"Ignore your true children and get a pet or something."

December 1, 2005 9:25 PM

Finally! The link between Adolf Hitler and Julie Andrews explained! I can't believe it never occurred to me before. [via memepool]
posted by Dr. Wu (55 comments total)

People are on some serious drugs now a days.
posted by thecollegefear at 9:29 PM on December 1, 2005

Gave me terrible flashbacks of the musroom thread.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:38 PM on December 1, 2005

"You ever seen IMDB... on weed? That's the way to see it. It's just wacked."
posted by Rothko at 9:39 PM on December 1, 2005

"[P]rivileged yellow changelings"? Oh dear.
posted by Gator at 9:44 PM on December 1, 2005

I'm confused.
posted by TwelveTwo at 9:47 PM on December 1, 2005

Is it "weird crap" week on metafilter?
posted by delmoi at 9:56 PM on December 1, 2005

FYI

There is some NSFW stuff in this link.

Also? It's mostly fucking crazy.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 10:01 PM on December 1, 2005

I didn't want to finish reading it. I worried it would be like the King in Yellow.
posted by TwelveTwo at 10:15 PM on December 1, 2005

It all makes sense now!!
posted by Robot Johnny at 10:19 PM on December 1, 2005

If I'm not avail, you taco Nazi, look around and count on Lassie.
posted by icosahedral at 10:21 PM on December 1, 2005

Are the pictures of Julie Andrews flashing photoshopped? They've got to be...
posted by nile_red at 10:36 PM on December 1, 2005

Nope, they're not. I remember seeing those in one of my dad's Playboy's from the late '70's or early '80's. Can't recall what the source was, though.
posted by item at 10:40 PM on December 1, 2005

I think I just hurt my brain.
posted by loquacious at 10:48 PM on December 1, 2005

nile_red writes "Are the pictures of Julie Andrews flashing photoshopped? They've got to be...
"posted by nile_red at 12:36 AM CST on December 2 [!]"

It was from Blake Edward's S.O.B.
posted by HyperBlue at 11:04 PM on December 1, 2005

That scene in S.O.B was early HBO, Mary Poppins, prepubescent porn for me..oops, TMI.
posted by HyperBlue at 11:07 PM on December 1, 2005

No one actually read the whole thing, did they??
posted by leftcoastbob at 11:12 PM on December 1, 2005

Direct link to Julie Andrews flashing. So you don't have to scroll through the whole thing looking for it as I did (of course).
posted by booksandlibretti at 11:37 PM on December 1, 2005

leftcoastbob writes "No one actually read the whole thing, did they??"

I scanned it. The bottom part, coped from the UK Telegraph newspaper, is a real article about three great-nephews of Adolf Hitler who now live in Long Island. That would have made a good FPP; but the insane rambling about Julie Andrews are just sad.
posted by orthogonality at 11:43 PM on December 1, 2005

I was with him until the part where he said “Hello!”
posted by LeLiLo at 12:09 AM on December 2, 2005

That guy must hate himself so much to come up with a story like that.
posted by tracicle at 12:28 AM on December 2, 2005

"Therefore take the zookeeper's advice and keep the faith like Julie Andrews keeps her little secrets from you."

This could make for a really great song lyric.
posted by maryh at 12:32 AM on December 2, 2005

What orthogonality said.

A Hitler fought for the allies!
posted by uncanny hengeman at 1:23 AM on December 2, 2005

Wow. It's late, and I'm really glad that this doesn't make sense to anyone else. Right?
posted by SassHat at 1:24 AM on December 2, 2005

looks like a research book for an art project.
posted by sgt.serenity at 1:38 AM on December 2, 2005

I created a 14 hours long video edition and mailed it to "Mr Blake Edwards".
I bet you did, you loony.
posted by Joeforking at 2:32 AM on December 2, 2005

Wow, all of the visual noise kind of makes up an interesting collage of craziness. No chronology and no coherence. Just scrolling through and reading a few words here and there is hilarious and frightening at the same time. Also, crazy eyes makes me laugh.
posted by bering at 2:58 AM on December 2, 2005

Plain text and picture web pages are the bestest. It reminds of a guy in Ottawa who would stick typewritten and photocopied anti-medication rants on all the cars downtown every couple of days.
posted by srboisvert at 3:45 AM on December 2, 2005

It seems like he's Finnish, and if he is indeed Finnish, it all does make sense considering the main paths you go down in life as a Finn:

a) Commit suicide
b) Drink copious amounts of Vodka
c) Go hiking on your snow scooter
d) Meet Santa
e) Smoke joints the size of a 12 inch erection

If you combine the lot of it in moderate portions (very moderate on the suicide part) in an attempt to reach the golden Finnish average, well, that's probably how you'll end up.

