The Dead Schembechlers

November 17, 2004 5:56 AM

The Dead Schembechlers - a college football rivalry goes punk rock crazy. (Background audio on first page & lyrics pages)

Rising up out of Columbus, Ohio's “Wolverine Hatecore” scene, The Dead Schembechlers have earned the dual titles of "The Best Damn Punk Band on the Planet" and "The Band Most Likely to Have Their Eyeballs Gouged Out If They Ever Show Up in Michigan."

Hey Ho... Fuck Bo!
posted by putzface_dickman (22 comments total)

I don't have time right now to listen to them, but I gotta say that name is brilliant. (It would be even better if they were a punk polka band.)

Plus "The Band Most Likely to Have Their Eyeballs Gouged Out If They Ever Show Up in Michigan" has got to be one of the greatest mottos ever.
posted by LeLiLo at 7:20 AM on November 17, 2004

Michigan is 56-35-6 vs. Ohio State. They don't need to be haters or eye gougers, since they've owned the Bucks on the field.
posted by ursus_comiter at 7:30 AM on November 17, 2004

It would be even better if they were a punk polka band.

Did you say "punk polka?" This may be just what the doctor ordered, lelilo.

This Schembeckler thing would have pips up in arms as a second generation UM grad. She's been known to intone "Oh, how I hate Ohio State," whenever they are mentioned.
posted by jonmc at 7:34 AM on November 17, 2004

HEY, ANN ARBOR
YOU KNOW THAT PLACE YOU CALL THE BIG HOUSE?
SHOULD ACTUALLY BE IN THE A MUTHA' FUCKIN' C
IT AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A BIG PUTRID PILE OF STEAMING CANINE FECAL MATTER

I suppose it's an accomplishment to have lyrics that make Wesley Willis sound like Proust.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:40 AM on November 17, 2004

Yes, catch the Dead Schembechlers at the 107th Hate Michigan Rally with Watershed, who have an interesting theory concerning the recent election results:

That's right. As of November 2nd, Ohio has officially joined the South. Why has Ohio decided to exchange its Blue coats for Gray?

Football.

You got it, you Michigan bastards. We all know that the South plays much better football than the North. The entire Big Ten Conference is slow and lacks playmakers. We are going to teach y'all a thing about Southern football when y'all come down South to the 'Shoe.
posted by Otis at 7:41 AM on November 17, 2004

But -- Wesley Willis was the modern Proust. Wasn't he?

I'm imagining multi-band bills these guys could play on. God I love punk rock, in all its forms.
posted by chicobangs at 8:00 AM on November 17, 2004

Q. Why do they lock up the Ohio Sate cheerleaders after the games?

A. To keep them from grazing on the field
posted by mert at 8:08 AM on November 17, 2004

neh. michigan blows.

(just like state blew the lead and lost in triple overtime. still, they say the ohio state game is the bigger rivalry, but michigan state has beaten michigan more times in the last 20 years than ohio...)

sadly, because my team suddenly remembered they were actually good and crushed wisconsin, michigan will probably end up in the rose bowl. undeserving overrated bastards that they are.

wouldn't be so hard to take if the average michigan fan actually had some connection to the university - but the vast majority just like 'em because they win. finding an actual UM grad in the big house is a tough search.
posted by caution live frogs at 8:14 AM on November 17, 2004

When the Michigan Marching Band travels to Columbus, they put the big guys on the outside of the ranks, because Ohio State fans like to try to punch the female bandmembers in the face. The spitting that rains down from the top of the stadium as the band enters is unavoidable.

When the Ohio State Marching Band comes to Ann Arbor, they are offered Donuts after the game by the Michigan Band, but if they lose, they may not show up, which just means more donuts for everybody else.

