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Guys, in case you didn't know, Episode II is a bit of a mess...
August 15, 2013 9:07 PM   Subscribe


 
The Singularity Engine!
posted by infinitewindow at 9:25 PM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


SPOILERS: This is like one of the old Marvel Comics "What If"s, which means it ends with everybody dying and then the end of the universe.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:30 PM on August 15, 2013 [3 favorites]


i like this guy's style and work ethic, but this is like the most complex fanfic publish ever.
posted by gorestainedrunes at 9:39 PM on August 15, 2013 [4 favorites]


Meth is a hell of a drug.
posted by benzenedream at 9:47 PM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Man - I wish I still cared enough about the Star Wars franchise to wax enthusiastic about how much better this guy's movie would've been than the real one was, but...the real one happened and that one didn't, and it was all just too long ago. I've moved on. Gotta look forward, not back.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:52 PM on August 15, 2013 [8 favorites]


Knights of the Old Republic is my prequel.
posted by Hicksu at 9:58 PM on August 15, 2013 [10 favorites]


For some reason, Shatner's recreation of the Evil Captain Kirk from Episode 37 comes to mind.
posted by Auden at 10:01 PM on August 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


All you need for the prequels is the Clone Wars micro series by Tartakovsky. It establishes the Clone Wars, Anakin and Obi-Wan are great friends, we see Anakin's dark side, and the hint of Padme romance
posted by JARED!!! at 10:17 PM on August 15, 2013 [9 favorites]


If it had been one long sequence of Obi-wan and Jango fighting in the rain, I could have been persuaded to settle for that.
posted by Brocktoon at 10:30 PM on August 15, 2013


After about 8 minutes I was completely lost and just could. not. listen. any. more.

There may be a good story there, but this is no way to tell a story.
posted by ShutterBun at 10:31 PM on August 15, 2013


Redletter Media careers of a sort by revisiting the Star Wars prequels! This is obviously something everyone should take a stab at!
posted by converge at 10:56 PM on August 15, 2013


There's a lot of good stuff here, and I like his approach. But his proposed ending felt like a midseason TNG reveal, not an epic Star Wars climax. I actually seem to remember the last 30 minutes of Episode II being watchable. At least, I woke up to watch them.
posted by bicyclefish at 11:05 PM on August 15, 2013


See, what I love about his ending (aside from the fact that I can totally picture it being epic and exciting AND a downer) is that, well... that's the moment where the Jedi stop being a force that really matters. The moment when Palpatine can come in with a clone army and use it to clean up his loose ends while pretending to the Senate that it's for security purposes is the moment when the Jedi become part of the rebellion, and it's evocative.

And then, you know, it makes the plot and title of Episode VI a lot more affecting as well.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:12 PM on August 15, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm kind of with Greg_Ace - I've never even watched all of episode III but I might have if this was what episode 1 and 2 were like, but these kind of got me remembering all the things a 12 year old me really liked about Star Wars back in '77. These treatments would have given the characters arcs and motivation and shit, which is exactly what episode 1 - 3 lacked.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:15 PM on August 15, 2013


"I’m part of the generation that all we do is complain about the prequels and how they let us down ... And if every one of us who complained about how the prequels didn’t live up to our expectations just would make our own sci-fi fantasy, then it would be a much better use of our time."
Brian K. Vaughan, author of the amazing Saga.
posted by jeffen at 11:23 PM on August 15, 2013 [12 favorites]


Yes, but it's better, more entertaining and more logically self-consistent than the dreck Lucas came out with.
posted by Sintram at 11:25 PM on August 15, 2013


Yeah, I listened all the way through and it seemed OK; It didn't feel as classic as the first three, but then, how could it given the framework it is in. I really like what he did with Owen, though I'd want some sort of link to why he is so opposed to Obi-Wan in A New Hope, where he seems to not believe in the Jedi.
posted by Canageek at 11:40 PM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Exactly, whereas, his dealings with Obi-Wan in the canonical films pretty much amount to "Hi, here, take this baby" in III which makes Owen's contempt for him in IV seem kind of over the top. Here Owen would have been a player and seen things go to hell back in the day.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:54 PM on August 15, 2013


Brian K Vaugn has it right: with all the talent, skill and determination this guy exhibited, why the hell didn't he do his own stuff? You can't even blame the Hollywood sequel machine for this- he did it on his own. For all the effort he put into it, it's just a fanfic.
posted by happyroach at 12:21 AM on August 16, 2013


My favourite thing about this and his re-do of episode 1 is that they cut down Hayden Christiansen's screen time in favour or Ewan McGregor, a much better actor.

