Ye Olde Graphics Shoppe.

November 6, 2005 7:07 PM

Ye Olde Graphics Shoppe. We hope you will find something here to your liking. You will notice some changes and additions and a new look. We have decided to simplify things rather than have nonsense pages.....too many really :-)) We have a NEW Graphics Assistant Lady Belle ho has added some terrific new dusting graphics and page sets for you to enjoy.
posted by Count Ziggurat (46 comments total)

Er, I don't get it?
posted by JHarris at 7:10 PM on November 6, 2005

Oh I get it. We're supposed to make fun of someone, right?
posted by Rothko at 7:11 PM on November 6, 2005

*shakes head quickly, like he's had a 'Nam flashback*

What the hell is this?!
posted by brundlefly at 7:11 PM on November 6, 2005

Moo?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:18 PM on November 6, 2005

Ah, well then no, I won't be making fun of this today. It's not a particularly stellar web design, but there's nothing *evil* about it, or self-important, or dangerously stupid. Not too long ago most websites looked like this. Hell, I have friends whose idea of web design isn't even half of this.

I'm sorry, but I prefer to reserve my own personal Nelson laugh for deserving targets.
posted by JHarris at 7:28 PM on November 6, 2005

I like the use of MIDI on this page.

Not to mention the little drawing of what appear to be eggs with giant testicles.
posted by brundlefly at 7:33 PM on November 6, 2005

ah, mockeryfilter.
posted by Josh Zhixel at 7:35 PM on November 6, 2005

Well, my spirit asplode.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 7:36 PM on November 6, 2005

There's this interesting cultural desire for blinking, garish signature tags created in Paint Shop Pro among that "hidden majority" of Net users, women in their 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s. Go to any MSN group on quilting or scrapbooking or the like and every single member will have monstrous tags like you might find at this site.

They're the target market for Ye Olde Graphics Shoppe. They would mock us in much the same way that we might mock them.
posted by solid-one-love at 7:47 PM on November 6, 2005

Who's mocking?
posted by Count Ziggurat at 7:48 PM on November 6, 2005

I miss 1994.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 7:53 PM on November 6, 2005

Who's mocking?
posted by Count Ziggurat at 10:48 PM EST on November 6 [!]

You are.
posted by Rothko at 7:54 PM on November 6, 2005

"September was dedicated to the victims and families of the USA terroristic attacks"
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:55 PM on November 6, 2005

Who's mocking?
posted by Count Ziggurat at 10:48 PM EST on November 6 [!]

You are.
posted by Rothko at 10:54 PM EST on November 6 [!]

Settle.
posted by Count Ziggurat at 7:57 PM on November 6, 2005

Meh. A lazy, one-link FPP. Is this the best of the web?
posted by Rothko at 8:06 PM on November 6, 2005

God knows we've always needed a "ye" tag.
posted by thewittyname at 8:09 PM on November 6, 2005

Just rearrange the pixels until they suit you better.
posted by ook at 8:10 PM on November 6, 2005

Oh my God! It's 1996, and (very nearly) my very first webpage, come back to life!

*Must-fight-urge-to watch-Forever Knight*
posted by kalimac at 8:11 PM on November 6, 2005

"16th vampire... 20th century COP."

Best TV tagline ever.
posted by brundlefly at 8:31 PM on November 6, 2005

That's 16th CENTURY vampire
posted by brundlefly at 8:31 PM on November 6, 2005

God knows we've always needed a "ye" tag

Seriously. Ziggurat, do you not understand how tags work? Tagging this with "ye" and "olde" and "graphics" and "shoppe" is just idiotic. You combine phrases into one word, just like it says on the instructions: (separate each tag with a space, combine multiple words into a single word. Example: google searchengine news).
posted by jonson at 8:45 PM on November 6, 2005

Metafilter masochists: "Beat Me"
Metafilter sadists: "No"
posted by spock at 9:06 PM on November 6, 2005

This site fights November events

WTF?
posted by jokeefe at 9:11 PM on November 6, 2005

Oh. Oh, it's The Site Fights. As in contests.

