Patton Oswalt Eats At KFC

January 8, 2008 2:26 PM

Comedian Patton Oswalt has gotten a lot of mileage out of KFC's Famous Bowls ("a failure pile in a sadness bowl."); after years of mockery, he finally tries one for himself, and writes about the experience.
posted by jonson (91 comments total)

I love Oswalt for inventing the term "sporkful", which I plan to use in the kitchen as a measurement for depressing recipes.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:32 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Mmmm. Shoggoth.
posted by Artw at 2:33 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

I suspect that the Famous Bowl is also Lovecraftian in origin, Artw.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 2:35 PM on January 8

It's a plate full of SAN loss.
posted by Artw at 2:36 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

I think the most pressing concern that I came away with after reading that was, what does it look like to be rubbed with happy ham?
posted by Dipsomaniac at 2:37 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

I am writing this under appreciable mental strain, since by tonight, I shall be no more. When you read these hastily scrawled words, you may guess, though never fully realize, why I must have forgetfulness or death.

That's all I've read thus far of the article, but I already love it. Fucking killer opening.
posted by shmegegge at 2:38 PM on January 8

"... bones carved with runes of surrender." That's outstandinger than hell.
posted by jbickers at 2:39 PM on January 8

having finished, I can happily say that that was the bee's knees. Patton Oswalt is one of the funniest people still alive.
posted by shmegegge at 2:43 PM on January 8

That was great!
posted by amyms at 2:45 PM on January 8

This was the single funniest standup routine I heard last year.

"America has spoken - pile my food in a fucking bowl"
posted by porn in the woods at 2:48 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

My friends and I have relentlessy mocked this item since it first appeared north of the border.

I am glad that we are not alone.

It seems like a conconction that might actually be good if you made it yourself from scratch with quality ingredients... but KFC mashed potatoes with KFC gravy? Then you toss some indigestible corn in there? OOOHHHH, but then you're adding popcorn chicken, the highest fat menu item possible, I see.

wait wait wait... this clearly needs a handful of cheap ass cheese!
posted by utsutsu at 2:49 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

Oh, fuck, cracked.com, Ron Paul and Patton Oswalt all in the same fuckin' day....
posted by kittens for breakfast at 2:50 PM on January 8

I too originally thought an ad I was watching for the bowl might be fake. Perhaps they should be marketing a combo meal that includes some Brawndo.
posted by ninjew at 2:50 PM on January 8

Holy christmunching godfuck, that was one of the funniest things I've ever read.

Also, those...things...have just made their way up to Canada. The first time I saw the (fucking awful) commercial (who the fuck is their AoR, anyway? Mrs. Jenkins' Grade 9 Marketing Class?), all I could think was "Isn't this supposed to make me want to eat their food? It looks like congealed puke in a bowl."
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:51 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

I'm ashamed to say that i used to enjoy these Famous Bowls.... until...

I used to get them on my lunch break and eat them in my car. After, I'd use the takeout bag as a trash bag for my car. One day, I consumed the entire bowl and discarded it in the takeout bag.
The next day, my car smelled like rotting death.
I tried to locate the awful smell and as soon as i put my face near the trash bag it was clear the smell was coming from the discarded bowl. Now, it's not like i left chicken in my car and it started to rot... ALL that was left was mashed potato and gravy remnants... and it smelled like rotting death after less than a day.

It only made me fear what they actually put in their food and what it actually does to the inside of my body.

I'm more of a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of a person... if i never smelled that, I'd still be eating them... i think they're tasty. haha
posted by elleinad at 2:55 PM on January 8

Dammit, those NBC swine have yanked the YouTube clip of Patton's appearance on Conan last spring, which is among the most no-holds-barred burn-down-the-house killer talk show apperances I've ever seen.

