Very Special Duke Trading Cards

January 25, 2006 8:54 AM

Tips from the Blue Devils - Dunking the ball is a flashy move. In some instances, it can be the wrong move. Pot and cocaine are wrong moves. They mess up your thinking and can kill you instantly.
posted by sdrawkcab (41 comments total)

How? Choking hazard?
posted by Protocols of the Elders of Awesome at 9:09 AM on January 25, 2006

I see people drop dead all the time after enjoying marijuana cigarettes. (reefers!)
posted by wakko at 9:14 AM on January 25, 2006

Kill you instantly, or at least get you suspended for a few games.
posted by sellout at 9:23 AM on January 25, 2006

Possessing a potent jump shot makes you a threat from any place on the court. Possessing drugs makes you a threat to everyone .....

True. I'm way more dangerous from the three point line when I'm holding.
posted by three blind mice at 9:27 AM on January 25, 2006

Protocols of the Elders of Awesome: "How? Choking hazard?"

Fire hazard!
posted by Plutor at 9:28 AM on January 25, 2006

Tips from the Blue Devils - Being part of a team is fun. But make sure your team of friends play fair. Don't let anyone talk you into trying drugs.

... but don't let anyone talk you out of it either. I don't know, just think for yourself. Or don't.
posted by psmealey at 9:37 AM on January 25, 2006

Phil Henderson #3

Tips from the Blue Devils - Remember to spread out the court when running a fast break. Fast break from people who want to damage your body, those who offer you alcohol. It will destroy your liver, and eventually your life.

So can refusing to pay $11,000 in child support, being sentenced to 30 days in jail, and threatening to move to Trinidad.
posted by fochsenhirt at 9:40 AM on January 25, 2006

If things likes this just keep one kid from a life of drug addiction, then they are worth it--abject corniness and all. I applaud their agreement to use their images to try to make a positive impact.
posted by dios at 9:54 AM on January 25, 2006

Tips from the Blue Devils - Being able to dribble and shoot the ball with both hands is a valuable asset. You are a valuable asset to our country. Don't ruin your chances for success by messing around with drugs and alcohol. You are a winner if you say "No!"

Or if you score a bunch of points. You know, either one, really.
posted by NationalKato at 9:55 AM on January 25, 2006

If things likes this just keep one kid from a life of drug addiction, then they are worth it--abject corniness and all. I applaud their agreement to use their images to try to make a positive impact.

For every one kid these dorky cards keeps away from a "life of drugs" I bet this insulting, childish, condecending, jingoism drives two into it.

If I wasn't already in a committed partnership with alcohol, these stupid anti-drug messages would definitely drive me into a "life of drugs."
posted by three blind mice at 10:10 AM on January 25, 2006

These are hilarous, and cool. Thanks for the link.
posted by raedyn at 10:12 AM on January 25, 2006

If things likes this just keep one kid from a life of drug addiction, then they are worth it--abject corniness and all. I applaud their agreement to use their images to try to make a positive impact.

Yeah, and let's completely ignore fhe fact they were sponsored, as propoganda, by a gigantic pharmaceutical corporation (Glaxo).

These kinds of anti-drug messages don't do a damn thing. Plus they're (unintentionally) funny as hell.
posted by wakko at 10:19 AM on January 25, 2006

Also let's ignore the fact that lying about what drugs can do (marijuana cannot kill you) only makes kids more skeptical about anti-drug messages in general.
posted by wakko at 10:21 AM on January 25, 2006

Stuff like this was pretty common in the 80s. Athletes universally warned kids away from drugs & alcohol, even while some of them were obviously users themselves.

Corny it may be, but it's a much better message than kids are getting today (when athletes and celebrities are open users).
posted by b_thinky at 10:22 AM on January 25, 2006

Ah, the tragedy of children driven to drugs by anti-drug advertising. If only they had a meaningful choice. But no, instead, they are driven to it.
posted by JekPorkins at 10:22 AM on January 25, 2006

Ah, the tragedy of children driven to drugs by anti-drug advertising. If only they had a meaningful choice. But no, instead, they are driven to it.

No, but let's stop pretending these kinds of things actually work.
posted by wakko at 10:23 AM on January 25, 2006

These kinds of anti-drug messages don't do a damn thing. Plus they're (unintentionally) funny as hell.
posted by wakko at 10:19 AM PST on January 25 [!]

This is aimed at 10 year old kids, most of whom probably never even heard of drugs. If their first messages on drugs are from someone they trust and look up to (like bball players) I think it can make a difference.

Also let's ignore the fact that lying about what drugs can do (marijuana cannot kill you) only makes kids more skeptical about anti-drug messages in general.
posted by wakko at 10:21 AM PST on January 25 [!]

We also lie to kids about Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, which doesn't really seem to make them any more skeptical.
posted by b_thinky at 10:25 AM on January 25, 2006

We also lie to kids about Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, which doesn't really seem to make them any more skeptical.

It sure does, when they find out we were lying to them. What ten-year-old still believes in Santa Claus?
posted by wakko at 10:27 AM on January 25, 2006

This is aimed at 10 year old kids, most of whom probably never even heard of drugs. - b_thinky

I think you underestimate kids.
posted by raedyn at 10:31 AM on January 25, 2006

Exactly, raedyn. Kids aren't stupid, and you don't need to lie to them to keep them away from drugs.
posted by wakko at 10:32 AM on January 25, 2006

Understand the fundamentals and game plans of drugs.

