


I always thought I was neutral.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:58 PM on August 13, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Elf Wizard/Sorcerer (2nd/1st Level)

Strength- 13
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 12

Wizard/Sorcerer dual-class sounds not terribly useful. Druid/Sorcerer sounds cooler.

Stats are kind of a wash, nothing bad but nothing good either.

Also, looking at the numbers at the bottom, I actually tied Elf/Half-Elf, but that's not exactly a reasonable mix.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 11:26 PM on August 13, 2013


Neutral Good Human Bard (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 14
Dexterity- 15
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 17
Charisma- 18
posted by keli at 11:28 PM on August 13, 2013


True Neutral Elf Wizard/Sorcerer (3rd/3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 8
Dexterity- 9
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 19
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 12

Um, if anybody needs me, I'll be over here in the library. Because seriously, you expect someone of my intellect to go cave crawling and hobo murdering? I do know a solution to optimum gold location, assuming a cave of n rooms and x dragons where x << n, so feel free to read my manuscript on that, it might provide a good theoretical basis for oh god i'm boring myself now.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 11:31 PM on August 13, 2013 [13 favorites]


Lawful Good Human Monk (5th Level).

Ability Scores:
Strength- 15
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 17
Charisma- 13

"Though they don't cast spells, monks channel a subtle energy, called ki. This energy allows them to perform amazing feats, such as healing themselves, catching arrows in flight . . . "

Why yes, I do practice qi gong. But Mythbusters proved that mere humans can't catch arrows in flight. Maybe if I practice harder...
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 11:34 PM on August 13, 2013


Something I recently learned: not hordes of monsters or grand conspiracies or even a fucking dragon will make players as hesitant and paranoid as a room with a checkered floor.

Yes this is where I make my string money. Beyond that, I'm pretty much staying in the middle of the marching order, and no, I'm not going to hold a lantern.
posted by bleep-blop at 11:36 PM on August 13, 2013


Neutral Good Elf Cleric (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 10
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 10


My name is Maaaarrrrr.
posted by spinifex23 at 11:45 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Life is good, I guess. Four MeFi True Neutral Human Druids thus far and my level is higher than the other three.
posted by christopherious at 11:49 PM on August 13, 2013


True Neutral Human Wizard/Sorcerer (3rd/3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 10
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 11
Charisma- 14

Damn multiclassing means I've got crappy levels compared to everyone else.
posted by bpm140 at 11:54 PM on August 13, 2013


Neutral Good Elf Rogue (4th Level)

Strength: 11
Dexterity: 11
Constitution: 11
Intelligence: 17
Wisdom:9
Charisma: 13

Sounds like a reasonable mdi-level bureaucrat NPC....which I largely am. Surprised that I'm not a neutral halfling though. Not much elven about me.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 11:55 PM on August 13, 2013


"Chaotic Neutral Human Ranger/Rogue (2nd/2nd Level)"

What does a ranger-rogue do, pickpocket deers?
posted by Skybly at 12:03 AM on August 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


Lawful good human paladin/monk

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 14

I think I might have d&d privelege.
posted by eyeofthetiger at 12:03 AM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


Lawful Neutral Elf Wizard (5th level
Str: 11
Dex: 12
Con: 12
Int: 17
Wis: 15
Cha: 13

Stats are pretty good, Lawful beat out Neutral handily while Good and Lawful were neck and neck, elf only beat human by one point.

Oh and the guy who was complaining about his rolls was a rogue with dexterity as his lowest stat. Oddly enough, while I can remember that a dex of 11 is bad for a rogue, I can't rememberr why it's bad for a rogue. Probably depends on which edition you are playing.
posted by Meeks Ormand at 12:04 AM on August 14, 2013


Lawful Good Human Wizard (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 14

I was disappointed not to get Half-Elven Fighter/Magic-User.
posted by ob1quixote at 12:11 AM on August 14, 2013


Chaotic neutral human sorcerer. I've been called worse.
posted by Decani at 12:12 AM on August 14, 2013


Four MeFi True Neutral Human Druids thus far

There is no Hierophant of the Cabal.
posted by homunculus at 12:15 AM on August 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


Neutral Good Human Wizard/Sorcerer (3rd/3rd Level)
INT: 18
CHA: 15

Not bad really... though the dual classing Wizard Sorcerer is odd it probably does kinda fit me. I'd have probably done level 4/2 though :)
posted by cirhosis at 12:16 AM on August 14, 2013


The quiz:

76. I would rather spend two hours...
...at the gym.
...at church.


I read:

76. When deciding on a circle of hell to occupy, you choose...
...the one where red-hot pokers are stuffed up your cornhole.
...the one where shit runs out of your mouth constantly.

There were several questions like that.

I'm a weak human 6th-level bard, I guess. Having never played, I'm also guessing that doesn't excite anyone at the gaming table much.
posted by maxwelton at 12:19 AM on August 14, 2013


Four MeFi True Neutral Human Druids thus far and my level is higher than the other three.

*blasts you with fireball*
Hm, multiclassing has its advantages!
posted by Athanassiel at 12:21 AM on August 14, 2013


Neutral Good Human Wizard, 4th Level.
Str - 10
Dex - 10
Con - 12
Int - 18
Wis - 14
Cha - 12

...Yeah, that frankly feels about right, although until I saw others' responses in this thread, I thought they must be using some "distribute 18/14/12/12/10/10" sort of system for the ability scores. Heh.
posted by wanderingmind at 12:29 AM on August 14, 2013


Lawful Good Human Wizard (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 10
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 10
Charisma- 9

hmm, this is also what I used to play in Baldur's Gate...
posted by Pendragon at 12:45 AM on August 14, 2013


True Neutral Human Rogue (4th Level)



Ability Scores:
Strength- 14
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 13

I can live with that. I am so, so not surprised by True Neutral.
posted by dogheart at 1:00 AM on August 14, 2013


111. If offered enough money, would covertly assassinate the President?

wat
posted by JHarris at 1:08 AM on August 14, 2013


Neutral Good Human Wizard/Sorcerer (4th/3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 8
Dexterity- 10
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 11

Meh. But then again, I AM kinda meh.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 1:17 AM on August 14, 2013


True Neutral Human Rogue (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 14

well, according to the description, I'm pretty damn unpredictable!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:35 AM on August 14, 2013


Lawful Good Human Ranger (6th level)

Strength- 13
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 18
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 13

Rescued companion cats I nicknamed "lion" and "ninja panther". Yep. Ranger works.

"Lawful Good" capable of questioning laws, eh:
Law & Chaos: Law - 10, Neutral - 8, Chaos - 8
Good & Evil: Good - 14, Neutral - 13, Evil - 0 (heh)
posted by fraula at 1:47 AM on August 14, 2013


Chaotic Good Human Ranger (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 17
Dexterity- 15
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 14

My second-most likely race/class combo was Barbarian and Half-Orc, which is kinda rad.
posted by Greg Nog at 1:48 AM on August 14, 2013


Also I answered with 'I am the ugliest person I know' and still got a 15 in charisma? That seems completely wrong.

otoh I only got a 14 and I'm handsome as helllll
posted by Greg Nog at 1:53 AM on August 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


Neutral Good Human Druid (4th Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength- 15
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 14

No one who knows me would put charisma as my second highest stat.
posted by Shutter at 1:55 AM on August 14, 2013


True Neutral Human Sorcerer (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 10
Charisma- 14

I'm not sure I agree with 14 Charisma - but low Wisdom is probably right, ha.
posted by Xany at 1:59 AM on August 14, 2013


Lawful good Elf monk/wizard.

