There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom

October 12, 2007 2:55 PM

NewsFilter: "A Montgomery minister found in his home this summer died with his hands and feet bound behind his back and dressed in two rubberized suits, an offical autopsy showed. ... The Rev. Gary Michael Aldridge was found dead June 24. Police ruled the 51-year-old pastor of Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone at the time of his death and that there was no foul play involved." He's a Liberty University graduate and former Liberty dean.

From the autopsy: "The decedent is clothed in a diving wet suit, a face mask which has a single vent for breathing, a rubberized head mask having an opening for the mouth and eyes, a second rubberized suit with suspenders, rubberized male underwear, hands and feet have diving gloves and slippers. There are numerous straps and cords restraining the decedent. There is a leather belt about the midriff. There is a series of ligatures extending from the hands to the feet. The hands are bound behind the back. The feet are tied to the hands. There are nylon ligatures holding these in place with leather straps about the wrists and ankles. There are plastic cords also tied about the hands and feet with a single plastic cord extending up to the head and surrounding the lower neck. There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom."

More discussion and analysis here.

posted by ibmcginty (133 comments total)

Louche. He's erotically asphyxiating angels in heaven now.
posted by boo_radley at 2:57 PM on October 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

uh.... how does someone tie his own hands and feet behind his back? i'm not exactly an expert in bondage, obviously, but does this sound suspicious to anyone else?
posted by PigAlien at 3:01 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

His church issued a statement asking that people not speculate as to the circumstances surrounding his death.

I'm sure they'd rather we didn't...
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:05 PM on October 12, 2007

It is not a criminal matter at this point. If you're asking about idle curiosity, I'm not going to comment on that

Why not, there's a lot that's interesting about this one? Two wetsuits? A dildo covered with a condom? The public has a right to know.

And deletion in 3, 2 ...
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:05 PM on October 12, 2007

Wiki

Much more common than you think.
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 3:06 PM on October 12, 2007

I guess my real question is, how many conservative Christians aren't kinked? It sounds like a shorter list than the ones who are.
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:06 PM on October 12, 2007 [5 favorites]

You know, those comments really are enlightening (and the post should be saved for that alone.)
I had the same question as PigAlien, but it seems there is a lot I need to learn about knots.
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:06 PM on October 12, 2007

PigAlien, not only how does one tie their own hands and feet behind their back, how do they then sodomize themselves with a dildo? Granted, he may have put it in then tied himself up, but... WTF?
posted by Calast at 3:07 PM on October 12, 2007

Ears: The ears are unremarkable.
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:08 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

how does someone tie his own hands and feet behind his back?

With faith, anything is possible. Praise God (and Mr. Goodyear)!
posted by Benny Andajetz at 3:08 PM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]

At least he used protection.

Praise God for the little things.
posted by Curry at 3:09 PM on October 12, 2007

And deletion in 3, 2 ...

Why?
posted by dozo at 3:12 PM on October 12, 2007

Reproductive system: The prostate gland displays areas of focal hemorrhage on its posterior surface.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:12 PM on October 12, 2007

PigAlien:

A friend of mine who, like myself, is a bondage enthusiast, called me the other day to ponder that exact question. I've given it some thought... and I'm really not sure. My feeling is that if you worked at it long enough - and didn't die in the process - you'd figure out a way. Rope is amazingly versatile.

Still... before I'd be willing to bet a lot of money on this I'd want to see the crime scene photos and figure out the method he actually did use.
posted by Clay201 at 3:13 PM on October 12, 2007

And deletion in 3, 2 ...

Why?

Because the last few posts about kinked out conservatives have been deleted. Hypocrisy-fatigue, I guess.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:13 PM on October 12, 2007

It seems funny, but it just makes me sad. There's nothing wrong with being kinky if you're careful. I can't help but think his Christian conservative hypocrisy led to his not being safe and was a factor in his death.
posted by Nelson at 3:14 PM on October 12, 2007

I want to read the comments in this post but I keep pausing to masturbate at the "more inside" description of how the corpse was found. The combination of self-sodomy, auto-erotic esphyxiation and necrophilia is ringing every bell in the clocktower of my genitals.
posted by jonson at 3:14 PM on October 12, 2007 [10 favorites]

And, incidentally, I live in the same town as this guy but he wasn't known to me or any of my friends. I'll let you guys know if I hear anything through the underground, but my guess is this guy really was flying completely solo.
posted by Clay201 at 3:15 PM on October 12, 2007

not only how does one tie their own hands and feet behind their back, how do they then sodomize themselves with a dildo?