He's seated chatting with Conan, not doing standup, and he opens with a staggeringly awesome description of the sin against nature that was a 67-year-old woman giving birth. (It involves the indelible image of an uncooked Cornish game hen passing through a set of drapes.) From this, he segues into the KFC Bowl bit, nails it perfectly, then closes doing a sort of lounge-act version of Springsteen singing an ode to the KFC Bowl - with E Street Band alumnus Max Weinberg on drums, of course.

If there's anyone out there with better Google Fu than I, please hope me - hope all of us - and find that clip!
posted by gompa at 2:58 PM on January 8

That was beautiful and glorious. "The Window! The Window!" narrowly loses out to "Bones carved with runes of surrender." Oswalt has the unique ability to humourously reference the geeky and dorky to a mainstream audience successfully.

I had never seen his act until a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, at the time I was dating a woman who looked a lot like him. I was never able to touch her again, because conceptualizing it alone gave me the screaming jibblies.
posted by ten pounds of inedita at 3:12 PM on January 8

"I wield the Wand of Odin!"

Patton has my thanks for that line. It comes to mind every time I want to scare someone.
posted by daq at 3:13 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

I LOVE THOSE THINGS!

There's a KFC about 50 yards from my front door. They must make them correctly at mine, because there is no congealed cheese or burnt gravy. It's the normal level of KFC quality, which may be low, but isn't that bad. Look. Taters n gravy. Deep fried chicken. Cheese. AND CORN!!!!!!! Together! That's a winning combination, and Patton is just a, a, a failure sandwich on a poopy plate.

So there.
posted by The Deej at 3:14 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Oh, fuck, cracked.com, Ron Paul and Patton Oswalt ...

Bingo!
posted by dersins at 3:18 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

When he was a guest host on Steve Jones radio show he mentioned an article in Fast Company magazine interviewing the KFC CEO;

" Comedian Patton Oswalt has been all over late-night TV calling Famous Bowls "a failure pile in a sadness bowl." Any comment?
[Chuckles.] He doesn't see all the smiles that people have when they eat our food "

and his next line was the magic " though not smiles of joy or victory "
posted by stuartmm at 3:34 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

The real rest of the CEO's response is much more surreal:

He doesn't see all the smiles that people have when they eat our food--that's a talked-about product that people love. I actually like it because it's got the gravy. But I don't like potatoes without the gravy. I hate it when I go to a really nice restaurant and they put my chicken on a pile of potatoes. When I was a kid, I actually ran away from home for about half a block because my dad tried to make me eat the potatoes
posted by Item at 3:44 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

Nice segue, bub.
posted by Item at 3:45 PM on January 8

Taters n gravy. Deep fried chicken. Cheese. AND CORN!!!!!!! Together! That's a winning combination,

All of which are lovely. I really though I would like the Bowls - I really like KFC chicken, like their mashed potatoes and gravy - love corn...what could go wrong? But.....it wasn't good. Somehow mixing them together highlighted the general crappy quality of the ingredients to a degree that wasn't normally apparent when the ingredients where consumed separately.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 3:50 PM on January 8

Oswalt's bit on the bowls (I heard it first on the album) is funny enough to bring me to tears every time I hear it.

That being said, the bowls are delicious, and I'm not ashamed to admit I think so.
posted by availablelight at 4:10 PM on January 8

Patton is one of my favorite comics working today. Much love for the Oswalt.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:12 PM on January 8

it wasn't good

Uh o.

*backs slowly away*

You're one of those crazy people my mom told me about.
posted by The Deej at 4:15 PM on January 8

It's Jerry Seinfeld's act 15 years ago.

My guess is people who always hated Jerry (for whatever reason) have embraced this guy.
posted by wfc123 at 4:23 PM on January 8

Famous Bowls are scarfing for the masses.
posted by BeerFilter at 4:29 PM on January 8

In case he comes across as too much of a foodie, remember that Patton loves Cheetos.
posted by Gary at 4:33 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

My guess is people who always hated Jerry (for whatever reason) have embraced this guy.