The chaos/law filter seems off-kilter.
posted by ariel_caliban at 3:08 AM on August 14, 2013


So these sort of things amuse me because they remind me of attempts to stat oneself. If you read the descriptions associated with the higher level statistics in D&D essentially no-one you know will ever have a stat higher than 16, and thats pushing it. D&D nerds being what they are, they will tend to proudly own their lack of strength and then assign themselves ludicrous intelligence.

The randomness can add an amusing factor to stat rolling, if you go raw. I do wonder what a strength 18 constitution 3 individual would even look like...
posted by Cannon Fodder at 3:12 AM on August 14, 2013


True Neutral Elf Wizard (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 11
I'm not sure being able to juggle should give me a dexterity that high, and also who wants a wizard with 14 INT? Ugh.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 3:19 AM on August 14, 2013


Ability Scores:
Strength- 17
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 16
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 18
Lawful good ranger level 7

The charisma must be exaggerated.
Or perhaps that's my false modesty speaking.
posted by qinn at 3:19 AM on August 14, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Human Bard (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 10
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 11
Charisma- 13

Boring. However, I got -8 on Cleric, -23 on Monk and -27 on Paladin. Not much religion in me, I guess.
posted by brokkr at 3:41 AM on August 14, 2013


The chaos/law filter seems off-kilter.

The alignments basically don't make sense, or something like 90% of people should be true neutral. Glenn Greenwald is Chaotic Good. I think you need to be that extreme in advocating for your beliefs for it to actually register, living in the jungle with ten rescue dogs (This makes Glenn Greenwald a Chaotic Good Ranger/Bard, I think).

More generously, in order to be a murder burglar grave robber adventurer, you probably need to be extreme in temperment, so most of those true neutral people are townies.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 3:57 AM on August 14, 2013


I do wonder what a strength 18 constitution 3 individual would even look like...

Mustachioed Italian plumber in overalls.
posted by griphus at 4:02 AM on August 14, 2013 [11 favorites]


I definitely have aged - the last time I did this stuff, it was all Chaotic, all the time.

Neutral Good Human Wizard/Sorcerer (3rd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 16
posted by corb at 4:32 AM on August 14, 2013


Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer/Rogue. Second place was Chaotic Neutral Half-Elf Sorcerer/Rogue. At least I'm not a Lawful Good Paladin.
posted by Gotanda at 4:36 AM on August 14, 2013


I believe I got True Neutral Elf Sorcerer,

I am not that.
I am the DM.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:37 AM on August 14, 2013


129 questions does nothing to pique what little interest I already had in D&D. Quite the opposite, actually.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:37 AM on August 14, 2013


This doesn't feel at all like making an actual D&D character.

It does remind me of Palladium Games, or maybe GURPS.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 4:50 AM on August 14, 2013


Er, I think there was a mistake. The rankings said I should be a 3rd level LN Human Sorcerer, but then I got this pop-up:

Congratulations! You are a 4th Level Neutral Good Dwarven Druid. Please stand by for Accommodation. While your body accommodates to its new role, please seek out the nearest portal to The Land. Portals are available at most amusement parks. Look for roller coasters or fun houses with dragons near the entrances. If you are not near an amusement park, seek out a large rock and a Dungeon Master will walk around it to assist you.

Further information about the new you:
Str 14, Dex 12, Con 17, Int 13, Wis 15, Cha 13
Subrace: Hill Dwarf
Druidic Order: Circle of the Badger
Backgrounds: Nobility, Druidic Initiate.
Brief Background: In order to avoid an arranged marriage to the cruel SubPrince Arklar of the Njarstark Mountainhome, you opted to renounce your noble station and join the Circle of the Badger. You are estranged from your father because of this and may no longer call upon your noble privileges, though your mother may aid you in times of dire need.
Feats: Improved Nature's Calling, Toughness
Animal Companion: Thistlepaw (dire mink)

Anyone else get this? I'm tripping over my pant legs and the nearest roller coaster is miles away.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:06 AM on August 14, 2013 [10 favorites]


Neutral Good Human Sorcerer (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 15

I had a hard time trying to answer a lot of the questions, for reasons noted by others previously. But it isn't worth taking again to see if I would get different results, basically.
posted by Michele in California at 5:08 AM on August 14, 2013


At least I'm not a Lawful Good Paladin.

Hey, I got that. And that's OK. I forgive you Gotanda. Would you like to read a pamphlet about anger?
posted by eyeofthetiger at 5:09 AM on August 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


True Neutral Gnome Fighter (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 10
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 11
Charisma- 10

A fighter with mediocre strength. That's actually pretty accurate.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:23 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


D&D me is so boring, I guess this thing really works:

True Neutral Human Wizard/Sorcerer (3rd/3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 10
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 11

I tell you what, though, with those stats nobody's really looking to have me in their party. Can I have a Mulligan on one of those?
posted by wintermind at 5:25 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Lawful Neutral Human Ranger

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 15
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 12

I got no beef with this. Very fun! Yeah, a lot of my answers were somewhat arbitrary, but I appreciate the effort they put into the quiz.
posted by Miko at 5:56 AM on August 14, 2013


Truly Neutral,
You're truly, truly neutral.
Neutral as a as a merchant in a shop!
When you're near us,
It's so delicious.
Honest Truly, you will follow your own wishes.
Truly Neutral,
While the benefit's mutual,
Never, never, never, ever stop!
Chaotics are unruly
And Lawfuls aren't truly
Neutral - Truly, you are!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:56 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I got chaotic good human ranger, which is decently accurate, although I probably can't bring this bow and arrow to work with me
posted by invitapriore at 5:57 AM on August 14, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Human Bard/Wizard (3rd/3rd Level)

Strength-12
Dexterity-11
Constitution-13
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-12
Charisma-11

I mentioned this result to Mrs. Example, who said "Pfft. As if you could have been anything else".
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:01 AM on August 14, 2013


For added fun name your character with the wutang clan name generator.

Name: Crazy Wanderer
Class: Chaotic Neutral Human Ranger
posted by tarpin at 6:02 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]



I'm a lawful neutral human ranger.


So basically I learned that when I roleplay I'm not really role playing. My favorite character to play in any type of fantasy game is a human ranger with some variation of lawful to neutral good.
posted by Jalliah at 6:04 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I actually used another Wu-Tang name generator a while back. It came up with "Jive-Talkin' Choirboy".