Immaculately.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:17 PM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]

PigAlien, not only how does one tie their own hands and feet behind their back, how do they then sodomize themselves with a dildo? Granted, he may have put it in then tied himself up, but... WTF?

It said he was "alone at the time of his death" - not for the hour beforehand, right?
posted by tristeza at 3:17 PM on October 12, 2007

how does someone tie his own hands and feet behind his back?

If Jesus can schlep a dude bodily across a sandy beach like so much luggage, I'm sure hogtieing the guy after sticking a dildo up his butt and stuffing him into a wetsuit wouldn't be all that much more difficult, really.
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:17 PM on October 12, 2007 [8 favorites]

Another one?? Is somebody keeping a list of kinky conservatives in the news? It really should be a Wikipedia entry by this point.
posted by LordSludge at 3:18 PM on October 12, 2007

personal effects: one dildo
posted by A189Nut at 3:18 PM on October 12, 2007

I'm still impressed with him getting two wet suits on. I mean, that's pretty amazing. If you can do that, I imagine hogtieing yourself must be cake.
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:19 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

I just don't understand any of this.

Why the condom?
posted by psmealey at 3:22 PM on October 12, 2007

He likes rubber, clearly.
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:23 PM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]

Ted Haggard tied him up but got scared when he stopped breathing. Haggard and Craig fled the scene together.
posted by LarryC at 3:23 PM on October 12, 2007

Allegedly.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:24 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

I found a couple of pages that deal with self-bondage and might have some useful info, but they're both on geocities. If I link them and people actually go there, the poor things won't survive.
posted by Clay201 at 3:26 PM on October 12, 2007

LOLXIANS
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 3:28 PM on October 12, 2007

Why the condom?

Conventional wisdom has it that it's a good idea to "dress your toys." A lot of people don't bother, especially if they know their partners well or if it's their own toy, but some people do it. My guess is he was paranoid and perhaps even misinformed about some of the dangers of anal play.
posted by Clay201 at 3:31 PM on October 12, 2007

OK, it's funny, but I feel sorry for him and his wife. He was just trying to have a little fun (OK, a lot of fun) while alone for the weekend and instead the poor bastard died.
posted by pracowity at 3:37 PM on October 12, 2007

Is somebody keeping a list of kinky conservatives in the news? It really should be a Wikipedia entry by this point.

Well, there are these online lists:

Wikipedia: Myth: Republicans value sexual morality.

Republican Sex Crimes.

Republican Pedophilia.

posted by ericb at 3:38 PM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]

The obligatory YouTube post.
posted by Harry at 3:40 PM on October 12, 2007

I found a couple of pages that deal with self-bondage...

So did Mark Foley (Maf52) -- and he sent them dirty IM's.
posted by ericb at 3:40 PM on October 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

Sex In Christ -- Bondage in Christ - BDSM in a Christian Marriage .
posted by ericb at 3:43 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Anus: Remarkably, there is a dildo in it.

Dildo: Remarkably, there is a condom on it.

Condom covered dildo: Remarkably, there is the lifeless body of a minister dressed in two wet suits on it.
posted by fire&wings at 3:43 PM on October 12, 2007 [5 favorites]

Fisting and God's Will -- new!
posted by ericb at 3:44 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

ringing every bell in the clocktower of my genitals.

that's just your crabs, jonson.
posted by quonsar at 3:45 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Correction: *Wikipedia Dkosopedia: Myth: Republicans value sexual morality.*
posted by ericb at 3:48 PM on October 12, 2007

.
posted by srboisvert at 3:55 PM on October 12, 2007

I still don't get it. If I were going to asphyxiate myself, I wouldn't need to tie up my hands and feet to do it. The point of auto-asphyxiation is to enhance orgasms, but if your hands and feet are bound, how are you going to achieve orgasm? I still don't see how its possible, and even if it were possible, why would you do it? Don't get me wrong, if its possible to do, someone will think to do it, but this still sounds very fishy to me.
posted by PigAlien at 3:57 PM on October 12, 2007

This is exactly how I don't want to die.
posted by nola at 3:58 PM on October 12, 2007

Thank for the correction, ericb. Glad to see it was a more reliable source.
posted by wendell at 3:58 PM on October 12, 2007

Tch, that is so typical.
posted by Joeforking at 3:59 PM on October 12, 2007

This just proves that ANY sexual act outside of marriage and in absence of your husband or wife is DEADLY!!!
posted by wfrgms at 4:02 PM on October 12, 2007

PigAlien, it's about the total sensation. If your kinks are strong enough, they can sometimes induce orgasm all on their own.

