Should the baby be President of the United States?
May 6, 2019 8:53 AM Subscribe
There's a new Royal Baby™ as of 5:26 this morning. Any questions? The New York Times has you (interactively) covered.
Well, I'm not much of a royals watcher and I didn't really take notice when the other prince had his kids, but fuck it, I'm declaring for this one. BRB, calling my bannermen.
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:04 AM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:04 AM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
Literally any baby would be a better president. Even the baby version of the current illegitimate president would do a less destructive job.
"Does this baby think it’s better than me?" This NYTimes page is hilarious btw. I've been alive too long to be surprised there's a FAQ about some rich people baby but it's still funny. Do they do this for important topics, or is this comprehensive FAQ style approach only used on completely trivial events?
posted by GoblinHoney at 9:09 AM on May 6, 2019 [6 favorites]
"Does this baby think it’s better than me?" This NYTimes page is hilarious btw. I've been alive too long to be surprised there's a FAQ about some rich people baby but it's still funny. Do they do this for important topics, or is this comprehensive FAQ style approach only used on completely trivial events?
posted by GoblinHoney at 9:09 AM on May 6, 2019 [6 favorites]
Did you see what happens when you click on the “does the baby think it’s better than me” question?
Great FAQ, or the greatest FAQ?
posted by Huffy Puffy at 9:10 AM on May 6, 2019 [12 favorites]
Great FAQ, or the greatest FAQ?
posted by Huffy Puffy at 9:10 AM on May 6, 2019 [12 favorites]
Should the baby be president of the United States? ...
Oh, wait, that's the post title!
NYT has outdone itself with all things royal snark. It can't fairly report on Trump, but it can do this. Great stuff.
posted by Melismata at 9:12 AM on May 6, 2019
Oh, wait, that's the post title!
NYT has outdone itself with all things royal snark. It can't fairly report on Trump, but it can do this. Great stuff.
posted by Melismata at 9:12 AM on May 6, 2019
Counter argument: IMPRISON THE ROYAL BABY
posted by The Whelk at 9:35 AM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 9:35 AM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
Counter argument: IMPRISON THE ROYAL BABY
posted by The Whelk at 12:35 PM on May 6 [+] [!]
Before I noticed who had posted this comment, I was literally - literally, mind you! - going to reply, "Oh, that's just The Whelk again."
posted by Naberius at 9:48 AM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 12:35 PM on May 6 [+] [!]
Before I noticed who had posted this comment, I was literally - literally, mind you! - going to reply, "Oh, that's just The Whelk again."
posted by Naberius at 9:48 AM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
I really want them to name him Joffrey.
posted by srboisvert at 9:52 AM on May 6, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 9:52 AM on May 6, 2019 [10 favorites]
Well, you're quite welcome to him - it's not as if we have a shortage of royals over here. It's one thing we could be developing a thriving export market in.
posted by Fuchsoid at 9:55 AM on May 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Fuchsoid at 9:55 AM on May 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
its baby
posted by poffin boffin at 10:00 AM on May 6, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 10:00 AM on May 6, 2019 [6 favorites]
From a purely selfish point of view, and as the South Asian mother of a mixed-race baby, it is kind of cool that there is a mixed race baby in the British royal family (again?) - it's not something I expected to see in my lifetime given their historical attitudes to marrying "out".
posted by peacheater at 10:03 AM on May 6, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by peacheater at 10:03 AM on May 6, 2019 [10 favorites]
They should totally go with one of the unlucky names, like John or Richard. #TeamDick
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:45 AM on May 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:45 AM on May 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
what are the baby's powers, do we know yet
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:07 PM on May 6, 2019 [19 favorites]
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:07 PM on May 6, 2019 [19 favorites]
Rolls of Union Jack bunting, held for precisely such an occasion, are brought out of municipal storage depots across the British Isles, and all Britons—Tory and Labour, Leaver and Remainer, Gammon and Snowflake alike—set their differences aside to join in the egg-and-spoon races at their local Royal Baby street party.
posted by acb at 12:12 PM on May 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by acb at 12:12 PM on May 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
Aw, how nice! I've got "David" in the pool.
That Times link is hilarious:
Q: What if Kate Middleton gives birth to a surprise fourth child before the birth of Harry and Meghan’s first child?
A: I can’t say I don’t respect it.
(The BBC has a quote from M.M.'s odious father; it is thankfully non-awful, but STILL.)
what are the baby's powers, do we know yet
Dual citizenship.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:33 PM on May 6, 2019 [10 favorites]
That Times link is hilarious:
Q: What if Kate Middleton gives birth to a surprise fourth child before the birth of Harry and Meghan’s first child?
