Build it with timbits, glued together with maple syrup
August 30, 2015 11:18 AM   Subscribe

Wisconsin governer Scott Kevin Walker, currently the 3rd favorite to be the GOP 2016 presidential candidate, is said to have been approached by voters with the idea of building a wall between the USA and Canada. Walker claims some voters supporting a northern border wall worry that terrorists could cross from Canada to the USA. It is unclear what such a wall would look like; the U.S.-Canada boundary is the longest international border in the world at 5,525 miles long, which includes the Alaska/Canada bit, and has many crossing points. To complicate the issue, Canada and the USA are in (currently non-war) dispute over their border in several locations.
posted by Wordshore (112 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
 
Won't someone think of the terrified xenophobes.
posted by maxwelton at 11:23 AM on August 30, 2015 [8 favorites]


The Maple Curtain?
posted by acb at 11:24 AM on August 30, 2015 [27 favorites]


When will the walls in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans be built? Or the dome over the whole country for that matter.
posted by terrapin at 11:26 AM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


(To be fair, I should note in the favor of the terrified: I am Canadian by birth and did, indeed, cross into the United States, where I assumed the deceptive mantle of citizenship in order to pay taxes which fund the government--and lesson one is that government is evil and wrong and should be drowned in the bath. That makes me the worst kind of terrorist, playing a long, long game.)
posted by maxwelton at 11:28 AM on August 30, 2015 [9 favorites]


State walls are next, I am not kidding. "If the feds can't keep dem illegals out of [pick a state], we'll just do it ourselves!"
posted by maxwelton at 11:29 AM on August 30, 2015 [9 favorites]


54 40 or fight!
posted by klangklangston at 11:30 AM on August 30, 2015 [28 favorites]


I wonder if the endgame is keeping people out, or prevent people from going out once they establish the Christian Republic of America, under biblical law.
posted by lmfsilva at 11:31 AM on August 30, 2015 [15 favorites]




I hope everyone informs migratory species that they will need to choose a nationality and get their passport applications in order.
posted by waninggibbon at 11:32 AM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


State walls are next, I am not kidding.

Did wonder if some GOP person trying to make a name for themselves may suggest putting a wall around liberal cities to limit leftie-infection of the host red state e.g. Austin in Texas, Madison in Wisconsin, Charlotte in North Carolina or Grinnell in Iowa.
posted by Wordshore at 11:36 AM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Why stop there? Wall up the whole dang country! East and west coasts! Wouldn't want anyone to sneak in illegally by swimming across the ocean and coming in through our nation's beaches. Fence 'em up. We only need, what, 3-4 feet of water on our side?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:38 AM on August 30, 2015


Does Scotty know Game of Thrones is fictional?
posted by kmz at 11:39 AM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


State walls are next, I am not kidding.

Hm, I would kind of be okay with a wall between Illinois and Wisconsin, have you seen how FIBs drive?
posted by desjardins at 11:39 AM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


Walker (and Trump) are just laying the safe political bet.

I'll predict that if Islamic terrorists cross over the border from Mexico or Canada and shoot up a bunch of people in America (which does not seem statistically unlikely), there will be hell to pay for politicians who opposed tighter border controls and you'll see a wall go up so fast your head will spin. It's seems to me just a matter of time and such an event will pay huge dividends to the Walkers and Trumps who placed their bets on this happening.

Don't forget the insanity that followed September 11, 2001.
posted by three blind mice at 11:40 AM on August 30, 2015


Any candidate who will build a selectively permeable wall around me that will keep out fucking pinheads has got my vote.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 11:43 AM on August 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


East and west coasts! Wouldn't want anyone to sneak in illegally by swimming across the ocean and coming in through our nation's beaches.
Well, wasn't there someone up on the intelligence community that suggested North Korea could smuggle and detonate a dirty bomb in LA by fishing boat?

I think Walker should propose a moat at the edge of the territorial waters.
posted by lmfsilva at 11:44 AM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


When it comes to health and general welfare it's all about personal responsibility. But as soon as it's about keeping people out we DEMAND a socialist wall be built instead of everyone taking personal responsibility and building their own fences to keep terrorists off their property.
posted by Talez at 11:51 AM on August 30, 2015 [33 favorites]


Too late, Walker! Cruz is already there!
posted by fredludd at 11:51 AM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


Is there even a measurable level of illegal immigration from Canada? As a moderate hardliner for border control, even I think this is absurd. Focus the border control attention where it's needed.
posted by theorique at 11:51 AM on August 30, 2015


Since all Republicans are evidently required to support a Mexican border wall now, is this Walker's way of trying not to sound racist?
posted by Juffo-Wup at 11:57 AM on August 30, 2015 [8 favorites]


If I were still a journalist, I'd just keep asking these knuckleheads about their dumbest ideas so they didn't have any room to talk about anything else.