Also.. tying your hands behind your own back isn't that hard. Tying them really securely is tough, but it's not too difficult--it's a variation on the old trick where you're handcuffed behind your back and then wriggle and step through your own arms until they're in front of you.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:02 PM on October 12, 2007

Could God tie a knot that even He couldn't untie?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:07 PM on October 12, 2007 [6 favorites]

Well, I have no idea if it is true or not (the author says it is), but I did find this example of someone supposedly hogtieing himself.
posted by PigAlien at 4:10 PM on October 12, 2007

hogtying...
posted by PigAlien at 4:11 PM on October 12, 2007

Thank for the correction, ericb. Glad to see it was a more reliable source.

So, wendell, do you disagree with any of the listings at that source? Are any falsehoods or inaccurate?
posted by ericb at 4:14 PM on October 12, 2007

hogtying...
posted by PigAlien

Eponysterical.
posted by ericb at 4:16 PM on October 12, 2007

ringing every bell in the clocktower of my genitals.

Something tells me Jonson is a born again Republican.
posted by Skygazer at 4:25 PM on October 12, 2007

Something tells me Jonson is a born again Republican.

No. Everyone knows jonson is a dick (and a "flayed" one at that)! ;')
posted by ericb at 4:29 PM on October 12, 2007

No speculating on the circumstances surrounding his death? I'm totally fine with that. I have unshakeable faith that the guy died sometime after the insertion of a fake penis in his ass. I don't need to know if I'm right, either. I have my faith.
posted by emelenjr at 4:34 PM on October 12, 2007

It seems as though the only thing rising more steadily nowadays than the number of tragic scandals involving kinkiness is the number of people eager to read about them.
posted by koeselitz at 4:36 PM on October 12, 2007

At least if I ever die in a whorehouse the conservatives and preachers will have made it seem nice and clean.
posted by Iron Rat at 4:38 PM on October 12, 2007

I wonder if by wetsuits they mean literally so, as opposed to rubber catsuit style bondage gear?
posted by A189Nut at 4:42 PM on October 12, 2007

I'm extremely disturbed by this news. How is it that a fundamentalist Pastor can be kinkier than I?

What kind of a world are we living in?
posted by Avenger at 4:43 PM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]

In other words: Jesus. The poor guy.

Well, I'll be drinking a lot tonight. And one of those drinks will be raised to this poor fellow, a good, god-fearing Christian who clearly loved his kink very much. At least he died in an apparently pleasurable way.

Would that there were more of his ilk.
posted by koeselitz at 4:44 PM on October 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

It seems as though the only thing rising more steadily nowadays than the number of tragic scandals involving kinkiness is the number of people eager to read about them.

Yes, yes, we get it and you're above all this. Good for you and I don't know how you stand being surrounded by people like us.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:47 PM on October 12, 2007

I wonder if by wetsuits they mean literally so, as opposed to rubber catsuit style bondage gear?

Figure out the timing with the dildo on that, too.
posted by dilettante at 4:49 PM on October 12, 2007

The point of auto-asphyxiation is to enhance orgasms, but if your hands and feet are bound, how are you going to achieve orgasm?

Three points here:

1. Bondage is, for people who are wired like myself, enjoyable for its own sake. The guy was satisfying two different urges. Or maybe they were actually the same urge. Maybe he only enjoyed being strangled when he was bound. In any case, I don't doubt that both activities pushed his buttons and that the aggregate button push-ation was a consummation devoutly to be wished.