A: I can’t say I don’t respect it.
(The BBC has a quote from M.M.'s odious father; it is thankfully non-awful, but STILL.)
what are the baby's powers, do we know yet
Dual citizenship.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:33 PM on May 6, 2019 [10 favorites]
Technically, it won't actually be a royal baby until it's been fed a sufficient quantity of royal jelly
posted by webmutant at 12:44 PM on May 6, 2019 [32 favorites]
posted by webmutant at 12:44 PM on May 6, 2019 [32 favorites]
I watched the interview with Prince Harry with the sound off and it was obvious how excited he was (I mean, he made the head exploding gesture! )🤯 and that is a nice little piece of joy for the day.
posted by vespabelle at 12:53 PM on May 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by vespabelle at 12:53 PM on May 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
[insert Pulp Fiction Burger King joke]
posted by aspersioncast at 12:55 PM on May 6, 2019
posted by aspersioncast at 12:55 PM on May 6, 2019
They should totally go with one of the unlucky names, like John or Richard.
Æþelræd
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:11 PM on May 6, 2019 [22 favorites]
Æþelræd
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:11 PM on May 6, 2019 [22 favorites]
I sincerely hope the baby is named Prince Rogers Nelson.
posted by advicepig at 1:29 PM on May 6, 2019 [19 favorites]
posted by advicepig at 1:29 PM on May 6, 2019 [19 favorites]
how is royyal formed
posted by solotoro at 1:49 PM on May 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by solotoro at 1:49 PM on May 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
Glad they didn't make poor Meghan get dolled up in haute couture and heels to take photos, hours after giving birth. Let the woman get some sleep!
posted by Autumnheart at 2:03 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Autumnheart at 2:03 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Then again, their not following protocol just adds to the brouhaha that baby is a hoax.
posted by Mchelly at 2:12 PM on May 6, 2019
posted by Mchelly at 2:12 PM on May 6, 2019
I am told there is power in kingsblood, does the NYT FAQ address this?
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:26 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:26 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I am told there is power in kingsblood, does the NYT FAQ address this?
A little known fact is that the original Magna Carta stated that if you ate the still-beating heart of the heir apparent to the throne, you became the new heir apparent. They took that out of the 1297 version that actually became permanent law, unsurprisingly. It's very difficult to get the whole heart down while it's still beating, it wasn't really a practical statue.
posted by Caduceus at 5:03 PM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
A little known fact is that the original Magna Carta stated that if you ate the still-beating heart of the heir apparent to the throne, you became the new heir apparent. They took that out of the 1297 version that actually became permanent law, unsurprisingly. It's very difficult to get the whole heart down while it's still beating, it wasn't really a practical statue.
posted by Caduceus at 5:03 PM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
Time to resurrect that 2013 front cover?
Royal Baby
posted by Mister Bijou at 5:08 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Royal Baby
posted by Mister Bijou at 5:08 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Mark Twain once proposed replacing the royal family with a family of cats, which I think is the Best Idea Evar!!!
Imagine Meerkat Manor meets that kardashian show: "The Queen got into a fight with the Duchess of Wales when the Duchess tried to sleep in the sunny spot by the window. It was necessary to use the royal spray bottle to separate them. The Duchess has been confined to her quarters." I would watch that ALL DAY! Maybe we can get Attenborough to narrate.
My point is they should de-worm the baby, just to be sure.
posted by iamnotangry at 6:25 PM on May 6, 2019 [10 favorites]
Imagine Meerkat Manor meets that kardashian show: "The Queen got into a fight with the Duchess of Wales when the Duchess tried to sleep in the sunny spot by the window. It was necessary to use the royal spray bottle to separate them. The Duchess has been confined to her quarters." I would watch that ALL DAY! Maybe we can get Attenborough to narrate.
My point is they should de-worm the baby, just to be sure.
posted by iamnotangry at 6:25 PM on May 6, 2019 [10 favorites]
This baby is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne which makes as much damn sense as anything else this season.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:37 PM on May 6, 2019
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:37 PM on May 6, 2019
I watched the interview with Prince Harry with the sound off
Then you might have missed the part where he thanked *the horses* as he was leaving, which was the absolute cutest.
Also, I love and appreciate that the official announcement mentions Meghan's mom Doria.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 6:51 PM on May 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
Then you might have missed the part where he thanked *the horses* as he was leaving, which was the absolute cutest.
Also, I love and appreciate that the official announcement mentions Meghan's mom Doria.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 6:51 PM on May 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
They should totally go with one of the unlucky names, like John or Richard.
