"There were Americans everywhere." U.S. partiers wash up in Canada.

August 22, 2016 4:00 PM

An estimated 1,500 Americans illegally and unexpectedly washed up in Canada late Sunday after strong winds blew them across the St. Clair River near Sarnia, Ont.
posted by adamcarson (103 comments total)

Build a wall.
posted by roger ackroyd at 4:05 PM on August 22, 2016 [47 favorites]

I understand if you chum the US waters with pork rinds and beer they migrate back on their own.
posted by kinnakeet at 4:07 PM on August 22, 2016 [39 favorites]

Hey, can we maybe not start this thread off with lolamericans jokes? Some people were partying on a river and got blown to Canada because they weren't experienced enough to know better. They were cold and they had to be rescued. Hilarious?
posted by teponaztli at 4:12 PM on August 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

Maybe pointing and laughing will help get the message across to more irresponsible party people?

I've been caught in a similar situation. I'm really glad nobody pointed and laughed at me, as I was in a tough spot. I did learn a little something from kind people, though, that informed my practices in the future, and also informed how I treat people in similar situations.
posted by SpacemanStix at 4:20 PM on August 22, 2016 [11 favorites]

Best bit: On the shore, passersby were giving their shirts off their backs to get people warm.
posted by zadcat at 4:28 PM on August 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

According to the article no one died and I didn't see any mention of serious injury either. Also this has already happened and isn't taking place right now. I think under the circumstances we can point and laugh at these people (and perhaps think to ourselves how easily it could have been us).
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 4:30 PM on August 22, 2016 [29 favorites]

Washing ashore in Sarnia is punishment enough.
posted by srboisvert at 4:34 PM on August 22, 2016 [38 favorites]

I think the pointing and laughing comes from one of the major political parties in the US advocating building walls along their border. And don't think for a second those walls won't mount machine guns.

So, yeah, pointing and laughing's kind of harmless.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 4:35 PM on August 22, 2016 [11 favorites]

I'd like to see what would have happened if 1500 Canadians got blown over to the US. I suspect they'd be sitting right now in some detention center in Port Huron facing charges.
posted by Flashman at 4:36 PM on August 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

FTA: "They were terrified of entering another country without documentation. No one carries their passport or any ID, and a lot were drinking alcohol," Garapick said.

This is consistent with my memories, such as they are, of the Port Huron Float Down.
posted by palindromic at 4:36 PM on August 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

Hey, can we maybe not start this thread off with lolamericans jokes?

Will no one think of the Americans?
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:37 PM on August 22, 2016 [111 favorites]

Maybe pointing and laughing will help get the message across to more irresponsible party people?

Unlikely. Around here we call it the "tuber hatch" (like an insect hatch on the river) and a lack of knowledge is pretty much par for the course. The one time I went tubing with them we got caught in a lightening storm. The tuber hatch thought it was the best thing ever. I pulled off to the bank and sat out of the water and they thought I was being a wimp.

The fact that I was a former Boy Scout, EMT, whitewater rafting guide, life-long outdoorsman, sailor, etc. didn't sway them.

Some people just don't think. I'm glad everyone got home safe.
posted by ITravelMontana at 4:37 PM on August 22, 2016 [13 favorites]

Is it illegal to go tubing or to wash a shore in Sarnia?
posted by clavdivs at 4:38 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Flashman: "I'd like to see what would have happened if 1500 Canadians got blown over to the US. I suspect they'd be sitting in some detention center in Port Huron facing charges."

That would probably depend a lot on how brown they were.

Apparently the coast guard fished 119 people out of the water last year and 1 person did drown. It's interesting how liability law in the US has maintained this event as completely ad hoc.
posted by Mitheral at 4:39 PM on August 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

Also the article says:

Some Americans, worried about landing in Canada without identification, attempted to swim back to the U.S.

And implies that would have been dangerous for them. That they were worried enough about this to risk their lives again might be a little related to the current political climate in the US, or at least the general idea here that its dangerous to be an "illegal immigrant".
posted by thefoxgod at 4:39 PM on August 22, 2016 [13 favorites]

clavdivs: "Is it illegal to go tubing or to wash a shore in Sarnia?"