2. Sometimes it's more enjoyable when you don't have an orgasm.

3. There's a good chance he was planning to take care of the whole orgasm thing ex post strangulo. (Alas... he died horny). I've often compared trying to have sex while doing bdsm to trying to play the violin while riding a roller coaster. It's not always like that, of course, but there are definitely times when you're there for the rush of fear or the endorphin high or whatever and the orgasm just isn't at the top of your to-do list.
posted by Clay201 at 4:53 PM on October 12, 2007

Whoa. I just realized... that church is in one of the snooty recently built white-flight havens on the east side. How embarassing for them.
posted by Clay201 at 5:02 PM on October 12, 2007

Anyone want pictures of the church?
posted by Clay201 at 5:04 PM on October 12, 2007

I bet the condom's simply to keep the toy clean. Those weird jelly-like plastics have pores where bacteria collect (ref: Wired article about 6 months back, I think).

The poor guy wasn't exactly hurting anyone... seems somewhat mean-spirited to break out the schadenfreude.
posted by Leon at 5:05 PM on October 12, 2007

metatalk
posted by Saucy Intruder at 5:09 PM on October 12, 2007

The point of auto-asphyxiation is to enhance orgasms, but if your hands and feet are bound, how are you going to achieve orgasm?

Hi, I'm a dildo! You might remember me from locations such as THE MINISTER'S ASS.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:18 PM on October 12, 2007 [6 favorites]

Hey, I feel very badly for him and his family. I admit there's a little bit of bitterness towards him, because he and his type have controled this town since the beginning of time and are one of the reasons I can't come out of the closet. But mostly the whole thing is just fucking sad.
posted by Clay201 at 5:21 PM on October 12, 2007 [5 favorites]

Odd thought-- had he been molesting little boys, he'd probably still be alive.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:22 PM on October 12, 2007

.
posted by fandango_matt at 5:26 PM on October 12, 2007

Jesus. He did all that himself? Was he trying out for the bdsm Olympics or something?
posted by zarq at 5:33 PM on October 12, 2007

OK, wait, again - why are we all assuming he did it to HIMSELF? Could he not have had a lover or sex worker truss him up, his ticker explodes, then they flee in fear? Or did I miss part of the story?
posted by tristeza at 5:40 PM on October 12, 2007

Please tell me I'm not the only one who read the last bit of that excerpt in the style of the intro to 'The Dead Flag Blues'.

There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom and the streets are all muddied with the deaths of a thousand lonely suicides.
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 5:48 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

If the minister didn't have a record of fulminating against wetsuit sex, then isn't this just gawking?
posted by DU at 5:50 PM on October 12, 2007

Yeah probably. So? The wild and wooly mysteries of the human kink are worthy of gawking at now and then.
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:55 PM on October 12, 2007

I gave up smokes 47 hours ago. I need something to entertain myself with damnit.
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:56 PM on October 12, 2007

Tristeza: I was just thinking that too. It's possible he tied his hands behind his own back, but as restrained as he was, it seems securing "numerous straps and cords" would have been very difficult. The simpler explanation in my mind was that an insufficiently experienced dom was working on him, and either he asphyxiated during breathplay, or was left alone while restrained, which is very dangerous. Either way, I wonder if it isn't being investigated that way, because the community and/or the family want to avoid that kind of attention.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:57 PM on October 12, 2007

Here's a thought: perhaps the Dems and the Repubs should switch mascots -- it would be more appropriate (if not any more seemly).

The New Heffalumps can't seem to forget that they're mice who are afraid of their own shadows. Yet the truth is Bush is a lame duck, and they won the last midterm elections.

And the Grand Ole Pervs ... well, isn't the ass just the perfect symbol for them?!
posted by rob511 at 6:11 PM on October 12, 2007

Before the World Wide Web, information on autoerotic asphyxia was largely confined to forensic science journals. While in college, I discovered the joys of interlibrary loan, and began to research the subject. By 1985 I had about 90 percent of the world's primary literature on autoerotic asphyxia. In 1989 I wrote an essay for the now-defunct Loompanics on the subject.

Indeed, numerous cases of autoerotic asphyxia involve really strange materials, like Visqueen or a Volkswagen bug.

