RIP Slobo
May 22, 2007 10:28 AM   Subscribe

Slobodan Milosevic has died. Again. I'm sure everyone in the vampire community will miss him - whatever your personal feelings about him, there's no denying his contributions to bloodsucking. Truly a Yugoslavian icon.
posted by Krrrlson (50 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
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posted by brownpau at 10:31 AM on May 22, 2007


Maybe we should do the same thing to Nixon. Just to be sure, you understand.
posted by Rangeboy at 10:32 AM on May 22, 2007


hysterical! someone ought to do that for Falwell too. ; >
posted by amberglow at 10:32 AM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]


.
posted by Stynxno at 10:32 AM on May 22, 2007


Good lookin' out, vampire hunters.

His first name always bugged me. Did his friends call him 'Slob' for short?
posted by jonmc at 10:32 AM on May 22, 2007


What bp said.
posted by dios at 10:33 AM on May 22, 2007


And stinky.
posted by dios at 10:33 AM on May 22, 2007


For a second I thought it was another emu.
posted by yeti at 10:33 AM on May 22, 2007


Slobo babes everywhere shed a tear.

(youtube link)
posted by veronitron at 10:34 AM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


Be careful with the vitriol. A vampire has died. Let's remember he has a vampire family and vampire friends. Show some respect.
posted by NationalKato at 10:35 AM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


This is the 21st Century...right?
posted by Thorzdad at 10:37 AM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


!
posted by LordSludge at 10:38 AM on May 22, 2007


Joss Whedon has totally jumped the shark, shot the shark through the heart with a speargun, fileted the shark with a dull wit, and revealed it as the secret ingredient in Iron Chef: Yugoslavia.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:44 AM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


Not sure this is what the UN had in mind when it said it wanted to enable all stakeholders in Serbia.
posted by Abiezer at 10:44 AM on May 22, 2007 [7 favorites]


. --------> <3
posted by phirleh at 10:44 AM on May 22, 2007


Eh. They stole the idea from Tim Kreider.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 10:45 AM on May 22, 2007


This is my kind of NewsFilter.
posted by Mister_A at 10:47 AM on May 22, 2007


Wait a minute. If they didn't dig him up, how do they know he was in THAT coffin at the time?
posted by Malor at 10:52 AM on May 22, 2007


Goodnight sweet prince, may flights of devils wing you to your rest.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:54 AM on May 22, 2007


Wait a minute. If they didn't dig him up, how do they know he was in THAT coffin at the time?

They also don't know if they actually tagged him through the heart.

Can you comprehend how angry a vampire can get with a 3 foot wooden stake through his "inner thigh"?
posted by thanotopsis at 10:55 AM on May 22, 2007


Wouldn't it be cool if the International Criminal Court could order this while war criminals are still alive?

"OK, you're free to go. Now all you have to fear is the vampire hunters ..."
posted by dhartung at 11:00 AM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


Goulish.
Channel surfing late one night we'll hope to see him emerge from his damp musty grave with the spike still protruding from his rotting chest. He'll stare ominously into the camera and growl in his rumbling Baltic accent : "Tonight on Fright Night Theatre - Don't Open Ze Vindow, starring Ray Lovelock and Cristina Galbo!"
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:01 AM on May 22, 2007


Tom DeLay was just on MSNBC saying this whole incident could have been prevented if mourners and pallbearers were encouraged to carry concealed stakes.
posted by moift at 11:06 AM on May 22, 2007 [4 favorites]


The ironic thing is that Slobodan Milosevic did not have a heart.
posted by Dreamghost at 11:17 AM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]


May 2 2007: For weeks the dreams have haunted my sleep. Tossing and turning in my bed after the jackhammers and buses of the New Yugoslavia have finally let me attempt rest, the nightmare visions hurl me down into the deep. Churnings underground, symphonies of worms in cthonic chorale, damp horror of the grave: something is calling me from the graveyard next to my house.

My 5 2007: I have found the unmarked grave that has so possessed me. It is the secret burial site of our ex-Leader. Even in death, even after the killings and midnight punishments have ended, I cannot escape him. Among the nightmarish memories of the days we served as his Security Detail, I cannot now escape the time he told me of my Special Duty. His cold, cold eyes looking into mine - refusing to tell me even what that Duty would be - only that it would come "long, long after all this has passed." When he fell, I thought I had escaped that last Assignment. Now I wonder.

May 12 2007: I write these words barely able to accept that I take them seriously: I believe Slobodan Milosevic, my old commander, is a vampire and seeks to rise from his grave. I believe his struggle to rise from the black depths is spilling over into my dreams, and he will seek my service upon his rebirth for what unwholesome tasks I dare not ponder - what we did in his name while he lived still drips venom across my soul; what may he require now that what few bonds of living morality have been shed?

This cannot be allowed. I have gathered a few men from the old unit, and some elders from the town who know the Old Ways. We go at midnight tonight to prevent his rising - to end this Vampire as they must be ended.

May 13 2007: I enjoy looking over this old journal, though I will certainly have to destroy it. The men came as I knew they would - foolishly thinking I would have planned on their loyalty, they thought they came to betray my undeath. Counting on their treachery, I lay beneath the sod and drew them to me. The dreams I sent had indeed caused them to think no further than their old wivetales - even those are filled other possibilities they never considered.