I'm pretty sure it's illegal to cross into Canada not at customs control point.
posted by Mitheral at 4:40 PM on August 22, 2016 [7 favorites]

survivor count up to 1500 and barack trudeau is still playing golf
posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:41 PM on August 22, 2016 [12 favorites]

you guys have to deal with potato people?
posted by indubitable at 4:41 PM on August 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Michigan detains Canadians in Birch Run.
posted by clavdivs at 4:42 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

BUT, ACT OF GOD...blown off course.
posted by clavdivs at 4:44 PM on August 22, 2016

I've never understood why people feel that "pointing and laughing" is a productive way to respond to the misfortune of others. I read this and think, if that happened to me I would have been utterly terrified. And the thing is, the world is a complicated and dangerous place and so despite my best efforts to educate myself and stay safe, I make mistakes sometimes and I've ended up in truly horrifying situations because of my own naivety. So I read a story like this and think, gosh I'm glad no-one died because of a pretty typical human mistake. I guess I don't get the lulz here.
posted by langtonsant at 4:45 PM on August 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

I apologize if my first comment derailed this conversation. I enjoy going out on rivers, but I've also had things go wrong and been at the river's mercy, and it is very scary in the moment, and also something we laughed about afterwards.
posted by roger ackroyd at 4:46 PM on August 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

I can totally understand the folks who tried to swim back to America. Canadian detention centers are like that pit Batman had to climb out of, so I'm told. Cold coffee, that sort of thing.
posted by Brocktoon at 4:53 PM on August 22, 2016 [12 favorites]

I was wondering how this event is even a thing that any one can obtain the necessary insurance coverage to be in charge of, but then I got to this:

The event has no sponsors, and nobody is responsible for its operation. There's no registration process, either.

I know, the big government and the insurance cartels just want to keep people from having a little innocent fun, but participating in this is stupid to the point of recklessness.

Thankfully, it seems that no one was seriously injured. But these hosers wasted the time and resources of another country's safety services and made innocent folks risk their lives to save them.

Mocking them as merely drunken fools is far kinder than the ire that they probably deserve.
posted by sparklemotion at 4:55 PM on August 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

I'm pretty sure it's illegal to cross into Canada not at customs control point

Clearly, the answer is customs agents on tubes or, perhaps, a special customs raft.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:56 PM on August 22, 2016 [8 favorites]

I'm pretty sure it's illegal to cross into Canada not at customs control point.

http://www.cbsa-asfc.gc.ca/travel-voyage/pb-pp-eng.html
posted by srboisvert at 4:56 PM on August 22, 2016

And implies that would have been dangerous for them. That they were worried enough about this to risk their lives again might be a little related to the current political climate in the US, or at least the general idea here that its dangerous to be an "illegal immigrant".

It could well have been under other circumstances. Canadian immigration are no joke in regular border crossings. Nor are they necessarily happy, friendly people who are fuzzy and warm - I've seen them scream at Chinese speaking 80 year olds who clearly have no English or French, when it turned out there was an interpreter available and they were just doing this for kicks. A Polish (legal) immigrant was once tasered to death in the Vancouver airport after they left him to wander there for 8+ hours without calling an interpreter. Then they insisted he was drunk and that was why the RCMP had to taser him so many times and why they didn't tell his mother he was there even though she was waiting for him and inquired. I've had to give on several occasions day by day breakdowns of what I was doing on my travels and a hell of a lot of personal information about the people I've been visiting, including once full job descriptions. Maybe this is just the BC border, but they're the equal of any border I've ever crossed in terms of potential nastiness and wankerdom. Maybe Ontario is better, though?
posted by lesbiassparrow at 4:58 PM on August 22, 2016 [26 favorites]

Clearly, the answer is customs agents on tubes or, perhaps, a special customs raft.

agents deployed with maple-leaf-emblazoned floaties
posted by poffin boffin at 5:00 PM on August 22, 2016 [9 favorites]

I live near a large body of water, and sometimes it's appropriate to LOL. During a boat race, some inexperienced mariners sunk their party barge, swam to shore, and took a taxi to a local bar so there would be plausible deniability that they were drinking while boating.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:01 PM on August 22, 2016 [13 favorites]

there but for the grace of God (and lack of proximity to Canada) go I
posted by sallybrown at 5:05 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Maybe Ontario is better, though?