For further reading, here it is. (Self link)
posted by Tube at 6:17 PM on October 12, 2007 [5 favorites]

Make me an angel
That flies from Montgomery...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:26 PM on October 12, 2007

The dildo was covered with a condom? Well, at least he was into safe sex.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 6:26 PM on October 12, 2007

I'm sure it was just an accident. Somebody left a dildo sitting on its end inside the unzipped wetsuits, with a condom sitting on top of the dildo, and he tripped and inadvertently impaled himself on the condom and the dildo as his arms spontaneously went into the arms of the wetsuits. As an unconscious reaction to this startling development he doubled over, then straightened up, twice, accidentally zipping up both of the wetsuits. Then he reached behind himself for the phone to call 911, using both hands in his panic, and accidentally entangled his hands in the straps and cords that Alabamians use to secure their telephones during hurricanes. Could've happened to anyone, really.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:36 PM on October 12, 2007 [7 favorites]

That's right, kirkarach. Hell, happened to me just the other day on the Yamanote line to Shibuya. I was embarrassed until I arrived in Shibuya and saw half the kids there dressed like that.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:39 PM on October 12, 2007

Amberglow linked to this a while ago. That link had a tasty picture of a poster that the local church was using for outreach, apparently for men in leather. On my obBlog entry, I tracked down some of what the locals/believers were saying here, here, and here.
posted by meehawl at 6:49 PM on October 12, 2007

His church issued a statement asking that people not speculate as to the circumstances surrounding his death.

um, is that a joke? This entire thread is such Bizarreness, I have lost my sense of reality.
posted by bluesky43 at 6:56 PM on October 12, 2007

Personal Effects: One yellow metal ring intact on left finger, one dildo.

Priceless.

It reminds me of when I used to do inventories of personal effects in a mental hospital. I was told to describe essentially every piece of jewelry as "yellow" or "gray" and have the patient sign the form. If anything went missing, the hospital was only liable for, say, a yellow ring (as opposed to a gold one).

This, I believe, is why they weren't too descriptive about the dildo. This way, if they happen to lose it, they can just replace it with any dildo. It doesn't have to be 13" and studded for maximal prostate focal hemorrhaging. CYA, so to speak.
posted by dsword at 7:50 PM on October 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

This thread is really creepy.
posted by caddis at 7:50 PM on October 12, 2007

i remember reading a story years ago (in an amok catalog) about this guy into autoerotic asphyxiation who was found dead, naked, with a chain harness, chained up against the side of a vw bug, with a broken back. authorities were confused as hell. turns out the guy had this chain harness (custom made) that ran to his neck, with it connected to his bumper. he'd put the car in neutral, with a belt yanking the steering wheel all the way to one side. that way the car would slowly circle him, asphyxiating him, as he beat off (!). so the chain gets caught in the axle, slowly dragging him to the car, apparently too caught up in the deed to realize the danger. obviously gets to the point of no return and it slowly breaks him to pieces.

anyway, reading this made me flash back to that story. i apologize.
posted by andywolf at 7:53 PM on October 12, 2007

i see tube metions it above. my bad.
posted by andywolf at 8:16 PM on October 12, 2007

Is anyone here old enough to remember the opening sequence of Ruling Class starring Peter O'Toole as J.C.? I really love that line "Was, was he 'artistic'?"

Sigh! The good old days when...
posted by GrimJack at 8:29 PM on October 12, 2007

Watching Real Time with Bill Maher right now with Joy Behar, Paul Krugman, and Tucker Carlson. They're talking about this story. Seems to have 'hit a cord.'
posted by ericb at 9:08 PM on October 12, 2007

Saucy Intruder writes 'metatalk'

Eponysterical
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:17 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm trying to decide on the right bottle of vintage Schadenfreude to enjoy with this story.
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:18 PM on October 12, 2007

Wait, what does Liberty U say about masturbation or sexual behavior within marriage? (i.e. is it one of those missionary position, procreative sex only cults? If not, wet suits and ass play are probably acceptable)

If there was no homosexual contact, was there any gay porn involved? Do these churches have any actual rules that would forbid or discourage any of this? This guy might still be in the clear here.
posted by dgaicun at 10:32 PM on October 12, 2007

extreme^! ministry requires bold^! visionaries^!.
posted by acro at 10:38 PM on October 12, 2007

[Quote:]

The recent run of outed Republican Sexual Hypocrites reminds me of the moment — and I remember this quite clearly — at which the phrase “going postal” entered the lexicon. You read about one postal worker going on a gun rampage, and then another, and then yet another — and then suddenly it seemed to click for everyone, that there was a distinct pattern emerging, that these weren’t simply troubling isolated incidents but rather a symptom of some larger problem (i.e. the soulless monotony of the job).