"Tell me again about the wall."
"My record is clear. Let's talk about tax policy..."
"Why are you ducking questions about the wall?"
"I'm not. It's just that there is more to talk about than just..."
"When did you drop support for the wall?"
"No, see..."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:03 PM on August 30, 2015 [49 favorites]


Is there even a measurable level of illegal immigration from Canada?

It's pretty much every border, including JFK, LAX, SFO, etc. According to the Congressional Budget Office, nearly half of undocumented immigrants initially entered the country legally and then overstayed their visas.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 12:04 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


Excellent idea. Please feel free to move ahead with construction.

Signed, A Canadian.
posted by jokeefe at 12:05 PM on August 30, 2015 [22 favorites]


Since all Republicans are evidently required to support a Mexican border wall now, is this Walker's way of trying not to sound racist?

I think it's "dickhead momentum." Once you're truly committed to being a dickhead, it's kinda hard to take your foot off the accelerator.

Obama is a Kenyan. No, he's a Muslim Kenyan. No, wait, he's a Muslim socialist Kenyan...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:06 PM on August 30, 2015 [5 favorites]


Since all Republicans are evidently required to support a Mexican border wall now, is this Walker's way of trying not to sound racist?
I think this is Scotto's way of making everyone else look Soft On Walls™.
posted by adamrice at 12:08 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


Don't forget the insanity that followed September 11, 2001.
Has it begun to recede yet?

Is there even a measurable level of illegal immigration from Canada?
It's pretty much every border, including JFK, LAX, SFO, etc. According to the Congressional Budget Office, nearly half of undocumented immigrants initially entered the country legally and then overstayed their visas.

I guess "moderate hardliner for border control" is a code word for uninformed.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:09 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Since all Republicans are evidently required

Before an argument starts, let it be known that I mean "Republicans running for President," not, you know, individual Republicans.
posted by Juffo-Wup at 12:11 PM on August 30, 2015


I miss the good ol' days when half of the published news stories didn't come across as joke articles from 'The Onion'.
posted by spoobnooble II: electric bugaboo at 12:14 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Christie's brilliant solution is to put tracking devices on immigrants. 'Cause FedEx can track packages, or something.
posted by octothorpe at 12:14 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


Imma just post what I posted on facebook, because this makes me too ragey to rephrease:

"It's super-great that Scott Walker looks at the world's longest undefended border, largest bilateral trade relationship, closest military interoperability, and most peaceful relationship between neighbors in the modern world, and says, "Hey, yeah, let's put a 4,000-mile WALL up because we are completely down the rabbit hole on immigration in this campaign and I need some headlines. Let's piss off Canada. This relationship is obviously of no importance to America." ... It's a good thing that there isn't a $12.4 billion trade relationship between Canada and the state of Wisconsin or that 150,000 Wisconsonian jobs don't rely on Canadian investment, or Walker might be in real trouble."

This statement makes me not totally sure Walker can identify Canada on a map.

Honest to God, I would vote for Trump before Walker. If I could nuke one thing from orbit, it'd be Walker, no question. And everyone I know in the WI-IL-IA-MN area feels the same. If you aren't hating Scott Walker with the fire of a thousand suns, it's because you haven't been exposed to him yet. He's absolutely the worst in the GOP field. He's horrific. Trump's a clown; Walker is a Sith lord.

klangklangston: "54 40 or fight!"

Goddammit, my 54-40 or fight joke got like NO favorites the other day. UNFAIR!

posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:15 PM on August 30, 2015 [31 favorites]


Just more evidence our governor has taken his eye off his own state's needs. Wisconsin doesn't have a Canadian border! All those solid, good-paying wallbuilding jobs are going to go to our hated enemies in Minnesota instead.
posted by escabeche at 12:17 PM on August 30, 2015 [5 favorites]




54 40 or fight!

Seriously though, we'd really like our coastline back here in BC. Sure, you guys "bought" it from Russia, but have a look at a map sometime. The Alaska panhandle is a super thin strip of coastline that cuts off half of Canada's Western coastline on the Pacific. It's ridiculous.

