Why Are Ventriloquists' Dummies So Damn Scary?

April 4, 2002 11:17 AM

Why Are Ventriloquists' Dummies So Damn Scary? Their annual Convention is this July. Don't go there! Their web site reads like a nightmare. The kind that makes Night of the Living Dead look like Rebecca From Sunnybrook Farm. But why? I'm curious and can't find an answer anywhere. Why are ventriloquists and their dummies so damn scary? Someone please tell me what's wrong with this monkey! He's...he's only wood...right?[Via Bonny Burton's guest weblog over on Boing Boing]
posted by MiguelCardoso (39 comments total)

I absolutely agree! Ever since seeing this Twilight Zone episode as a kid, I've been spooked by dummies! The clown doll attacking the son in Poltergeist is tame compared to this.
posted by Mutha at 11:37 AM on April 4, 2002

Those roll-over monkey eyes are freaking me out!
posted by Dick Paris at 11:45 AM on April 4, 2002

Dear God, that's horrible, Miguel! As the MST3K bots would say: "That's good, old-fashioned nightmare fuel."
posted by evanizer at 11:54 AM on April 4, 2002

It's actually simple. The dummy is an inanimate human (ie. dead person) and it's freaky to watch them do weird stuff
posted by Domain Master 666 at 11:56 AM on April 4, 2002

Lock your doors! Homer is somewhere out there.
posted by vacapinta at 11:57 AM on April 4, 2002

...and anybody remember Magic ? *shiver*
posted by evanizer at 11:57 AM on April 4, 2002

Their "Have You Seen Homer?" plea is probably the most frightening thing. I mean I know perfectly well where he'll be when I finally get to sleep tonight. Brrrr...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:01 PM on April 4, 2002

that skin white face
those glassy eyes
i know it's just a cheap disguise
there's something in there
that wants out
and that's how come
they freak me out
posted by zoopraxiscope at 12:04 PM on April 4, 2002

Shiver...that really creeped me out. An ex-coworker of mine once casually mentioned to her boyfriend that she always wanted a ventriloquists dummy, so he had one specially made and gave it to her for her b'day. She was delighted until later that night, when she woke up to its eyes shining and glaring at her in the dark! Freaked out, she buried it in her closet and threw it out the next day. She had nightmares about it for over a week.
posted by lola at 12:08 PM on April 4, 2002

evanizer: i saw the commercial to that movie when I was a kid, and it freaked me out beyond all reason. I've never been able to actually watch the movie. Thinking about it gives me the wigguns.
posted by jbelshaw at 12:21 PM on April 4, 2002

lola, eyes shining and glowing in the dark? lit up or just reflecting?

dummys and clowns have always freaked me out. Who knows why...perhaps way back in human pre-history there was a predatory species that looked like that...
posted by th3ph17 at 12:24 PM on April 4, 2002

BATTLEFEILD NIGHTMARES PT.1

Private: "sarge, im scared"
Sarge: "where being overrun son...send in the clowns"
posted by clavdivs at 12:26 PM on April 4, 2002

Wow, cult hobby sites like this are why I love the web. Although, I am stunned that a ventriloquism site that big has no mention of Little Marcy.
posted by jonmc at 12:37 PM on April 4, 2002

Can't...sleep...clown'll...eat...me
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:49 PM on April 4, 2002

that link was on bonnie's own brand new blog, not the boingboing guestbar.
posted by quonsar at 12:54 PM on April 4, 2002

Oops, thanks quonsar!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:57 PM on April 4, 2002

Brrrrr! Creepy monkey! I've seen some ventriloquist acts that don't just creep me out though. Jeff Dunham really cracks me up...but rumor has it that I'm easily amused. :)
posted by dejah420 at 1:02 PM on April 4, 2002

Homonculi have always been nightmare fuel. They are both alive and not alive - proto-undead, if you will; but whereas the zombie and the vampire are both formerly human (in that, you can sort of understand where they're coming from, philosophically), the dummie will always be... other. They have purposes of their own we simply can't comprehend, and their dead flat little button eyes reflect the same cold malevolence of the shark.

Same with clowns, dolls, mimes, and that little ooga-booga dude that chased Karen Black around in Trilogy of Terror...

::listens::

What was that??

::shiver::
posted by UncleFes at 1:06 PM on April 4, 2002

dummys and clowns have always freaked me out. Who knows why...perhaps way back in human pre-history there was a predatory species that looked like that...

Are you suggesting a sort of deep species memory, like in Altered States, but with tiny cars and huge shoes?

Give me that Mescaline! I'm hopping in the Sensory Deprivation Tank!