We’re clearly at that pattern recognition moment now, the moment at which it becomes obvious to everyone that there’s more going on here, that some not insignificant percentage of sanctimonious moralizers are in fact leading personal lives significantly at odds with their public pronouncements. To put it politely.

I’m just not sure what the phrase should be in this instance. “Going Republican”?

posted by DreamerFi at 11:37 PM on October 12, 2007 [7 favorites]

sanctimonious moralizers are in fact leading personal lives significantly at odds with their public pronouncements.

But is this the case here?
posted by dgaicun at 11:40 PM on October 12, 2007

Not any more, it's not.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:01 AM on October 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm sure it was just an accident. Somebody left a dildo sitting on its end inside the unzipped wetsuits, with a condom sitting on top of the dildo, and he tripped and inadvertently impaled himself on the condom and the dildo as his arms spontaneously went into the arms of the wetsuits. As an unconscious reaction to this startling development he doubled over, then straightened up, twice, accidentally zipping up both of the wetsuits. Then he reached behind himself for the phone to call 911, using both hands in his panic, and accidentally entangled his hands in the straps and cords that Alabamians use to secure their telephones during hurricanes. Could've happened to anyone, really.

What lawyers call an Act of God, ironically.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:00 AM on October 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

if he hadn't worked so hard in his own community to keep this kind of behavior zipped up, his assistant would've been able to call for help.
posted by eustatic at 5:05 AM on October 13, 2007

Never in the history of Metafilter has a posting more richly deserved a "More Inside".
posted by Enron Hubbard at 5:22 AM on October 13, 2007 [3 favorites]

From the memorial service story:

we all have a special treasure inside us that allows us to move forward with God's help

Authorities documented that the late reverend had a "treasure inside" when he was found. Are we merely displaying traditional lberal atheistic Blueness by denying the possiblity that the whole thing was Divine Intervention?
posted by rdone at 5:51 AM on October 13, 2007

I really don't see hogtying oneself as that implausible or difficult. He'd probably had lots of practice. Even though your hands are behind your back, your fingers are free (they didn't mention bondage mitts or other finger coverings). And all the knots are located within reach of your fingers. He may not have been able to free himself before he suffocated. We don't know what kind of rope it is beyond "nylon." The softer and thinner the rope, the harder it is to untie/untangle. I have had to cut rope I used to tie someone else up with, and I could see what I was doing, and my hands were free.

The way I'd imagine it is:
1. Bind ankles together. Easy.
2. Kneel on flat surface. Slip rope around neck, dangle down back.
3. Wrap rope around one wrist.
4. Put hands behind back. Wrap rope around other wrist.
5. Grab rope dangling from neck and attach to rope around ankles.
6. Loop rope from wrists around rope from ankles (i.e., go between legs and through). Pull taut.
7. Tie off.

This in itself doesn't impress me a bit. What would impress me is if the "leather belt about the midriff" went over his arms. That would be very difficult to buckle if one's hands were bound.

The lesson to be learned here is not that Christians are kinky hypocrites. It's: DON'T PLAY ALONE, or if you're going to, arrange for someone to check in on you at a preplanned time. Also, have EMT scissors within reach.
posted by desjardins at 7:45 AM on October 13, 2007

I should have specified that I imagined the ropes in steps 1-3 above to be 3 separate ropes.
posted by desjardins at 7:46 AM on October 13, 2007

It would have been more interesting if he had a lit sparkler up his bum.
posted by dasheekeejones at 7:54 AM on October 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

And the green grass grew all around, all around,

the green grass grew all around.
posted by cookie-k at 7:57 AM on October 13, 2007

It might be possible to hogtie oneself in such a manner, but it is highly implausible.

As for the merit of the FPP - all information should be free. Nothing should be covered up. Let people have freedom to access all information.

The guy was a hypocrite. Let him be mocked, let his family be shamed and embarrassed. Let their grief and shame lead them to enlightenment, and out of their dire, iron-age religious mythology; they are enslaved and should be set free.

My enemy is my greatest teacher.

This guy (I think it safe to bet on this) felt enslaved by his public role. To escape that enslavement, he liked to be tied up. Ironic, no?
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 9:03 AM on October 13, 2007

Kirkaracha, I laughed until I cried when I read your comment. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. I needed that.
posted by jayder at 9:26 AM on October 13, 2007

Anyone else suspect that the little missus is the inexperienced dom?
posted by dabitch at 10:59 AM on October 13, 2007

This just in:

My source tells me that the police do have a diagram that shows, specifically, how Aldridge accomplished his self-bondage/strangulation feat. Due to a mix up, the local paper didn't get it along with the autopsy report and other documents. I don't know whether they're going to try to go back and correct the problem or just let sleeping dogs lie.

