Bacon-licious

December 26, 2007 11:30 AM

The Bacon Cheese Baconburger
posted by empath (114 comments total)

I want one.
posted by languagehat at 11:34 AM on December 26, 2007

also:
Bacon Cereal

This guy really likes bacon.
posted by empath at 11:35 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Awesome.
posted by notsnot at 11:36 AM on December 26, 2007

Tasty!
posted by dov3 at 11:38 AM on December 26, 2007

I hope he makes baconloaf next.
posted by Space Coyote at 11:38 AM on December 26, 2007

as a vegetarian, I have to say, yum.
posted by subaruwrx at 11:38 AM on December 26, 2007

i'm pretty sure bacon meatloaf isn't feasable.

How about bacon crusted bacon pot-pie?
posted by empath at 11:39 AM on December 26, 2007

*doesn't eat bacon, but begins to ponder a smoked oyster burger...*
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:39 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

The Christopher Columbus of Bacon?

The Letter of Columbus to Luis de Sant Angel Announcing His Bacony Discovery (1493)

Sir: As I know you will be rejoiced at the glorious success that our Lord has given me in my voyage, I write this to tell you how in thirty-three minutes I pureed the fine bacon that the illustrious King and Queen, our Sovereigns, gave me, where I discovered a great many savory tastes. To the resulting sandwich I gave the name of Porco da Vitória. Our Redeemer has given victory to our most illustrious King and Queen, and to their kitchens rendered famous by this glorious event, at which all Christendom should rejoice, celebrating it with great festivities and solemn Thanksgivings to the Holy Trinity. Thus I record.
Yours to command,
THE ADMIRAL
posted by chips ahoy at 11:40 AM on December 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

He doesn't say if it was any good.
posted by danb at 11:43 AM on December 26, 2007

Oh, hell yes.

Bacon cereal is not a mistake. Bleu cheese dressing in your bacon cereal is, however.
posted by sleepy pete at 11:43 AM on December 26, 2007

I don't think the taste was the point.
posted by empath at 11:44 AM on December 26, 2007

Needs more bacon.
posted by DU at 11:47 AM on December 26, 2007

Anybody else around here want bacon?
posted by Pollomacho at 11:48 AM on December 26, 2007

The raw patty pictures looked like maggots and sauce. Nasty. Can I make the Idiocracy comments yet?
posted by cashman at 11:50 AM on December 26, 2007

He obviously cares about detail. Note that each patty has a thumb-sized depression in the middle to reduce their native tendency to turn as spheroid as possible when cooked.
posted by maudlin at 11:54 AM on December 26, 2007

Not enough sodium nitrate.
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:59 AM on December 26, 2007

Obligatory repost of jonson's "making bacon" link
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:00 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

I haven't decided yet if this tops a sausage on a stick, wrapped in a chocolate chip pancake, washed down with Gatorade AM.
posted by Brocktoon at 12:00 PM on December 26, 2007

I think I am the first person to have freebased bacon.

I was able to keep from laughing out loud right up to then.
posted by pax digita at 12:10 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

He should make a bacon turkey, and then make bacon turkey bacon.
posted by brain cloud at 12:11 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Finally, a burger that can root for truffles.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:12 PM on December 26, 2007

The makers of Lipitor suggest chasing it with a chocolate dipped fried Twinkie and pint of Haagen Daz.
posted by StarForce5 at 12:12 PM on December 26, 2007

I was saving that bacon.
posted by geekyguy at 12:18 PM on December 26, 2007 [7 favorites]

can I be the first to say:

Gross.
posted by Afreemind2007 at 12:20 PM on December 26, 2007

Now all he has to do is figure out how to turn the bacon grease into a Velveeta-like cheese-product.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:24 PM on December 26, 2007

Um, no bacon drink to go with it? Really, I think the adage "less is more" has been permanently eradicated by 21 century civilization.
posted by wfc123 at 12:24 PM on December 26, 2007

Originally I was planning on making one monster patty, but realized it would be nearly impossible to cook it all the way through.