It was depressingly accurate.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:05 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm just saying that If I don't come out of this a ranger, someone is getting an arrow to the knee.
posted by The Whelk at 6:36 AM on August 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


Yeah, me too, Jalliah. I generally like making characters more warlike and badass than I am in real life - I like Paladins/fighters when in real life I am not that - but other than that, I like playing characters similar to me.
posted by Miko at 6:45 AM on August 14, 2013


Lawful Good Elf Wizard/Sorcerer (2nd/2nd Level)

Strength- 10
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 14
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 6:50 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Chaotic neutral gnome wizard. I think that means I need psychiatric care.
posted by absalom at 6:53 AM on August 14, 2013


Neutral Good Human Ranger (6th Level)


Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 15
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 14

Weird, my score for Chaotic Good was the same as Neutral Good, and pretty much that's my standard character, Chaotic Good Ranger (though I usually went with the half-elf). Creepy.

And my Wu-name is Quiet Ambassador.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:54 AM on August 14, 2013


Neutral Good Half-Elf Wizard (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 10
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 19
Wisdom- 18
Charisma- 17

I've never played D&D, so I'm not exactly sure exactly what these scores mean. However, after looking at the other scores, it's possible that they reflect the fact I was Homecoming Queen at my engineering school.

Questions I'm having a hard time answering based on Googling:
- What is the range of ability scores?
- What makes a good or bad score?
- What do the levels mean?
posted by Alison at 6:55 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Neutral Good Halfling Wizard/Fighter.

huh. I've always always had thieves, so I don't really know what to do with that information. Reevaluating my whole adolescence now.
posted by gaspode at 7:01 AM on August 14, 2013


Alison,

Ability scores range from 3 to 18, normally. 10.5 is dead average. When you make a character, you roll three six-sided dice (3d6) and add the scores together. The standard deviation of a number generated in this manner is about 3, so 64% of scores will be between 7.5 and 13.5, and 95% will be between 4.5 and 16.5.

To make hero characters with exceptional stats, sometimes people roll two dice and add 6, or roll four dice and throw away the low number. Each class (wizard, fighter, ranger, etc) has one or more abilities which are very important (so wizards should be intelligent, fighters should be strong, etc). A 15-16 is a good score, a 17-18 is exceptional.

When your character does adventurer stuff (kills monsters, finds treasure, etc) they gain experience points, which eventually cause them to gain levels. The higher the level of a character, the better they are at their class (wizards can cast more powerful spells more often, fighters are better at hitting stuff with a weapon, a thief is better at stealing stuff).
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:04 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Thanks, Elementary Penguin! I looked up ability score methods, but I was confused by the occasional 19 and 20 popping up in people's results. Is that a bug, or a sign that things are "turned up to 11"?
posted by Alison at 7:17 AM on August 14, 2013


There are items you can find that permanently raise stats, and every few experience levels, you are allowed to raise one stat by one point.

I feel like maybe I wasted my life?
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:19 AM on August 14, 2013 [6 favorites]



Neutral Good Human Druid/Ranger (3rd/2nd Level)


Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 17
Constitution- 17
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 15

This is so eerily close to the character I played in all the Baldur's Gate games that I'm seriously looking into that Archery range in Queens......
posted by The Whelk at 7:19 AM on August 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


If you're rolling ability scores the traditional way (the sum of three six-sided dice) you're not supposed to have anything higher than 18. However, certain races give you ability bonuses, and every three levels you can raise a stat by a point.
posted by griphus at 7:19 AM on August 14, 2013


jinx, Elementary Penguin, we wasted our lives
posted by griphus at 7:20 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Chaotic Good Human Ranger/Sorcerer (3rd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 15
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 14

It's ... possible I've overstated the amount of physical activity I'm getting, but the alignment / class stuff feels pretty much right.
posted by gauche at 7:21 AM on August 14, 2013


This is so eerily close to the character I played in all the Baldur's Gate games that I'm seriously looking into that Archery range in Queens......

What sort of druid lives in NYC?
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:24 AM on August 14, 2013


Hrm. Chaotic Good Human Ranger (5th level).

str 12 dex 14 con 14 int 15 wis 13 cha 14.

I always used to play Chaotic Neutral Elf Thief.
Guess I'm getting older and wiser. ;-/
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 7:24 AM on August 14, 2013


Whoops, it's every four levels you can up the ability score.
posted by griphus at 7:25 AM on August 14, 2013


Apparently you didn't waste enough of your life! But there's still time, griphus!
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:25 AM on August 14, 2013


it's every four levels you can up the ability score

When did this start?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:29 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


But there's still time, griphus!

Indeed there is. I might be skipping a birthday on Saturday to plan for the D&D session on Sunday. The birthday party will be attended by the adventuring party for whom I am planning the session. In fact, it is the Favored Soul (FS:Cleric::Sorcerer:Wizard) whose birthday it is.

When did this start?

3 or 3.5. I'm having trouble tracking down anything except a passing mention in the SRD, though.
posted by griphus at 7:34 AM on August 14, 2013


111. If offered enough money, would covertly assassinate the President?

wat


There's supposed to be a "you" between "would" and "covertly".
posted by Greg Nog at 7:34 AM on August 14, 2013



What sort of druid lives in NYC?


Oh, I see, urban nature isn't nature then? Oh sure everyone wants to frolic with white wereelks in the middle of nowhere but try to manage the Ley lines for a major park so people don't "accidentally" channel the engery into an ungodly summoning vessel and yer the " werid" Druid.
posted by The Whelk at 7:37 AM on August 14, 2013 [11 favorites]


Chaotic Neutral Human Sorcerer (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 13

Ugh. If only I could re-roll...too late now, already level 5. Guess I better just play this one through.
posted by jet_manifesto at 7:39 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Despite my result here I never really went for the rustic character classes. Chaotic Neutral Half-Elf Mage was always my workhorse.
posted by invitapriore at 7:41 AM on August 14, 2013


Questions are a burden to others;
Answers a prison for oneself.
 
posted by Herodios at 7:42 AM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


Neutral Good Human Wizard (though according to the stats I scored equally as half elf).

I've been playing a chaotic neutral human rogue, so it's kind of cool to have a new character.
posted by Gelatin at 7:49 AM on August 14, 2013


...according to the stats page, they get a lot of neutral good human wizards.
posted by Gelatin at 7:51 AM on August 14, 2013


Metafilter, mostly good to neutral humans who like to run around in the woods, casting spells.
posted by The Whelk at 7:54 AM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


True Neutral Human Bard/Sorcerer (3rd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 10
Dexterity- 9
Constitution- 10
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 15

This character is completely useless.
posted by griphus at 7:55 AM on August 14, 2013


Not true! He would be very useful for sending into dungeon rooms first, to see what happens.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:57 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yes, most adventurers are comforted by having a party member they can easily out run.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:58 AM on August 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


Griphus, that's a character who knows well enough to stick to busking and the occasional inn gig and stay out of dungeons all together.
posted by The Whelk at 7:58 AM on August 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


Metafilter, mostly good to neutral humans who like to run around in the woods, casting spells.
posted by The Whelk at 7:54 AM on August 14 [1 favorite +] [!]


