“...please don't assume I'm actually in favor of burning Christians,”
July 10, 2017 2:59 PM Subscribe
How Do I Vike by Django Wexler In How Do I Vike, I play as Norse pagans in Crusader Kings II, attempting to unite Scandinavia under my banner and spread the worship of Odin and Thor!
“Last game, my goals were to establish the Empire of Israel and rebuild the Temple, and thereafter to generally grab as much territory as possible. This time, the objectives are similar but not identical — I want to reform Germanic paganism into an “organized” religion and fight off the Christians, establish the Empire of Scandinavia, and ultimately reform the tribal Norse into a feudal society. Assuming I get that far, which is by no means guaranteed, then we’ll see what’s next — becoming King of England sounds attractive, and there are Germanic holy sites in Germany that need taking. Let’s get started!”
• Part One: In which I don't actually become a Viking. (769 AD - 783 AD)
• Part Two: In which I deal with succession issues, get conquered by Denmark, and start learning to set things on fire. (783 AD - 815 AD)
• Part Three: In which I free myself from Danish rule, create the Kingdom of Lapland, become a Viking for real, and have an immortal dog who eats people. (815 AD - 857 AD)
• Part Four: In which I pledge myself to dark powers and devour my own children. (857 AD - 882 AD)
• Part Five: In which I reform the Germanic religion and adopt feudalism. (882 AD - 905 AD)
• Part Six: In which the kingdom threatens to break apart. (905 AD - 936 AD)
• Part Seven: In which I harass Robin Hood and deal with seniority succession. (936 AD - 969 AD)
• Part Eight: In which I have another mad queen and inch closer to my dream of empire. (969 AD - 1006 AD)
• Part Nine: In which I establish ultimogeniture succession, create the Empire of Scandinavia, and name my horse chancellor. (1006 AD - 1042 AD)
• Part Ten: In which the invasion of England begins. (1042 AD - 1083 AD)
• Part Eleven: In which I inherit Austrasia, complete the conquest of England, and survive the Black Death. (1083 AD - 1122 AD)
• Part Twelve: In which I add Scotland to the bag, fight off a Crusade, and sleep with my horse. (1122 AD - 1162 AD)
• Part Thirteen: In which I complete the conquest of the British Isles and win a Great Holy War for France. (1162 AD - 1199 AD)
• Part Fourteen: In which Germany and more of France fall before the Scandinavian juggernaut. (1199 AD - 1233 AD)
• Part Fifteen: In which I break the power of the Mongols and take Italy. (1233 AD - 1280 AD)
• Part Sixteen: In which I declare victory. (1280 AD - 1307 AD)
This is awesome. I've wondered about this game - it's daunted me thus far. I'm now encouraged (though I don't think I'll vike right off the bat, so to speak).
posted by emmet at 4:07 PM on July 10, 2017
posted by emmet at 4:07 PM on July 10, 2017
emmet, It seems overwhelming at first but just think of Crusader Kings II as a Medieval Soap Opera Murder/Dating Sim.
There aren't any real wrong decisions or choices to make, they're just unfortunate consequences for some of the family members in your household.
posted by Fizz at 4:09 PM on July 10, 2017 [7 favorites]
There aren't any real wrong decisions or choices to make, they're just unfortunate consequences for some of the family members in your household.
posted by Fizz at 4:09 PM on July 10, 2017 [7 favorites]
Or as Bob Ross would say, “Happy little accidents.”
posted by Fizz at 4:18 PM on July 10, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 4:18 PM on July 10, 2017 [4 favorites]
Oh man, I started reading this and then had Life Changes and lost track of it. Hello again, bedtime reading!
posted by curious nu at 4:44 PM on July 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by curious nu at 4:44 PM on July 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
A week after returning from a vacation in Scandinavia, where a number of museums were visited in Sweden, Norway and Denmark, I feel like if your goal is to become a conquering viking and you're not Danish to begin with, you might be doing it wrong (or the game mechanics are doing it wrong for you). But congrats on pulling a Sweden a couple centuries early while (bonus!) avoiding running your naval flagship aground on its maiden voyage.
posted by LionIndex at 5:30 PM on July 10, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by LionIndex at 5:30 PM on July 10, 2017 [4 favorites]
Also, read the Shadow Campaigns books. Napoleonic Fantasy with grizzled vets, strong female leads, and a bit of sardonic flair.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:26 PM on July 10, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:26 PM on July 10, 2017 [4 favorites]
As usual, my doctors have no idea what's going on. Fortunately I'm extra-healthy from, uh, eating my children.