Not me. I was always uncool enough to like Seinfeld, too. But then I pretty much like all standup comedy that isn't just hateful bile disguised as the funny. Patton's loves to play with language, and that's always my comedy hook. Same reason that I love middle-period George Carlin.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:48 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

“and it also kind of looks like the future-food you'd see people eating in '70s science-fiction flicks.”

Why does he keep attacking David Cross?

/srsly tho, BIG points for the Baseball Furies reference.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:53 PM on January 8

It's Jerry Seinfeld's act 15 years ago.

If you're referencing the fact that they both stand on a stage and make people laugh, then you are correct, they have the same act.

Other than that, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.
posted by billyfleetwood at 4:55 PM on January 8 [4 favorites]

Tsk. KFC, you silly bastards.

Mashed potatoes, corn, popcorn chicken, yellow cheddar, and hot gravy. That's not a meal.

Handmade fries, peas, shredded roast chicken, white curd cheese, and hot gravy. That is a meal.

Poutine Galvaude, my friends.
posted by CKmtl at 5:08 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

It's Jerry Seinfeld's act 15 years ago.

Yeah. Huh? I saw Oswalt at Caroline's a while ago, and he just fucking killed. Of all the (yucky term ahead) alterna-comics of the world, he's the one with the most stand-up chops.
posted by Bookhouse at 5:10 PM on January 8

Oswalt's act is nothing like Seinfield's. I say that as someone that likes both. I'm not sure how you made the connection that people that like Oswalt hated Seinfield.
posted by puke & cry at 5:11 PM on January 8

Seinfeld. I knew I'd screw that up.
posted by puke & cry at 5:12 PM on January 8

Here he is on Stella Dora Breakfast Treats.
posted by McLir at 5:12 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

It's Jerry Seinfeld's act 15 years ago.

Yeah. What's the deal with that Seinfeld guy? He was famous and now he's a bee? I mean, come on! What's he looking for in his career, a big on-off switch?
posted by The Deej at 5:13 PM on January 8

Personally, I'm always getting him confused with Margaret Cho. How can you people even tell them apart?
posted by Gary at 5:15 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

Patton's the Korean one.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:21 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Shepherds in Kentucky must be full of rage and slathered in confusion.

Boy, was that unexpectedly funny.
posted by davejay at 5:35 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

"I remember, as a kid, how fun they were, with the corn on the cob on a stick, and the way KFC chicken tastes so goddamn awesome the next day after spending the night in the fridge."

Preach it, brother! Ain't nothin' so tasty as the leftover cold KFC (original recipe or crispy, it doesn't matter) breast, carefully pilfered from the bucket on your way out the door to school in the morning, holding the paper with one hand so as not to rustle it too loudly and alert your dad that you're already up and about to make off with the prize. That's some eatin', right there.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:46 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

I can't wait until they release it in family size: The KFC Famous Trough.
posted by sourwookie at 5:50 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

It does solve the appearance problem that taco bell has, though: I've always contended it's easier to skip a step at taco bell and simply buy your food and then go place it, uneaten, in the toilet. You save an hour and some rather disgusting agony. With KFC's dish, it will even look appropriate as you spork it into the commode.
posted by maxwelton at 5:53 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Oswalt on the Marc Maron Show [MP3's] 1 2 3 (With 2006 liberal politics talk.)
Oswalt and Brad Bird on Fresh Air.
posted by McLir at 6:03 PM on January 8

I have to think the Famous Bowl is the brainchild of some night manager who had all these leftovers. I can see it now...
It was closing time and he was dumping everything together to take out to the trash when a couple of crackheads stumbled in the door (~must lock door next time) demanding service. In a moment of clarity, the night manager shoveled the commingled leftovers into a couple of containers, charged the crackheads a couple of bucks each and sent them on their way.

He had a laugh with his district manager about it later.

District manager told the story to corporate.

