Joan on Boobs

July 7, 2005 1:39 PM

Joan Rivers on the subject of Boobs: "I think the stereotype that if you ah big breasts you can't be smart came from the fact that your breasts hid your schoolbooks. So it was a little harder to learn." A&E tackled the subject of cleavage in a special that aired first in 2002 and again last night. SFW unless you work for the Archdiocese.
posted by kahboom (54 comments total)

Ah, the rapier wit of Joan Rivers... there's no one in the entertainment industry that I hate quite like that vicious old hag.
posted by jonson at 1:50 PM on July 7, 2005

A boob talking about boobs, how nice.

Look, I like big boobs as much as any human possibly could, but I never saw any connection between them and lack of intelligence.

As far as cleavage, I'm just jealous that there's no male equivalent; and don't hand me butt cleavage of tight crotches. It's not the same.
posted by jonmc at 1:51 PM on July 7, 2005

Some women, I've heard (although it's probably more true among the gay & imaginary bisexual male community) look at a man's package in the same way we look at cleavage. In general, noticable physical size garners attention.
posted by jonson at 1:56 PM on July 7, 2005

Well then how come some company hasn't seen fit to revive the codpiece?
posted by jonmc at 1:59 PM on July 7, 2005

Um yeah, Joan Rivers? No thanks.

Especially given that unbelievably stupid quote in the FPP.
posted by fenriq at 2:00 PM on July 7, 2005

Cleavage has nothing to do with fashion, because fashion is designed by men who are flat chested.

There should be some sort of entrance test you have to take before you can become a celebrity.
posted by obvious at 2:06 PM on July 7, 2005

Some women, I've heard (although it's probably more true among the gay & imaginary bisexual male community) look at a man's package in the same way we look at cleavage.

I'm an arm-and-shoulder gal, m'self.
posted by scody at 2:07 PM on July 7, 2005

As Rodney Dangerfield used to say...

"Even as a kid I had it rough.
My mother never breastfed me.
She said she liked me ... but as a friend.
posted by R. Mutt at 2:08 PM on July 7, 2005

I like the idea of a word that means both "to separate" and "to adhere".
posted by kahboom at 2:12 PM on July 7, 2005

We weren't discussing "hew", kahboom.
posted by kenko at 2:26 PM on July 7, 2005

Well then how come some company hasn't seen fit to revive the codpiece?

It's hard to compete against a zucchini wrapped in tin foil, as Derek Smalls has shown us.

A codpiece is, in Alton Brown's terms, a unitasker. A tinfoiled zucchini, on the other hand, is so many things! It enhances the manly bulges! It's food! It's a dildo! You can unwrap the tinfoil to protect yourself from evil influences! You can place the tinfoil over your eyes to protect yourself from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal! You can use it as a very bad hammer! You can cudgel your victims with it!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:26 PM on July 7, 2005

I love to ah at big breasts.
posted by buzzman at 2:41 PM on July 7, 2005

If I could get past the work firewall into Good Vibrations, I'd post a nice link to one of their many "packing" products...
posted by fictionaldepth at 3:04 PM on July 7, 2005

Some women ... look at a man's package in the same way we look at cleavage

Well said, Mr Jonson.
posted by meehawl at 3:13 PM on July 7, 2005

SPOILER : link contains no nude pictures of Joan Rivers
posted by Satapher at 3:18 PM on July 7, 2005

Contrary to popular opinion, the world is not designed for big-busted ladies. Good bras are expensive and hard to find, you have to go a size up to find tops that fits across the chest, and all the cutest clothes are designed for the small-breasted set. And don't even get me started about exercise; running for the bus sends me in too many directions as it is.
posted by Hildegarde at 3:25 PM on July 7, 2005

viewing a nude picture of Joan Rivers = weretable slitting wrists.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 3:35 PM on July 7, 2005

Yeah, and don't get ME started about the curse of having massive genitals. I mean, sure, stare all you like, ladies (except you, scody, my shoulders are not particularly impressive), just realize that this massive endowment carries with it a tremendous burden. Ill fitting clothes are the least of my problems. I can't walk through subway turnstiles. If I sleep on my back my erotic dreams can tentpole the sheets completely off of my significant other. It's a curse, I tell you. It may look like blessing, but it's a curse.
posted by jonson at 3:35 PM on July 7, 2005