But let's look at this from a cost perspective. It would be very expensive to build a wall all the way down the panhandle. Why don't you guys just let go of that bit?
posted by ssg at 12:24 PM on August 30, 2015 [12 favorites]


These GOP candidates really lack vision. Clearly the superior solution is to expand our borders and create a North American Union. Then we'd have no northern land border and only a tiny southern border with Guatemala and Belize. Plus we'd gain a ton of natural resources and under-served consumer markets. And the new currency would be called the Amero, which sounds pretty catchy to me.
posted by mullacc at 12:28 PM on August 30, 2015 [8 favorites]


You haven't really arrived at empire until you have a wall to keep out the northern barbarian hordes.
posted by bukvich at 12:30 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


Build the wall. And build it with LEGOs. Because, really, you can make anything with enough LEGOs.
posted by TDavis at 12:30 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Obama is a Kenyan. No, he's a Muslim Kenyan. No, wait, he's a Muslim socialist Kenyan...

*ahem* an atheist Muslim socialist Kenyan.
posted by acb at 12:46 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


I'm sure Canadians will be fine with this if it keeps Scott Walkers out.
posted by adept256 at 12:49 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'll predict that if Islamic terrorists cross over the border from Mexico or Canada and shoot up a bunch of people in America (which does not seem statistically unlikely), there will be hell to pay for politicians who opposed tighter border controls and you'll see a wall go up so fast your head will spin. It's seems to me just a matter of time and such an event will pay huge dividends to the Walkers and Trumps who placed their bets on this happening.

*spit take* With what money? With what fucking money? How much tax money will need to be raised to pay for a wall across the entire border -- including the northwest border with Alaska? How many more people will die because of money diverted from infrastructure that y'all actually need versus any terrorist event taking place anywhere on US soil?

If any of the dimwitted cowards who think this project is at all feasible want to build a wall, they shouldn't expect Canada to help pay for any of it, either.
posted by maudlin at 12:49 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]




Walker claims some voters supporting a northern border wall worry that terrorists could cross from Canada to the USA.

Or, holy shit, white walkers. How can you oppose building a northern wall? Winter is coming.
posted by indubitable at 12:51 PM on August 30, 2015 [8 favorites]


Yes! Build a massive wall! That'll solve this non-problem once and for all!

...except for all the parts where anyone can get on a boat in Canada and get off it in the United States. So, really, any state that has a border defined by a body of water, you'll want to give that to us.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:53 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Nice effort by Walker to grab a headline or two, which seems to be beyond the ability of most of the no-Trumps these days.
posted by box at 12:53 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


All those solid, good-paying wallbuilding jobs are going to go to our hated enemies in Minnesota instead.

Wondering if Menards have been lobbying SKW to get the contract for building this wall.
posted by Wordshore at 1:08 PM on August 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


Chris Christie Wants To Leave Immigrants On Your Neighbor's Porch, Where They Will Be Stolen By The Local Meth Heads


Chris Christie Wants To Kick Immigrants Up Your Front Path, And Leave Them Under Your Sprinkler


Chris Christie Wants To Hire FedEx To Track Immigrants...Who They Will Then Try To Steal And Sell On Ebay
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:09 PM on August 30, 2015 [12 favorites]


You haven't really arrived at empire until you have a wall to keep out the northern barbarian hordes.


*begins painting self blue*
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:10 PM on August 30, 2015 [5 favorites]


Clearly the superior solution is to expand our borders and create a North American Union.

Canadanschluß
posted by kirkaracha at 1:13 PM on August 30, 2015 [5 favorites]


Don't these clowns know that airplanes have been invented? What this country needs is a dome to hide under.

We could call it ....


... the under dome.
posted by dmd at 1:14 PM on August 30, 2015 [5 favorites]


This whole idea is decades late. Celine Dion is already here.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:14 PM on August 30, 2015 [11 favorites]


Scott Walker hates unions so much, surely fences around the states is next.
posted by adept256 at 1:19 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Thoughts from a Hebridean friend:

If Canada really is "America's Top Hat", then perhaps it needs Donald Trump's (alleged) toupée as a safety/security buffer between the two? Can anything penetrate that?
posted by Wordshore at 1:20 PM on August 30, 2015


Canadanschluß


Historically, the Upper Peninsula is a part of Canada!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:20 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'll predict that if Islamic terrorists cross over the border from Mexico or Canada and shoot up a bunch of people in America (which does not seem statistically unlikely),

