The Skull Fucking Bill of 2007

August 23, 2007 2:19 PM

U.S. Representative Benjamin Sinclair (R-Ohio) announces the Ocular Penetration Restriction Act of 2007 [NSFW].
posted by dhammond (62 comments total)

Onion video clip why?
posted by absalom at 2:24 PM on August 23, 2007

Why? I don't have to quote statistics for you.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:24 PM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Bush will veto it.
posted by Skygazer at 2:25 PM on August 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

"I rise today to introduce..."

Isn't that a bit too much personal information?
posted by Peter H at 2:26 PM on August 23, 2007

[autoplay video, sound]
posted by neustile at 2:28 PM on August 23, 2007

Needs more "squick" tag.
posted by spacewrench at 2:28 PM on August 23, 2007

The Onion? Really?
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:29 PM on August 23, 2007

The Onion, haha, is funny, no?

Not even the funniest clip there! You're telling me that was better than this?
posted by StrikeTheViol at 2:29 PM on August 23, 2007

That's beautiful.
posted by MrMoonPie at 2:31 PM on August 23, 2007

MetaFilter is most definitely a high-risk skull-fucking area.
posted by phaedon at 2:32 PM on August 23, 2007

I was all "zomg, a single Onion link, are you serious?!" but then I watched it and hearing "skullfucking" repeated about 50 times is hilarious.
posted by mathowie at 2:35 PM on August 23, 2007

I prefer the Time's Annual List of Least Influential People myself.
posted by clevershark at 2:36 PM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm with StrikeTheViol. I really like that guy's diploma.
posted by Kadin2048 at 2:46 PM on August 23, 2007

edgy back when alt.tasteless was in its heyday back TWO DAMN DECADES AGO.

NO DIGG, SIRRAH.
posted by boo_radley at 2:46 PM on August 23, 2007

All that skullfucking is going to spread visual aids.
posted by ColdChef at 2:51 PM on August 23, 2007 [7 favorites]

Nah, the real gold down the Onion way these days is their Sunday Magazine section.

See for example:

"I Just Wish I Could Stop Shitting Blood"

Heterosexual Men's Fashion Spring 2006

Sides: Are You On The Right One?
posted by gompa at 2:53 PM on August 23, 2007

Coefficient of friction
Is the measure of squiction
'Tween your bone and the hole that it mounts.
So when fucking her blind
Try to please keep in mind:
It's not the size of the skull that counts.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:56 PM on August 23, 2007 [5 favorites]

This will only prevent thousands of skullfuckers across the country from practicing their love.
posted by clevershark at 3:02 PM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

Of course, Chris Morris's The Day Today was doing this kind of stuff back in 1994.
posted by TrashyRambo at 3:04 PM on August 23, 2007

Does this prohibit just ocular penetration?
posted by MikeKD at 3:06 PM on August 23, 2007

AWESOME! An open Onion thread! Here is my personal favorite, and this actually happened to me, three times in a row.
posted by StrikeTheViol at 3:07 PM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Well, no Onion awesomeness thread would be complete with the two most prescient political commentaries to appear in American media in the past decade.
posted by ibmcginty at 3:21 PM on August 23, 2007 [4 favorites]

Someone in Post should've clamped that mask a little tighter.
posted by Lucy2Times at 3:27 PM on August 23, 2007

At least theyre still doing Jim Anchower.
posted by damn dirty ape at 3:48 PM on August 23, 2007

The actor playing the Congressman is great. How many takes did they need?
posted by McLir at 3:51 PM on August 23, 2007

What's a rep from Ohio doing with a Noo Yawk accent?
posted by Kronoss at 3:52 PM on August 23, 2007

Fucking stupid.
posted by delmoi at 3:53 PM on August 23, 2007

First they came for the skullfuckers, and I said nothing, because I was not a skullfucker...
posted by Optamystic at 4:11 PM on August 23, 2007

Both delmoi and McLir are correct. Hence, I watched, in horror.
posted by poweredbybeard at 4:17 PM on August 23, 2007

You’re either for the skull fuckers or against them, and some people here seem curiously ambivalent. If those people have nothing to hide then they have nothing to fear from advanced methods of interrogation like getting skull fucked.
posted by Huplescat at 4:41 PM on August 23, 2007

Yeah, ten seconds to check the representatives for Ohio to see that there's no Ben Sinclair. So from there, it's what? the novelty (none) of hearing a parody of a bill in Congress? Ultrameh.
posted by beelzbubba at 4:52 PM on August 23, 2007

Yeah, ten seconds to check the representatives for Ohio to see that there's no Ben Sinclair.