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.
posted by Clay201 at 12:44 PM on October 13, 2007

By "correct the problem" I mean "publish a follow up story that includes or at least discusses the diagram."
posted by Clay201 at 12:45 PM on October 13, 2007

Who has this kind of time?
Seriously. I mean I jack off, but I don't have the kind of time to get into some elaborate sort of outfit, tie myself up etc. - (discounting the fact that I'm not bent that way)
I dive. I like it. But it's a pain in the ass to get dressed out if you're just going for a little while.
Hardly worth it, much less putting on a couple wet suits and doing all that just to have an orgasm?
Damn, get a friggin hobby. Go do something freaking constructive. Or y'know, have sex with someone else if you're going to put that kind of work into it.
I can cook, but when I'm home alone I don't sweat over a gourmet meal.
Throw a burger on the grill and go do something worthwhile with your time.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:21 PM on October 13, 2007

I wonder what my wife would think if she ever found my Mefi favorites and found 20 of them to be in this thread.

that is why i could only bring myself to click one
posted by M Edward at 2:06 PM on October 13, 2007

Smedleyman, why dive? Going through all that work and risk just to see fish, coral reefs, boat wrecks and stuff? Why not just go to Sea World? Or watch the Discovery Channel?

You say you're not bent "that way." Personally, I can't swim and I'm kind of water-phobic. To each his own, y'know?
posted by desjardins at 2:48 PM on October 13, 2007

My source tells me that the police do have a diagram that shows, specifically, how Aldridge accomplished his self-bondage/strangulation feat.

I hope we get to see it if only to see whether it takes an act of extreme intellectual contortion to imagine him doing it alone without acts of extreme physical contortion. I still can't shake the suspicion that not only was he not alone, but he was indeed the tip of an iceberg of a widespread secret culture at Liberty University (and its 'esteemed graduates' in the White House and elsewhere) that used 'Christian Piety' as a cover and 'Sexual Kink' as a means of mutual blackmailing. And before you acuse me of 'tin-foil-hatitng', please remember that the Watergate Scandal started as a second-rate burglary.
posted by wendell at 4:41 PM on October 13, 2007

And before you acuse me of 'tin-foil-hatitng', please remember that the Watergate Scandal started as a second-rate burglary.

I wouldn't accuse you of any such thing, wendell.

And I love the word "hatiting".
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:24 PM on October 13, 2007

Interesting to read fundy reax at the time - the one guy who asked some questions on this forum ended up getting banned for doing so.
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:41 PM on October 13, 2007

"Smedleyman, why dive? Going through all that work and risk just to see fish, coral reefs, boat wrecks and stuff? Why not just go to Sea World? Or watch the Discovery Channel?"

Well...exactly.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:15 PM on October 13, 2007

A lot of folks here seem incredulous over the auto hog-tying logistics.

Pretty simple stuff actually: 3 EZ step diagram from that Dangerous Book for Boys you've heard so much about.
posted by dgaicun at 2:15 AM on October 14, 2007

You know, if I was a psychologist, I would see this as some compelling evidence towards the theory that the feeling of "God" as felt by certain extreme elements has an analog in sexual ecstasy. You only have to look at this to see that, Freud identified it as well.

So, does that make "getting the spirit" of the Evangelical / Fundy phenomenon a sublimated correlative to sexual ecstasy? Hasn't "getting the Religion", been described as an orgasmic experience? I would venture that there's a good probability that this sort of extreme sexual behavior is much, much more prevalent than anyone (especially in that community) is letting on. Furthermore it is proof that God (if he/she it exists) has a wicked sense of humor.
posted by Skygazer at 7:59 AM on October 14, 2007

dabitch: Anyone else suspect that the little missus is the inexperienced dom?

I read somewhere that his death happened while the rest of his family was visiting a sick relative in North Carolina.