Lightning bolt, lightning, lightning bolt!!
posted by Jalliah at 7:59 AM on August 14, 2013


"It started as a LARPing group from this community website and now it's pretty much a full time cult."
posted by The Whelk at 8:05 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


He would be very useful for sending into dungeon rooms first, to see what happens.

All in the name of scientific inquiry, of course.
posted by JHarris at 8:06 AM on August 14, 2013


"It started as a LARPing group from this community website and now it's pretty much a full time cult."

Sounds fine to me as long as I get to shoot arrows.
posted by Jalliah at 8:08 AM on August 14, 2013


That is true, I can forgive a lot if I get to live in a treehouse.
posted by The Whelk at 8:09 AM on August 14, 2013



Oh and also a bear and wolf familiar. They would guard the ladder to my treehouse.
posted by Jalliah at 8:11 AM on August 14, 2013


Mustachioed Italian plumber in overalls.

Mario Party A1: Slave Pits of the Undercity
posted by Celsius1414 at 8:13 AM on August 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


This character is completely useless.

Looks like mine came out similar to griph's:

True Neutral Human Bard/Sorcerer (2nd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 13

I'm shocked I didn't come out as chaotic neutral. Every D&D character I've ever enjoyed was chaotic neutral. Then again, I live in a plutocratic panopticon, not a wilderness-intensive medieval monarchy.

And yeah, those stats blow, but I'm strangely tempted to try this build out. I expect I'd advance more as Bard than Sorcerer--if I survived long enough to advance at all.
posted by Z. Aurelius Fraught at 8:19 AM on August 14, 2013


Sounds fine to me as long as I get to shoot arrows.

I like characters with summoning powers, so new members should get used to wearing goblin masks.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:19 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


This character is completely useless.

He would be very useful for sending into dungeon rooms first, to see what happens.

most adventurers are comforted by having a party member they can easily out run.



How about knitting some nice uniforms for the rest of the team?
 
posted by Herodios at 8:20 AM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


But I feel that no one with a legit 17 INT would have wasted the time to complete the whole quiz in the first place.

No one with 17 WIS you mean.

Wow. This couldn't have gone better if I rolled 4d6 for stats. Chaotic Good elf fighter/sorcerer? Yes please!

You did. It's 4d6.

All spellcasters should post the spells they have prepared for today btw. How are we meant to run this campaign otherwise?
posted by ersatz at 8:21 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]



True Neutral Human Bard/Sorcerer (2nd/2nd Level)


You and griphus can form a band. I'm sure prismatic spray can make for some awesome stage effects.
posted by The Whelk at 8:22 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


All spellcasters should post the spells they have prepared for today btw. How are we meant to run this campaign otherwise?

I can't remember. Do rangers get spells at level 6?
posted by Jalliah at 8:26 AM on August 14, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Human Wizard (3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 16

Hmm.

Class:
Barbarian - (-4)
Bard ------ (-2)
Cleric ---- (-6)
Druid ----- (-4)
Fighter --- (0)
Monk ------ (-21)
Paladin --- (-21)
Ranger ---- XXXX (4)
Rogue ----- XX (2)
Sorcerer -- XXXX (4)
Wizard ---- XXXXXX (6)

Hilarious because I most often play barbarians, Druids, and bards. My favorite class is, in fact, bardbarian multiclass or a shapeshifter Druid.
posted by curious nu at 8:27 AM on August 14, 2013


According to the stats, almost no one is a barbarian and almost no one is lawful evil. There are also very few non-humans. I wonder if that reflects real trends in people's answers or just bias in the questions (i.e. are all possible results equally likely assuming random answers, or are they weighted towards certain results?).
posted by jedicus at 8:42 AM on August 14, 2013


> Questions I'm having a hard time answering based on Googling:
- What is the range of ability scores?
- What makes a good or bad score?
- What do the levels mean?


Surely someone with a 19 INT could figure this out on their own?
posted by Panjandrum at 8:44 AM on August 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


I have to object to the ability score generator: 4d4+4 is ridiculously overpowered.

Also, that means my scores are even sadder than I thought. I guess someone has to run the magic shop, though.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 8:56 AM on August 14, 2013


Neutral Good Human Sorcerer (6th Level)
Ability Scores: Strength: 13. Dexterity: 14. Constitution: 14. Intelligence: 15. Wisdom: 15. Charisma: 15
posted by safetyfork at 9:00 AM on August 14, 2013



I need a powerful grass cutting spell or maybe a spell for summoning a minion to do it. Anyone got one in their spellbook?
posted by Jalliah at 9:04 AM on August 14, 2013


This character is completely useless.

He would be very useful for sending into dungeon rooms first, to see what happens.

most adventurers are comforted by having a party member they can easily out run.


Party member had one job.
posted by Artw at 9:21 AM on August 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


You could probably do it with Mage Hand, which is an at-will cantrip, so you wouldn't even need to waste a spell slot memorizing it.

Also, apparently Magic Missile is a cantrip now? WTF! Back in my day uphill both ways snow etc.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 9:21 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]



Okay, going to go give it a shot now. I've been procrastinating long enough. Just have to get this leather chest piece on. The grass is full of frogs and snakes. Can't be careful enough.
posted by Jalliah at 9:27 AM on August 14, 2013


I need a powerful grass cutting spell

Yeah, like the guy with 17 STRENGTH is gonna use a spell to cut the grass, COME ON!!!
posted by Greg Nog at 9:33 AM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


The other thing I want to know is if I get both an animal companion AND a familiar. IME, characters who could have either usually get get one animal with the combined powers.

True Neutral Elf Druid (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 9
Constitution- 9
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 11
Charisma- 11

I like my kitties more than my computer, I guess? (Almost Sor/Wiz.)

The Whelk, we should be Urban Druids!
posted by epersonae at 9:34 AM on August 14, 2013


What's interesting -- but not surprising -- is that I'm really nowhere near my "standard" character: halfling rogue. (Although at the moment I'm playing a halfling wizard/loremaster. Almost had to make a Will save vs a library last night.)
posted by epersonae at 9:36 AM on August 14, 2013


I got to question 128 and realized the page hadn't finished loading. Reloaded and lost all responses. Weak.
posted by kaibutsu at 9:38 AM on August 14, 2013


Mostly I just draw stuff though. I guess I'm one of those thieves who always leaves a cute little calling card after stealing the giant gem or whatever. Except in my case it's probably a cartoon drawing of a hairy dick.


Obviously you're riding with me in the notorious Crude Phallus gang.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:39 AM on August 14, 2013


I played a Bard once - I think I was under the influence of Alan Dean Foster's Spellsinger books. Also a spell casting rogue! Turns out I'm profoundly unsuited to playing bards. Or maybe they just suck.
posted by Artw at 9:39 AM on August 14, 2013


Most of the folks I've passed this on to have felt their character's stats, class, and alignment matched up pretty well -- though not perfectly -- with what they imagined. Me, too. :-)

Neutral Good Human Ranger/Sorcerer (3rd/3rd Level)

Strength-15
Dexterity-15
Constitution-15
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-14
Charisma-13
posted by lord_wolf at 9:39 AM on August 14, 2013


Mostly I just draw stuff though. I guess I'm one of those thieves who always leaves a cute little calling card after stealing the giant gem or whatever. Except in my case it's probably a cartoon drawing of a hairy dick.