I'm probably devoting way too much thought to this, but couldn't you cook a thick bacon patty more thoroughly in a microwave oven than on a griddle?
posted by pax digita at 12:25 PM on December 26, 2007

Well? How was it?
posted by sourwookie at 12:26 PM on December 26, 2007

I think this sandwich is a litle unbalanced. It would be perfect if he added a thick slice of spam for contrast.
posted by charlesminus at 12:38 PM on December 26, 2007

You'd have to dump the bread to make this Atkins-friendly
posted by mcstayinskool at 12:42 PM on December 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

When he figures out a way to combine Nutella and bacon, I will indeed be impressed.
posted by dbiedny at 12:48 PM on December 26, 2007

can he make a bacon crust pizza next?
posted by TrialByMedia at 12:50 PM on December 26, 2007

Bacon pasta and bacon pizza works surprisingly well...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:01 PM on December 26, 2007

Now if only that were wrapped in pancetta, battered and deep fried on a stick. That should be the alternate Soylent Green ending.
posted by somnambulist at 1:02 PM on December 26, 2007

Jesus wept salty, tasty, bacon-flavored tears.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 1:02 PM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

I was explaining to a coworker my dietary concerns. The conversation was as follows.

Coworker: So are you a vegetarian?

Me: No, I just don't eat red meat. I don't like it.

Coworker: But you eat bacon. I've seen you eat bacon.

Me: Yeah, but bacon is wonderful.

Coworker: Good point.

I've had this same conversation with many people. And "bacon is great!" is usually enough explanation for most people.

So I don't eat hamburgers, but a baconburger sounds like it might be worth a try.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 1:06 PM on December 26, 2007 [5 favorites]

I think I am the first person to have freebased bacon

He won't be the last.

Bleu cheese dressing in your bacon cereal is, however.


BLUE. Christ almighty.. BLUE. Saying 'bleu cheese' is like saying 'blue fromage'. Come on. Please. I'm begging.

Update 3/28/05:This is a BACON sandwich, don't ask why there's no lettuce/tomato/egg/cheese/mayo/anything other than bacon on it.

An excellent point.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:12 PM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

I've made fried chicken that incorporates bacon in several ways. I've actually tried these -

- Marinate the chicken in buttermilk overnight as usual, but include in the marinade lots of ground bacon. Try to make sure lots of bacon stays with the chicken when you dredge it in flour.

- Before dredging in flour, sprinkle the chicken with crumbled cooked bacon.

- After marinating in buttermilk, wrap the chicken with bacon, dip in buttermilk, then dredge in flour as usual.

The first method doesn't work well at all as all the bacon flavor seems to escape into the fry oil. But the other two will give your fried chicken a pretty good bacony flavor. However, the last method doesn't give you crisp bacon, which is a problem as the fat doesn't get rendered properly. The second method works very well.

Unfortunately it just doesn't taste right. Fried chicken and bacon don't go together well it seems.
posted by Ragma at 1:23 PM on December 26, 2007

This man is a genius, and a hero.
posted by runkelfinker at 1:37 PM on December 26, 2007

Yes! Yes! Is there nothing bacon can't do?
posted by doctorschlock at 1:48 PM on December 26, 2007

Fried chicken and bacon don't go together well it seems.

Blasphemy.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:49 PM on December 26, 2007

It can't make anything taste worse.
posted by empath at 1:49 PM on December 26, 2007

He doesn't tell us if the final product was good. Did I miss something?
posted by Hicksu at 2:01 PM on December 26, 2007

sleepy pete writes "Bacon cereal is not a mistake. Bleu cheese dressing in your bacon cereal is, however."

This is with ranch dressing for "milk," right?
posted by krinklyfig at 2:13 PM on December 26, 2007

You may think you've done a lot of strange things in your life, but until you've put slices of raw bacon into a food processor at 10:30pm, you really haven't even scratched the surface of strange. Without a doubt, this was the oddest experience of my life.