Ah. Well. Okay.
posted by jokeefe at 9:13 PM on November 6, 2005

I'm consistantly amazed by how many people don't know HOW A FUCKING TAG SYSTEM WORKS.
posted by puke & cry at 9:16 PM on November 6, 2005 [1 favorite]

You know how occasionally, when you were younger and listened to the hip new groove on FM radio, you'd walk into an older person's home, and they'd have all these silly knick knacks made of wood and tiny teddy bears sporting delicately knitted sweaters? And there was potpourri—not all over the place, but definitely more than at your apartment, and a nice little ornate glass bowl in the bathroom. Everything was just so precious that it made you want to throw up, but then you remembered it was your aunt and she's family. Or maybe it was just an acquaintance of yours, but she seemed so nice and normal, and the house just felt more lived-in because of all the little pieces of cruft she'd collected over the years.

And then you realized that maybe, one of these days, you'd leave your apartment with track lighting and dark woods and stainless steel kitchen appliances. You'd meet that special someone and settle down and have kids. You'd move to a house in the boonies and buy a nice station wagon. You'd stop going to concerts and waking up really late on Saturdays and inviting friends over for drinks before the bar. Your kids would grow up and you'd make clothes for them and drive them to soccer and stay up with them all night when they saw the monsters under the bed. Then they'd hate you for a while, move on to university, and you'd have to find a way to fill the house, and OH MY GOD YOU'RE ONE OF THEM NOW.

This is the internet equivalent of that. One day, when I'm older and care much less about what other people think of my weird hobbies, I'll stick the equivalent of a tacky snowglobe collection or a rainbow-coloured animated GIF somewhere in my home. And a bunch of kids will see and resist the temptation to laugh. And I won't care because it's the freakin' circle of life, man, and just as humanity will continue to love and hate and have sex and fight wars for all of eternity, humanity will continue to decorate without a license.
posted by chrominance at 9:19 PM on November 6, 2005 [1 favorite]

Failure to provide YOUR REAL birthdate will cause your site to be disapproved!

How will they know? Who told them when my birthday is?

Please make sure that you have your AOL email configured to accept mail from any email address ending in ...

Ah, now it makes sense.
posted by dg at 9:24 PM on November 6, 2005

Not every rule is written, but all need to be understood.






Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
posted by Colloquial Collision at 9:27 PM on November 6, 2005

VOTE 4 ME. I'M A DJESTER
posted by Robot Johnny at 9:49 PM on November 6, 2005

What, no pictures of Lady Bell ho?

Can't believe no one said that yet, too easy?
posted by scheptech at 9:56 PM on November 6, 2005

Ah, well then no, I won't be making fun of this today. It's not a particularly stellar web design, but there's nothing *evil* about it, or self-important, or dangerously stupid. Not too long ago most websites looked like this. Hell, I have friends whose idea of web design isn't even half of this.

Amen. I'm so glad my circa '96 efforts aren't out there anymore.
posted by sbutler at 10:02 PM on November 6, 2005

where is your god now?
posted by gallois at 10:44 PM on November 6, 2005

[this is fucking pointless]
posted by interrobang at 10:58 PM on November 6, 2005

What does this all mean?

This all adds up to the most exciting interactive fun the Net has to offer. Whether you enjoy surfing Great sites..... or showing off yours.The Site Fights is a Place for Everyone. Improving your site's traffic level while meeting great people.

And you people think you know what really happens on the interweb. Flickr my ass.
posted by crunchywelch at 12:06 AM on November 7, 2005

Seriously. I mean, the idea of a site that lets you vote on the popularity of other sites. It's just..... fucking unique isn't it???

The mind boggles at the sheer ingenuity!

(insert sarcasm ad infinitum)
posted by Parannoyed at 12:25 AM on November 7, 2005

[pointless fucking is this]
posted by Pendragon at 12:33 AM on November 7, 2005

<META NAME="GENERATOR" CONTENT="Mozilla/3.01Gold (Win95; I) [Netscape]">

1995 is about right.