Dicks there too, often enough.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:06 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

[Show me the Venn of how many of these same dumb drunks were ruining my beloved Woodward Avenue earlier that weekend at the Cruise.]

I too have seen too much idiotic "non-mariner" behavior to not want to roll my eyes a little. I'm amazed how many people, for instance, don't really have an understanding of weather patterns and randomly look in any direction to see if it's gonna rain.

(I will now try to forget when I got disoriented walking in a local state rec area, came outta it in a spot the other side from where the car was, felt heatsick and was too proud to ask any nearby people for some water...)
posted by NorthernLite at 5:09 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

They were cold and they had to be rescued. Hilarious?

OMFGoodGuysCanadian -- yes this was the funnies thing I saw for days. Huge crowd of raucous floating party animals gets messed up but no one is injured or dies due to the foresight of good Samaritan Canadian Mounties. Oh, heya there, did you no think to check a weather report? Ok, climb aboard.
posted by sammyo at 5:10 PM on August 22, 2016 [8 favorites]

Eh, Canada Customs and the Canadian Border Security Agency are two groups of folks I'd be more than happy to never piss off.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 5:14 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

My bemusement with this comes not from laughing at the tubers, but at the fact that I can think of few other places in the world where 1500 people could wind up being blown across an international border and be met with nothing worse than ridicule. I mean, I'm uncomfortable with how this feeds into the peculiar Canadian smugness I detect in my country at times, but I'm also glad that our relationship with our neighbours is such that this "incident" is met with aid and transport.
posted by nubs at 5:16 PM on August 22, 2016 [33 favorites]

Washing ashore in Sarnia is punishment enough.

Harsh. At least they could have gone for some fries under the bridge before they went back.
posted by Ashwagandha at 5:17 PM on August 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

Build a wall.

Who's paying or it?
posted by Artw at 5:20 PM on August 22, 2016

Canadian immigration are no joke in regular border crossings.

Back in the late 80's we were boaters who would boat in packs. We wandered all over the Great Lakes, Erie Canal, that sort of thing. There was a couple that our family was friendly with who had two adorable children. They were a mixed race couple--he was from Africa and she was Scandinavian, but both were American citizens by this point. One day they made a terrible navigation decision due to a map reading error and ended up in Canadian waters. They were boarded by a Canadian patrol who destroyed the interior of their boat in a drugs search. They knifed the couches and mattresses, got oil all over the place by opening and entering the bilge and engine areas, ripped up carpets, the whole nine yards. The husband telling us this story said that he had never been so terrified in his life and he was from the freaking Congo (or Zaire, as he called it). Don't mess with Canada, y'all.
posted by xyzzy at 5:22 PM on August 22, 2016 [9 favorites]

Canadian border guards can be dicks, but that seems to be an inconsistent thing. When my husband and I crossed over at the Blue Water Bridge in 2002 (in December... for a honeymoon in Toronto... look, we were young and broke, okay?), the kindly middle aged border guard didn't even check our ID, just gave us some friendly marital advice and sent us on our way. Contrast that with seven years later, when we were visiting our family in Michigan and brought our native Californian roommate with us, and we decided to show her the beaches of Lake Huron by going to the Pinery. We had our documentation, but were detained for two hours at the border for no particular reason, while guards asked us all sorts of questions that seemed completely irrelevant, including snide remarks about me having a different last name than my husband. I suppose they thought three people from California coming to Canada for the beaches was an unlikely story?
posted by Meghamora at 5:27 PM on August 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

From the article:

"Winds were consistently blowing at 10-15 knots and gusting up to 27 knots. That's sustained winds of about 20 km/h and gusts of 50 km/h."