What kind of wall can we build to protect our PoC citizens from the highly dangerous and well organized white terrorists with guns? Even with their easy-to-spot blue uniforms there are still attacks in cities across the nation literally every single day.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:23 PM on August 30, 2015 [13 favorites]


I'll predict that if Islamic terrorists cross over the border from Mexico or Canada and shoot up a bunch of people in America

...they'll acquire their weapons, easily, after crossing the border.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:32 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


If history has taught us anything, it's that such a wall will not prevent terrorists from coming into America, and, further, it practically guaranteed attacks by Titans or Kaiju.
posted by maxsparber at 1:34 PM on August 30, 2015 [11 favorites]


I'll predict that if Islamic terrorists cross over the border from Mexico or Canada and shoot up a bunch of people in America

That's the problem, that the fear-mongers point to this scenario as likely when the truth is just utterly mundane and boring and a thousand times more dangerous.

Ahmed Ressam was stopped at a plain-jane border crossing by a single guard that simply thought he was acting weird.

But Mohamed Atta first arrived in the U.S. via a commercial flight more than a year before 9/11, and then left the U.S. and returned again in July 2001. Nidal Malik Hasan was a U.S. Army officer that was investigated by the FBI more than six months before the shooting.

Keep the terrorists out. They're already here.

We don't need more stone masons for thousand-mile walls. We need more training for flatfoot, beat-walking, old-school, how-do-you-do, Officer Friendly cops.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:53 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


Canada is at a higher risk of receiving America's flotsam and jetsam than the reverse. Besides, where will all the American refugees flee to when Trump becomes prez?
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 1:58 PM on August 30, 2015


On the one hand, I'm all for Scott Walker embracing this idea, because it makes him seem that much more unelectable and radical to me. On the other hand, I find myself completely unsure these days of who the United States would consider making their President, and wonder if maybe the whole country has moved so far to the right that Walker might actually be MORE electable if he supports a Canada wall.
posted by chrominance at 2:07 PM on August 30, 2015


so, we're building a wall over the great lakes? - who are these people who want this and why are they so overwhelmingly dumb?
posted by pyramid termite at 2:10 PM on August 30, 2015 [6 favorites]


So, like, if memory serves me right, to get to CanadaLand from Detroit you:

1) Head SOUTH (yes, that's right)
2) Go over a, like, really big bridge that goes over some river.
3) Celebrate arriving in Canada

So, how tall will the wall be to stop that? Will it be waterproofed? And how seriously good will the wall have to be to stop John Morillo coming across and invading the US of A after eight beers, again?

I am sorry to cast doubt on his intelligence, but I'm starting to suspect that Mr Walker has not entirely thought this one through.
posted by Wordshore at 2:12 PM on August 30, 2015


That was a real "I can see Canada from my house" moment.
posted by peeedro at 2:12 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Great lakes call for great walls! Also, great plains need great walls.
posted by ssg at 2:13 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


I imagine the rest of the world thinking to themselves, "Yes, America please wall yourselves off from us!
posted by Thorzdad at 2:22 PM on August 30, 2015


I might be good with it if we can lock it from this side once the temps are regularly topping 50°C down there and there's no water left.
posted by chococat at 2:51 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


"Goddammit, my 54-40 or fight joke got like NO favorites the other day. UNFAIR!"

Really? I saw it and laughed — I thought I'd clicked the +!

"So, how tall will the wall be to stop that? Will it be waterproofed?"

You don't think Matty Maroun would be happy to build a wall on the taxpayer dime?
posted by klangklangston at 2:51 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


Alienating all of our important trading partners is only one of a number of ways that the election of a "business-friendly" Republican President will effectively destroy the American Economy, but it may be most effective. And the rest of the world may be relieved to find that by isolating much of the effect of the Far Greater Depression within our borders, it may significantly reduce the impact on the rest of the world, giving them all more latitude in cleaning up their own messes (maybe even convincing much of Europe that there are problems far worse than mass immigration).
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:03 PM on August 30, 2015


so, we're building a wall over the great lakes?

We fill the Great Lakes with sharks. Sharks with lasers attached to their heads.
posted by cazoo at 3:10 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


welll, such a wall would certainly be awkward up in Derby Line...
posted by Earthtopus at 3:16 PM on August 30, 2015


Republican reasoning: "Well, we'll just build a wall, then! Nothing can get over it, or through it, or under it, or render it hilariously irrelevant by some fairly basic planning! Because it's A WALL! Walls are strong and stay hard and erect forever, and I don't think there's any latent emotional symbolism involved there!"
posted by clockzero at 3:22 PM on August 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


Canada, their evil tendrils oozing down like so much Grade-B maple syrup. Only one man had the insane vision that would stop them from polluting our change jars with loonies and twonies.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 3:22 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


I think the First Nations people whose land straddles the border might have something to say about it also.
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 3:39 PM on August 30, 2015 [5 favorites]




The great lakes would probably be the easier part of the wall; I want to see the execution of a wall over the Rockies.