"with all the talent, skill and determination this guy exhibited, why the hell didn't he do his own stuff?"

Because he wanted to do this, and that's how he chose to use his talent, skill, and determination? This type of argument is sort of silly, isn't it?
posted by Wylla at 2:53 AM on August 16, 2013 [3 favorites]


Ya know, he could actually try to make his version of -- oh no wait copyright is 95 years plus life of author, nevermind, Lucas' Episode II will be unavoidable for the rest of our lives and those of the next generation.
posted by JHarris at 3:03 AM on August 16, 2013


The other angle is that this is a backdoor audition to get hired by Disney to clean up the episode VII script.
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 3:09 AM on August 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


Brian K Vaugn has it right: with all the talent, skill and determination this guy exhibited, why the hell didn't he do his own stuff? You can't even blame the Hollywood sequel machine for this- he did it on his own. For all the effort he put into it, it's just a fanfic.

If he had done his own stuff we probably wouldn't be talking about it on Metafilter.
posted by Pyry at 3:16 AM on August 16, 2013


If he had done his own stuff we probably wouldn't be talking about it on Metafilter.

Getting talked about on Metafilter is the endgame for creatives? Cool, lemme go rewrite this script so it's about male circumcision, declawing cats, and Israel/Palestine.

...actually, I might be on to something here, brb
posted by incessant at 3:42 AM on August 16, 2013 [5 favorites]


Blah, blah, do your own stuff, whatever. Maybe this guy's imagination is fired by space wizards with laser swords and he can't do his own stuff because everyone who even noticed would just talk about how derivative it is. Some people are like BASF: maybe they don't make a lot of the media you consume, but they could make a lot of the media you consume better.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 5:17 AM on August 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


Folks, y'all really need to get the fuck over the prequels.
posted by Legomancer at 6:16 AM on August 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


Does anyone even care about Star Wars anymore?
posted by George Lucas at 6:28 AM on August 16, 2013 [12 favorites]


I thought his take on Episode I was interesting, because it was mostly a tweak of what Lucas had written. You could imagine an alternate universe in which it got made. But this has barely any connection to George's Episode II. Which is good in that Attack of the Clones was a mess, but it would have been more interesting to me to see an attempt to steer Lucas's ideas in a more productive direction, rather than just make stuff up whole cloth. I do like the ending he proposed though, because it feels so Empire Strikes Back.
posted by rikschell at 6:54 AM on August 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


with all the talent, skill and determination this guy exhibited, why the hell didn't he do his own stuff?

The guy's bag seems to be movie reviews. Give him credit for offering improvements.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:27 AM on August 16, 2013


Upside of this treatment: Uncle Owen is played by Joel Edgerton in the prequels, who is one hell of an actor.
posted by echocollate at 7:47 AM on August 16, 2013


Kids. They have no idea how patiently we waited to see Yoda go badass with a lightsaber, even if only briefly.

Lawn etc.
posted by rahnefan at 7:53 AM on August 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


Getting talked about on Metafilter is the endgame for creatives?

That and having a wikipedia page; that's when you know you've really made it.

Also, whatever happened to the word 'artist'? That was a perfectly good word. 'Creatives' are what advertising people call themselves.
posted by Pyry at 8:16 AM on August 16, 2013 [4 favorites]


Rewriting disappointing movies so they're more exciting and make more sense is one of my favorite pasttimes, and for some reason it pisses off my friends when I do it ("Just let it go!" "But you don't understand... it could be so much better!"). So basically I want to hang out with this dude.
posted by muddgirl at 8:17 AM on August 16, 2013 [5 favorites]


Folks, y'all really need to get the fuck over the prequels.