Peter Garapick of the Canadian Coast Guard, as quoted in the article:

"They don't have a mariner's sense. These are people who think they're going for a dip in the pool," he said. "We had 1,500 people who were in complete need of help, and everyone walked away alive."

I think if you are foolhardy enough to float drunkenly in an inner tube in a commercial waterway that also functions as an international boarder in a 15-25 knot wind, and get blown ashore in said other country, and the worst thing that happens to you is that you are rescued by that other nation's coast guard and returned to the US (safely and in good health) before 7:30pm that same evening, some ridicule is definitely in order. That may not be the Canadian way, but it sure as hell is how we react to this sort of foolishness in the U.S. of A.

Now, if someone had been injured or worse, that ridicule would most likely (but not absolutely) be in poor taste. But in this case? Nah, these fools made the news for doing something stupid. They deserve some amount of scorn, if only to make future stupid people think twice about doing this next year. IMHO, of course.
posted by mosk at 5:28 PM on August 22, 2016 [35 favorites]

Mocking them as merely drunken fools is far kinder than the ire that they probably deserve.

Amen to that. Rescuing these drunken idiots no doubt required a substantial expenditure of time and money on the part of Canadian emergency responders, and all because the jackasses didn't know what the hell they were doing when they got on the water.
posted by tobascodagama at 5:33 PM on August 22, 2016 [7 favorites]

What I'm more curious about, from a border-control standpoint: How did 1500 people, many apparently without any ID, cross into the US? What's that story?
posted by figurant at 5:39 PM on August 22, 2016 [7 favorites]

"There were Americans everywhere."

Always a cause for concern.
posted by freakazoid at 5:41 PM on August 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

Listen - sometimes Canadians are wet drunk border-crossers too. And we ridicule them too. It would be impolite not to.
posted by Kabanos at 5:41 PM on August 22, 2016 [10 favorites]

Will no one think of the Americans?


Yeah, look, I thought the headline sounded funny and then I read the article and it just sounded like a really long day for everyone involved. People sounded pretty scared even if no great harm did come to them. I get that people can laugh about this, but it reminded me of how I wound up in a different kind of stupid situation (involving snow chains in the mountains) and how, on top of everything else, I knew there would be someone who thought "lol idiots." But it's super easy to say "of course you do this in that situation, everyone knows that!" after reading some story about someone else's mistake in the news.

And the idea that laughing is some kind of public service? Please. Everyone wants to think this kind of thing could never happen to them because it only happens to total idiots.

I get that I'm being a fun sponge. I'll piss off. There's my $0.02 anyway.
posted by teponaztli at 5:42 PM on August 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

Maybe this was just a crowd-sourced effort to establish a dedicated internet cable between Port Huron and Sarnia. The series of tubes just didn't reach across the whole way.
posted by Kabanos at 5:47 PM on August 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

In a small, slight defense of the tubers, I swam in that channel once, from Waterfront Park on the Canadian side, and was carried downstream with remarkable force. Helluva current there; I can understand thinking the current would override the wind. Best view of a tanker I've ever had...
posted by Bron at 5:55 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

my takeaway ... yay canada!
also ... thanks canada!
posted by soakimbo at 5:58 PM on August 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

This might have been a really cunning way to smuggle people from Canada to the USA.
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:58 PM on August 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

Can we at least accept that 1500 Americans just randomly washing up on Canadian shores unintentionally is still pretty hilarious just because of how absurd the premise is? Like, how does that even happen? People had a giant tubing party and the wind carried them to Canada? That's pretty weird, right?

I mean, yes, if someone died, that would be sad. But no one did! And as the Coast Guard video showed, at least some of the party-tubers were quite jovial about their rescue.

Was it dangerous and possibly scary? Sure. Would I piss my swimming trunks in fear if it was me? No, but only because you would never find me anywhere near this because I'm terrified of open water. Should they do it again? No, of course not. This is me wagging my finger at the Americans while chuckling under my breath. Because yeah, it's pretty funny.
posted by chrominance at 6:00 PM on August 22, 2016 [20 favorites]

I'm pretty sure it's illegal to cross into Canada not at customs control point.