But what do I know...
posted by psychomedia at 3:48 AM on December 2, 2005

Metafilter: Beep! Beep! Zap! Beep! Zap! Beep! Zap! Beeep!! Zaaap!!
posted by emelenjr at 4:09 AM on December 2, 2005

This is what happens when people trade in their antipsychotic meds for a copy of MS FrontPage 98.
posted by alumshubby at 4:31 AM on December 2, 2005 [1 favorite]

Hey.
Been reading metafilter for ages now, and finally decided to bite the bullet and sign up, because...
I know this man.

I worked with him at the port of Helsinki for several years.
Which makes finding this link on metafilter (and memepool) even more weird.

He has a degree in philosophy and, among other things, spent a year in England living as a monk...
He's one of the most calm and collected, practically Zen-like people I have ever met. Very polite, intelligent and funny. Which makes this site even more weird. It feels like an artistic self-project of sorts.

Also, the direct link to the image of Andrews flashing is called "Kidutus" which is Finnish for "torture".

This is also quite recent thing as well, as the image of Jet Li is from a recent film... Shame I don't work there anymore so I could ask him what the fuck is going on...

Now to provide some insight to fashion in Helsinki.
posted by slimepuppy at 4:58 AM on December 2, 2005

slimepuppy, that is weird and amazing. It's a small internets.

So, in your opinion, is this whole thing some sort of joke, or a spoof on internet-wacko sites? I'd believe it. The whole thing is very, uh, thorougly realized, which is a product either of decaying grey matter or of genuine cleverness.
posted by Dr. Wu at 5:05 AM on December 2, 2005

I... I don't know...

It's all terribly confusing.

It's the picture of Minnie being licked by Pluto and Mickey sodomising Donald with a broom that worries and confuses me the most, I think.

Reading the site, it all seems to be about HIM and the connection with Julie Andrews and Hitler is just a byline. My theory: it is some kind of self-portrait pastiche done in the style of an internet conspiracy theory.

Or maybe he finally has gone insane.
posted by slimepuppy at 5:57 AM on December 2, 2005

Been reading metafilter for ages now, and finally decided to bite the bullet and sign up, because...
I know this man.

Are the walls moving? Is the room shrinking?

Onko totta, että suomalaisessa jouluperinteessä joulupukki oli lapsia syövä villisika?
posted by srboisvert at 6:03 AM on December 2, 2005

Spoof or crazy, this is a great piece of, dare I say it, outsider art.
posted by Mercaptan at 6:09 AM on December 2, 2005

I desperately want to believe that this is a prank -- clever, creative and perhaps a bit too detailed, but a put-on like the Penthouse forum letters that you just know were created by a team of bored fraternity boys trying to come up with the most elaborate sex fantasy they could write together. The way the tone of the writing alternates between off-the-deep-end nutty and halfway reasonable is strangelyly compelling.
posted by alumshubby at 6:14 AM on December 2, 2005

Are the walls moving? Is the room shrinking?

I'm thinking metafilter has finally become the Nietzschean abyss that's gazing back into me...

Ja en ole ikinä kuullutkaan tuosta jouluperinteestä. Valitettavasti.
Ainakin omat vanhempani selittivät asioita joulutontuilla, itse pukki oli liian kiireinen meille tulemaan. Joskin pitää varmaan lapsilleni (jahka niitä kerkeän tekemään) tuosta lapsia syövästä villisiasta. Säästytään varmaan turhalta vikisemiseltä jouluaattona...
posted by slimepuppy at 6:20 AM on December 2, 2005

Wow, I really didn't think they could get acid that good in Belgium. Shows what I know, but maybe its all those fancy European designer drugs.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:36 AM on December 2, 2005

That site is just... crazy. Wow.
posted by antifuse at 7:14 AM on December 2, 2005

Finally, I don't try to get my real mother but the evil system itself that has left her no choice but to collaborate or become "vaporized".