In other news, They Might Be Giants were recently very puzzled when they mentioned during a Columbus gig that they were to be in Ann Arbor the next night, and were furiously booed and flipped off by the audience. Flansberg remarked that he didn't realize that so many of their fans also watched sports. The Ann Arbor audience thought this was funny.
posted by ulotrichous at 9:50 AM on November 17, 2004

I wanna see these guys on a multi-band bill alongside the Zambonis.
posted by Vidiot at 9:57 AM on November 17, 2004

Like, cool it on the fourth-and-ten sturm und drang, man. Assuage the pain of Big Ten irrelevance by embracing the funny.
Their names are Bo Biafra, Bo Thunders, Bo Vicious, and Bo Scabies.
They dress like Woody Hayes.
They made up "Wolverine Hatecore."
They claim to have been in bands like BOFX, BOgazi, New BO Turks, Cross of Woody and WWAD (What Would Archie Do).
That's punk rock comedy gold, right there.

Buckeye, Buckeye, Hey!
Buckeye, Buckeye, Hey!
posted by putzface_dickman at 10:08 AM on November 17, 2004

wouldn't be so hard to take if the average michigan fan actually had some connection to the university

does growing up in Detroit count? it's really the only I-A college football team to root for in that area. i'm still a UM fan, though i moved away when i was 13. (i never liked Bo much - three yards and a cloud of dust indeed.)

i know tons of people who are avid University of Louisville or University of Kentucky fans, but didn't attend either. they just live in the area, and like one team or another for whatever reasons. there's nothing wrong with that. if you went to Hanover, Bellarmine, or Ivy Tech, who would you root for in this week's games?

"connections" are overrated, but you're right that loyalty is underrated. go Blue! lets beat those Buffs tonight.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:13 AM on November 17, 2004

Also, it's not like the Lions have been much to cheer for. The Wolverines have been the only football outfit in Michigan doing anything notable at all in the last 15 years. No wonder the cult of personality is so strong these days.

And in understand from heated rivalries and all, but this ain't Israel/Palestine. Nobody's eating babies on either side of the ball. Cool it.
posted by chicobangs at 10:42 AM on November 17, 2004

wait ... do you mean to tell me that people actually LIVE in ohio?
posted by pyramid termite at 11:40 AM on November 17, 2004

I think all this hatred from OSU students stems from their lower test scores...
posted by crank at 12:02 PM on November 17, 2004

The Wolverines have been the only football outfit in Michigan doing anything notable at all in the last 15 years.

to be fair, the Spartans have been very good some of those years, and the Lions made it to the NFC championship in the '91-'92 season (and were then embarrassed by Washington).
posted by mrgrimm at 3:29 PM on November 17, 2004

I am a Michigan grad living in Columbus and going to school at OSU. I was surprised when I first moved here at the level of vitriol the entire city, and really the state, has for Michigan. I remember in Ann Arbor thinking that the Michigan-OSU rivalry was a big one, but in Columbus, they really live it. It's quite the obsession. My students are all horrified when they find out where I went to school.

That being said, the band is funny.
posted by naturesgreatestmiracle at 9:46 AM on November 18, 2004

naturesgreatestmicacle, welcome to Metafilter from a fellow Columbusite.

I think Ohioans are just bitter. We got Toledo and they got the Upper Peninsula.
posted by Otis at 11:50 AM on November 18, 2004

Thanks much, Otis!
posted by naturesgreatestmiracle at 3:26 PM on November 18, 2004

And today the band ends up in the Detroit Free Press (article, home page with photo). Coincidence? I doubt it.
posted by pmurray63 at 7:12 AM on November 19, 2004

Well, the big game *is* this weekend.
posted by chicobangs at 7:27 AM on November 19, 2004

well, the big game *is* over. and the band will be rejoicing.

as a spartan fan it's nice to see my team do well without helping michigan go to the rose bowl. way to go, buckeyes!

(now someone tell me why the hell my team couldn't hold it together in the 4th quarter?)
posted by caution live frogs at 1:52 PM on November 20, 2004