Especially with Spuds MacKenzie in tow.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 6:08 PM on August 22, 2016

Is "no one died" really the bar that has to be met before people aren't jackases about this, though? The sheer number of people makes it seem even scarier, in terms of the resources and in terms of how the weather took over this event. I think some sympathy for the people who found themselves in an unexpected situation and lots of praise/thanks for the responders who assisted them are more in order.
posted by TwoStride at 6:15 PM on August 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

I live near a large body of water, and sometimes it's appropriate to LOL.
...
Can we at least accept that 1500 Americans just randomly washing up on Canadian shores unintentionally is still pretty hilarious just because of how absurd the premise is?

Indeed. And as chrominance goes on to point out, if someone had died then it would not be funny. But no one DID die. Over one thousand people blew across a damn river into a whole other country, and none of them died. No one was even hurt, as far as I can tell, other than maybe a sunburn here and there. And they weren't even arrested or otherwise victimized - instead they got a free ride home!

I think having a good chuckle in a situation like this is a testament to how well it all worked out and how level-headed everyone was in the face of odd, unexpected circumstances. We're well aware it could've gone down a different way, but it actually went down this way, and so it's whimsical and funny and not at all tragic.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 6:19 PM on August 22, 2016 [13 favorites]

I think you can have sympathy, appreciation for the rescuers, AND find the whole thing amusing.

(And obviously it would be less funny if someone was seriously hurt / dead, but that applies to literally anything)
posted by thefoxgod at 6:20 PM on August 22, 2016 [9 favorites]

This won't happen again if you just give us Michigan whynot.
posted by hangashore at 6:23 PM on August 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Is "no one died" really the bar that has to be met before people aren't jackases about this, though?

How about "no one died, no one hurt, no one arrested, everyone safely home by the next day"? Also it seems rather uncharitable to call people finding mirth in a situation "jackases [sic]."

I think some sympathy for the people who found themselves in an unexpected situation and lots of praise/thanks for the responders who assisted them are more in order.

I reject the premise that having a laugh implies lack of sympathy and respect for those involved. Again, the fact that we can laugh at the hilarity instead of crying at a tragedy is a testament to how well everyone handled the situation.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 6:24 PM on August 22, 2016 [18 favorites]

From where I sit I can see the beach where they set sail yesterday afternoon. Then I was out on the balcony watching the takeoff through binoculars. People didn't go all at once at 12:30. They dribbled out over the next two or three hours. The lazy start was probably due to the informal party nature of the event, but at the time I wondered if people were hesitant because it seemed like it might be a slow float with the wind opposing them. There were many official boats watching, over a dozen police and coast guard boats. Someone drowned at this event a couple years ago, and the police accompaniment has most likely increased since then. That may have prevented a worse outcome yesterday. I counted six cops on SeaDoos. watched them circle the floaters as they caught the current. Thought maybe they were checking for alcohol, and that's why people were staying ashore, that the authorities were ruining their fun, but in pictures I've seen since the alcohol is openly displayed. When I looked out two hours later people were still carrying inflatable vessels down on to the beach. Maybe by this time other participants were already washing up in Sarnia Bay or stuck out in open water. The wind changed direction and became stronger about three hours after people first began floating down, when the dark clouds and the rain rolled in. Except for the unhelpful wind direction and the temperature being more moderate than most days this climate change summer, it wasn't that bad a day when they first began. When a helicopter came low over the shore this morning I wondered if someone had been reported missing from yesterday. The helicopters aren't unusual here on the border, but whenever I see them circling or low in the sky I wonder what's up, if someone has tipped a boat or jumped off the bridge. But this one only made one pass. Surprising actually that there weren't people reported missing after getting into such a mess.
posted by TimTypeZed at 6:43 PM on August 22, 2016 [10 favorites]

This whole story is a lie and a ruse to distract from the fact that those 1500 Americans came to beat up our gas station washrooms.
posted by chococat at 6:46 PM on August 22, 2016 [14 favorites]

Everyone wants to think this kind of thing could never happen to them because it only happens to total idiots.