I'm....running....running across the...savannah! Oh my god! MY GOD! I'm eating a giant red nose! I'm naked! It's...it's the birth throes of Howdy Doody! The clowns have taken our fire! Why is that puppet on the cross?! Why does it have the head of a goat?! HELP ME!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:14 PM on April 4, 2002

Around 1988 my father, Phil Webb, was an Assemblies of God minister at a church in Mt. Vernon, Missouri... Of the things he sold, he has always regretted selling "Homer". (An evangelist from OK , MO or AR purchased Homer from my dad.)

Oh, no... he was here. He was HERE!!
posted by UncleFes at 1:17 PM on April 4, 2002

i was always scared of the whole killer dolls phenomenon, until one day i figuired out... "hey, i could just kick it once, and then stomp on them until they break.." whaddya know, evil bert don't scare me no more.
posted by lotsofno at 1:35 PM on April 4, 2002

Just a thought - the basic "look" of Homer and a lot of other "traditional" dummies is oddly familiar ...
posted by yhbc at 1:41 PM on April 4, 2002

Oh...oh...can...can me borrow your handkerchief, sweetikums UncleFes?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:41 PM on April 4, 2002

I'm scarred for life because of the clown doll in Poltergeist so no way I'm looking at anything creepier.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:04 PM on April 4, 2002

anyone ever see the episode of Mr Show where they redid the East-West gangsta rap battles but with ventriloquists instead of rappers? damn that was funny..

"Kill-or-be-killed and Professor Pickles, what's your response?"

"Man, i dont got nothin to do with these stupid puppets..."
posted by ejoey at 2:13 PM on April 4, 2002

Just a thought - the basic "look" of Homer and a lot of other "traditional" dummies is oddly familiar ...

yes, it is familiar...
posted by billder at 2:23 PM on April 4, 2002

I'm cool with dummies, It's those little cymbal banging monkeys with the gnashing teeth and Jimmie Walker on black tar smack eyes that bother me.

That could be gentic memory, I suppose.
Cavemen had cymbal monkeys chewing on their asses nonstop.
posted by dong_resin at 3:20 PM on April 4, 2002

Er, genetic memory. The monkey threw me.
posted by dong_resin at 3:21 PM on April 4, 2002

that monkey is looking directly at me... *cold sweat* no matter where I move in the room ... :S
posted by adnanbwp at 3:24 PM on April 4, 2002

I just don't like the idea of where you have to stick your hand when you're using the dummy. No wonder that monkey looks so upset.
posted by jaden at 3:25 PM on April 4, 2002

For me, it's not only clowns and dummies. It's also those horid, horrid porcelain dolls with the big glass eyes that so many people tend to find pretty. WTF? They look like they are gonna jump up at any moment, produce a knife, and come toddering after you.

My boyfriend's neighbor has three of them in her upstairs window looking out. When I have to pass by her house late a night I find myself doing so very fast, without looking up.

'Cause you never know.....
posted by Windigo at 3:49 PM on April 4, 2002

Midgets ... no problem
Clowns ... no problem
Puppets ... no problem

midget clown puppets ... AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

*thud*
posted by Dillenger69 at 4:07 PM on April 4, 2002

When I was about six or seven I was given one of those life size dolls for Christmas. I hated that doll. I would lock her in the closet and put a chair under the knob. I will probably have mightmares tonight. Thanks Miguel!
posted by bjgeiger at 4:56 PM on April 4, 2002

There was a pretty good Buffy episode about a ventriloquist dummy. People are dying all around, and you think it's the dummy that's killing them, but it's not, even though it happens to be alive. Or something like that.
posted by bingo at 2:28 AM on April 5, 2002

They are completely paralyzed. They can neither whimper nor scream. They are sentient, but cannot communicate. They are trapped forever, grotesque caricatures, cheap foils, animated against their wills by forces beyond their control. Sort of like being an employee. What's not to horrify?
posted by Opus Dark at 3:30 AM on April 5, 2002

I just don't like the idea of where you have to stick your hand when you're using the dummy.

Wasn't the name of the newscaster in-Not the mama! Not the mama!--the muppetacious Dinosaurs something like Howard Handupme?
posted by y2karl at 4:21 AM on April 5, 2002

Um, that's Dinosaurs for you, Miguel... And now I find, upon furhter research, that was the name of the newscaster, and, upon further reflection, jaden, something that could said of the Muppets in general and particular--but who in the world is frightened by Muppets?
posted by y2karl at 4:30 AM on April 5, 2002

Actually, I find the whole idea of Miss Piggy pretty scary.
posted by jaden at 10:05 PM on April 7, 2002

Obviously you've never found yourself looking down the business end of a boomerang fish, karl.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:06 PM on April 7, 2002