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November 23, 2013 7:12 AM   Subscribe

Awkward Sign Generator. Inspired by the awkward phrasing of Automatic Caution Door signs [via mefi projects]
posted by Potomac Avenue (51 comments total) 23 users marked this as a favorite

 
No one Banned Knows Why
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:12 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is fun, thanks for posting it.

I have a ridiculous inner monologue each time I pass an Automatic Caution Door. That door could be dangerous, I think to myself. It's a good thing I don't have to be cautious, because the door is supplying all the necessary caution automatically! Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm so hilarious.

Oddly, this never gets old.
posted by medusa at 7:29 AM on November 23, 2013 [16 favorites]


I once read an essay by IIRC Margaret Atwood. At some point when automatic doors had become quite common in the US and much taken for granted, she visited some conference in Poland where they were unheard of, and she absent-mindedly walked smack into a grocery store door because she was expecting it to open for her on its own.
posted by localroger at 7:31 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I got this one, rather brilliant and thought provoking:
    Regular

Dramatization

  Expression
posted by memebake at 7:35 AM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: WILD DUBIOUS MONKEYS
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:35 AM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Related: the classic Warning Signs for Tomorrow.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 7:36 AM on November 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


Oil Soaked

Government

Rags
posted by Coatlicue at 7:41 AM on November 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


Reminds me of Liartown USA - which is a good thing, because I absolutely love that sort of absurd word-salad alternate-reality humor, and I welcome it from non-Liartown sources.

This one is my favorite so far. I need it on my door.
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:46 AM on November 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


Reminds me of the sign I see in the underground parking garage of our grocery store: "CALL [phone #] IF DOOR IS ALARMING." Never fails to crack me up.
posted by skycrashesdown at 8:05 AM on November 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


50% Chance Floor Made of Lava.

Well, crap.
posted by valkyryn at 8:50 AM on November 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Also: Persistent Kafkaesque Rumors.
posted by valkyryn at 8:50 AM on November 23, 2013


Uh oh: Wild Monkeys.
posted by valkyryn at 8:52 AM on November 23, 2013


50% Chance Floor Made of Lava.

I like those odds!
posted by Elementary Penguin at 8:52 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sounds like just another Friday night in Minecraft.
posted by darkstar at 8:56 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've always read those signs correctly (Caution: Automatic Door) but I can never read the words that they put down on roads in the proper order. So it's all LANE BIKE and CLEAR KEEP for me.
posted by zsazsa at 8:57 AM on November 23, 2013 [9 favorites]


STAY OFF
WARNING
INTERNET

posted by DigDoug at 9:03 AM on November 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


> 50% Chance Floor Made of Lava.

Then you need this couch.
posted by benito.strauss at 9:07 AM on November 23, 2013 [8 favorites]


CONJUGAL DRASTIC VISITS

Well I never
posted by jquinby at 9:26 AM on November 23, 2013


I grew up in Massachusetts where they have actual yellow-diamond road signs that say

             GO

        CHILDREN

           SLOW
 
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 9:42 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


CARMELIZED

SAMPLE SIZED

ONIONS

Well okay then.
posted by The Whelk at 9:45 AM on November 23, 2013


CATS HAVE
MINIATURIZED
LEGAL RIGHTS

Less awkward, more... PETA propaganda.
posted by Nanukthedog at 9:59 AM on November 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


Troll
Troublesome
Lair

Good to know.
posted by The World's End at 10:12 AM on November 23, 2013


Wait...does that mean that only miniaturized cats have rights? Or that the rights of cats are, you know, small comparatively speaking?