A while back I was in a bar in New York's East Village, when a rather good looking young woman repeatedly lifted her shirt to show everyone her breasts. She seemed like the happiest person in the world. The bartender explained that the good looking young woman, had previously been a good looking young man, and she was indeed happy as one could be.
posted by R. Mutt at 3:41 PM on July 7, 2005

My friends and I refer to my boobs as "the glory that are Specklet's breasts", and I like to show them off. I was not previously, however, a good looking young man.
posted by Specklet at 3:49 PM on July 7, 2005

let's talk about meatloaf's manboobs in fight club.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 3:56 PM on July 7, 2005

all the cutest clothes are designed for the small-breasted set.

Well, designed perhaps for the medium-sized set. I'm small-busted, and most blouses and dresses these days positively gape open on me. For shirts, I'm almost completely restricted to t-shirts/pull overs/button-down styles -- everything else that actually fits me across the ribcage/shoulders/arms is almost invariably too low-cut and too "generous." (And I don't even bother shopping for summer dresses anymore.)
posted by scody at 3:56 PM on July 7, 2005

P.S. Don't worry, jonson, I'll just as happily look at your crotch if you like!
posted by scody at 3:58 PM on July 7, 2005

Oh Specklet, I'm sure you were at least a decent looking young man before, don't be so hard on yourself. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
posted by fenriq at 4:00 PM on July 7, 2005

In Spanish we have an expression: “Vergüenza Ajena”, roughly “Embarrassment for Another”, like what you feel at a really bad play or when your dad cracks the same bad joke for the 57^th time.
This is what Joan Rivers makes me feel. That and boredom.
posted by signal at 4:14 PM on July 7, 2005

I'm an arm-and-shoulder gal, m'self.

which is quite interesting -- it seems to be one of the most common fetishes, after the eternal "hands-and-butt" one so many women have. the crotch thing is popular, yes, but in my experience is even more popular among gay men than among straight women. God knows my gay guy friends are always checking people's crotches. you know, jeans and stuff. butts, too.


and most blouses and dresses these days positively gape open on me

yes, but women who have more breasts complain that so many blouses make them look too chunky and "pregnant" and stuff like that. so you never win, really.
posted by matteo at 4:24 PM on July 7, 2005

hmm, how can any breast discussion be complete without the science behind why we trust them implicitly?
posted by wah at 4:24 PM on July 7, 2005

I'm an arm-and-shoulder gal, m'self.

*cries*
posted by jonmc at 4:31 PM on July 7, 2005

P.S. Don't worry, jonson, I'll just as happily look at your crotch if you like!

I certainly wouldn't blame you, it's what everyone's doing in L.A. these days, ever since my crotch was featured in laist.com...
posted by jonson at 4:33 PM on July 7, 2005

I'm an arm-and-shoulder gal, m'self.

Dammit, now I have no more excuses for not working out.
posted by DaShiv at 4:41 PM on July 7, 2005

My friends and I refer to my boobs as "the glory that are Specklet's breasts", and I like to show them off.

*checks Specklet's profile*

No pictures. No website. Damn.
posted by 27 at 4:46 PM on July 7, 2005

Well, Scody, at least you can tell what your t-shirts say. The letters on my John Kerry shirt were so stretched out they just read "oh err." (A psychic message from my rack perhaps?)
posted by jrossi4r at 5:08 PM on July 7, 2005

but women who have more breasts complain

I'd complain too if I had more than 2 breasts!