On a tangent: Some people seem to really pine for the Middle Ages. Almost invariably these are folks that would be serfs or, at best, peasants during these times, although at Rennaissance Fairs they act like they believe that they would lords, ladies, and "wise men." What's up with that?
posted by moonbiter at 12:49 AM on November 7, 2005

On a tangent: Some people seem to really pine for the Middle Ages. Almost invariably these are folks that would be serfs or, at best, peasants during these times, although at Rennaissance Fairs they act like they believe that they would lords, ladies, and "wise men." What's up with that?

::shrug:: So they fantasize about being lords and ladies in the Middle Ages. What's wrong with that? I'm pretty certain that serfs and peasants in the Middle Ages fantasized about being lords and ladies also.

Not that the social structure at the time actually allowed for upward nobility, of course.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:12 AM on November 7, 2005

Faint of Butt: i have nothing useful to contribute, but i really like the phrase "upward nobility"
posted by Davidicus at 5:09 AM on November 7, 2005

Who's mocking?
posted by Count Ziggurat at 9:48 PM CST on November 6 [!]

You are. At least have the courage to admit it.

Although some of these comments are spot on... there is a whole "other" intarweb out there that we don't see, don't visit, and frankly aren't welcome.

And rest assured, they would make as much fun of one of "our" sites meticulously documenting the differences between Helvetica and Arial as you are trying to make of them.

In fact, I doubt Metafilter would meet with their approval. "There aren't even any graphics".

Indeed.
posted by Ynoxas at 5:48 AM on November 7, 2005

Ye Olde D'Filter
posted by prostyle at 5:51 AM on November 7, 2005

as moonbiter points out: , that's around 1996 or 1997 and most pages back then, unless they were suck.com or wired, all looked like this crap. I'm guilty of a few myself.

However, if people love old cars and furniture and spend time collecting hem, what would be so wrong with people wanting old fashioned looking web pages. Aren't you folks nostalgic for the early days of the web yet? A simple time with less spam and no AOL users? A time when most of your relatives didn't have email and weren't calling you to fix their computer or remove the scumware IE allows onto their machine so easily.

Don't laugh too hard. Let's face it, we're all using a site that has a design and appearance that could have easily been coded in 1995 with the same look and feel. This site isn't going to win any graphic design awards no matter how much fun it is to use.
posted by inthe80s at 6:42 AM on November 7, 2005

chrominance: One day, when I'm older and care much less about what other people think of my weird hobbies, I'll stick the equivalent of a tacky snowglobe collection or a rainbow-coloured animated GIF somewhere in my home.

Don't wait until you're older, you'll just regret it. Do it NOW, and you'll reap many pleasures.

I have recently reinstalled my fantasy miniature painting station--in the living room--with the grudging acceptance of my wife, and now life is good...my living room looks so much better with all those little toy soliders half painted all over the place.
posted by illovich at 6:57 AM on November 7, 2005

*Tags this post locally with the character string "mirsky"*
posted by loquacious at 9:24 AM on November 7, 2005

And yeah, I already do that weird "litter the nest with shiny things" thing. Except it's bits and pieces of old tech, broken hardware, tools, cables, dongles, adapters, toys, things that go blink and various storage media. Err, and I've been doing it since I was, oh... ten.

What's even more awesomer is my GF has an old NES with like twenty gazillion game paks. Not to mention her DVDs and home made gigantor Exploding Dog posters.

Ah, stuff. Wonderful, wonderful crufty, cluttery ol' stuff.

I don't see myself graduating to obsessively begarbed stuffed bears any time soon, though I'd sure like me a mess of Robotech and old school Transformers toys. And maybe some Mospeada.
posted by loquacious at 9:31 AM on November 7, 2005

loquacious : "I'd sure like me a mess of Robotech and old school Transformers toys. And maybe some Mospeada."

Oh, so somehow Mospeada has now been removed from the Robotech pantheon?

/nerdsnark
posted by Bugbread at 10:14 AM on November 7, 2005