The fabled cock of Vecna!
posted by Artw at 9:40 AM on August 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


I wonder if that reflects real trends in people's answers or just bias in the questions (i.e. are all possible results equally likely assuming random answers, or are they weighted towards certain results?).

The race thing is weighted towards humans - you need to be not only strongly aligned towards non-humans but give the right physical traits, too.

The alignment thing... I think most people like to think of themselves as good, and so don't choose the obviously evil answers. Although it surprises me not at all that elizardbits is Chaotic Neutral.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:40 AM on August 14, 2013


The Whelk, we should be Urban Druids!

Urbane Druids!
posted by The Whelk at 9:42 AM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]



epersonae The Whelk, we should be Urban Druids!

These aren't the druids you're looking for.
These aren't the druids we're looking for.

He can go about his business.
You can go about your business.

Move along.
Move along, move along.
 
posted by Herodios at 9:44 AM on August 14, 2013


Would Urbane Druids have powers over napkin rings and the like?
posted by Artw at 9:55 AM on August 14, 2013


i took the test again because I couldn't recall my stats, and I must have changed some of my answers because apparently I am...


You Are A:


Chaotic Good Gnome Ranger (6th Level)



Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 15
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 16



Chaotic Good again. And a fucking gnome. Still a ranger though, that's pretty rad.

Actually, gnomes are 47% more likely to draw dicks on stuff, so that makes sense.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:59 AM on August 14, 2013



Would Urbane Druids have powers over napkin rings and the like?

Casts "Chansom's Bubbly Party Chatter."
posted by The Whelk at 10:01 AM on August 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


I retook it too because I wanted my stats, I believe with the same answers:

Chaotic Good Human Ranger (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 13


Which sounds about right though maybe I should have replied more extremely on the drinking question since I'll go toe-to-toe with the bartender at the Copper Coronet any day.
posted by invitapriore at 10:06 AM on August 14, 2013


Examples of Urbane Druids:
Hannibal Lector
posted by Artw at 10:08 AM on August 14, 2013


Yeah, I wrestled with the drinking question because with a bit of practice, I can drink damn near anyone under the table, but since my bartender moved away my liver's gotten all weak and flabby.
posted by restless_nomad at 10:09 AM on August 14, 2013


Examples of Urbane Druids:
Hannibal Lector


Makes us all look bad. People don't realize the flower crown is a punishment.
posted by The Whelk at 10:12 AM on August 14, 2013


Bigby's Manicured Hand?
posted by Elementary Penguin at 10:14 AM on August 14, 2013


The traditional 3-piece suit and a +5 Gold Pocketwatch OF Casual Acquaintance are all part of the standard Urbane Druid uniform, some UD's prefer to keep a cocktail kit inside a Suit Pocket Of Holding but experienced Druids can summon forth a miniature lemon tree that sweats gin.
posted by The Whelk at 10:17 AM on August 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


Chaotic Neutral Human Ranger (3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 10

And I live in a VAN down by the RIVER.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:17 AM on August 14, 2013 [2 favorites]



Whelp grass cutting mission complete. Now for a pint of mead.

It was quite an adventure. I ended up summoning this metal minion (Chompy) which you and sit on and guide it as it chews up the grass. It was very efficient. I had to wade through lots of frogs and a couple of snakes. I got swarmed by a bunch of dragon(flies) but managed to shield myself from their fury. It got a bit hairy in the valley of 'Steep Wall Ditch' but I made my acrobatics saving throw and kept my steed and I upright. Chompy got stuck on an old stump in "Forest Edge" but with a bit of shoving and encouragement got back on track.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
posted by Jalliah at 10:33 AM on August 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


True Neutral Human Bard/Rogue (2nd/1st Level)


Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 13

Does this mean I am a sneaky bullshitter?
posted by oceanjesse at 10:45 AM on August 14, 2013


I feel like maybe I wasted my life?

We won't know for sure until you make your saving throw.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 10:46 AM on August 14, 2013 [9 favorites]


Lawful Good Human Cleric (5th Level)


Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 19
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 11

I was hoping for a Paladin, but cleric makes more sense. So I'm good with that.
posted by zinon at 11:03 AM on August 14, 2013


I don't need it -- I already know I'm the 4 HP magic-user who doesn't even have magic missile.
posted by Zed at 11:21 AM on August 14, 2013


Lawful Good Halfling Cleric (5th Level)

Not too surprised. I always liked playing Clerics, although I usually played Neutral or Chaotic Good. The halfling is a surprise, though.


Ability Scores:

* Strength- 9
* Dexterity- 10
* Constitution- 12
* Intelligence- 13
* Wisdom- 12
* Charisma- 13

Those are my stats at 5th level?! With these results, I'm better off staying in town and opening a 1st Baptist Bar and Grill than going adventuring.
posted by magstheaxe at 11:32 AM on August 14, 2013


As I own my grognard status, in which f*cking edition did they start raising stats are you level up?? Levelling up is its own reward.
posted by GuyZero at 11:34 AM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


Neutral Good Human Druid/Sorcerer (3/2). How'd they know?
posted by Mister_A at 11:42 AM on August 14, 2013


Chaotic Good Human Bard/Rogue (2/2)

A bit thrown by the "Good" part. The "Chaotic" part is without dispute though.
Bard/Rogue sounds about right.
posted by ZeroAmbition at 11:51 AM on August 14, 2013


You Are A:


True Neutral Human Ranger/Sorcerer (2nd/2nd Level)


Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 16


...so, basically I'm just out wandering around in the woods feeling meh about everything and trying to lift rocks with my mind. I'm like a slightly apathetic yet less whiny Luke Skywalker. That's just great.
posted by palomar at 12:47 PM on August 14, 2013


Neutral Good Human Bard (6th level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 16

If I rolled a character like that, I'd assume the dice were loaded.
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:05 PM on August 14, 2013


True Neutral Elf Wizard/Sorceror, which pretty much describes me to a T. And it explains why I do what I do for a living.

15 for all stats, except 18 for INT and CHA, which I'd like to believe is also accurate.

I feel like the questions are on a par with the Myers-Briggs, with the same false equivalences and dichotomies, but the results are a lot more entertaining than being an INTJ "Mastermind."

More to the point, I'm surprised I still get suckered into taking these tests for fun during lunch.
posted by lothar at 1:15 PM on August 14, 2013


As I own my grognard status, in which f*cking edition did they start raising stats are you level up??
posted by GuyZero at 2:34 PM on August 14


In D&D 4.0, your ability scores rise at certain levels: At 4, 8, 11, 14, 18, 21, 24, and 28, you can either raise two ability scores of your choice, or all of your ability scores, depending on the level you've achieved.

