“I want to apologise.”
May 6, 2019 10:11 AM Subscribe
The subreddit r/iwanttoapologize catalogues video clips of gaming world glitches that lead to bizarre, absurd and highly amusing moments. In Rockstar’s Grand Theft Auto V, for instance, a protagonist invites you for a drink and then immediately rams their car into a gas station and explodes. In Bethesda's Oblivion, a sorcerer wishes you a jovial “Farewell”, before a rising floor crushes him in a spike trap. In Square Enix’s Kingdom Hearts, Donald Duck waddles to take cover from a snowstorm. “The snowstorm can’t get us here,” he says – then quack-screams as it promptly blows him away. These clips, which players either engineer or come across by chance, are bizarre, silly and gleefully illogical. [via: Wired]
Big fan of these, and was already familiar with a few, but the Hitman one sent me cackling. That briefcase is on an absolute mission
posted by Expecto Cilantro at 10:27 AM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Expecto Cilantro at 10:27 AM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Watching these I am convinced I am living in a simulation. In ten or twenty years people will be sharing clips of NPCs like me leaving my car engine running as I go into the grocery store.
posted by os tuberoes at 10:30 AM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by os tuberoes at 10:30 AM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
"Farewell!"
*crunch*
"May he rest in peace."
*crunch*
heeheehee
posted by kyrademon at 10:32 AM on May 6, 2019 [24 favorites]
*crunch*
"May he rest in peace."
*crunch*
heeheehee
posted by kyrademon at 10:32 AM on May 6, 2019 [24 favorites]
Wonderful stuff
posted by Cpt. The Mango at 10:34 AM on May 6, 2019
posted by Cpt. The Mango at 10:34 AM on May 6, 2019
I'm into PUBG Mobile lately and I was playing a solo match on Sanhok when I came across a fascinating glitch. A pickup truck would appear about 30 feet above the ground, fall, pass through the ground and appear again in the air, over and over again. I've seen this with like cups and stuff in Skyrim, but never something so big, and never in an online game. I camped nearby for a while, wondering if other players would see the same glitch and get distracted, but the circle moved on and I never had the chance to see.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:43 AM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Rock Steady at 10:43 AM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
Why would you post this on a monday, you monster.
“I want to apologize.”
posted by Fizz at 10:52 AM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
“I want to apologize.”
posted by Fizz at 10:52 AM on May 6, 2019 [7 favorites]
I don't know why video game glitches are so funny, but this stuff leaves me helpless. My old standby is still the goldmine of glitches in Skate 3.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:22 AM on May 6, 2019 [13 favorites]
posted by Lyn Never at 11:22 AM on May 6, 2019 [13 favorites]
These are funny. I wish I had clipped more like this Witcher 1 incident.
posted by fleacircus at 11:37 AM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by fleacircus at 11:37 AM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
My favorite subreddits are all the single-topic comedy subreddits that just have a lot of examples of one ridiculous thing. See also r/osha, which catalogs unsafe situations at workplaces.
posted by LSK at 11:45 AM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by LSK at 11:45 AM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
LSK: My favorite subreddits are all the single-topic comedy subreddits that just have a lot of examples of one ridiculous thing.
These subs might be the saving grace of Reddit for me.
/r/perfectlycutscreams
/r/softwaregore
/r/YouTubeSyllables
/r/hmmm and /r/hmmmgifs
/r/IdiotsInCars
/r/CatsWhoYell
...and many more
posted by redct at 12:00 PM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
These subs might be the saving grace of Reddit for me.