Really? And, um... really?
posted by thinman at 2:22 PM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

I was with him right up until the dressing. You go through all that effort, then top it with some plebian flavor-adder?
posted by ninjew at 2:27 PM on December 26, 2007

I feel like the government could build this into an anti-drug commercial.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 2:35 PM on December 26, 2007

krinklyfig writes "This is with ranch dressing for 'milk,' right?"

Ah, I see that it was really bleu cheese dressing for milk. And that kinda makes me queasy ...
posted by krinklyfig at 2:39 PM on December 26, 2007

"Really? And, um... really?

I was thinking the same thing. Anyone who is at all adventurous with food has ground enough meat to not even have this register on the strange scale.

The other weird thing, as many have mentioned, is that he doesn't talk at all about how it is. Good? Bad? Too salty? Greasy? We'd like to know. Right?

Here's my opinion - This person didn't mention whether it was any good because he has zero appreciation for food. He doesn't even know how to cook in my humble opinion. So we need to redo this. We need someone who actually gives a rat's ass about the result, and the documentation, in charge of this culinary experiment.

I will do it this weekend. Expect better photos, several variations, and some tasting notes. Please submit suggestions.
posted by Ragma at 2:44 PM on December 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

BLUE CHEESE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IT IS BLUE CHEESE (OR FROMAGE BLEU) BUT NOT BLEU CHEESE I AM BEGGING YOU HERE

OH HELLO DOCTOR, DO YOU HAVE SOME PILLS FOR ME?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:49 PM on December 26, 2007

A creamy country gravy made from the drippings could be a much tastier topping, and could be doctored up with mustard seed and lots of fresh pepper, maybe a little sage. I would furthermore suggest cooking this on a proper grill, not a skillet. Served on thick sliced grilled sourdough with baby spinach, grilled onions and a nice slice of tomato.

And I don't eat bacon. Quel dommage.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:52 PM on December 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

dirtynumbangelboy writes "BLUE CHEESE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IT IS BLUE CHEESE"

Hey, I worked in restaurants for almost 20 years. It's always "bleu."
posted by krinklyfig at 2:59 PM on December 26, 2007

Uh, it's still wrong, krinklyfig. The substance is blue cheese. Or, as noted, fromage bleu. Saying 'bleu cheese' is a nonsense.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:06 PM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

I will do it this weekend. Expect better photos, several variations, and some tasting notes. Please submit suggestions.
posted by Ragma at 2:44 PM

Honestly I can say my first thought was to add a bit of Mexican style chorizo to the grinding process then cook it. If you try that before I do please let me know how it tastes.
posted by hexxed at 3:07 PM on December 26, 2007

Some suggestions for future experiments:

double-deep fried bacon

bacon fondue (with bacon cheez-wiz for the fondue)

bacon-pie (difficult to cook thoroughly, but just imagine the pure amount of bacon inside the crust!)
posted by Parannoyed at 3:08 PM on December 26, 2007

Ragma: I'm thinking you'll want to trim off most of the fat (heresy, I know) before grinding the bacon and making the 'burger'. But, save the fat, render it down, and make a hot vinaigrette for the spinach salad you can have with it.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:39 PM on December 26, 2007

I'm dense like cheddar... but if fromage = cheese, then bleu cheese is merely cross-wired and not grotesquely redundant, like Cheese Fromage or Blue Bleu. amirite? Or is it the word-order thing that gives you the vapors? Anyway... bacon!
posted by cairnish at 3:43 PM on December 26, 2007

I also opted for wheat buns and light Ranch dressing. We've all read about the health advantages of wheat bread over white bread, so that choice should be obvious. That white bread stuff will kill ya.

Me loves the dry wit.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:45 PM on December 26, 2007

Ragma writes "Here's my opinion - This person didn't mention whether it was any good because he has zero appreciation for food. He doesn't even know how to cook in my humble opinion."