> Levelling up is its own reward.
posted by GuyZero at 2:34 PM on August 14


For you, perhaps. I've played a lot of different RPGs with a lot of different systems, and other games allow all sorts of "reward" options, including more flexible stat adjustment rules, so one's character isn't condemned to average or worse stats for the duration. Which is probably why I haven't been in any sort of D&D campaign (well, except for this year-long experiment) in over a decade.
posted by magstheaxe at 1:21 PM on August 14, 2013


True Neutral Human Druid/Wizard (2nd/1st Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 9
Dexterity- 10
Constitution- 10
Intelligence- 11
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 10

Wow, that is depressing. Accurate, but depressing. Helping out in the magic shop and knitting in my spare time doesn't sound too bad, though. I'll drink a lot of tea and commune with nature on the weekends. Maybe learn some spells for dusting and keeping the books organized. Sigh.
posted by Anhedonic Donkey at 1:24 PM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'd forgotten that 4.0 doubled-down on the monty hall-ing with the ability scores. Yet another reason why I switched to Pathfinder.
posted by epersonae at 1:27 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well with that INT you can only learn level 1 spells, anyway, Anhedonic Donkey. That's tough.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 1:29 PM on August 14, 2013


I now want to roll up an entire parody of Bards and call it A BAND OF BARDS
posted by The Whelk at 1:45 PM on August 14, 2013


Nobody is getting past Normandy, are they?
posted by Artw at 1:46 PM on August 14, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Human Wizard (2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 8
Dexterity- 9
Constitution- 8
Intelligence- 11
Wisdom- 8
Charisma- 8

...No chance for a reroll, huh?
posted by KChasm at 1:53 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Urbane Druid Menswear Shoppe always needs employees, KChasm.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 1:56 PM on August 14, 2013


An Urbane Druid always has the most immaculate front garden. The secret is of course, just convincing the plant life it would be in their best interests to look their best at all times.
posted by The Whelk at 1:59 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think I saw a lot of Urban Druids in the little park near where I work at lunchtime. They seemed in rough shape.
posted by Artw at 2:03 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but back in high school, my friends and I were all Mall Druids. I even had a ghillie suit made out of my mom's houseplants.
posted by griphus at 2:10 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


An Urbane Druid always has the most immaculate front garden. Alas, I fail at at that. (Photo for my in-progress essay about bindweed/morning glory.)
posted by epersonae at 2:12 PM on August 14, 2013


The massacre of the Mall Druids in 98 really killed the whole Mall As Viable Economic Object, without their stewardship Sbarro's was left to wither and die, no offering to The Everlasting Tiffany, now truly alone. Sad really.
posted by The Whelk at 2:17 PM on August 14, 2013


As I own my grognard status, in which f*cking edition did they start raising stats are you level up?? Levelling up is its own reward.

I thought AD&D 2nd allowed for that, but the internet thinks stats could only be raised by Wish. Of course your stats were usually terrible anyway, so even an increase might not have given you a modifier bonus.
posted by ersatz at 2:31 PM on August 14, 2013


Neutral Good Human Ranger Sorcerer (3rd/3rd Level)

My scores are stupid high.
...I don't drink tho, so...

I enjoyed playing D&D with some buds in the service. Played an urban survival RPG with a (civilian) GM one time who wanted our characters to reflect ourselves and what we had for a "realistic" campaign and then got pissed saying we were all powergaming.


Why would Neutral Good limit achievement? I'd think good by any means would be less limiting.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:34 PM on August 14, 2013


In one of the editions, probably 1st, there was a rule about limits to improving stats via whishes. You were better off wishing for something ridiculous rather than a straight stat boost.
posted by GuyZero at 2:51 PM on August 14, 2013


Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 16
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 14


I CAST MAGIC MISSILE!
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:06 PM on August 14, 2013


I got "Neutral Good Half-Elf Bard (5th Level)" which was what my longest running AD&D character was! Today I'm a poet and novelist, so that's fairly accurate, all things considered.* I wish I was better at playing any musical instrument.
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 12
* And as an Icelander, it has to count as half-elven to be one-sixteenth Danish.

posted by Kattullus at 3:23 PM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


Urbane Droid? Yeah, that's our Threepio.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:33 PM on August 14, 2013


As I own my grognard status, in which f*cking edition did they start raising stats are you level up?? Levelling up is its own reward.

That began with 3E, a +1 gain to a stat of your choice every 4th level.

It is worth noting that, under OD&D and maybe also 1E rules, stats don't actually give you a great deal, except maybe decide which character classes you could be and whether you get the 10% experience bonus for having at least a 16 in a prime requisite attribute. The most Dex will give you to armor class is a 1-point bonus, you get at most one point of extra damage from high strength, you don't get a huge HP bonus from high Con unless you were a fighter, etc. I think having high Int or Wis gave you a handful of low-level bonus spells in 1E. But the experience bonus for having the prime requisite was the main advantage. Which kind of makes sense -- even a weakling with a sword can do harm, but it'll take him longer to learn to use it effectively.
posted by JHarris at 4:01 PM on August 14, 2013


For once I get to be a magic user (wizard)! When rolling a character IRL, inevitably I'd end up with stats that pretty much forced me into being a cleric. Then I get into WoW and my main ends up a druid. Like I've got no imagination. Then again, I'm one helluva healer it seems.
posted by Fezboy! at 4:11 PM on August 14, 2013


-The other thing I want to know is if I get both an animal companion AND a familiar.-
IME, characters who could have either usually get get one animal with the combined powers.


Thanks, you can tell I don't tend to play sorcerers! The idea of multiclassing one with a druid seems a bit silly, but I am determined to try it in my next NWN game. Mind you, I am confused. The D&D wiki claims that if you are multiclassing two classes that give you familiars, you only get one, but also says that familiars are not animal companions. So... does it all depend on which class you started with?

Anyway, Urban Druids obviously have cockroaches or rats as their animal companions; Urbane Druids must get well-groomed parakeets or housecats.
posted by Athanassiel at 5:24 PM on August 14, 2013


Housecats or crows, obviously.
posted by The Whelk at 5:31 PM on August 14, 2013


True Neutral Human Wizard (4th Level)



Ability Scores:
Strength- 15
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 15

I'm a little confused about the True Neutral although I assumed I'd always be Chaotic Good maybe, oh well. I never play wizards though don't know what's up with that.
posted by lizarrd at 5:32 PM on August 14, 2013


I'm voting Anne Goldstein!
posted by Renoroc at 5:47 PM on August 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yer a wizard, lizarrd
posted by The Whelk at 5:50 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


True Neutral Halfling Wizard (3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-13
Dexterity-14
Constitution-16
Intelligence-13
Wisdom-11
Charisma-12
posted by tenpointwo at 6:01 PM on August 14, 2013


Lawful Good Human Wizard/Sorcerer (3rd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 14
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 11

Yet another Wizard/Sorcerer! What on earth is the point of that? Are you making fun of me repeatedly investing time learning a technology only to leave it behind 2-3 years later, quiz? Also, I thought I clicked enough anti-authority radio buttons to trigger cx+=2 enough times to make me at least non-lawful.
posted by ignignokt at 8:34 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think it's time we just admit the truth to ourselves and start that Mage's College already.
posted by The Whelk at 8:47 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I got Chaotic Neutral Human Bard/Wizard. I'm pretty sure last time I took this (which was probably just a bit less than a decade ago, it was definitely when LiveJournal was my primary social network) I scored either NG or LG. I'm not sure if this is an improvement.