As the old corporal drove his stake through my old heart, and connected us one last time, I felt him understand. The connection, the electric joy of my release, the anguished terror as he felt himself drawn into the damp earth to lie forever: these were as balm to my long-suffering soul, and I relish them now as I devour the rest of his family in his flesh. The eyes staring up at me in uncomprehending terror bring the old joys to my black heart. My time as bloody dictator was a good one - a feast of industrial slaughter I shall not soon forget - but I enjoy the old simple ways again as I take up this new body. I know not where this literal incarnation will lead me, but I know this world offers a boundless smorgasbord of bloody satisfaction to one of my kind.

Slobodan is no more and will always be - the earth beneath my feet sings to me with the voices of a million dead, and the sky above is fresh with the promise of a million unlives to be lived.
posted by freebird at 11:23 AM on May 22, 2007 [5 favorites]


Huh. Thought he died a while ago.
posted by notmydesk at 11:27 AM on May 22, 2007


Oh. Fuck.
posted by notmydesk at 11:28 AM on May 22, 2007


I...don't think this article is funny, to be honest, but...if that YouTube link that I can't see because I'm at work is indeed (as I suspect) Whale, then that alone redeems this whole entire thread.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:31 AM on May 22, 2007


Didn't this happen months ago?
posted by waitingtoderail at 11:35 AM on May 22, 2007


...Oh. Oh, wait. It's real?! ...Oh, my. Um...carry on.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:35 AM on May 22, 2007


is ananova a parody news site, or might the world just be wonderful enough for this to have actually happened?
posted by shmegegge at 11:36 AM on May 22, 2007




posted by taosbat at 11:37 AM on May 22, 2007


http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/03/06/milosevic_staked/

Google search - it was back in March.
posted by waitingtoderail at 11:37 AM on May 22, 2007


is ananova a parody news site, or might the world just be wonderful enough for this to have actually happened?

The world is actually that wonderful--sometimes. : >
posted by amberglow at 11:43 AM on May 22, 2007


Maybe we should do the same thing to Nixon. Just to be sure, you understand.

As we all know, there's only one way to be sure. And it involves rather more megatonnage than a stake can normally deliver.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:59 AM on May 22, 2007


o
posted by pax digita at 12:07 PM on May 22, 2007


Damn. I guess nobody's going to host this year's Forever Knight marathon.
posted by Smart Dalek at 12:14 PM on May 22, 2007


I'm sleeping with the wooden stake and crucifix under the pillow tonight.
posted by three blind mice at 12:40 PM on May 22, 2007


"You have to have faith for that to work on me--!"

*gun shot*

"...ow."

*sound of one Milosovich vampire falling*

Nope. No I don't.

* sound of one buddha hand clapping*
posted by ZachsMind at 1:08 PM on May 22, 2007


shmegegge writes "is ananova a parody news site, or might the world just be wonderful enough for this to have actually happened?"

Ananova is strange. It was originally a news aggregator that featured an animated newsreader character (named "Ananova"), but it turned out no one wanted to see that, so now it's just a news aggregator. It gets most of its hits off of "news of the weird"-type stories, mostly out of Eastern Europe. So take them with a grain of salt, but they probably aren't inventing things out of whole cloth.
posted by mr_roboto at 1:24 PM on May 22, 2007


This is a quality idea. I think whenever someone contentious dies we should make sure they stay dead by driving a stake through them.

/off to Fallwell's funeral.
posted by quin at 1:42 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


LOLYUGOS!
posted by Mental Wimp at 2:09 PM on May 22, 2007


Heh, it's funny that the name of the town Milosevic is buried in means "blazing inferno".
posted by zarah at 2:15 PM on May 22, 2007


Political theater or delusional thinking?
posted by wuwei at 3:29 PM on May 22, 2007


Milosevic isn't dead. He's still President of Serbia. I read it on CNN.
posted by planetkyoto at 5:30 PM on May 22, 2007


his rumbling Baltic accent

Balkan, not Baltic

Slobodan means freedom, pronounced slow-bo-dan, his nickname was probably kuretz (Serbian profanity)...or Slobo, pronounced slow-bo.

Serbian vampire hunters rammed a wooden stake through the heart of former dictator Slobodan Milosevic to stop him 'returning from the dead'.

Pretty incredible, but appropriate for that monster.
posted by nickyskye at 8:52 PM on May 22, 2007


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posted by 29 at 10:55 PM on May 22, 2007


Why are we laughing about this? These guys simply put in a single night of (admittedly terrifying) work to make sure.

They probably thought the same as everyone commenting here - it's all bullshit, there are no vampires, we're wasting our time.

Why not make sure though? Just in case? And we only live down the road after all.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 11:23 PM on May 22, 2007


I've always thought that cremation was the best option. Cemetaries are a waste of real estate. Then again, they are the closest thing American cities have to a green belt...
posted by chuckdarwin at 2:31 AM on May 23, 2007


Wait a minute. If they didn't dig him up, how do they know he was in THAT coffin at the time?

Exactly! Pussies.
posted by psmealey at 4:52 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


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