Of course not. Who else would make such a thing besides someone who doesn't know how to cook. Someone in their 20s, a bachelor, with no real cooking skills and too much time on his hands ... Sounds a lot like me about 10 years ago. Except he ate a whole bowl of bacon immersed in bleu cheese dressing. I don't think that would have entered my thoughts.
posted by krinklyfig at 3:57 PM on December 26, 2007

dirtynumbangelboy writes "Uh, it's still wrong, krinklyfig. The substance is blue cheese. Or, as noted, fromage bleu. Saying 'bleu cheese' is a nonsense."

No more than ordering a croque monsieur sandwich. It's just an affectation and a nod to its European origins.
posted by krinklyfig at 4:01 PM on December 26, 2007

dirtynumbangelboy writes "Ragma: I'm thinking you'll want to trim off most of the fat (heresy, I know) before grinding the bacon and making the 'burger'. But, save the fat, render it down, and make a hot vinaigrette for the spinach salad you can have with it."

Wait ... a vinaigrette made with bacon fat? Wow. Next time my cast iron needs seasoning (which is a good excuse to buy bacon) I'll have to remember that.
posted by krinklyfig at 4:03 PM on December 26, 2007

Menu at dirtynumbangeldiner:

Appetizers
• Chips and Sauce
• Sauce with Cheese (served hot with chips)

Bar
• Pinot Dark
• Pinot Gray
• Pink
• Little Water (Belvedere, Grey Goose)

Entree
• Blue Ribbon Chicken
• Cock with Wine
• Roast Pork in a Sage White Butter
• Grilled Meat Plate
• Filled Chile and Fresh Cream

Dessert
• Cooked Cream
• Burnt Cream
• Milk Sweets Sundae
• Three Milks Cake

dnab, I'd hate to see you faced with ordering off a troca, where Spanglish is king.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:04 PM on December 26, 2007 [8 favorites]

Ordering a croque monsier sandwich would also give me the heebie jeebies. A Croque Monsieur is a sandwich. It's a stupid bloody faux-pretentious affectation.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:04 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

pretentious

Oh the irony....
posted by Ragma at 4:09 PM on December 26, 2007

Bacon aphorisms.
posted by Enroute at 4:15 PM on December 26, 2007

Oh for fuck's sake, never mind. I continually forget that trying to explain anything to you people is only ever met with a hill of snark. Whatever.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:16 PM on December 26, 2007

It was worth it for me just for the discovery of "Walla Walla Sweet Onion Mustard With Smokey Bacon". OMG.
posted by wendell at 4:36 PM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

I continually forget that trying to explain anything French cuisine, in a forum thread about a patty of bacon slathered in ranch dressing, to you people is only ever met with a hill of snark.

....... just sayin......
posted by Ragma at 4:37 PM on December 26, 2007

Im I the only one who is saying EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW?
posted by petersn1 at 5:05 PM on December 26, 2007

pretentious

Oh the irony....

You are misquoting DNAB here, Ragma. He is complaining about "bleu cheese" being "faux-pretentious". He would prefer you stick with one language to be strictly "echt-pretentious".
posted by Rock Steady at 5:17 PM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

Fuck off. Seriously. Just fuck right off. Are you really that pathetic that you have nothing better to do than sit here and bait me?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:21 PM on December 26, 2007

Bacon is kind of gross. Too much fat.
posted by "Tex" Connor and the Wily Roundup Boys at 5:25 PM on December 26, 2007

I skim your nickname as "dirty numb bagel boy," and I always think, "oh that poor bagel boy, someone get him a hot bath." It sounds like you could use a hot bath now.
posted by "Tex" Connor and the Wily Roundup Boys at 5:27 PM on December 26, 2007

Just funnin' ya DNAB. It's an argument about cheese naming. No need for anyone to fuck anything.

And I'm at work on a slow night, so, no I don't have anything better to do.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:32 PM on December 26, 2007

I continually forget that trying to explain anything to you people is only ever met with a hill of snark.

If you have to explain your snark to people in the first place, this response shouldn't be a surprise.

