"We're going to do that now?"
August 8, 2014 7:16 PM   Subscribe

100 Ways to Attack the Groin

From Enter The Dojo, "a comedy web-series about the world of the American karate school". Out-takes.
(via [MeFi's own] Accordion Guy; this is the original source for the grungy YouTube-to-Facebook-to-YouTube version he links.)
posted by We had a deal, Kyle (32 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

posted by 724A at 7:28 PM on August 8

That was amazing.
posted by hal_c_on at 7:36 PM on August 8 [1 favorite]

I'm embarrassed to say this, but how much I enjoyed that is totally indicative of the day I've had. I thank you very sincerely.
posted by mudpuppie at 7:40 PM on August 8 [2 favorites]

There is no way that mustache is real.

On the other hand, the reboot of Reno 911 is coming along swimmingly.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:49 PM on August 8 [1 favorite]

posted by the man of twists and turns at 7:52 PM on August 8 [2 favorites]

This reminds me of the King of the Hill episode where Bobby learns the power of the kick to the groin, despite being warned that it's unsportsmanlike. He achieves total domination until he tries it on his mother.
posted by localroger at 7:55 PM on August 8 [5 favorites]

This reminds me of the King of the Hill episode where Bobby learns the power of the kick to the groin, despite being warned that it's unsportsmanlike.

From memory:

That's MY purse!

I don't know yew!

And From YouTube.

I am giggling!
posted by mudpuppie at 8:00 PM on August 8 [4 favorites]

there are 100 ways to attack the groin, 100 looving waaays
posted by hellojed at 8:02 PM on August 8 [3 favorites]

It's like an episode of The Three Stooges without their creativity, timing, or wit. And no Shemp.
posted by peeedro at 8:11 PM on August 8 [1 favorite]

Suggested listening music while you read this thread via Mefi Music.
posted by humanfont at 8:17 PM on August 8

wow how'd this video of one of my average Saturdays get leaked, who edited it so well, and why isn't it labeled as coming from MeFi Projects

posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:24 PM on August 8 [3 favorites]

I did not expect to enjoy that. I was wrong. Thank you!
posted by jacobian at 8:29 PM on August 8 this the one where the penis complains?
posted by the sobsister at 8:30 PM on August 8

I kicked a dude in the groin once.

I mean, I have been to classes where we talked about groin kicks - their relative utility in self defense situations, etcetera. We sort of acted it out.

But in real life, just one time.

A coworker of mine at the time was the sort that tried really hard to be friends with everyone, to the point that it was kind of awkward but you still had to appreciate the effort.

She decided that I would very much like to go to the local goth-ish dance night for drinks, brooding music, wearing black, possible spankings, all the things one might assume a black - haired woman might enjoy if you do not know her well.

So this black haired woman humored her, even though I wasn't really about any of that sort of business. We got some drinks, watched vinyl-clad women writhe on platforms and whip their hair about, a fellow generously offered to link my boots, and we had a fairly good time.

Eventually, my companions got as tired of all of this (as I had ages ago but did not tell them that.) Most of the party had driven, but I had ridden my trusty party bike. I had gotten pretty tipsy and it took much of my concentration to keep myself upright.

Which is why I did not believe it when I looked out of the corner and saw a man holding a card with a sentence written on it that I did not believe existed in the English language.

I stopped.

I circled back around.

And yes. That is what it said.


I am a fan of drunk trophies. I love weird little artifacts from nights out that launch stories. And this was a treasure, and nobody would believe I had seen it unless I presented the evidence.

"Hey," I said. "I will give you five dollars for that sign."

"But it's my only sign. What if someone wants to kick my balls?"

The angel perched upon my shoulder said "This guy is a pervert who gets off on women kicking him in the balls. Ick."

But the devil on my other shoulder was all like "Hey.

You get to kick a dude in the balls.


"OK. If I kick you in the balls, can I have your sign?"

So... I kicked him in the balls. Twice. And stepped on his head a little because I am a generous and giving person.

I don't think I have the sign anymore.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:38 PM on August 8 [44 favorites]

Ow my balls?
posted by Invisible Green Time-Lapse Peloton at 9:00 PM on August 8 [4 favorites]

louche mustachio: I don't think I have the sign anymore.

I imagine someone buying your "please kick my balls" sign at a garage sale for fifty cents and it pleases me greatly.
posted by dr_dank at 9:33 PM on August 8 [6 favorites]

I couldn't help but see an echo of Idiocracy in this video.
posted by oedipuss at 10:37 PM on August 8 [1 favorite]

Obigatory - for the few who are unfamiliar with Idiocracy.
posted by arzakh at 10:41 PM on August 8

louche mustachio: I don't think I have the sign anymore.

Little did you know that the sign was actually created by the man's future son, who sent it backwards in time to his father as a very elaborate suicide attempt.
posted by Mitrovarr at 11:18 PM on August 8 [8 favorites]

The Butterfly Effect script was a lot more interesting in its first draft but they decided ultimately that "Eternal Sunshine meets Jackass" wasn't really that great of an elevator pitch
posted by NoraReed at 11:43 PM on August 8 [5 favorites]

At the around 1:27 the guy executes my brother's signature "Headshot-Groinshot" technique from the LARP. Like he always said, "If you can't take the monster, take the player."
posted by ob1quixote at 11:58 PM on August 8 [1 favorite]

Also, it always surprised me more dudes didn't wear a cup.
posted by ob1quixote at 12:15 AM on August 9

Testicles are internal organs that descend through the inguinal canal which is weird and explains why getting hit in the nuts hurts in places in the middle and makes you barf.

I was at the playground from my grade school that I had attended for six years riding my cheap bike and, with my friend, making Max the Sheltie tired

The school had "Highers" and "Lowers" seperated by a formidable staircase. This poor boy, as Jim and I watched, skirted the edge, failed, slipped off the pedals of his bicycle and descended the stairs, his testicles slammed with each of the forty stairs.

He curled up on the ground gathering his midparts and I empathized
posted by vapidave at 12:49 AM on August 9 [3 favorites]

That was beautiful.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:40 AM on August 9 [2 favorites]


This is more common than you might realize.
posted by localroger at 5:49 AM on August 9 [1 favorite]

The only thing that could have made this video better would have been some farting.
posted by Poldo at 6:03 AM on August 9 [1 favorite]


I can imagine how the idea of that could be titillating for someone. But to actually do it? Anyone whose foot ever slipped off of a pedal or got run into by a toddler knows exactly how much it hurts, and there's no tingle of pleasure mixed in.

And yet, as localroger's link suggests, there are a lot of people with kick-my-balls desires. Sometimes the world makes no sense but as long as the participants are consenting, more power to them I guess.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:17 AM on August 9

...and there's no tingle of pleasure mixed in

Masochism is a hell of a drug.
posted by localroger at 6:53 AM on August 9

aww nuts
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 10:30 AM on August 9

This calls for Balls Insurance!
posted by 4midori at 11:08 AM on August 10

louche mustachio: a fellow generously offered to link my boots

I am famously bad at working these things out*, but I have no idea what that might mean. Google's first hit is Can I link my Boots Advantage card AND my Nectar card which is probably not it.

*What does a policeman have on his sandwiches? Truncheon meat! I hadn't got it after about ten years, someone had to explain it to me.
posted by StephenB at 2:37 PM on August 10

It was a typo for "lick", I assume.
posted by NoraReed at 2:42 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]

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