/r/perfectlycutscreams
/r/softwaregore
/r/YouTubeSyllables
/r/hmmm and /r/hmmmgifs
/r/IdiotsInCars
/r/CatsWhoYell
...and many more
posted by redct at 12:00 PM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
That skateboarding game is the best thing ever, and I think it's the glorious variety of impact sounds as much as anything else about it. I like the one where he tries to fondle the statue's breasts, then tries to walk away but clotheslines himself on its arm, then konks his head on a breast, staggers, and falls backwards into the reflecting pool. You don't see the fall. You just hear the splash.
posted by Don Pepino at 12:45 PM on May 6, 2019
posted by Don Pepino at 12:45 PM on May 6, 2019
I often think of the one where it's a woman swimming around on land, Oblivion or Skyrim, and she turns to the PC and says "The Gods know what you've done" before she swims away, still doing so hovering about the ground.
posted by GoblinHoney at 1:04 PM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by GoblinHoney at 1:04 PM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
that GTAV one that "started it all" caught me so off guard. I've been in that situation many times and I usually just punch the guy out right away, but the few times I've pulled out a gun they just run away. I've never had the "I want to apologize" scenario. Hilarious!
posted by numaner at 2:33 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by numaner at 2:33 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Video game physics glitches will never stop being funny. The cool thing about video game rigid body dynamics is that they are a lot of the time they are close enough and it makes things look like something that our brain can map to real world experiences very closely. Something like driving or flight simulation is something these kinds of engines handle extremely well, on aggregate.
The glitchy parts come in when artificial constraints have to be grafted on to the physics simulation and nobody can really efficiently decide who should be the ultimate judge of the end result: the physics simulation or the constraint enforcer. Often the solution is to let both of them just do their thing and hope to god it eventually resolves into a state which is not complete jank. This is, needless to say, not always very successful. The cool part is that a lot of the time this works fine and you don't even realize the game is sometimes just effectively stopping the physics engine from doing the right thing to allow the cool stuff to happen.
Those Skate 3 clips are a perfect example of what happens when your physics engine dutifully keeps on physicsing while the game tries to set some unexpected constraints (like an animation) on it.
posted by Soi-hah at 2:44 PM on May 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
The glitchy parts come in when artificial constraints have to be grafted on to the physics simulation and nobody can really efficiently decide who should be the ultimate judge of the end result: the physics simulation or the constraint enforcer. Often the solution is to let both of them just do their thing and hope to god it eventually resolves into a state which is not complete jank. This is, needless to say, not always very successful. The cool part is that a lot of the time this works fine and you don't even realize the game is sometimes just effectively stopping the physics engine from doing the right thing to allow the cool stuff to happen.
Those Skate 3 clips are a perfect example of what happens when your physics engine dutifully keeps on physicsing while the game tries to set some unexpected constraints (like an animation) on it.
posted by Soi-hah at 2:44 PM on May 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
Watching these I am convinced I am living in a simulation. In ten or twenty years people will be sharing clips of NPCs like me leaving my car engine running as I go into the grocery store.
There’s a Pizza Hut or something near me with a “NOW HIRING — NPC CAREERS” sign and it gives me a weird chill every time I see it.
posted by curious nu at 3:01 PM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
There’s a Pizza Hut or something near me with a “NOW HIRING — NPC CAREERS” sign and it gives me a weird chill every time I see it.
posted by curious nu at 3:01 PM on May 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
This kind of stuff makes me miss gamesharks so much. Modern consoles are so locked down, and modding is explicitly with the intention of being silly instead of just accidental/stumbled upon hilarity generally.
I remember having literally hours of fun glitching mario 64(which people are still up to!), ocarina of time, etc. Even that era of PC gaming was way glitchier than now, or easy to push into goofiness
Anyone remember how you could turn all of, and i mean ALL of the world in mario into creepy eyes, which would sometimes move? Nightmare fuel stuff there. And it was just nudging one tiny memory location...
posted by emptythought at 3:06 PM on May 6, 2019
I remember having literally hours of fun glitching mario 64(which people are still up to!), ocarina of time, etc. Even that era of PC gaming was way glitchier than now, or easy to push into goofiness
Anyone remember how you could turn all of, and i mean ALL of the world in mario into creepy eyes, which would sometimes move? Nightmare fuel stuff there. And it was just nudging one tiny memory location...
posted by emptythought at 3:06 PM on May 6, 2019
I often think of the one where it's a woman swimming around on land, Oblivion or Skyrim, and she turns to the PC and says "The Gods know what you've done" before she swims away, still doing so hovering about the ground.