You set yourself up for that one, sir -- like shooting fish in a barrel. I absolutely agree with you that this is unfair.

Shooting fish in a barrel is really more of a Southern cuisine thing, I know, but it's really a travesty the way it gets treated sometimes. For example, the layperson often makes the mistake of thinking that any old barrel will do. Unbelievable! True connoisseurs understand the importance of selecting the right wood (oak is best for preserving the flavor) and pure water (it's surprising how many people miss this).

And you would think it obvious that a shotgun is entirely inappropriate -- who wants to pull lead pellets out of their fish? -- but amateurs are always eager to take the easy route. Don't make this mistake! Take care selecting your weapon, and remember: while a small pistol may seem convenient, they lack stopping power and you sacrifice accuracy, which is the entire point; however, going with something more powerful risks reducing your meal to nothing but a fine mist of fish viscera. Stay simple.

Oh, and you probably need some fish, too.
posted by spiderwire at 5:42 PM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

dbiedny - When he figures out a way to combine Nutella and bacon, I will indeed be impressed.

I've asked for bacon to be included in a nutella crepe before. It's ok, I generally only like sweet flavours with savoury (ie., syrup on French toast/bacon/sausage), but the texture is a bit wierd.

Ragma - I will do it this weekend. Expect better photos, several variations, and some tasting notes. Please submit suggestions.

Perhaps try mincing the bacon instead of grinding/blending it. When I make Chinese-style dumplings, hand-minced pork creates a far far better mouth-feel than using ground pork.
posted by porpoise at 5:47 PM on December 26, 2007

Are you really that pathetic that you have nothing better to do than sit here and bait me?

Baiting!? Bait is for little girls and Yankees! If you can't bring the fish to your barrel, you make the lake your barrel, son. That means heavy ordnance: dynamite, at the low end. Show those little cold-blooded gill-breathers who's boss!
posted by spiderwire at 5:48 PM on December 26, 2007

All this blue/bleu cheese nonsense is missing the real point brought up earlier.

The dressing of choice to smother bacon in is ranch. Bacon, deep fried, slathered in batter, sprinkled with powdered ranch dressing, re-fried, and dipped in ranch. That is a true last meal.
posted by Saydur at 5:58 PM on December 26, 2007

The dressing of choice to smother bacon in is ranch. Bacon, deep fried, slathered in batter, sprinkled with powdered ranch dressing, re-fried, and dipped in ranch. That is a true last meal.

Yeah, whether you like it or not.

I think my cholesterol went up just reading this thread.
posted by spiderwire at 6:01 PM on December 26, 2007

what is this Metafilterish fascination with bacon?

checks fridge for bacon. finds none. cries a little
posted by seawallrunner at 6:55 PM on December 26, 2007

I mean, bacon is OK, but jeez, the MeFi obsession with it is getting a bit much.

I will bet you all cash monies that by this time next year bacon will have gone the way of pirates and cupcakes in terms of things that trendy and infantile 18-35 y.o's loudly agree are awesome.

Now blue cheese, THAT stuff's the shit.
posted by xthlc at 7:50 PM on December 26, 2007

what is this Metafilterish fascination with bacon?

But bacon tastes good, pork chops taste good . . .
posted by jeremias at 8:01 PM on December 26, 2007

THERE IS A GOD

and they want us to die fat and happy.


Last night I had chicken-fried bacon.

Read that again. Chicken-fried bacon. That's right. Battered, fried bacon. With gravy. No chicken, no chicken fried steak. Just battered, fried bacon.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. It makes a deep-fried oreos seem like a light, healthy snack.
posted by loquacious at 8:11 PM on December 26, 2007

OK so let's measure this. xthlc...and by this time next year, if you insist.

As I see it, you are calling out mefi's to spend 2008 on the side of "bacon" or on the side of "ranch?

No starting with this nonsense prior to 1/1/ought 8, and no comments welcomed beyond 12/31/ ought 8.

Can we agree on a scribe for this?