It kills me to see all those Maryland and NoVa players in a traitor's uniform.
posted by If I Had An Anus at 10:33 AM on January 25, 2006

If things likes this just keep one kid from a life of drug addiction..

If it's just helping one kid, then they need to shoot a little higher don't you think?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:02 AM on January 25, 2006

I hate to promote a Fark cliche, but Duke really does suck.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:06 AM on January 25, 2006

Okay, I checked, and it's part of the elementary school curriculum here to talk to kids about drug in school starting in Grade 4 (Source) - that would be 10 years old, typically. And I recall that Health class wasn't the first time I ever heard about drugs. (Not that I really understood the concept properly that young or anything, but I had heard of drugs!)

Considering the overwhelming presence of references to this stuff (example: a reccurring scene in That 70's Show is various characters getting high in a circle and talking about - nothing) it's not surprising to me. There are few 10 year olds that are sheltered enough from the real world to not have a least a clue about that stuff.
posted by raedyn at 11:22 AM on January 25, 2006

Revealing too much about myself, but when I was in high school I used the "Just Say NO" paraphenalia handed out to us when we were but wee lads as a sort of shopping list.

Ignoring the "risks" listed, I checked out the "effects" for things I was in the mood for. "Hmm, Nancy Reagan says that cocaine gives you a sense of 'euphoria,' I'll try two of those please!"
posted by Pollomacho at 11:30 AM on January 25, 2006

(honestly, I'm surprised there's still anyone in North America that truly believes 10 year olds haven' heard of drugs)
posted by raedyn at 11:34 AM on January 25, 2006

You do realize that we love the hate, yes?
posted by Dukebloo at 12:04 PM on January 25, 2006

I, as a Carolina graduate and a born-and-raised Tar Heel, have been convinced by these trading cards to start a half-dozen different drug habits. Thanks, Phil Henderson!
posted by nflorin at 12:26 PM on January 25, 2006

One more reason for me to hate Duke and love Mary Jane.
posted by 1-2punch at 12:43 PM on January 25, 2006

cocaine ... can kill you instantly

I think all you people (probably messed up on drugs, with no memory left), are missing the subtext of these cards. Less than two years before this, Len Bias from the University of Maryland, one of the biggest stars in NCAA history, was drafted by the Boston Celtics, then flew back home and dropped dead less than two days later.

Apparently — and despite the heavy-handedness of the cards — cocaine did kill him instantly. #2 draft pick in the NBA, reputed heir to Larry Bird, a huge shoe deal with Reebok (which was positioning him against Michael Jordan at Nike, who many people feel he was better than), all down the drain.

ESPN calls it the 4th most shocking event in basketball history. Ten years later, the University of Maryland still hadn't gotten over it. Certainly it's the reason the ACC was pushing such a strong (albeit ridiculous) anti-drug message in 1988.
posted by LeLiLo at 1:54 PM on January 25, 2006

Um, lelilo, his undetected heart condition actually killed him, but cocaine sure didn't help.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:59 PM on January 25, 2006

"Thanks, McGruff. Hey kids, Lawrence Taylor here. As part of my court-ordered community service, I'm going to be talking to you about drugs and alcohol today."
posted by iron chef morimoto at 2:06 PM on January 25, 2006

And marijuana and cocaine are hardly the same thing.
posted by raedyn at 2:09 PM on January 25, 2006

Hey kids, in case you weren't thinking about drugs, here's a little message that may scare you today, but when you are hanging out with your friends several years from now and somebody has a "reefer", you can show how cool you are by cheating death (or worse!) by having a hit.

Keep those anti-drug messages coming, they certainly seem to be doing the trick (ie. convincing kids that doing drugs is a "daredevil" thing to do) here in the drug-soaked USA.
posted by telstar at 4:05 PM on January 25, 2006

Understand the fundamentals and game plans of drugs; they can kill. Stay clear to win in life.

Awww, Coach K. I would have liked to win at life.
posted by Meredith at 4:12 PM on January 25, 2006

If I wasn't already in a committed partnership with alcohol,

Best thing i've read all day. thanks tbm
posted by quin at 5:09 PM on January 25, 2006

This kind of thing always makes me want to get high.
posted by flaterik at 5:10 PM on January 25, 2006

Len Bias had an undetected heart condition? No, I think you're confusing him with Hank Gathers. Bias died of a heart attack after snorting coke for something like 4 straight hours.
posted by sixpack at 5:49 PM on January 25, 2006

Four straight hours? Holy shit, that's a hell of an inhale.

And a rather large line.
posted by flaterik at 9:29 PM on January 25, 2006

Reminds me of the old Blazer cards that the Portland police used to give out to kids back around 1980. I recall one relating a "fast break" either to the importance of breakfast, or else it was something like "If you're with a kid who shoplifts, you should make a fast break away from that relationship".
posted by blueberry at 10:14 PM on January 25, 2006

that's a hell of an inhale.

No shit, it was straight up like that teletubbies vacuum cleaner!
posted by idontlikewords at 10:18 PM on January 25, 2006