So the swimming instead of walking thing is a classic Skyrim glitch but I know the story behind why she says that ominous line. See in the course of doing quests in Morthal, the town the lady who sometimes swims in, you end up unearthing a big vampire plot, and you have to kill this one vampire lady masquerading as townperson, Alva. Only for some reason she's coded as besties with the alchemist lady who swims sometimes, and she somehow magically knows you killed Alva, which again, you sort of have to do (I'm sure you can get around this somehow but its hard) so alchemist lady's disposition goes to zero with you, and she'll talk to you with contempt afterward sometimes. That's not so much a glitch as a nonsensical programming error. If I recall, the Morthal vampire quests were going to be a lot more complicated and in depth than what the finished game got, and there was going to be this whole thing involving the alchemist... and then it all got cut, but the disposition connection between alchemist lady and Alva was never taken out.
This has been- random Skyrim facts.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:36 PM on May 6, 2019 [12 favorites]
So the swimming instead of walking thing is a classic Skyrim glitch but I know the story behind why she says that ominous line. See in the course of doing quests in Morthal, the town the lady who sometimes swims in, you end up unearthing a big vampire plot, and you have to kill this one vampire lady masquerading as townperson, Alva. Only for some reason she's coded as besties with the alchemist lady who swims sometimes, and she somehow magically knows you killed Alva, which again, you sort of have to do (I'm sure you can get around this somehow but its hard) so alchemist lady's disposition goes to zero with you, and she'll talk to you with contempt afterward sometimes. That's not so much a glitch as a nonsensical programming error. If I recall, the Morthal vampire quests were going to be a lot more complicated and in depth than what the finished game got, and there was going to be this whole thing involving the alchemist... and then it all got cut, but the disposition connection between alchemist lady and Alva was never taken out.
This has been- random Skyrim facts.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:36 PM on May 6, 2019 [12 favorites]
Hahaha thank you for the context, that actually makes it funnier to me. The Gods may know what I've done, but her reality is far more suspect.
posted by GoblinHoney at 3:55 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by GoblinHoney at 3:55 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I think you can come around to a diegetic reason why the alchemist might hate the mysterious, heavily-armed traveler who showed up asking a whole bunch of questions and generally being a nuisance just a few days before her friend was brutally murdered in exactly the sort of way a heavily-armed traveler might, even if she can't prove exactly what happened. Skyrim is a pretty brutal place, but surely so brutal that someone turning up dead in their own home with, like, magical scorch marks on the walls or bludgeon wounds from a warhammer isn't a notable event.
posted by Copronymus at 4:24 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Copronymus at 4:24 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Huh. Today I learned that last year EA turned the servers back on for Skate 3, so networked play was reenabled.
posted by ardgedee at 4:51 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by ardgedee at 4:51 PM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I think you can come around to a diegetic reason why the alchemist might hate the mysterious, heavily-armed traveler who showed up asking a whole bunch of questions and generally being a nuisance just a few days before her friend was brutally murdered in exactly the sort of way a heavily-armed traveler might, even if she can't prove exactly what happened.
The funny thing is- Alva is essentially bewitching the town with her vampire ways, and after you're forced to kill her, if you don't kill the dude who she essentially seduced into killing his family, he'll be like "oh thank you for saving me from her now I'm out of her spell" etc, and the rest of the townsfolk are the same way- so that this one alchemist who now knows the truth about Alva, a vampire who magically seduced a man into murdering his own wife and child, still judges you for the killing is super weird. The cut content was going to have a civil war connection and the alchemist might have been a spy? I'm not sure? So it's one of those things where no one thought to remove the connection between the characters- who BTW never interact. Like they never even talk to each other when they pass each other unlike other characters who have scripted convos, so it's super weird.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 5:14 PM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
The funny thing is- Alva is essentially bewitching the town with her vampire ways, and after you're forced to kill her, if you don't kill the dude who she essentially seduced into killing his family, he'll be like "oh thank you for saving me from her now I'm out of her spell" etc, and the rest of the townsfolk are the same way- so that this one alchemist who now knows the truth about Alva, a vampire who magically seduced a man into murdering his own wife and child, still judges you for the killing is super weird. The cut content was going to have a civil war connection and the alchemist might have been a spy? I'm not sure? So it's one of those things where no one thought to remove the connection between the characters- who BTW never interact. Like they never even talk to each other when they pass each other unlike other characters who have scripted convos, so it's super weird.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 5:14 PM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
leaving my car engine running as I go into the grocery store
I've always wondered what kind of person does this, and here you are! As a pedestrian who breathes occasionally, I wish you were a glitch and not just a typical motorist.