Needs to be a trustworhy sort. Not into bacon or ranch. Someone who has the patience to track facts in a given setting. Needs to be someone we all can agree to trust.

I think we need to nominate, and then vote.
posted by LiveLurker at 8:15 PM on December 26, 2007

It doesn't matter what you call fromage bleu, it still tastes like Charles De Gaulle's jockstrap.

Bacon, on the other hand, is a very nice thing.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:16 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Chicken Fried Bacon w/Gravy
posted by empath at 10:50 PM on December 26, 2007

He really should've used back bacon for that. It astonishes me that back bacon isn't more readily available in the States. (Canadian bacon, despite being back bacon, isn't really what I'm talking about...that seems to be cured, and is no good for frying).

It just seems to be clearly superior to streaky/belly bacon - so much less fat, so much more delicious bacon. Seek it out if you are a bacon lover.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:52 PM on December 26, 2007

I just ate a leftover from a party, half of a baked pear with bloo (heh) cheese inside, wrapped in a strip of bacon.

The pear was pleasant, and the cheese a nice counterpoint, but so help me the first thing I did was unwrap the bacon strip and pop it into my mouth.
posted by davejay at 12:47 AM on December 27, 2007

Surely it's Freedom Cheese Dressing now?
posted by i_cola at 3:43 AM on December 27, 2007

Sorry, ranch dressing on a burger of any sort is simply incorrect. I did like this comment, though:

We've all read about the health advantages of wheat bread over white bread, so that choice should be obvious. That white bread stuff will kill ya.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:12 AM on December 27, 2007

Bacon and tomato sauce aka ketchup, you people! Ranch is nice, I've just recently discovered it, but Tomato Sauce goes with bacon!
posted by h00py at 6:21 AM on December 27, 2007

As the little fat kid on the Simpsons once said, "My heart hurts."
posted by VicNebulous at 7:44 AM on December 27, 2007

Actually, that quote was from Bart. Proper context: "But dad, my heart hurts."
posted by VicNebulous at 7:47 AM on December 27, 2007

I'll be using workaday smoked and cured American bacon. No sense getting fancy with the main ingredient since that would defeat the spirit of the thing. Although I will try to find a sample with more meat and less fat. I'm considering the following -

1) An all-bacon burger built much as the one in the post. Ketchup, mustard, and mayo with thinly sliced red onion, medium cheddar and lettuce, on a regular bun.

2) An all-bacon patty seasoned with paprika, black pepper, garlic and onion, on crusty sourdough, with a vinegary chimichurri sauce.

3) A thin all-bacon patty served open face on focaccia bread, topped with a sunny side up egg, fresh hollandaise, chives, and garlic shoestring potatoes.
posted by Ragma at 7:50 AM on December 27, 2007

Another all-bacon burger. Again not mentioning the taste.

And it should be noted the author of the originally linked page has added a comment - "Update 12/26/07: I've gotten a lot of emails asking what it tasted like. It wasn't that bad for the first half of the sandwich, but after that the saltiness was overwhelming. If you plan to make one of these on your own, I'd skip the bacon and ranch dressing toppings. It'd be much better that way."
posted by Ragma at 8:14 AM on December 27, 2007

Bacon Krispy Kreme Burger

Another bacon burger
posted by Ragma at 8:24 AM on December 27, 2007

Better butter up that bacon, boy.

And bacon up that sausage.
posted by chimaera at 9:38 AM on December 27, 2007

Shouldn't his website be called speakgreasy.org?
posted by Pollomacho at 9:45 AM on December 27, 2007

This seems like the proper place to relate my insane friend's car-camping creation - tinfoil bacon.

How to make: wrap your bacon in tinfoil. Seal it up good. Cook on a grill.

Let cool to eating temperature, unwrap.

You know how normal bacon cooking lets all that fat cook off and escape? Not so with tinfoil bacon!