Besides, border services isn't even willing to spend the money to man currently existing border crossings. Funding for a wall is going to be a complete non starter.
posted by Mitheral at 3:40 PM on August 30, 2015


Harper just announced that he's totally on board. His only question is how high the US wants it.
posted by Poldo at 3:47 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


(via Reddit) turns out there's already a border fence in places.
posted by Wordshore at 3:48 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


Given that we apparently have enough Predator drones patrolling the Canadian border that we can divert a couple of flights to surveil cattle thieves in North Dakota (as per yesterday's thread) I'm wary of the need for a wall.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:51 PM on August 30, 2015


Scott Walker is a slack jawed moron
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 3:58 PM on August 30, 2015 [5 favorites]


I've decided to be in favor of border walls IF everyone who crosses them by catapult or ballista is automatically entitled to instant citizenship in the country of landing. Parachutes allowed.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:03 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


But as soon as it's about keeping people out we DEMAND a socialist wall be built instead of everyone taking personal responsibility and building their own fences to keep terrorists off their property.

I remember once doing the math and determined that the money spent on Iraq and Afghanistan could buy every American household like 10 security cameras. (And that was years ago.) Of course, we'll need a cyberwall to keep out the cyberattacks on our home security systems...
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:04 PM on August 30, 2015


Better idea: build a wall around Walker and then enjoy a nice amontillado
posted by The Whelk at 4:15 PM on August 30, 2015 [28 favorites]


Trying to trump Trump and control the 24 hour news cycle. That is all.
posted by thebestusernameever at 4:16 PM on August 30, 2015


I'm against this idea because it's already hard enough to get Tim Horton's.
posted by double block and bleed at 4:19 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


you'll see a wall go up so fast your head will spin.

As noted, we're talking about a party that won't fund maintenance for the already existing infrastructure, so the chances of a project like a national wall being undertaken are slim and none.

And the rest of the world may be relieved to find that by isolating much of the effect of the Far Greater Depression within our borders, it may significantly reduce the impact on the rest of the world ...

Well, that takes care of us, but who's going to build a wall around China?
posted by octobersurprise at 4:29 PM on August 30, 2015


Mitheral wrote: The great lakes would probably be the easier part of the wall; I want to see the execution of a wall over the Rockies.

I think the Alaskan border might be even more interesting, given the combination of terrain and climate.
posted by 1367 at 4:41 PM on August 30, 2015


I wonder what the folks in Point Roberts, Washington, think of this notion.
posted by HillbillyInBC at 4:47 PM on August 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


Bridges, roads, infrastructure in serious need of MAJOR work, and these nitwits want to build walls around the fucking country. I live inside of a nightmare.
posted by dbiedny at 5:12 PM on August 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


i'm basically counting down the days until Trump declares that America's ancestral claim to the Albertan tar sands is ancient and indisputable.
posted by indubitable at 5:23 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Or, holy shit, white walkers.

No, the guy proposing it is a white Walker.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:30 PM on August 30, 2015 [10 favorites]


I want to see how that wall thing will work up in the St. Lawrence River. Maybe 500 islands on each side?
posted by kinnakeet at 6:36 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Well, we finally have decent dope, great beer, and all of the Kids in The Hall live here.

Build the wall!
posted by Sphinx at 6:47 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


wouldn't it be a lot easier just to build a wall around scott walker?
posted by pyramid termite at 6:53 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


whoops - anyway, he's from wisconsin, we should have a nice leinenkugel
posted by pyramid termite at 6:56 PM on August 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


If you elect this fucker I urge you to build said wall. It'll be better for all of us. Then again, if we reelect our current fucker they can be best buddies and what I think will be moot.
posted by clvrmnky at 7:17 PM on August 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


whoops - anyway, he's from wisconsin, we should have a nice leinenkugel

Up your game and drink a New Glarus. Gotta come to Wisconsin to get it though.
posted by desjardins at 8:02 PM on August 30, 2015 [3 favorites]




Shit, I have been trying to convince the Canadians to build a wall to save themselves.

