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Uh, look, dude, it's not entirely impossible for you to get laid.
January 10, 2006 11:51 AM   Subscribe

Uh, look, dude, it's not entirely impossible for you to get laid. (NSFW, I guess, as far as text can be)
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (41 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Photos of the author. Because I figured you'd want to know too.
posted by rxrfrx at 11:56 AM on January 10, 2006


Darci R.: aspiring writer and Vice magazine reader
posted by Marnie at 12:00 PM on January 10, 2006


I love the Black Table. I'm going to miss it when it's gone.
posted by Afroblanco at 12:03 PM on January 10, 2006


Kind of strange how you could see the demise of blacktable.com coming from a long ways back...
posted by cusack at 12:05 PM on January 10, 2006


What I love about that piece is that you can start at the beginning, read through to the end, and not come across an actual—ah, an actual non-cliche thought? Despite hundreds of words. How did she pull that off?
posted by Firas at 12:06 PM on January 10, 2006


I thought it was actually pretty good advice. Certainly much better than all the other bullshit "rules" I've read.

Too bad I'm already married, I just bought a really bitchin' sweater.
posted by bondcliff at 12:10 PM on January 10, 2006


It's all about standards. If you're standards are too high, you can't get laid, unless you're really good looking.
posted by delmoi at 12:11 PM on January 10, 2006


I prefer this guide. FAULTLESS.
posted by schroedinger at 12:15 PM on January 10, 2006


So this ... sweater (?) thing, where does one get one?
posted by PurplePorpoise at 12:18 PM on January 10, 2006


As she nods off at the bar, a cigarette sizzling between her knuckles, innocently suggest that you drive her home. While on the bus to your place with your soon-to-be conquest, offer compliments to offset any insecurity brought out by the intense glare of fluorescent lighting.
posted by craniac at 12:25 PM on January 10, 2006


If I follow these rules, then how can I get the girls who like guys who don't follow rules to like me?
posted by billysumday at 12:30 PM on January 10, 2006


Dude, if you don't want rules you don't need 'em! There are plenty of chicks who dig bad boys!
posted by schroedinger at 12:32 PM on January 10, 2006


I am by birth a female, with two tits and a fully functional va-jay

Is a va-jay some sort of obsure vacuum cleaner I've never heard of, or something?
posted by doctor_negative at 12:44 PM on January 10, 2006


They're genital deejays! Everybody's getting one!
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:47 PM on January 10, 2006


Kind of strange how you could see the demise of blacktable.com coming from a long ways back...

Yeah, like how they stopped updating the side links a good 6 months ago.

Still, I'm going to miss it. Especially the Black List.
posted by Afroblanco at 12:47 PM on January 10, 2006


A fucking sweater?
posted by slimepuppy at 12:59 PM on January 10, 2006


No, slimepuppy. A fucking sweater. There's a difference.
posted by Evstar at 1:07 PM on January 10, 2006


uhhh... i believe the proper term is "va-jay-jay."
posted by cusack at 1:09 PM on January 10, 2006


What a dumb broad.
posted by jonmc at 1:10 PM on January 10, 2006


I heard Paris Hilton has one, and does some mad scratching on it.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:13 PM on January 10, 2006


oh no you din't!!!
posted by cusack at 1:19 PM on January 10, 2006


I love the Black Table. I'm going to miss it when it's gone.

Me too. A great great site.
posted by amberglow at 1:19 PM on January 10, 2006


Uh, amber, I first landed there on your suggestion. :)
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:24 PM on January 10, 2006


schroedinger, I hate to break it to you, but nobody buys into those nice rules anymore. If people talk about "rules for guys" today, they usually just mean how to be self confident, maybe even a little bit of a jerk.

Such rules help many guys, as confidence is often the problem. And Ms. Ratliff's makes the same mistake as most women who write rules for guys by neglecting this point. But only #4 seems like bad advice.

Its nice she understand that "game" is men's responce to the expectations of women, but she is wrong to imagine its only the higest maintenance women who cause the problem, although they are worse.
posted by jeffburdges at 1:32 PM on January 10, 2006


I'm sad Blacktable is dying- what will I do without my Friday dose of "Week in Craig"?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:47 PM on January 10, 2006 [1 favorite]


schroedinger, I hate to break it to you, but nobody buys into those nice rules anymore. If people talk about "rules for guys" today, they usually just mean how to be self confident, maybe even a little bit of a jerk.

Er, I know this. My comments were joking.
posted by schroedinger at 2:11 PM on January 10, 2006


This was good. The only thing I'd add would be this piece of wisdom: "If you were me, would you take yourself home?"
posted by bardic at 2:28 PM on January 10, 2006


This sweater makes me irresistible. It really works.
posted by fixedgear at 2:30 PM on January 10, 2006


Gotta agree with fixedgear - I realized recently the chicks really dig the half-zip.
posted by blendor at 2:44 PM on January 10, 2006


Seriously, what the fuck?
A sweater?
posted by slimepuppy at 2:49 PM on January 10, 2006


You've been taking advice from other dudes, and unless you're interested in fucking other dudes (which I have very few tips on), you might want to consider going straight to the source: me. I am by birth a female, with two tits and a fully functional va-jay. I'd say that qualifies me as an expert in what women are attracted to, and as such, my insight into your dilemma might prove to be valuable

The flawed premise is that girls will tell you what they should want not what they actually want. (this is a problem with human beings in general - I'm not picking on women)

Guys, rather succesful guys, will give you valuable advice on what works in practice, not in theory.
posted by vacapinta at 2:50 PM on January 10, 2006


No, slimepuppy. A fucking sweater. There's a difference.

A fucking sweater has little knitted naked people humping away on it. Typically a single daisy chain wrapping around it chest-high, but there are other variations.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 3:09 PM on January 10, 2006


It's like the shield of Achilles. But for your joint.
posted by bardic at 3:16 PM on January 10, 2006


Wow that was crap. The Ladder theory, while equally full of shit, is much more original and entertaining.
posted by afu at 4:06 PM on January 10, 2006 [1 favorite]


fixed gear, those sweaters are f'ing sweet, but 210 bucks!
posted by afu at 4:08 PM on January 10, 2006 [1 favorite]


Well, that's all very well unless you're cripplingly shy, incurably unconfident and prone to anxiety impotence. No no, I don't mean me! I'm talking about this guy I knew once!
posted by Decani at 4:15 PM on January 10, 2006


Do not, repeat, do not wear the same sweater every day of your life. It will get you laughed at, not laid.
posted by mrgrimm at 4:27 PM on January 10, 2006


mrgrimm, you obviously haven't seen the pussy Bill Cosby was getting. Up to his waist in it.
posted by bardic at 4:29 PM on January 10, 2006


Blacktable comes to an end
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 4:42 PM on January 10, 2006


The Ladder theory

Funny, funny stuff. For some reason, I get the feeling that whoever came up with Ladder theory was a big Devo fan.
posted by Afroblanco at 8:22 PM on January 10, 2006


A fucking sweater?
posted by slimepuppy at 3:59 PM EST on January 10 [!]


No, slimepuppy. A fucking sweater. There's a difference.
posted by Evstar at 4:07 PM EST on January 10 [!]

This is great.
posted by c13 at 1:51 AM on January 14, 2006


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