My guess is that gave him the opportunity to get really elaborate.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 10:39 AM on October 14, 2007

In kinda related news: Vatican Official Caught Soliciting Sex From Young Man On Hidden Camera, Insists He's Not Gay.
posted by ericb at 2:12 PM on October 14, 2007

BTW -- Monsignor Tommaso Stenico was only "doing research":

"A Vatican official suspended after being caught on hidden camera making advances to a young man said in an interview published Sunday that he is not gay and was only pretending to be gay as part of his work.

In an interview with La Repubblica newspaper, Monsignor Tommaso Stenico said he frequented online gay chat rooms and met with gay men as part of his work as a psychoanalyst. He said that he pretended to be gay in order to gather information about 'those who damage the image of the Church with homosexual activity.'"

Bwahahaha.
posted by ericb at 2:14 PM on October 14, 2007

"Dog" meet "homework."
posted by ericb at 2:15 PM on October 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Vatican Official Caught Soliciting Sex From Young Man On Hidden Camera, Insists He's Not Gay.

He's not gay. As I understand the current application of the word, "Gay" is to be term of self-identification, to be open and proud of one's homosexual sexual orientation. He's certainly a homosexual, but he's not "gay". I do not believe the two words are synonyms.
posted by psmealey at 2:53 PM on October 14, 2007

Gary M. Aldridge

Hmm - I graduated from Liberty University with a church ministries major and he was about my age - I am wracking my brain for even one memory.
posted by donaldekelly at 8:46 PM on October 14, 2007

By the way, just for fun, I hogtied myself last night using one piece of 12' rope (sans wetsuits). Took me less than 15 minutes. (Someone else was in the room for safety.)
posted by desjardins at 7:38 AM on October 15, 2007

I’m just not sure what the phrase should be in this instance. “Going Republican”?

And yet another one --

Wisconsin GOP Chair Resigns Following Child Sex Charges

Donald Fleischman, 37, of Allouez, Wisconsin, has been charged with two counts of child enticement, two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a child and a single charge of exposing himself to a child, after it was discovered that he had offered marijuana and a place to stay to two at-risk boys living in a juvenile treatment center across the street from his home. He was also charged with exposing himself and performing sexual acts on one of the boys.

Fleischman has resigned from his position as the chair of the Republican Party in Brown County.

According to the Green Bay Press Gazette, "Green Bay police went to Fleischman's Goodell Street home Nov. 19, 2006, looking for two runaways from Ethan House, a juvenile facility on nearby Emilie Street, according to the criminal complaint filed Sept. 7. Fleischman opened the door and allowed officers inside where they found a 16-year-old boy hiding on the floor of a walk-in closet wearing only underwear and a T-shirt, the complaint said. Officers found a black, purple and blue-swirled glass pipe in the living room, which tested positive for marijuana residue, the complaint said. Police returned to Fleischman's home on Dec. 8, 2006, and found the boy there again. He had been a runaway from Ethan House for eight days. The teen, now 17, told authorities Fleischman took him to a hotel in Appleton during that time and then to a cabin near Florence for several days before returning to Fleischman's Allouez home. The boy said Fleischman provided him with beer and marijuana, the complaint said. The boy told police that when he would go to bed, Fleischman would fondle him and that on one occasion he awoke to find Fleischman at the foot of his bed masturbating."

Read the criminal complaint here. If Fleischman is convicted, he faces 52 years in prison.

posted by ericb at 9:12 AM on October 15, 2007

ericb, your examples are disingenuous. There is no analogy between someone who engages in a sex act by themselves - however tragically it ended - and someone who hurts children. What's next, comparing gays to pedophiles?
posted by desjardins at 11:42 AM on October 15, 2007

I graduated from Liberty University with a church ministries major and he was about my age - I am wracking my brain for even one memory.

Try wracking youself in a wet suit in stead, that may jog your memory.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:45 AM on October 15, 2007

desjardins says: There is no analogy between someone who engages in a sex act by themselves ... and someone who hurts children.

umm, no analogy other than the perpetrators belonging to the uptight-moral club and violate that with their actions.

Your comment is so off base that I guess that you are pushing some personal agenda. Is your point that people who like to wear double wet suits for sexual reasons should not be treated as child rapists? Nobody said they should.

Are you a pastor with a rubber fetish?
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 6:16 PM on October 16, 2007

Are you a pastor with a rubber fetish?

No, but some of my best friends are.
posted by desjardins at 9:36 AM on October 18, 2007