Asking for a friend.
posted by jquinby at 10:25 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


CROSS
CHILDREN
WALK

HAPPY
CHILDREN
RIDE
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:36 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


SLOW
CHILDREN
AT PLAY

…doesn’t fit the pattern but was always my favorite.
posted by migurski at 10:43 AM on November 23, 2013


I once saw this sign in the building where my mother-in-law works. DANGER Lightning may cause you to ROCK OUT!
posted by Toekneesan at 10:49 AM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Emergency
Impossible
Exit
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:56 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


PORTAL
TEMPORARY
TO HELL

Obviously this us for an Ikea on the weekend.
posted by happyroach at 11:05 AM on November 23, 2013


ONLY MAKE
RETROACTIVE
LEFT TURNS

I guess I am going to be all right in the future
posted by GhostRider at 11:32 AM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Don't get left in the past though.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:07 PM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


ONE FISH
TOFU
TWO FISH

Most are a little underwhelming but the unwitting poetry of that one was gold.
posted by axiom at 12:19 PM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Inspirational
Olde English
Posters


Beseech not what thine country dost for thou; beseech what thou dost for thine country.
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 12:37 PM on November 23, 2013


DIMENSIONAL
DUE TO STORM
WORMHOLE

AWKWARD
ICELANDIC
FIRST DATES

WILDLIFE
PANTSLESS
SANCTUARY

Why is this so accurate? I swear, it knows me....
posted by quiet earth at 12:55 PM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


INVASIVE
CUT IT OUT
SPECIES

This PSA has been brought to you by Uncle Joey.
posted by CKmtl at 1:33 PM on November 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


UNDERSEA
ARTISANAL
CABLE
posted by sonika at 1:38 PM on November 23, 2013


AWKWARD
ICELANDIC
FIRST DATES


Oh man, I have witnessed these when I lived in Iceland. The couple who was obviously on their first date, and also obviously already "hooked up" in some fashion, and it gradually dawns on each of them that they have nothing in common and you can just feel the sinking "What did I DO last weekend?" feeling threaten to engulf the room.

Good times.
posted by sonika at 1:41 PM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


CRISIS
UH OH
UNFOLDING


That seems a little obvious, no?
posted by ambrosia at 1:51 PM on November 23, 2013


Hi, I made this! Happy to be of some amusement. The top and bottom are randomized separately from the middle, so it can be pretty random. Some are funnier than others. My favourite one it's churned out is BOLOGNESE GELATINOUS CUBE.
posted by oulipian at 2:00 PM on November 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


there's a sign on my block that says

SLOW
WATCH CHILDREN

And I always feel like the thoughts of a pedophile have been put into capitals and put on a sign.


It also perversely makes me want to shout out 'Children!' in that weird way that was used after Chef quit South Park after the Scientology debacle, where they used old clips of Isaac Hayes's voice to mock him.

CHILDREN!
SLOW DOWN
SO I CAN WATCH YOU
posted by angrycat at 3:12 PM on November 23, 2013


or something like:

CHILDREN
I AM SLOWING TO WATCH
NOW DANCE
posted by angrycat at 3:13 PM on November 23, 2013


also, as a kid they had the picture of some cartoon guy being electrocuted on the strange maybe top secret whatever big electrical thing at home. My brother got on this kick where he had to act out the fate of the cartoon character dramatically, with sound effects, anytime he passed one of these warnings.
posted by angrycat at 3:17 PM on November 23, 2013


When we moved here there was a sign at a certain point in a nearby suburb that said CAUTION DEAF CHILD AREA which the locals assured us had been there for at least ten years. This was in 1992, and that sign is still there today.
posted by localroger at 3:24 PM on November 23, 2013


EYES MUST
CIRCULAR
NOT BE USED
posted by arcticseal at 3:39 PM on November 23, 2013


I still like the signs at my local hospital that tell you which extension to call if the phones quit working.
posted by 4ster at 4:55 PM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think I got a pretty good one. I took a screenshot because you wouldn't believe me if I told you.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 6:00 PM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


ALL MY
SILENCED
LIFE
posted by Navelgazer at 8:49 PM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is a
Semi-formal
Touchscreen
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:28 PM on November 23, 2013


Because
Trial run
Reasons
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:31 PM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


ETSY-BASED
BIOHAZARD
ECONOMY

STAY OFF
X-RATED
INTERNET

CITATION
DUBIOUS
NEEDED
posted by NMcCoy at 2:36 AM on November 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


JUGGLING
STEP ASIDE
PRACTICE
posted by hippugeek at 10:01 AM on November 24, 2013


ASK US
YOLO
ABOUT JESUS
posted by Room 641-A at 1:44 PM on November 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


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