For future reference, you can assume that The Onion is not real.
posted by dhammond at 4:58 PM on August 23, 2007 [4 favorites]

Yeah, ten seconds to check the representatives for Ohio to see that there's no Ben Sinclair

Wait, let me get this straight: You fact checked a video on The Onion?
posted by thanotopsis at 4:58 PM on August 23, 2007 [13 favorites]

beelzbubba=beelzbozo
posted by Optamystic at 5:03 PM on August 23, 2007

A+++++ WOULD LOL AGAIN!!!!!!1!!1!one
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 5:05 PM on August 23, 2007

MeFi already sometimes feels like a BoingBoing RSS feed publisher; we gonna do the same with the Onion now, too?
posted by WCityMike at 5:08 PM on August 23, 2007

Hey! He's talking about me!

I'm skull fucking someone's grandmother right now!
posted by quin at 5:12 PM on August 23, 2007

You fact checked a video on The Onion?

now that's funny -- he saved the thread, you should thank him
posted by matteo at 5:14 PM on August 23, 2007

Wait, let me get this straight: You fact checked a video on The Onion?

Like ibmcginty said, they sometimes are remarkably accurate. You never know.
posted by Deathalicious at 5:16 PM on August 23, 2007

the novelty (none) of hearing a parody of a bill in Congress? Ultrameh.

I refer you to the closing line of the clip:

"In closing, let me say this: if we do not open our eyes to reality soon, they will get fucked right out of our heads."

If that doesn't crack you up, just skip The Onion from now on.
posted by baphomet at 5:18 PM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

Actually though, IMHO, the real prize currently up at the Onion is this: Is Our Wealth Hurting Africa's Feelings?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:18 PM on August 23, 2007

A one-link Onion post is not the best of the web.
posted by oaf at 6:25 PM on August 23, 2007

If you're going to leave lame one link youtube FPP's intact, you might as well leave lame Onion links. Oh boy.
posted by 2sheets at 6:25 PM on August 23, 2007

Wow, times have changed. This used to rank only slightly below self-linking in the pantheon of MeFi no-no's.
posted by mkultra at 6:42 PM on August 23, 2007

True that. Matt's getting soft. Maybe it's time he passed on the keys to the site to the next generation.
posted by pantone292 at 6:54 PM on August 23, 2007

Or not....
posted by Huplescat at 7:30 PM on August 23, 2007

I don't like one-links, as a rule-of-thumb. But I'm glad this was posted because I've been laughing for hours.
posted by McLir at 7:55 PM on August 23, 2007

Never forget their eerily accurate forecasting of the razor market...
posted by StrikeTheViol at 8:09 PM on August 23, 2007

HIJACKERS SURPRISED TO BE IN HELL
Ah, memories. That's MetaFilter history, kids.
posted by ColdChef at 8:16 PM on August 23, 2007

True that. Matt's getting soft.

True that, indeed. But you forgot the part about raising the roof! Holla!
posted by dhammond at 8:43 PM on August 23, 2007

Wait, let me get this straight: You fact checked a video on The Onion?

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the single greatest comment ever posted on Metafilter. Well done, thanotopsis.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:50 PM on August 23, 2007

Uh, what?
posted by bam at 9:00 PM on August 23, 2007

If coldchef is here, that means one thing...

...it's haiku time!

In a clutch log in.
"Fact check Onion video?"
New mefi w00t!
posted by humannaire at 10:06 PM on August 23, 2007

I lulzed.

Seriously, though. I hadn't bothered watching Onion video before, and this was funny. Skullfucking is funny.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:32 PM on August 23, 2007

A one-link Onion post is not the best of the web.

It would have been better with more links?
posted by Brian B. at 11:35 PM on August 23, 2007

At very least, they could have included Nerve's top ten squicking scenes.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:17 AM on August 24, 2007

Yeah, ten seconds to check the representatives for Ohio to see that there's no Ben Sinclair.

Not only did I fact-check the name, I did a search of the Congressional Record to see if this was based on an actual speech by the Ohio 17th District Rep.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:47 AM on August 24, 2007

A one-link Onion post is not the best of the web.

This one is. So there. What are you, a skullfucker?
posted by languagehat at 10:22 AM on August 24, 2007

Hey ... I know that guy! He offered me $20 if I would let him skullfuck me in a public park bathroom the other day.
posted by kyrademon at 11:39 AM on August 24, 2007

You pose-ass posers! I stopped thinking the Onion was funny in the 20th century! Nothing ever topped the Super Monkey Collider
posted by betaray at 12:57 PM on August 24, 2007

But it's still okay if you just trepan, right?
posted by Many bubbles at 9:27 PM on August 24, 2007

That was horrible and hilarious.

I also loved the Gays are too precious to risk in combat story.
posted by O9scar at 11:23 PM on August 24, 2007