It is just as deliciously awful as it sounds. Now, go forth and try it!
posted by flaterik at 1:24 PM on December 27, 2007

It's worth $5 to share this:

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Pork/
posted by wretched_rhapsody at 10:57 AM on December 28, 2007

Oops... didn't do that link right, stupid newbie *grumbles at self"

Pork is the meat of kings!
posted by wretched_rhapsody at 11:00 AM on December 28, 2007

You borked it again.
posted by languagehat at 11:10 AM on December 28, 2007

crap. here we go again...

Pork!
posted by wretched_rhapsody at 11:34 AM on December 28, 2007

Which dork borked the pork? The one from New York? Or Mork from Ork? Or the Monkees' Peter Tork? Or Judge Robert Bork? Or Mickey Rourke? Or DS9's Quark? Or Björk? Or maybe a Snork? Well, pop a cork, rev up the torque and give me a fork, 'cause here comes the stork. Let's play some Zork.

(I took pre-emptive punning action... a lot of these were stolen from MetaFilter's Own Lore's "Björk Song", because, hey, it's hard work)
posted by wendell at 12:55 PM on December 28, 2007

Funny enough, the dork who borked the pork is indeed from New York.
posted by wretched_rhapsody at 1:45 PM on December 28, 2007

And I forgot to mention... spork. Thank you and good night. (Tip your waitress, try the veal, not the pork.)
posted by wendell at 3:27 PM on December 28, 2007

Did this link come from the most recent webzen post for bacon zen? I was the one who submitted the idea to chaos kitty.

I supplied chaos kitty with the bacon decision flowchart, Unified Theory of Bacon, and the bacon chocolate chip cookies to kick it off.
posted by junesix at 3:33 AM on December 29, 2007

Initial tasting note on the all-bacon bacon burger. Lots of photos and more notes coming. and two more variations.

UGH!!! There is a reason bacon comes in thin slices. Making a big patty of this stuff is *not* a good idea. Since only the very outer layer of the patty will get browned at all, you end up with mostly undercooked bacon. And since the fat doesn't render much at all, you end up with much more fat that you would with a pile of bacon slices.

The taste was much milder than I expected. Much more "fatty" than "bacony". The wife's only comment sums up my taste impressions as well - [shrug] "Tastes like ham." it tasted much more like ham than bacon. I suspect the lack of browning and the higher percentage of fat caused that.

The problem is how the lump of bacon fat lies in your tummy. Bad. My stomach feels like it has a quarter pound of gristle in it. Which I suppose it does.
posted by Ragma at 2:05 PM on December 29, 2007

Gross. We appreciate your sacrifice, Ragma.
posted by danb at 2:32 PM on December 30, 2007

I got it from a messageboard thread, but the 'bacon flowchart' was also posted in the same thread, so it may have originated there.
posted by empath at 3:03 PM on December 30, 2007

As wife of Ragma (Clan of Bacon, Tribe of DeepFrying), I witnessed the making and eating of the burger. Very impressive looking - and very unimpressive tasting. Weird part - Ragma actually ate the whole thing. And then refused to have anything to do with bacon for the rest of the weekend. I was expecting some kind of continuing bacon fest. Ah well. And now the bacon wallet is probably not a good birthday gift, I'm thinkin.
posted by batgrlHG at 1:07 PM on December 31, 2007

Hey, welcome back to the fold, Jon.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:57 PM on January 1

"Hey, welcome back to the fold, Jon."

I never left. I love this place way too much. When it started it was easily one of the best things on the Internet. Now many years later it continues to easily be one of the best things on the Internet. But y6y6y6 was too much of a bother. I, admittedly, was a wanker too often during the early years and online then tends to shunt one into a certain style. Or maybe I just lack a reasonable grasp on my own identity.

At any rate, I never left. I read the site daily, most days. For a long time I bought a new account every few months, but Ragma seems to suit me. And for most of those sockpuppets I behaved politely enough to easily cruise under the radar. I will make an attempt to not be such a ass as I was back in my late 30s.
posted by Ragma at 12:56 PM on January 2