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Marshmallow Murder
April 20, 2014 7:28 AM   Subscribe

100 Ways To Kill A Peep
posted by The Whelk (35 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
Also Peep Jousting, as previously featured on MeFi. That's my favorite way to kill a Peep. It's also the only thing I've ever done with Peeps, apart from eating one out of morbid curiosity.
posted by jedicus at 7:38 AM on April 20 [1 favorite]


Use your jaw and chew, Hugh.
posted by Sokka shot first at 7:39 AM on April 20 [6 favorites]


Put the microwave on high, Guy.
posted by The Whelk at 7:55 AM on April 20 [6 favorites]


How Peeps Were Invented, A True Story

"Dude, these stale marshmallows look kinda like baby chicks. What are we going to do with them?"
"Roll them in toxic sand and we'll sell them to children."
"God... Really? What if they eat them?"
"Fuck 'em. I hate children."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:59 AM on April 20 [32 favorites]


How Many Peeps Can A .50 Cal Go Through?
posted by Confess, Fletch at 8:11 AM on April 20 [2 favorites]


In my house, Easter is not complete until some one has put a peep in the microwave. And if you ask my mom what she thinks? 2 minutes on high power.
posted by dfm500 at 8:28 AM on April 20 [2 favorites]


I'm kinda disappointed this isn't a Kids-Bop-style remix of The Coup's "5 Million Ways to Kill a CEO".
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:47 AM on April 20


Oh yeah, it's Easter.
posted by item at 8:58 AM on April 20


It's also 4/20. Legalize peeps!
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:02 AM on April 20


The winner and finalists of the 2014 Washington Post peeps contest.

What happens when you expose a peep to a vacuum.

How to make s'meeps (peeps s'mores).
posted by gudrun at 9:31 AM on April 20 [2 favorites]


I would like metafilter's opinion on the Peep Donut.
posted by angrycat at 9:50 AM on April 20


One of today's Sporcle games is Movie by Peep.
posted by fuse theorem at 9:58 AM on April 20


> I would like metafilter's opinion on the Peep Donut.

It is literally just a donut with a peep on top, disappointing.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 10:03 AM on April 20


How, how did I know as soon as I saw the link that this was posted by Whelkingtons?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:12 AM on April 20


How Many Peeps Can A .50 Cal Go Through?

That video should be titled "The luckiest chocolate bunny in the world"
posted by pjenks at 10:43 AM on April 20 [1 favorite]


I really want a Peeple Wedding one.
posted by lunasol at 10:44 AM on April 20


There are one hundred ways to kill a peep.
One hundred killing ways.
Way one: Feed it to an ostrich.
One hundred killing ways.

There are one hundred ways to kill a peep.
One hundred killing ways.
Way two: Summon ghosts to haunt it.
One hundred killing ways.

There are one hundred ways to kill a peep.
One hundred killing ways.
Way three: Blend it in a blender.
One hundred killing ways.

&c.
posted by rlk at 10:53 AM on April 20 [1 favorite]


Is one of the 100 ways ignoring it in the back of the pantry because they taste like crap until it disintegrates in 30 years? Because that.
posted by arcticseal at 10:56 AM on April 20 [1 favorite]


I still find it difficult to believe Britain is the country with the reputation of bad food.
Although I suppose "food" may be the loophole here.
posted by fullerine at 11:01 AM on April 20


That's...a lot more graphic than I was anticipating. o_O
posted by divabat at 11:07 AM on April 20 [1 favorite]


I have in fact eaten a Peep.

They taste like diabetes and sad. Doing weird things to them is a much better use of their creation.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:09 AM on April 20 [3 favorites]


Walking to brunch today we found about 20 peeps hidden in various spots along the sidewalk. We went on a peep hunt! This is the best use for peeps.
posted by cman at 11:37 AM on April 20


In my house, Easter is not complete until some one has put a peep in the microwave.

something like 20 years ago, my parents were hosting an easter dinner complete with an entire roast lamb and about 25 guests. My mother had purchased a bunch of Peeps to make a festive centerpiece. I was home from college and said "hey, have you ever put one of these in the microwave?"

"Nope," said my mom. "Why, what happens?"

"Check it out!" I said, and proceeded to microwave a Peep.

"AWESOME!!!" said my mom. "Do it again!"

I don't think I even need to say that when the guests showed up, the only centerpiece we had was a lone pot of daffodils that my mother had sent my father out to get from the drugstore and the scent of burned sugar.
posted by KathrynT at 11:54 AM on April 20 [11 favorites]


Marshmallow peeps were one of the sweets I was excited to try the first time I was in America because they were a Thing I Had Heard About On TV And In Films (see also Hershey Bars) and I was most disappointed to discover they tasted of gross (see also Hershey Bars).
posted by billiebee at 12:27 PM on April 20


Having eaten exactly one peep, I firmly believe that's exactly how they were invented.

Also, the best way to kill as peep is to melt them.
posted by dabitch at 12:29 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]


As I mentioned the last time this came up, Mrs. Example once did an illustrated guide to dueling peeps.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:51 PM on April 20


Dabitch: that video was deliciously evil.
posted by Seymour Zamboni at 2:39 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]


If you don't leave the peeps out overnight to get stale first, you're eating them wrong.

Putting them in a vacuum chamber and pumping the air out is my favourite way to kill a peep.
posted by fshgrl at 3:09 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]


In college, we had a tradition of having a peep sacrifice on the last day of the semester: Peeps would be burned, crucified, drowned, frozen, stomped on, dissolved in harsh chemical solutions and otherwise disposed of (but mostly burned) in order to appease various gods and act as a much-needed stress relief. So posts like these always take me back.
posted by dinty_moore at 4:22 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]


Looks like even the manufacturer is getting in on the whole murdering peeps thing. You can now purchase peeps that have been pre-speared for your convenience.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:02 PM on April 20


The sound in dabitch's video is amazing.
posted by arcticseal at 5:31 PM on April 20


Wait, people hate peeps?! That's so weird to me. They're not like circus peanuts or anything.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:50 PM on April 20 [3 favorites]


I have an unopened package of peeps. What should I do with them?
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:18 AM on April 21


Don't microwave it.
posted by dabitch at 9:36 AM on April 22


Blessed are the peepmakers.
posted by goofyfoot at 7:51 PM on April 22


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