Æþelræd
Too soon.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:51 PM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
Æþelræd
Too soon.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:51 PM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
you weren't ready
posted by poffin boffin at 8:52 PM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 8:52 PM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
I don't understand why the NYT FAQ doesn't walk through the steps of what would need to happen for this baby to become both King of England and President of the United States.
posted by straight at 1:20 AM on May 7, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by straight at 1:20 AM on May 7, 2019 [3 favorites]
Does the Title of Nobility clause bar a hereditary Head of State from granting themselves titles, offices, and emoluments? Asking for a friend.
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:08 AM on May 7, 2019
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:08 AM on May 7, 2019
The royal family fans are always a colourful bunch. They seem to wear themselves out waiting, and then I mean, what do they have to say when interviewed? "We like the royals so so much and want to see them."
It's not like fans of artists, who can talk about the work. Here they're genuinely just fans of the people, and not for anything they've done.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 8:06 AM on May 7, 2019
It's not like fans of artists, who can talk about the work. Here they're genuinely just fans of the people, and not for anything they've done.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 8:06 AM on May 7, 2019
what are the baby's powers, do we know yet
If he brings the U.S. into the Commonwealth, can we start crossing the border to Canada without enhanced ID again?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:49 AM on May 7, 2019
If he brings the U.S. into the Commonwealth, can we start crossing the border to Canada without enhanced ID again?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:49 AM on May 7, 2019
It is official - the newest royal is named ....Archie.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:37 AM on May 8, 2019
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:37 AM on May 8, 2019
Darn, I had “Jughead” in the betting pool.
posted by mbrubeck at 10:14 AM on May 8, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by mbrubeck at 10:14 AM on May 8, 2019 [1 favorite]
I would have told them to always put the full form of a name on the birth certificate and let the kid decide if they want to use the diminutive form or not, but the Royal Family persists in deprecating my counsel
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:38 AM on May 8, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:38 AM on May 8, 2019 [2 favorites]
also cary grant and the cockroach
posted by brujita at 11:58 AM on May 8, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by brujita at 11:58 AM on May 8, 2019 [3 favorites]
To be fair, he was a VERY classy cockroach
posted by Mchelly at 12:15 PM on May 8, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Mchelly at 12:15 PM on May 8, 2019 [4 favorites]
Jughead might be appropriate if the baby inherits the prominent ears Princess Anne called “the Windsor flappers.” (She made sure her children had plastic surgery as soon as possible.)
posted by elphaba at 1:57 PM on May 8, 2019
posted by elphaba at 1:57 PM on May 8, 2019
So it says they're not giving him a royal title, and it sounds like it's up to the parents whether to? Anyone know what the story is there?
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:36 PM on May 8, 2019
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:36 PM on May 8, 2019
I think he gets the title of a prince when Charles ascends to being King...unless his parents request no title (see Zara Phillips).
posted by grandiloquiet at 3:00 PM on May 8, 2019
posted by grandiloquiet at 3:00 PM on May 8, 2019
Archie Harrison to be exact. If ever a child was christened to be a chum of Bertie Wooster's...
posted by Grangousier at 3:39 PM on May 8, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Grangousier at 3:39 PM on May 8, 2019 [2 favorites]
(My wife pointed out Harrison is... Harry's Son. It's literally a Dad Joke.)
posted by Grangousier at 3:40 PM on May 8, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by Grangousier at 3:40 PM on May 8, 2019 [5 favorites]
If he does get a title, he can be an Arch Duke.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:32 PM on May 8, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:32 PM on May 8, 2019 [4 favorites]
So it says they're not giving him a royal title, and it sounds like it's up to the parents whether to? Anyone know what the story is there?
If I've learned anything from playing Crusader Kings II, this is a smart move - if you give your kids titles before they reach maturity, you have no say over their education or whom they marry. That often means you wind up with an heir with sub-average stats and married to someone who brings you no alliances.
posted by nubs at 8:22 AM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]
If I've learned anything from playing Crusader Kings II, this is a smart move - if you give your kids titles before they reach maturity, you have no say over their education or whom they marry. That often means you wind up with an heir with sub-average stats and married to someone who brings you no alliances.
posted by nubs at 8:22 AM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]
No title = greater privacy. It's now likely Archie Harrison "will never have royal engagements, duties or patronages." (Time). (More at how that's worked out for the Phillips cousins at Town & Country.)
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:28 AM on May 9, 2019
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:28 AM on May 9, 2019
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OK, joke post aside, that FAQ is amazing. The squirrels! The questions! 🐿 (wait that’s a chipmunk)
posted by Huffy Puffy at 8:57 AM on May 6, 2019 [5 favorites]