Skip

Save vs. Recession +5
September 17, 2007 10:59 AM   Subscribe

Fantasy Stock Market Limit Break Go! A literal interpretation of fantasy stock market trading in Dungeons and Day Traders reg. req. Start with the rules and get trading in a week long mishmash of pyrolisks and porkbellies, mushrooms and margins, dragons and drawdowns...
posted by boo_radley (9 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
Why do the company descriptions sound like they were written by lolcats?
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:06 AM on September 17, 2007


Beware, stalwart adventurers! Be wary of ye olde tender offer from that ravenous blackguard Pasta of Bagel. Be wary of his satanic offers of startup capitale and of staking thine crewe for a humble 7%.

For as he giveth unto you your slivers of gold, and as you rejoice in them, he consolidateth the meanes of production into that Beast That Does Not Die, the Limited Liability Multinational Corporatione.

The oracle Gygax has prophesied this! And he of Bagels and Pastas shall glide methodically from goldsmith to blacksmith, from carpenter to farmer to rancher, and he shall cast over them the twin spelles of Vertical and Horizontal Integration. And they shall know not what has befallen them for they are placated in their indolence on his unspeakable lines of credit at reasonable rates. And it shall come to pass that he shall control production, distribution and retaile, and he shall reign supreme, using as he will his monopolistic market power to erect barriers to entry.

And a darkness of credit shall descend upon Greyhawk, and ye shall see it come to pass, that in each tavern and general store there shall sit a squat sentinel called AyeTeeAm, and it shall dispense not gold or silver but paper with his face contorted in a carnival barkers rictus of glee, and ye shall taketh of the paper and fill thine gullets with baubles and trinkets, and ye shall be as children amused with each new rattling toy.

And in the darkness he shall conspire with the demons from the deepest epicenter of Hell, from the banking plane and the legal plane. And he shall call summon them forth! "IA, Investment Banker!" (4d20) "IA, Mergers and Acquisitions Lawyer!" (50d20), and at his behest they shall forge for him the Interlocking Directorates and the Broker Dealer Syndicates.

And from the dessicated womb of your decadence shall issue forth the Postmodern Advertising Executive (9d20, +5 against common sense), and though the dark arts of psyonics you shall be driven mad with desire for products beginning in 'i'.

Attend well, adventurer, for on this path lies madness. Take your swords and your armour and descend to the catacombs in search of your fortune as your forefathers did before you, according to the third edition rules.

For this path that merciless dastard Pasta of Bagel has set you on leads not to adventure but to personal debt, a mortgage, two cars and spiraling gas bills, a 9-to-5 job with a boss that you are not permitted to kill even though a 5gp knife would be sufficient to split his soft belly.

Tend to your adventures, for if you do not, you will be wearing a suit and a tie and each passing day that tie will choke tighter and tighter...
posted by Pastabagel at 11:52 AM on September 17, 2007 [8 favorites]


I have a +2 bonus versus margin calls
posted by mrnutty at 12:01 PM on September 17, 2007


You fail your Saving Throw, buy Northern Rock
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:09 PM on September 17, 2007


Activist hedge fund casts Accusatory 13d Filing. CEO and Investor Relations defends by casting Nonsensical Powerpoint Presentation at Analyst Meeting. Lose a turn and 30% of holding's value.
posted by milkrate at 12:26 PM on September 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


After this, I really need a titty post badly.
posted by Mister_A at 12:26 PM on September 17, 2007


Activist hedge fund casts Accusatory 13d Filing. CEO and Investor Relations defends by casting Nonsensical Powerpoint Presentation at Analyst Meeting. Lose a turn and 30% of holding's value.

I was at that meeting! Gelatinous Cube from Accounting brought donuts.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:56 PM on September 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


CUBE!
posted by scruss at 1:21 PM on September 17, 2007


G-cube ate my lunch and also my face
posted by Mister_A at 2:07 PM on September 17, 2007


« Older We don't need no steeenkin' license!   |   Fueled by Rice - biking from China to...France Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments



Post