I laugh because I KNOW this could happen to me.
posted by sallybrown at 6:48 PM on August 22, 2016 [17 favorites]

I might be more sympathetic if this was an unexpected outcome, but it's not. This is not your typical meandering river - it is an international shipping channel (technically a strait) with a very fast current and lots of very large freighters running up and down it. This "event" has been a nightmare for years and the authorities have tried to shut it down unsuccessfully. Anyone who thinks they can hop on a floatie with a case of beer and a plastic oar and not face dangerous conditions deserves to be laughed at when they get blown to Canada, if that's the worst they experienced.

[Shoutout to my fellow Blue Water Area-ers...Algonac native here].
posted by Preserver at 7:01 PM on August 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

In a small, slight defense of the tubers, I swam in that channel once, from Waterfront Park on the Canadian side, and was carried downstream with remarkable force. Helluva current there; I can understand thinking the current would override the wind. Best view of a tanker I've ever had...

Having grown up in Sarnia, I've jumped into the St. Clair River a few times in my life, from the area down underneath the Bluewater Bridge.

Jumping in, you surface a rather surprising distance from where you went in.

It's also a tight shipping channel with upbound and downboubd freighters passing through all the time. Getting blown around on the river, with its substantial current, is a good way to end up in the screws of a laker. I'm not saying that to be a buzzkill.

Being familiar with the area where most of these folks washed up, a swim back across would be a heck of a chore for a very, very strong swimmer. Even in the heat of summer, it's still pretty cold in that water, and you'd be fighting the current all the way.

It is indeed a wonder that, given the number of people involved, everyone went home at the end of it.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:04 PM on August 22, 2016 [11 favorites]

Also, what preserver said (eponysterical!)

Blue Water represent!
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:06 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Trailer Park Boys fucked it up first!

Put your hands down, boys. Smokes, now.
posted by not_on_display at 7:20 PM on August 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

When America sends its people, we're not sending our best. We're not sending you. We're not sending you. We're sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with them. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re useless sailors. And some, I assume, are good people.
posted by Naberius at 7:33 PM on August 22, 2016 [25 favorites]

Yeah, it's pretty hilarious to hear of some Americans blown into another country. No one was injured or died and they were sent home by the evening.

Poor Canada, having to deal with that mess. Had it been reversed, people probably would have been derained for days.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:52 PM on August 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Hey I appreciate people's perspectives here. Still don't think it's funny, but to be clear, I never thought people were jerks for laughing about it, or anything. Sorry for being grouchy (this is what happens when I comment with a headache).
posted by teponaztli at 7:55 PM on August 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

This won't happen again if you just give us Michigan whynot

This Michigander/ganian would be fine with dual citizenship.

those 1500 Americans came to beat up our gas station washrooms.

Nah, the Americans who do that probably could have swum home.
posted by NorthernLite at 7:59 PM on August 22, 2016 [11 favorites]

derained for days

Is this reverse water boarding?
posted by SpacemanStix at 8:25 PM on August 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

An estimated 1,500 Americans illegally and unexpectedly washed up in Canada late Sunday after strong winds blew them across the St. Clair River near Sarnia, Ont.

Is that what they told you?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:30 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

If there was ever a situation that called for the word "brotilla", it's this one.
posted by bigbigdog at 8:31 PM on August 22, 2016 [21 favorites]

Reasons my ancestors entered Canada:

-Joined the Hudson's Bay Company
-Stationed there by the British Army
-Generally looking for work


Reasons my ancestors entered the US:

-Fleeing the Franco-Prussian War
-Fleeing the Troubles in Ireland
-Generally looking for work

Reasons my ancestors entered Canada from the US:

-Married a Canadian soldier
-Did not want to fight in an American war


None of those things involved drunken inner-tubing, so I'm OK with indulging in a sensible chuckle at this.


