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that might explain his perpetual whiny attitude
July 26, 2014 7:18 PM   Subscribe

The Horrible Truth About Spiderman's Anatomy

A follow-up post notes that Scientifically Accurate Spider-Man [somewhat NSFW] Is Not Accurate: "It turns out there’s a lot of extremely bogus spider facts online."

Previously on Metafilter: Scientifically Accurate DuckTales
posted by We had a deal, Kyle (25 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 


I don't care if it's not scientifically accurate, you'll never keep this household from singing AND HIS DICK FALLS OFFFFFF at random intervals I tell you what.
posted by psoas at 7:51 PM on July 26 [5 favorites]


Nice tagging...
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 7:53 PM on July 26


*thinks up really witty entirely inappropriate comment*

*decides not to post it, due to community standards and reduced mod staff*
posted by hippybear at 7:53 PM on July 26 [1 favorite]


I haven't read Spider-Man in years but isn't the whole webbing thing a science invention of his that he has wholly unrelated to the radioactive spider bite mutation thing?
posted by shakespeherian at 8:04 PM on July 26 [4 favorites]


shhhhhh
posted by maryr at 8:14 PM on July 26 [2 favorites]


The "Spider-Man" analogue in The Venture Brothers is a much more anatomically correct depiction. It is also voice by Nathen Fillion. Which makes it awesome.
posted by daq at 8:20 PM on July 26 [4 favorites]


Gives a new meaning to "...does whatever a Spider can"!
posted by Renoroc at 8:24 PM on July 26 [1 favorite]


This doesn't bode well for the Spider-Pig, does it?
posted by Buttons Bellbottom at 8:34 PM on July 26 [4 favorites]


Also gives new meaning to, "LOOK OUT... here comes the Spider-Man."
posted by Sing Or Swim at 8:36 PM on July 26 [6 favorites]


I haven't read Spider-Man in years but isn't the whole webbing thing a science invention of his that he has wholly unrelated to the radioactive spider bite mutation thing?

Yes, except in the Tobey MacGuire movies. In those, the webbing was a mutation caused by the bite.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 8:42 PM on July 26


There's a webcomic, Spinnerette, that started out with the concept of a somewhat-more accurate Spider-Woman (she grew 4 extra arms and shoots webs from her butt) and has grown into a full 'superhero universe' that is a mix of serious (like a mecha-themed heroine suffering from a degenerative disease under her powered armor) and ridiculous (like a Canadian furry hero called 'The Werewolf of London, Ontario'). Currently battling a supervillain from North Korea with psychokinetic power over glass ("fast-moving shards of glass"? now THAT'S cringeworthy).
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:43 PM on July 26 [6 favorites]


I'll bet he's not even that good a photographer.
posted by arcticseal at 8:50 PM on July 26 [2 favorites]


So spider man would super charge his abilities with a heavy duty laxative?
posted by Nanukthedog at 9:03 PM on July 26 [1 favorite]


One of the many reasons I loved the Spider-Marriage was the occasional implication that Peter and MJ had a delightfully kinky sex life, involving the webbing. NOW WE KNOW WHY.

Relevant: the Spider-Man: Reign AU (that Spidey will NEVER LIVE DOWN, EVER) in which MJ dies from radiation poisoning due to repeated contact with Peter's sperm. Extrapolated to the ejaculate-webbing: holy fuck, Parker, wear a condom, and some gloves.
posted by nicebookrack at 9:13 PM on July 26 [1 favorite]


Oh man I was just showing some friends the Scientifically Accurate Spider-Man tonight! They were...confused.
posted by Lemurrhea at 9:39 PM on July 26


*SINGING*
Is he strong? Listen bub --
He's got radioactive blood!
So as you'd guess, he's really quite weak
Because of his leukemia.

Look out!
His immune system is barely functional
And he's highly vulnerable
To infection!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:42 PM on July 26 [15 favorites]


I'll bet he's not even that good a photographer.

"Sorry, Peter, we're going to lay you off and replace you with a quadcopter."
posted by dhartung at 11:56 PM on July 26


Come on, Metafilter, no mention of The Venture Bros. one-off character The Brown Widow? You're losing your touch!
posted by snwod at 1:15 AM on July 27 [1 favorite]


You mentioned it, so... no problem there.
posted by Too-Ticky at 3:25 AM on July 27 [1 favorite]


daq mentioned it in the seventh comment of the thread.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:31 AM on July 27 [1 favorite]


How did you trick me into watching a video of spider sex?!

*shudder*
posted by yonega at 10:05 AM on July 27


"...shooting webbing out of his taint."

what
posted by zarq at 3:18 PM on July 27


tain't right.
posted by radwolf76 at 4:45 PM on July 27 [2 favorites]


There's a webcomic, Spinnerette, that started out with the concept of a somewhat-more accurate Spider-Woman (she grew 4 extra arms and shoots webs from her butt)

Meanwhile, at Marvel: Check Out Spider-Woman #1, Starring Spider-Woman's Ass
posted by homunculus at 4:28 PM on August 23


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