I've always liked the idea of urban rangers more than urban druids. I imagine them having a really good sense of direction, an at will Find Bathroom power, the ability to shift easily into multiple dialects in order to easily communicate with random low-level NPCs, parkour skills and maybe a trade out of natural enemy for a paladin-style mount, but have it be a car or motorcycle.

I guess that's really just a Shadowrun-style generic street samurai with a Find Bathroom power, though.

I've never really identified much with DnD classes-- bard comes closest to what I am, because I absorb shitloads of information, process it, and seem to have a much better memory than I do because I'm really good at making connections and metaphors that relate to the things I *do* know. But I'm good at talking and am sort of a polymath, so bard sort of fits, except that I'm shit at playing musical instruments, so I would end up giving lectures about patriarchy instead of singing to give bonuses to my companions in battle, and somehow I don't think that would work as well.

I keep meaning to make myself a character sheet in the Hero system. One of the characters I recently played was in that and the customizability of that system was fantastic-- it was a campaign where the characters were from the real world and got teleported into a fantasy one, so she had a bunch of real world skills that she had to slowly learn to adapt and use in a high fantasy setting. She had a super nerdy background, so I gave her fanfiction skills, which eventually turned into general knowledge of story tropes and came in super handy when she was in Dream and could use that knowledge to manipulate the dreamscape into forms that worked for her.

She also had an atlatl. She ended up swearing herself to Baldur and becoming an extremely nerdy, highly genre savvy kinda-paladin. She was the best character ever.
posted by NoraReed at 4:04 AM on August 15, 2013 [3 favorites]


I too loved Ultima IV.

Omega is even more like taking this quiz and playing a game from the results. It would give snotty replies if you overstated your prowess, which it could guess fairly accurately based on the kind of person who might play unix server games in the 80s.

Chaotic Neutral Human Bard/Wizard.

Let's swap songspells. Not spellsongs, those are horrible.
posted by bleep-blop at 4:24 AM on August 15, 2013 [4 favorites]


I think it's time we just admit the truth to ourselves and start that Mage's College already.

The closest I got to selling it to a group, I made the mistake of telling the players they didn't strictly have to make a student, they could make someone attached to the wizards' school, but the campaign would focus on the school and involve classes, exams, etc. So of course they all make quirky exceptional characters and not a single one of them is a student. Players, am I right? So instead the campaign winds up being about a tavern near the college, with PCs as bartender dwarf, a drug-dealing dropout wizard and bodyguard, etc. I guess it worked out, but, damnit.
posted by bleep-blop at 4:39 AM on August 15, 2013 [4 favorites]


Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (4th).

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 10
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 15

Yeah, that's about right.
posted by likeatoaster at 5:41 AM on August 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yer a wizard, lizarrd


* * * GOOMPH!! * * *

 
posted by Herodios at 5:47 AM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Chaotic Good Elf Wizard. I do not understand some things about this, like what an Elf is.
posted by kengraham at 5:55 AM on August 15, 2013


I think being an Elf means you're outdoorsy and short.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 5:55 AM on August 15, 2013


Oh. Fairly accurate test, then!
posted by kengraham at 5:56 AM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think it's time we just admit the truth to ourselves and start that Mage's College already.

Our sports mascot can be the Raging Mager, and our slogan can be something like, "You can change your major, but you can't change a Mager." Or maybe the mascot should be the Unchanging Major. Or something. You'd need a good Dungeon Provost to figure out all the details.

Anyway, there would always be a big rivalry between the True Neutral and Lawful Good frats, which LG House would sincerely believe was all in good fun. Chaos House would be a jumble of shacks down by the river.

Everyone would want the clerics who could cast the best grant spells, but you'd have to have a good rogue in accounts who could get restricted funds freed up.

True Neutral Human Druids, sorry if you had other plans, but you're all drafted into a cappella. If you think it sounds snappier, you can call yourselves the Trueutral Huids, but then you'll have to wear your holly wreaths over Fosse-style bowler hats. You can roll on it if you like, but those are your options.

Urban Rangers, you're in charge of Parents' Weekend. You're uniquely qualified to keep the parents and the townies out of each others' hair. Shaster Forgedawn can whip you up some kind of stealth cloaks if you need them for the bagel shop in Collegeville.

Magrath Inkhorn, can you come up with some kind of form letter for any misdirected mail we get that's meant for Bard College?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:06 AM on August 15, 2013 [4 favorites]


Neutral Good Human Ranger/Sorcerer (3rd/2nd Level)

Strength- 16
Dexterity- 17
Constitution- 15
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 15

This is probably better than any character I ever rolled back in the day.

The Ranger/Sorcerer split is consistent with other tests of these types where I come down evenly split between left brain/right brain, analytic/creative or what not (which in turn seems accurate if you look at my career path veer between creative to technical over the years).
posted by mikepop at 7:17 AM on August 15, 2013


Now I'm wondering about all these sorcerers and how that's different from wizarding. I guess that's any "do you like books?" questions.

Stupid 3rd edition.
posted by Artw at 7:51 AM on August 15, 2013


Neutral Good Human Bard (6th Level)

(though according to the detailed results I have the same score for Chaotic Good as well-- that seems about right)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:54 AM on August 15, 2013


As I own my grognard status, in which f*cking edition did they start raising stats are you level up?? Levelling up is its own reward.

On a related note,

Strength
Intelligence
Wisdom
Dexterity
Constitution
Charisma

IN THAT ORDER!!!
posted by Celsius1414 at 8:09 AM on August 15, 2013


Neutral Good Human Ranger (4th Level)

Strength- 15
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 13

I wasn't too sure on this until I read the description and it seemed pretty good. I tend to prefer woodsy characters in games, and the animal companion thing is pretty neat.
posted by Tevin at 8:12 AM on August 15, 2013


Neutral Good Human Ranger (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 12
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 15

I like the forest. I did not like how the character descriptions were for a man.
posted by jessamyn at 8:15 AM on August 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


Usually I'm above this sort of thing, looking down upon it in an obnoxious, even snooty manner, but yeah I filled it out. I got an elf wizard. Kind of surprised because I'm not really outdoorsy. I forgot the other details and I don't think I'm going through the 100+ questions again. My WTF about the assassinate-the-President question stands.
posted by JHarris at 8:17 AM on August 15, 2013


Mage's college parent's week is mostly about making parents forget they ever had children.

FERPAs got nothing on the restrictions on memory spells.
posted by The Whelk at 8:38 AM on August 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm shit at playing musical instruments, so I would end up giving lectures about patriarchy instead of singing -- the last (only?) time I played a bard, I didn't take any performance (music) skills, so instead she did epic poetry.