posted by wreckingball at 6:44 PM on May 6, 2019
I've always wondered what kind of person does this, and here you are! As a pedestrian who breathes occasionally, I wish you were a glitch and not just a typical motorist.
posted by wreckingball at 6:44 PM on May 6, 2019
What's unrealistic about the physics in that Skate 3 compilation? Seems to reflect roughly how I go about my day!
(Thanks, needed the laugh.)
posted by praemunire at 7:41 PM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
(Thanks, needed the laugh.)
posted by praemunire at 7:41 PM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
Mike Nelson plays Miami Traffic 3, featuring TVs from 1991.
posted by Brocktoon at 8:50 PM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Brocktoon at 8:50 PM on May 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
OH BOY, an opportunity to share the majesty of Lydia Vs. Gate
posted by murphy slaw at 10:15 PM on May 6, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by murphy slaw at 10:15 PM on May 6, 2019 [6 favorites]
I've always wondered what kind of person does this, and here you are! As a pedestrian who breathes occasionally, I wish you were a glitch and not just a typical motorist.
Well that is surprisingly mean. In fact I don't currently drive -- parking my car while leaving the engine running was meant to be an example of a stupid thing I did because of sheer absent mindedness. I hope you get what you are looking for.
posted by os tuberoes at 4:52 AM on May 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
Well that is surprisingly mean. In fact I don't currently drive -- parking my car while leaving the engine running was meant to be an example of a stupid thing I did because of sheer absent mindedness. I hope you get what you are looking for.
posted by os tuberoes at 4:52 AM on May 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
> "There’s a Pizza Hut or something near me with a 'NOW HIRING — NPC CAREERS' sign and it gives me a weird chill every time I see it."
I didn't used to deliver pizzas, but then I took an arrow to the knee.
posted by kyrademon at 6:14 AM on May 7, 2019 [4 favorites]
I didn't used to deliver pizzas, but then I took an arrow to the knee.
posted by kyrademon at 6:14 AM on May 7, 2019 [4 favorites]
One of my Skyrim glitch stories involves completing a quest for a werewolf, then I think I fast-traveled to Riverwood, ended up fighting a dragon, and there's the werewolf in werewolf form just running down the road on his way to somewhere, completely ignored by everyone.
And then there's the bucket-head glitch, which may or may not have been patched.
posted by GenderNullPointerException at 6:31 AM on May 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
And then there's the bucket-head glitch, which may or may not have been patched.
posted by GenderNullPointerException at 6:31 AM on May 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
I don't know if it's a glitch precisely, but what basically set the tone for GTA IV for me happened right at the start. Just a few minutes into the game, I'm supposed to take this woman on a date. We go for a drive, and I'm lamenting that I'm basically broke. Still getting used to the car controls, I veer onto the sidewalk and mow down several pedestrians, who drop cash. I get out of the car (picking up the cash), and my date leaps out of the car, throws her arms up in the air, and jubilantly cheers, "Yaaaay! Let's go bowling."
posted by xedrik at 7:03 AM on May 8, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by xedrik at 7:03 AM on May 8, 2019 [6 favorites]
if I discovered I was an npc in a simulation it would actually explain a lot about my life
posted by um at 7:14 AM on May 8, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by um at 7:14 AM on May 8, 2019 [1 favorite]
This post is a flash of absurd joy in a grim world!
posted by Going To Maine at 1:45 PM on May 12, 2019
posted by Going To Maine at 1:45 PM on May 12, 2019
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posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 10:23 AM on May 6, 2019 [3 favorites]