I sent links to the interview Sarah Palin did with Donald Trump, and also this mostly accurate image of Scott Walker. to the most influential Canadian I know.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:42 PM on August 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


He said "lol."
posted by louche mustachio at 8:43 PM on August 30, 2015


54-40 says (sings) to leave the walls behind .
posted by chapps at 11:39 PM on August 30, 2015


(With all the 54-40 or fight references, I couldnt help but think of the band named for the slogan)
posted by chapps at 11:40 PM on August 30, 2015




He's tweeted it, and here, so it's happening.
posted by Wordshore at 1:16 AM on August 31, 2015


What about space aliens?
posted by newdaddy at 4:59 AM on August 31, 2015


Traveling outside Wisconsin means having to explain the moron Scott Walker, kind of like how traveling outside of the U.S. back in the day meant having to explain why George W. Bush: annoying--especially the need to reassure folks that I don't support him/his ideas and policies--and utterly depressing.
posted by carmicha at 5:06 AM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]


We fill the Great Lakes with sharks. Sharks with lasers attached to their heads.


Why use sharks when you already have lamprey eels?
posted by Hutch at 5:16 AM on August 31, 2015


Me, I'd like to see the wall across Niagara Falls.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:20 AM on August 31, 2015


indubitable: Or, holy shit, white walkers. How can you oppose building a northern wall? Winter is coming.

I remind you of the evidence, decades old, revealed in "Mutants of 2051 A.D"! [SLYT]
Bob McKenzie: [voice-over] I was the last one left after the nuclear holocaust, eh. The whole world had been destroyed, like U.S. blew up Russia and Russia blew up U.S. and Canada. Fortunately, I had been offworld at the time. There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys and dounut shops had been wrecked. So's I spent most of my time looking for beer.

Bob McKenzie: "Fleshy-headed mutant -- are you friendly?

Doug McKenzie: No way, eh? Ra-... radiation has made... me an enemy of civilization.

Bob McKenzie: [into a comm unit] Alpha Base. This is Bob McKenzie. I have a fleshy-headed mutant in sector 16B.

[Bob shoots Doug with a toy foam launcher]

Doug McKenzie: Ahhh! Take off, you hoser.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:56 AM on August 31, 2015 [4 favorites]


I think a lot of this can be put down to the difficulty, in certain accents, of differentiating between 'terrorists' and 'tourists' - to these ears, both sound very much like "tursts".

To date, the War against Tursm m has gone very well, as I know plenty of people who say they no longer travel to the US due to the actual or perceived unpleasantness of those friendly welcomers at airports. It's clearly time to ratchet it up, and make America such a profoundly horrible place to enter that it will forever be safe from Outsiders of any mien, especially those who deliberately use their superficial resemblance to True Americans to slip past the radar in order to commit commerce, cultural activities and - most heinous of all - comedy, the Three Cs of Sin.

The Wall will not be enough, unless the full range of minefields, tank traps, raked sand kill zones and permanent armed automatic retaliation devices are deployed. In time, with atomic mining and crustal engineering, we can but hope that the United States of America can physically cut itself free of its neighbours and move out into the Pacific - and, eventually, invent the spindizzy and lift off into the clinical, wholesome, infinite isolation of deep space.

THIS is the vision that Walker should be enunciating. THIS is the future which God has ordained. THIS is the New Apollo behind which every True American can rally. Go for it, I say, and go for it hot and strong.
posted by Devonian at 8:19 AM on August 31, 2015 [4 favorites]


posted this in the Trump thread:

A Quebecois and an Anglo run into a genie, who grants each of them a wish. The Quebecois says "Build a wall twenty feet tall around Quebec to keep the Anglos out." POOF! There is such a wall. The genie turns to the Anglo, and says "Your turn.."

"Fill it with water, eh."
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:32 AM on August 31, 2015 [2 favorites]


Sea walls and domes are all good efforts y'all, but do not forget to build a wall underneath us. How else will we keep hellspawn and the Chinese out?
posted by halifix at 9:45 AM on August 31, 2015




Just a note that Canada has already filled the Great Lakes with Sharks; in fact there's one right next to my boat as I type this.
posted by kiwano at 10:50 AM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]


I feel like Walker and Trump are in cahoots, considering that the antenna of the Toronto Trump Tower was apparently about to fall off and crush teeming masses of financial sector workers on their lunch break this afternoon.
posted by SassHat at 12:33 PM on August 31, 2015


Yeah, sure, build a wall. You can close Wisconsin every summer for construction.
posted by klangklangston at 11:13 PM on August 31, 2015


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