"I have composed a poem in honor of the occasion!"
posted by epersonae at 8:52 AM on August 15, 2013


True Neutral Human Sorcerer/Rogue (2nd/1st Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 15
Dexterity- 18
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 14

Looks like I would make a better Rogue (or, for that matter, Wizard - much of a Sorcerer's spellcasting ability is based on the Charisma score). D'oh.
posted by 3FLryan at 9:32 AM on August 15, 2013


...the last (only?) time I played a bard, I didn't take any performance (music) skills, so instead she did epic poetry.

I took the (absolutely shitty and in no way better than just leveling a bard) War Chanter prestige class and Perform: Oratory. I also took some, ahem, poetic license and my bardic music was in the form of a prolonged battle cry.

Really glad the DM didn't make me RP that.
posted by griphus at 9:35 AM on August 15, 2013


The Ranger/Sorcerer split is consistent with other tests of these types where I come down evenly split between left brain/right brain, analytic/creative or what not (which in turn seems accurate if you look at my career path veer between creative to technical over the years).

Sorcerer is actually a creative type. Their casting power is based mostly on Charisma, not Intelligence (like a Wizard). Unless you're thinking Ranger is more analytic (I can see it both ways).
posted by 3FLryan at 9:37 AM on August 15, 2013


True Neutral Human Wizard (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 14
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 16
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 12

Tell my spellbook I said...hello.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 9:43 AM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Unless you're thinking Ranger is more analytic (I can see it both ways).

I was thinking more in terms of a weapons user/magic user type split.
posted by mikepop at 10:07 AM on August 15, 2013


Looks like you have an animal companion and two favored enemies. I guess that's a dinosaur pet and bonuses against trolls and bots?

Don't forget track. elizardbits is a legendary werewolf tracker.
posted by homunculus at 10:42 AM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Werewofl, surely.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 10:53 AM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


The night is dark and full of things.
posted by The Whelk at 11:12 AM on August 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


That's a lot of god damned questions. I'm the D&D character who says "fuck that, you go adventuring without me."

Or you answer the Dungeon World questionnaire, which is like 4 questions, and play that instead.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:43 PM on August 15, 2013


How fun. Glad I saw the MeTa thread complaining about this post so I could take the test.

And I'm please to be a:

Lawful Good Elf Wizard (6th Level)

Strength- 11
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 16

This was also the role I picked voluntarily in Dragon Age, several years ago. Must be fated.
posted by bearwife at 12:49 PM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


This seems...wrong, but okay:

Neutral Good Human Bard/Sorcerer (3rd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 15
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 14
posted by RainyJay at 1:08 PM on August 15, 2013


Neutral Good Human Druid/Bard (2nd/2nd Level)

Oh god, I am the worst.
posted by maryr at 1:09 PM on August 15, 2013 [3 favorites]


the MeTa thread complaining about this post

LOL.
posted by Artw at 1:10 PM on August 15, 2013 [3 favorites]


True Neutral Human Fighter/Rogue (3rd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 11
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 13
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 11

It resulted in True Neutral, but given the detailed results I think I lean towards Lawful as well. I'd like to know which question resulted in an "Evil" mark.
posted by CancerMan at 1:26 PM on August 15, 2013


The night is dark and full of things.

As my big toe can attest when I go to the bathroom at 3 AM. Ouch!
posted by JHarris at 1:30 PM on August 15, 2013


Chaotic Neutral Human Ranger (6th Level)

Strength- 11
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 12
Wisdom- 15
Charisma- 13

So I'm the full-on double rainbow guy then???
posted by Blue_Villain at 1:56 PM on August 15, 2013


one of those rangers and spends all day looking for the "right" mushrooms.
posted by The Whelk at 2:00 PM on August 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


True Neutral Human Fighter/Rogue (3rd/2nd Level)
I'd like to know which question resulted in an "Evil" mark.


Now, now, we don't worry so much about marks here at Mage's College as long as you keep up in your class participation. I would set up an appointment for you with a rogue tutor, but they tend to sort of, just... show up.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:26 PM on August 15, 2013


Also, physical attendance is mandatory, only graduate students may astral project. All classics are to take place on the physical material plane. Students from the negative engery planes are advised to take all necessary precautions.
posted by The Whelk at 3:03 PM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


On retest, because I decided to not be modest, I ended up a neutral good human fighter/sorceror (3rd/3rd). This is actually much more reflective of me in general, so I guess it goes to show that confidence in oneself really is the path to personal power.

Also, much better well-rounded stats (str 13, dex 16, con 15, int 15, wis 15, chr 13).
posted by CancerMan at 3:16 PM on August 15, 2013


True Human Neutral Bard (4th Level)
Strength- 16
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 16
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 15

Actually, my stats aren't that bad.

But I totally pouted at the bard bit
posted by Ashen at 3:27 PM on August 15, 2013


True Neutral Human Druid.
Strength- 14
Dexterity-13
Constitution-10
Intelligence-12
Wisdom- 9
Charisma- 14

Welp, I guess that's probably fine.
posted by windykites at 5:01 PM on August 15, 2013


Yikes, I guess today was a good self-esteem day:
Neutral Good Human Bard/Wizard (2nd/2nd Level)
STR: 12 DEX: 14 CON:13 INT:18 WIS:11 CHA:16
The ratios between those seem right, though. Especially INT/WIS (sigh).
posted by en forme de poire at 6:03 PM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't even need to take this test. You see, it's dark here, and I was eaten by a grue.
posted by not_on_display at 8:50 PM on August 15, 2013 [6 favorites]


I was reminded of griphus's awesome comment about Archer having high INT and low WIS (was going to link it earlier but got distracted). So, uh.
posted by en forme de poire at 9:57 PM on August 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


danger zone
posted by en forme de poire at 9:57 PM on August 15, 2013


LANA
posted by The Whelk at 10:09 PM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Archer: Cry Havoc and let slip the hogs of war.
Lana: Dogs
Archer: Whatever Farm Animals of War, Lana.
posted by ersatz at 3:32 AM on August 16, 2013 [5 favorites]


Neutral Good Elf Wizard:

Strength 10
Dexterity 13
Constitution 12
Intelligence 16
Wisdom 14
Charisma 18

Seems a little high, but I have apparently spent my life min-maxing myself to cast Charm spells.
posted by Errant at 6:42 AM on August 16, 2013


LN 20th level Burglar with a Blaster pistol.
posted by clavdivs at 7:59 AM on August 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


True Neutral Elf Druid (6th Level):

Strength- 9
Dexterity- 12
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 10

It looks like epersonae and I are the only Elf Druids. And we're both True Neutrals. *high five*
posted by deborah at 12:49 PM on August 16, 2013




/high five!
posted by epersonae at 1:00 PM on August 19, 2013


Archer: Cry Havoc and let slip the hogs of war.
Lana: Dogs
Archer: Whatever Farm Animals of War, Lana.


FYI
posted by Sys Rq at 1:24 PM on August 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


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