Translation? Anyone?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:18 AM on December 2, 2005

The internet nutjob aesthetic is definitely one of the most interesting artistic movements out there. It may actually be our last best hope against the media overcommunications industry.
posted by nixerman at 7:30 AM on December 2, 2005

Does this all make sense in Finnish?
posted by klangklangston at 8:00 AM on December 2, 2005

Reminds me of this
posted by I Foody at 8:05 AM on December 2, 2005

It reminds of a guy in Ottawa who would stick typewritten and photocopied anti-medication rants on all the cars downtown every couple of days

I had to draft responses to some of the letters he used to send to my Minister's office. I used to hate getting those dockets.
posted by smcniven at 8:10 AM on December 2, 2005

klangklanston, no, it really doesn't.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:11 AM on December 2, 2005

To quote Hank Hill: That boy ain't right.
posted by tommasz at 8:17 AM on December 2, 2005

I don't think this is madness (compare scarabic's God Apollo link for the real thing); it's too well written and funny. You've got to like this guy:

Maybe this a monarchist or rather anti-monarchist plot where I am supposed to find myself as king Oliver the First of Finland! Then on the left a woman who is standing next to me would be my queen: her name is Elizaveta, and she is a sailor's widow and common whore from St. Petersburg who wanted everything from me, but she wasn't willing to share anything with me although I had to share her with other men. Lisa, tell me do you see before you a king? This tired, sickening man, this country oaf, crude in speech and manner? This rough fellow, does he display the bearing of a king?

To me, it's like something Nabokov might have done if he'd been a Finnish philosopher/monk with a website (not comparing it in terms of literary quality, just playfulness and rich imagining). I could be wrong, but if he's a nutter, that's the kind of nutter I want to be if I go around the bend.
posted by languagehat at 8:31 AM on December 2, 2005

Remind me of some old zine pastup stuff I saw back in the '80s/'90s. But much more playful. I wonder if Julie & Blake have seen it.
posted by lodurr at 8:42 AM on December 2, 2005

Reminds me of someone else.
posted by mazola at 8:50 AM on December 2, 2005

Damn. I was going to post this as an FPP. Only my FPP was along the lines of "[link]batshitinsane[/link]. Schizophrenia is a miserable, confusing hell. [links to schizo support sites]."

I am so thankful that I am not schizoid. Could there be a worse fate?
posted by five fresh fish at 11:07 AM on December 2, 2005

five fresh fish : "I am so thankful that I am not schizoid. Could there be a worse fate?"

I can think of quite a few.
posted by Bugbread at 11:11 AM on December 2, 2005

Languagehat, I agree; it reads like conspiracy theorist meets self-obsessed autobiographer meets ultimate celebrity stalker, a kind of playful hit parade of the worst sins of self-publishing. But just when I'm convinced he's doing a send-up, he'll pull some quote or receipt or photograph to verify the story -- another old trick, for sure, but he does it well enough that I'm almost ready to believe that he's been trying to communicate with Julie Andrews. (It just forcibly hit me how weird it must be for those assistants who open an iconic celebrity's mail; such people must have something of the gallows humor of cops or ambulance drivers.) If it's parody, it's wonderful: Nabokov, definitely, with broad strokes of Ignatius J. Reilly for good measure. If it's not, well holy god. And if it's somewhere in the middle -- if he's got the power to both be completely unhinged and to observe and mock his own unhingedness -- then I have no idea how to end this sentence except to say that's pretty damn interesting too.

(Slimepuppy, I'm so glad that you posted that fascinating bit. I hope you've got a taste for it now and stick around.)
posted by melissa may at 11:12 AM on December 2, 2005

It does sound like some kind of parody. The bit languagehat quoted is just too funny.

I still want to know if this is a parody or not. I'm voting genuine craziness for that one, but you never know...
posted by funambulist at 2:22 PM on December 2, 2005

This is the funniest thing I have read for weeks. I was most amused by the rat&cat algebra; the final line had me in stitches:
"Or take this: `If a cat can kill a rat in a minute, how long would it be killing 60,000 rats?' Ah, how long, indeed! My private opinion is that the rats would kill the cat."
posted by 999 at 6:11 PM on December 3, 2005

An uber WTF?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
posted by ParisParamus at 6:30 PM on December 3, 2005