Also, contrary to what it sounds like, Sarnia is in no way like Narnia
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:41 PM on August 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

Having had similar adventures a few times while rafting or using inflatable kayaks they were probably totally safe as long as they stayed with their floaties. Sometimes the wind takes you where it will. And I can totally laugh at it, having been in that situation. Heck, they even had beer and snacks!
posted by fshgrl at 9:52 PM on August 22, 2016

Ok, first thing you should know is that you know Canadians are your friends when we make fun of you. This is actually advice I give international students from the US when they move here... everyone is a bit less openly friendly than in the US and then one day someone calls you an idiot and thats how you know you have a friend... more true out west than in front Newfoundland or Nova Scotia, but you'd still take a ribbing there when people really know you well.

Second is that the really funny part of the article to me is the interview with the Canadian officials... it's the most exciting thing ever and they will tell this story around the campfire and at the station and at the family reunion till the day they die. And the reporter just milks it.
posted by chapps at 10:22 PM on August 22, 2016 [11 favorites]

Unclear in all the stories I read about this incident: how wide is the crossing from one shore to the other? A mile? Two?
posted by seawallrunner at 10:42 PM on August 22, 2016

Well the tunnel that goes from Pt Huron to Sarnia is 1.8km...but not sure it follows the same route.
posted by chapps at 10:47 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

(which is ~ 6,000 feet but I have no idea how many miles that is?)
posted by chapps at 10:48 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

This won't happen again if you just give us Michigan whynot.

We're gonna need to hang onto those blue states for awhile, but could we interest you in an Idaho?
posted by polecat at 11:53 PM on August 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

Like there aren't enough drunken lunkheads in this country already.
Thanks a lot, NAFTA.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:14 AM on August 23, 2016 [2 favorites]

This won't happen again if you just give us Michigan whynot

I read that as "a Michigan whynot" and I was like "What the fuck is a Michigan whynot?"
posted by clorox at 12:18 AM on August 23, 2016 [2 favorites]

"What the fuck is a Michigan whynot?"

A variety of fun sponge.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:19 AM on August 23, 2016

Build a wall.

I suspect it wouldn't need to be a very high one to work, which would keep the cost down.
posted by quarsan at 3:01 AM on August 23, 2016 [3 favorites]

…could we interest you in an Idaho?

It sounds like they already have plenty of tubers. Although there is that talking yam we need to get rid of.
posted by TedW at 6:49 AM on August 23, 2016 [3 favorites]

Unclear in all the stories I read about this incident: how wide is the crossing from one shore to the other? A mile? Two?

No, much less than that. I believe it is around 800ish feet where the bridge crosses and varies up to around 1200ish feet at its wider points in that area.

It's a particularly dangerous point in the river because of the depth and flow rate as Lake Huron channels into the river.
posted by Preserver at 6:54 AM on August 23, 2016

Canada is pretty good at handling surprise Americans.
posted by Jacqueline at 7:11 AM on August 23, 2016 [3 favorites]

As an American, I love the lol Americans jokes, and find them quite topical appropriate when discussing international travel, so keep em' coming, eh?
posted by jeffburdges at 7:20 AM on August 23, 2016 [3 favorites]

No, much less than that. I believe it is around 800ish feet where the bridge crosses and varies up to around 1200ish feet at its wider points in that area.

It's a particularly dangerous point in the river because of the depth and flow rate as Lake Huron channels into the river.

Just to add to this:

This drone footage of the Blue Water Bridge (shot from the US side, and starting at the Fort Gratiot lighthouse in Port Huron, where the tubers would have first entered the water to begin their trek) gives a good view of the shipping channel in question. Here's some data on the current and flow rates.

Now, throw an upbound or downbound freighter into the mix along with 1,500 people on inner tubes and gusting winds, and there you have the cause for concern. Let's take a pretty typical example of shipping traffic in those waters - on August 14, the John D. Leitch would have passed under the Blue Water bridge. For reference, it's a freighter with a length of 740', and a beam (width) of 77' 11". It can carry 34,127 tons.