Yeah well, I think the things you care about stupid too, I just don't feel the need to say it.
posted by VTX at 8:21 AM on August 16, 2013 [7 favorites]


Folks, y'all really need to get the fuck over the prequels.

I find your lack of fuck-giving disturbing.
posted by Celsius1414 at 8:42 AM on August 16, 2013 [5 favorites]


I really liked this.

I don't think all (or even any) criticism needs to come with a proposed solution to whatever problems the critic has—but I think that the exercise of solving those problems can be very interesting and instructive.
posted by Sokka shot first at 9:01 AM on August 16, 2013


It feels like there should be a sequence in the ending, between the part where Dooku proposes self-sacrifice and the gang jets off planet, where Obi-Wan, having just found a living link to Qui-Gon in Dooku and not wanting to see this bit of Qui-Gon die too, fights it and says basically "screw that, we're getting you out of here" and actually tries to save him in the battle, so that there's a bigger climax in the final act. As it stands the biggest battle scene was midway through and that feels weird. But this way, our heroes can see the danger of Palpatine's clone army up close and turned against them - they aren't just trying to take out Dooku, they intend to leave nothing living in the battle zone. The first glimpse of the brutality of the Empire-to-be.

But Obi-Wan can't save him. Inevitably, Dooku dies in the escape attempt. And as he's dying, he gives parting words to Obi-Wan - Dooku gives Obi-Wan's monologue about finding light and hope in the darkness. It lends more weight to the words in that situation, if Obi-Wan sees a lot of Qui-Gon in Dooku and those words are the last advice he gets in that chapter of his life - from that point on, Obi-Wan has direction and purpose and is finally truly a Jedi Master, rather than just falling into it because Qui-Gon died and Anakin needed a mentor. After that is a short, mostly wordless escape with the gang leaving the planet with the battle getting smaller and smaller behind them, punctuated by the clone army pulling troops back and bombarding the area from their ships, leaving nothing standing. The last we see of the battle is just total devastation.

Final shot of the heroes is the cockpit interior, Padme and Anakin looking shaken and hopeless but silently comforting each other in the back, Obi-Wan all determined-looking in the co-pilot's seat staring past the camera out into space, Owen getting the ship ready for a hyperspace jump. Cut to external shot of the ship jumping from the cockpit of another ship observing from behind them, where Darth Maul is receiving a hologram message from Sidious with orders to follow and stop them from warning the Jedi Council. Shot mirrors that shot we see in Empire of Boba Fett following the Millennium Falcon when it drifts away with the trash from the Star Destroyer because Maul is your Boba Fett analog in the prequels, not Jango who is pointless. Roll credits. That way in Episode III (the first few acts of which are Obi-Wan and Maul finally having it out for good) you can open on Maul vs. Obi-Wan and the gang, the heroes getting shot down after a space battle, crash-landing on a planet and being hunted by Maul while Palpatine gets back to Coruscant first and starts ramping up his endgame.
posted by jason_steakums at 9:58 AM on August 16, 2013 [8 favorites]


I like that ending. When do we have the technology to crowdsource this shit?
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 1:44 PM on August 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


Could always pull a Star Wars: Uncut with a new script!
posted by jason_steakums at 1:54 PM on August 16, 2013


I think it's kind of funny that "Star Wars" appears nowhere in the post title or description, but it was still very clear from the combination of "Episode II" and "actually good" that this was about Star Wars.
posted by subdee at 2:06 PM on August 16, 2013 [4 favorites]



Does anyone even care about Star Wars anymore?
posted by George Lucas at 6:28 AM on August 16 [11 favorites +] [!]


ummm.....
posted by Canageek at 2:33 PM on August 16, 2013


He had me at "Darth Maul with robot legs"

Seriously, Darth Maul was the shit.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:19 PM on August 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


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