Come to think of it, maybe that's where food poisoning comes from? Who knows where they've been?
posted by doctornemo at 6:39 PM on July 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
Come to think of it, maybe that's where food poisoning comes from? Who knows where they've been?
posted by doctornemo at 6:39 PM on July 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
Nice one! Excellent reading. I keep hearing about this game, but haven't dipped my toe in yet. Too much OW, not enough time...
Metafilter's Own notmydesk did something similar a while back that I really love too.
Game of Checkers - using the Game of Thrones mod.
posted by gemmy at 8:57 PM on July 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
Metafilter's Own notmydesk did something similar a while back that I really love too.
Game of Checkers - using the Game of Thrones mod.
posted by gemmy at 8:57 PM on July 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
omg that's some thick detail. The tutorial helps a lot. Careful with the speed setting though... especially with all those helpful tutorial screens.
posted by emmet at 10:01 PM on July 10, 2017
posted by emmet at 10:01 PM on July 10, 2017
CKII really is a lot of fun. Fizz gives the right perspective to take going into it. Especially on your first few games, don't even try to play it like traditional strategy, just roleplay your character. The Monks & Mystics patch added "idle" tasks for your councilors, which are actually pretty reasonable defaults if you're not trying to do something specific, so you actually have a lot of leeway to just automate 90% of everything and focus on whatever 10% of the game is interesting to you at any given moment. The random events will give you some ideas if you can't think of anything on your own.
The best way to learn is to find some random Grand Duke (i.e., a Duke who has more than one Duchy title) in either the British Isles or Italy and mess around for a while until you have a basic grasp on what you can do in the game. Keep in mind that, unless your entire line of succession gets wiped out or you lose *all* of your titles, there are very few setbacks that can actually trigger a game over. Playing as a vassal rather than an independent ruler can actually be a lot of fun, so don't think you're done if, say, the Mongols show up and subjugate you.
Once you play things out as far as you feel like going, start over as another Grand Duke in some part of the world you find interesting. I started my second game as Rurik and made it a goal to establish the Russian Empire, which I finally did right before the Mongols showed up and subjugated me. :D But you can set whatever other goals sound interesting to you, like starting as a female ruler and trying to keep a female-only dynasty going as long as possible (warning: this is definitely a Hard Mode kind of thing) or trying to stop the Reconquista or whatever.
posted by tobascodagama at 9:04 AM on July 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
The best way to learn is to find some random Grand Duke (i.e., a Duke who has more than one Duchy title) in either the British Isles or Italy and mess around for a while until you have a basic grasp on what you can do in the game. Keep in mind that, unless your entire line of succession gets wiped out or you lose *all* of your titles, there are very few setbacks that can actually trigger a game over. Playing as a vassal rather than an independent ruler can actually be a lot of fun, so don't think you're done if, say, the Mongols show up and subjugate you.
Once you play things out as far as you feel like going, start over as another Grand Duke in some part of the world you find interesting. I started my second game as Rurik and made it a goal to establish the Russian Empire, which I finally did right before the Mongols showed up and subjugated me. :D But you can set whatever other goals sound interesting to you, like starting as a female ruler and trying to keep a female-only dynasty going as long as possible (warning: this is definitely a Hard Mode kind of thing) or trying to stop the Reconquista or whatever.
posted by tobascodagama at 9:04 AM on July 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
Wow, that King Ottarr.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:45 PM on July 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:45 PM on July 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also, read the Shadow Campaigns books. Napoleonic Fantasy with grizzled vets, strong female leads, and a bit of sardonic flair.
Yes indeed. Some call it musket-punk. I read the first two books at a feverish pace and really need to pick up the third and fourth. Bonus - some strong queer characters as well. Wexler is the kind of fantasy author that this age needs.
posted by Ber at 11:27 AM on July 12, 2017
Yes indeed. Some call it musket-punk. I read the first two books at a feverish pace and really need to pick up the third and fourth. Bonus - some strong queer characters as well. Wexler is the kind of fantasy author that this age needs.
posted by Ber at 11:27 AM on July 12, 2017
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in sleep?
posted by entropicamericana at 3:42 PM on July 10, 2017 [15 favorites]