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there's no reason to have a boat on a basketball court
February 28, 2014 8:14 PM   Subscribe

Inspired by video games such as NBA 2K14, SBNation's sports blogger Jon Bois decided to create a sports video game of his very own. It went terribly.
posted by Potomac Avenue (30 comments total) 41 users marked this as a favorite

 
Somehow the rebound of death just had me in stitches.
posted by wierdo at 8:31 PM on February 28 [3 favorites]


"The graphics are decent"

Holy shit, that is funny.
posted by Saxon Kane at 8:45 PM on February 28 [1 favorite]


Wonderfully Jack Handy-esque.
posted by sourwookie at 8:46 PM on February 28 [1 favorite]


I have yet to read a Jon Bois-based FPP that doesn't leave me cackling with laughter. He's a funny motherfucker.
posted by COBRA! at 8:59 PM on February 28 [8 favorites]


If the words Garry's Mod had been in the FPP text, then the outcome would have been a lot more obvious.

But anyway if you're disappointed by the failure, I present a simple sports game here, written in friendly Python.

import random
print "SPORTZTHING 2014"
fiftyfifty = 0.5
favor = 0.0
if random.random() < fiftyfifty + favor:
    print "Team one wins!"
else:
    print "Team two wins!"


I leave it to later developers to build in the fine-tuning, which I project will mostly revolve around the value of the favor variable.
posted by JHarris at 9:02 PM on February 28 [6 favorites]


Still better than Atari.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:07 PM on February 28 [1 favorite]


That was great.
posted by neuromodulator at 9:31 PM on February 28


That comment thread has some amazing sports gifs in it. My favorite.
posted by ORthey at 9:38 PM on February 28 [8 favorites]


Evocative of the best of OMM.
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 9:39 PM on February 28 [2 favorites]


It went terribly.

I realize this line is in the intro to the article, but I would argue it could not possibly have gone better.
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:43 PM on February 28 [1 favorite]


Much funnier than I expected. Still giggling.

On the comment GIF front, this one is hilarious, but also? Larry Bird is angry with you.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:25 PM on February 28 [3 favorites]


This is the best possible advertisement for Garry's Mod I could imagine. I saw it on steam, but never understood what it was. Now I want it.
posted by Hoopo at 11:02 PM on February 28 [3 favorites]


Man, it's like EA's not even trying anymore.
posted by xedrik at 11:08 PM on February 28 [1 favorite]


you never know what will happen when you play Jon's Basketball Game
posted by Itaxpica at 11:18 PM on February 28 [6 favorites]


I am entertained. A+. Would laugh again.
posted by janey47 at 12:05 AM on March 1 [1 favorite]


Read again and laughed again. Then I went to the comments and found that Jon is doing requests. Holy cats I nearly peed myself. I'm crying. He is a genius.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:08 AM on March 1


I care little for Garry's mod and not at all for sports, but this was inspired and very very funny.
posted by to sir with millipedes at 4:32 AM on March 1


The falling railcar has me wondering if it's possible to pull off some kind of mashup between basketball and Worms. Maybe something where there's a turn-based round immediately before the ball come into play where each team gets to comically alter the environment prior to actual basketball play?
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:56 AM on March 1 [3 favorites]


Considering he just concluded a run of articles involving glitching a football video game, I can't imagine the details he was trying to get right are the ones the NBA would focus on.
posted by ardgedee at 5:04 AM on March 1


He should have named it Jon's Basketball Game: No-Pass Look.

As a basketball fan who has gotten as far as making a chair/abomination in Garry's Mod, this was the best way to start my weekend.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:27 AM on March 1


This is actually a really great multiplayer game. Most fun I ever had playing HORSE.
posted by rlk at 5:57 AM on March 1 [1 favorite]


Considering he just concluded a run of articles involving glitching a football video game...


Link, for the curious.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 9:41 AM on March 1


- I have a thorough grasp of BASIC, and once authored a variant of the TI calculator classic "DRUGWAR" in which you could do the drugs yourself and the numbers would add wrong

some of our generation's best work was on a TI-83
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 11:38 AM on March 1 [2 favorites]


Finally, a video game with crates!
posted by Robin Kestrel at 2:01 PM on March 1 [3 favorites]


some of our generation's best work was on a TI-83

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by rounding, irrational, divided, and truncated.
posted by zippy at 2:21 PM on March 1 [4 favorites]


This was great. Thanks.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 9:01 PM on March 1


QWOP: The World's Worst, And Only, Athlete
posted by jcruelty at 9:41 PM on March 1 [2 favorites]


The 36 Worst Airballed NBA Free Throws In The History Of Civilization

Jon Bois archives are gold
posted by jcruelty at 9:48 PM on March 1 [2 favorites]


I have literally not played any video game at all since the Atari 2600, much less any of the new sports video games, and yet I laugh hysterically at every story Jon Bois does about them.
posted by Curious Artificer at 8:46 AM on March 2 [1 favorite]


Oh my god I'm so glad you brought Jon Bois to my attention. I don't follow sports so I would never have known about this man's beautiful comedic genius. The Beeftank series had me crying with laughter.
posted by Frobenius Twist at 2:04 PM on March 9


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