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Boozing Broadway Style
April 20, 2007 4:52 PM   Subscribe

[Joe] Namath learned to drink as a youngster, back home in Beaver Falls. You could say he developed a taste for hooch as an infant— when he got fussy while teething his mother rubbed his gums with a rag soaked in grain alcohol. (via SpoFi, another story of a great athlete/drunkard)
posted by mr_crash_davis (29 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
You know who else lived in Beaver Falls?

That's right. Mr. Belvedere.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 5:03 PM on April 20, 2007


Hilarious zine name. And the writing flows as smooth as the whisky. T'was simpler times...
posted by uni verse at 5:07 PM on April 20, 2007


Raise your hands if you were given sips of beer from salted-rim beercans as a small child. And clamored for them. And was at least once given a baby-bottle of beer to suckle.

*raises hand, falls out of chair, laughs inappropriately*

Namath had style in them days.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 5:07 PM on April 20, 2007


Compared to Chuck Norris, they are Joe Nomouth and Andre the Tiny respectively.
posted by DU at 5:09 PM on April 20, 2007


Oh, please, Chick Floor-swish couldn't hold a candle to Andre.

mostly because he would've caught fire
posted by oats at 5:17 PM on April 20, 2007


Maybe Chuck Norris couldn't....but Jesus could.
posted by DU at 5:28 PM on April 20, 2007


Most people aren't aware that during his twenties, Jesus trained first as an acrobat and then later as an expert martial artist. This was while he was visiting the Americas and before he found his “voice”. I believe this is detailed in Book Six, Chapter Twelve of the Book of Mormon.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 5:34 PM on April 20, 2007


J - E - T - S!
Jets! Jets! Jets!
posted by Flood at 5:46 PM on April 20, 2007


Great stories. And a great cameo by John Riggins, who indeed told Sandra Day O'connor to "Lighten up, baby" before passing out next to her.
posted by bardic at 6:11 PM on April 20, 2007


My mother kept telling me that she's put Jack Daniels on my gums for teething.
Now, I look at my 10 month old... It'd be considered child abuse.

Bleah!
posted by Balisong at 6:55 PM on April 20, 2007


The Joe Namath-Janis Joplin anecdote is a fascinating little sliver of pop-culture trivia. Seems like a clash of civilizations.
posted by madamjujujive at 7:19 PM on April 20, 2007


A fine athelete?

EB, my dad drank Oly out of brown stubbies and I would beg for sips of foam (I was 3). Mmmm, shitty beer.
posted by peep at 7:22 PM on April 20, 2007


Balisong - My mother kept telling me that she's put Jack Daniels on my gums for teething.
Now, I look at my 10 month old... It'd be considered child abuse.


Just use cognac of at least VSOP level instead and you're golden.

I drank a looot of JD back in my college days. BOC! Now it's mostly Bushmills or Finlandia
posted by porpoise at 7:38 PM on April 20, 2007


Joe Drunk on sidelines, flirting.
posted by jikel_morten at 7:52 PM on April 20, 2007


My great-grandmother got all 13 of her kids through teething (and probably saved her own sanity) by rubbing bourbon on their gums. People used what was available back in the "old days"... She even recommended it to me when my kids were babies (but I was too paranoid to try it, and besides, other more "acceptable" remedies were available).
posted by amyms at 7:55 PM on April 20, 2007


Of course, my family is full of alcoholics, so who knows?
posted by amyms at 7:55 PM on April 20, 2007


“My great-grandmother got all 13 of her kids through teething (and probably saved her own sanity) by rubbing bourbon on their gums.”

Cocaine works much better than bourbon for easing teething pain. That's what I recommend.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 8:16 PM on April 20, 2007


I hear that Jesus was so thirsty.... he could flip water into booze.
posted by R. Mutt at 8:20 PM on April 20, 2007


A friend's mother would take a shot of whiskey before breast feeding her. She's turned out just fine, although, some might make the accusation that she is a lush. Although, so am I and I didn't have a sip of anything alcoholic until I was nearly 17.
posted by nadawi at 9:45 PM on April 20, 2007


My grandmother mixed bourbon, simple sugar and lemon whenever I had a cold. Or maybe to shut me up.

A good relationship with relatives is important. I heard Namath suffers from bad niece.
posted by hal9k at 10:45 PM on April 20, 2007


Joe Drunk on sidelines, flirting.

Wow, after all those women in his life, he's managed to turn flirting into an artform. Suave, subtle, no wonder he was able to steal two girls away from such handsome guys as Keith Richards and Mick Jagger.
posted by kisch mokusch at 11:42 PM on April 20, 2007


If that's not Joey Heatherton in the promo poster, I'll buy you a drink.
posted by wsg at 1:06 AM on April 21, 2007


he's managed to turn flirting into an artform.

Really? I never really tried the whole 'repeatedly ejaculate "I want to kiss you!" in the middle of a conversation' technique. I guess it's the sort of thing only the originator can pull off.
posted by Firas at 4:44 AM on April 21, 2007


Like so many things, one generation's good parenting becomes another generation's child abuse.
posted by tommasz at 7:19 AM on April 21, 2007


Really? I never really tried the whole 'repeatedly ejaculate "I want to kiss you!" in the middle of a conversation' technique. I guess it's the sort of thing only the originator can pull off.

Well, you should! Many a fine lass awaits you out there, waiting for the liquid velvet tones of a sophisticated, handsome gentleman to softly utter the words, "I want to kiss you". You shouldn't be restricted by the belief that only the great Joe Namath can pull off this move.
But beware, this technique only works if your words are suitably slurred. Chicks only like it when you're interested in them when you're drunk.
posted by kisch mokusch at 10:31 AM on April 21, 2007


The sad part is, last time I found myself in that sloshed-but-prowling situation a few weeks ago, I lost my head because the girl in question intimated that I was "stupid", and—supremely, unabatadly offended—kept asking her and everyone around us in that rather smokey room whether I was really stupid. Yes, I have a-ways to go to being a suave drunkard.
posted by Firas at 11:21 AM on April 21, 2007


Firas, there's nothing to it, take it from me.
posted by jonmc at 11:45 AM on April 21, 2007


I think the "alcoholism" tag is missing here.
posted by MarshallPoe at 1:58 PM on April 21, 2007


I have been to Beaver Falls, and I don't blame any of its residents for developing boozing habits. The mills closed years ago, but it remains defiantly dingy. Even in its better days there was something off about that town; maybe too many plastic flowers in the flower beds.
posted by Alison at 7:54 PM on April 21, 2007


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