For perspective, here is footage of the John D. Leitch making its way downbound under the Blue Water Bridge.

People in inner tubes getting blown about on the river might encounter some...difficulties, let's say, if they get pushed in front of or against a ship like that.

Floating lazily down a river in the middle of summer seems like a grand idea. But there are rivers in which that's not such a lazy proposition.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:13 AM on August 23, 2016 [3 favorites]

> What the fuck is a Michigan whynot?

$20 SAIWisconsin
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:43 AM on August 23, 2016 [5 favorites]

My dad (who has lived his entire life in Sarnia) just told me that a guy he used to work with swam across the river from the Canadian to the American side on a dare back in the '70s. He started in Sarnia and wound up quite a ways down the river by the time it made it over to the other side because the current is so strong. It being the '70s, someone saw him walk ashore, called the cops and he was driven back to Canada after being given nothing more than a stern lecture about not doing it again. It being the '70s, he was also drunk.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:43 AM on August 23, 2016 [5 favorites]

This happened earlier this summer, proving that there are strange reasons for border crossings.
posted by nubs at 9:21 AM on August 23, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also, contrary to what it sounds like, Sarnia is in no way like Narnia

Well there's a witch living on Exmouth St. but she's way nicer.
posted by beau jackson at 9:50 AM on August 23, 2016 [3 favorites]

Also, contrary to what it sounds like, Sarnia is in no way like Narnia

True
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:17 AM on August 23, 2016 [2 favorites]

Did Narnia have a blob? I don't recall one...
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:22 AM on August 23, 2016

Canadian detention centers are like that pit Batman had to climb out of, so I'm told. Cold coffee, that sort of thing.

I can live with cold coffee. I wouldn't be able survive them constantly apologizing for it.
posted by dances with hamsters at 11:50 AM on August 23, 2016 [3 favorites]

What I'm more curious about, from a border-control standpoint: How did 1500 people, many apparently without any ID, cross into the US? What's that story?

Back in college I went to Canada for spring break with a couple friends (It's closer than Mexico and the drinking age is also 18). We actually crossed in at Sarnia. I think one of us had a passport, but nobody else did and they weren't required yet, only strongly encouraged. Well, the border control agent didn't like our answer as to what the purpose of our visit was (I think I said "Tourism? Vacation?"), and had us pull off to the side while they searched the minivan we were in, and they probably ran some sort of background check on us. Didn't take too long and we were on our way.

Coming back through the US border though we pulled up to the booth, were asked our citizenship, and I maybe had to show my drivers license, and told to have a nice day as the gate lifted up.
posted by borkencode at 11:53 AM on August 23, 2016 [1 favorite]

Dear Canada,

Sorry about the attempted invasion. I was drunk.

Regards,
USA USA USA
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:04 PM on August 23, 2016 [11 favorites]

Here's my theory: during the War of 1812, General Isaac Brock captured Fort Detroit and accepted the surrender of the entire Michigan Territory. It was all ours for a year or so. Somehow, deep down in their genetic heritage, modern Michiganders remember the time they were Canadians, and every year keep trying to swim upstream to spawn.

And every year, we catch 'em and release 'em back into their native habitat.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 12:57 PM on August 23, 2016 [21 favorites]

All I know is that the minute we have a hawt, shirtless PM, suddenly everyone wants in.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:12 PM on August 23, 2016 [6 favorites]

Update: ‘How she going, eh?’ crowdfunds cash to pay Canada back for rescue of more than 1,000 U.S. ‘floaters’
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:57 AM on August 24, 2016 [5 favorites]

Wow! 'Floaters' is an interesting choice of words there. Keep em' coming!
posted by jeffburdges at 11:09 AM on August 24, 2016 [2 favorites]

And people doubted that the Americans could be made to pay for that wall.
posted by sparklemotion at 12:11 PM on August 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

That GoFundMe is awesome. Donated. Thanks, mc.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:01 PM on August 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

GoFundMe link because it's not in the story
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:40 PM on August 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

The GoFundMe is closed, having collected $5,272.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:30 AM on September 3, 2016