*affectionately musses matteo's hair*

on preview: *snorfles delightedly at jrossi4r's psychic rack*
posted by scody at 5:11 PM on July 7, 2005

I'd complain too if I had more than 2 breasts!

not if you had quintuplets, you wouldn't.
posted by jonmc at 5:17 PM on July 7, 2005

I don't know, three is probably more interesting
posted by matteo at 5:24 PM on July 7, 2005

they just read "oh err."

talk about candidates with an unclear message. no wonder he lost.
posted by matteo at 5:25 PM on July 7, 2005

I don't know, three is probably more interesting

The third one on the back, for dancing, perhaps?
posted by jonmc at 5:31 PM on July 7, 2005

I love Joan Rivers. She's as funny as Sinbad.
posted by horsewithnoname at 5:50 PM on July 7, 2005

Joan Rivers Nude.

~1200 Google hits.

Truly we are living in the end times.
posted by meehawl at 6:03 PM on July 7, 2005

jonmc: " I don't know, three is probably more interesting

The third one on the back, for dancing, perhaps?"

This was Al Bundy's dream configuration, IIRC.
posted by kenko at 6:41 PM on July 7, 2005

jonmc: " I don't know, three is probably more interesting

The third one on the back, for dancing, perhaps?"


Ask Eccentrica Gallumbits
posted by postmodernmillie at 6:55 PM on July 7, 2005

I think Joe Walsh had more to say on the subject than Joan Rivers ever will. He said, most succinctly: "I Like Big Tits."

It took A & E two fucking hours to say that. Jesus. TWO hours. TWO of them. TWO hours. Get it?
posted by NedKoppel at 8:51 PM on July 7, 2005

"My friends and I refer to my boobs as "the glory that are Specklet's breasts", and I like to show them off. I was not previously, however, a good looking young man."
posted by Specklet at 3:49 PM

Michael Jackson looked better as a boy, but yeah, that's not always the case.

(Just joking, please don't hurt me.)

As for breasts, I find shape matters more than size. It's strange though that I often wind up with women sized 34C; it's not like I carry around an Application Bra.
posted by davy at 9:01 PM on July 7, 2005

where's my "crappy flash interface" advisory? :)
posted by bugmuncher at 10:31 PM on July 7, 2005

I don't like big boobs. Never have done, never will. Small, tight, firm, compact, lovely. The saying "more than a mouthful is more than you need" certainly matches my preference, and I know I am not alone, as alt.binaries.erotica.breasts.small has thousands of new additions every evening.

But then, I also find pubic shaving disgusting, so I know that I am in a minority.
posted by Chasuk at 10:51 PM on July 7, 2005

Have said that, the only humorous piece that I have ever read about breasts was Nora Ephon's "A Few Words About Breasts."

It's hysterical...
posted by Chasuk at 10:53 PM on July 7, 2005

I also find pubic shaving disgusting

I swear that, at first, I had read "public" shaving
posted by matteo at 12:38 AM on July 8, 2005

I believe you. So did I. In fact, I was only tipped to the fact it wasn't by your post. Odd....
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:53 AM on July 8, 2005

ROU_Xenophobe, thank you for giving me the opportunity to spew my drink out my nose. Great comment!
posted by nlindstrom at 1:54 AM on July 8, 2005

Thanks A&E. Finally, I am armed with a clever reparté to throw back at my wife's coven when they tell me: "Typical male! Always thinking with your dick."

"Ah but young lady, I fear you have clearly misjudged the pneumatics of your own breasts."
posted by hal9k at 3:54 AM on July 8, 2005

*checks Specklet's profile*

You ain't the only one. All talk.

Some women, I've heard...

Ha! This only looks like my leg...
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:08 AM on July 8, 2005

Flop, flop, flop. I find disproportionately large breasts disgusting.
posted by crapulent at 11:11 AM on July 8, 2005

Chasuk, be the minority you were meant to be. I also do not particularly like anything more than a mouthful. But i also do not like small breasts.

Oh, and Joan Rivers is kinda funny (idiotic is not in conflict with funny, which most of y'all hatin' and unfunny posters don't seem to get) when she gets going. I mean c'mon, it's the only thing she does pretty well. At least she's not preaching Zionism anymore. Now THAT was tedious.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 1:24 PM on July 8, 2005

I also do not particularly like anything more than a mouthful. But i also do not like small breasts.

That appears to be a contradiction of some sort. Unless you've got a really big mouth.
posted by scody at 4:15 PM on July 8, 2005