Light bulbs in corporate go off..."Holy shit! These idiots will pay to eat our friggin' garbage!"

Marketing adds the cheese...because that's what marketing does.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:08 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Here's that Patton on Conan clip, gompa.
posted by kingfisher, his musclebound cat at 6:09 PM on January 8 [13 favorites]

Youtube clip: the Famous Bowl routine
posted by mrbill at 6:11 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

i quit eating at kfc the day i had chicken coop - (a fast food chicken chain in the upper midwest with no site on the web) - beats the crap out of kfc
posted by pyramid termite at 6:16 PM on January 8

Patton + food = awesome. I've never been to Black Angus, but he makes me want to go.

(Also: If you loved Patton's first album, you might like this Flickr set.)
posted by gnomeloaf at 6:18 PM on January 8

Patton Oswalt has always stuck me as someone that I've known since I was ten years old and always thought was fucking hilarious. That's more or less the highest praise I'm capable of giving.
posted by Divine_Wino at 6:29 PM on January 8

It's Jerry Seinfeld's act 15 years ago.

I was thinking more like, "he'll be Dennis Miller in 15 years." I laughed at the first couple of wordplays, before i realized how hard he was trying and it became overkill. I've seen him perform and came away very unimpressed. he did a bunch of cheap Paris Hilton/Britney shit that the audience ate up. I think "pandering" is the word.
posted by drjimmy11 at 6:35 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

That was some absolutely terrible standup comedy. The article was not much better.
posted by Greg Nog at 6:53 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

item writes "The real rest of the CEO's response is much more surreal:

"He doesn't see all the smiles that people have when they eat our food--that's a talked-about product that people love. I actually like it because it's got the gravy. But I don't like potatoes without the gravy. I hate it when I go to a really nice restaurant and they put my chicken on a pile of potatoes. When I was a kid, I actually ran away from home for about half a block because my dad tried to make me eat the potatoes"

Wow, that's like something the caricature of Steinbrenner would say on Seinfeld. Any conversation starts with a tangent to a bunch of non-sequiturs leading to stories about his childhood and/or somewhat particular tastes.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:08 PM on January 8

> He's seated chatting with Conan, not doing standup

Well he's not standing up, that's for sure, but he's doing his standup act with Conan feeding him lines.

Patton is hilarious. I love his stuff. And of course it's nothing like Seinfeld at all.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 7:10 PM on January 8

Oh, and when I first heard Oswalt describe this in his act, I somehow pictured it as being much bigger, like with whole, bone-in pieces of fried chicken. This is pretty disgusting, but it's not the bucket o' foodstuff I was picturing. Reading his reaction to it was worth it, though.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:17 PM on January 8

Oh sure, when jonson posts it it's the cat's meow, but when I dio it, crickets:

Are you talking about the "failure pile in a sadness bowl" AKA KFC famous bowls? Here's a highlarious Patton Oswalt bit on the subject:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=tfan5MacmsI&feature=related
posted to MetaTalk by Devils Slide at 6:03 PM on November 27, 2007 [+]
posted by Devils Slide at 7:21 PM on January 8

dio?
posted by Devils Slide at 7:21 PM on January 8

Remove the gravy or the cheese and it seems edible. Cheesy and gravy together is just no good.
posted by aerotive at 7:39 PM on January 8

Remove the gravy or the cheese and it seems edible. Cheesy and gravy together is just no good.

BLASPHEMY
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:55 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

It's no pizza-crepe-taco-chili-bag.
posted by Telf at 8:00 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Remove the gravy or the cheese and it seems edible. Cheesy and gravy together is just no good.

I'm going to have to stick with CKmtl on this one - mmm... poutine...
posted by fermezporte at 8:01 PM on January 8

You're definitely out voted, aerotive. On the west coast you can usually only find Poutine at fast food joints (even KFC!) and it's still amazing. I'd try to find the real stuff but I'm not sure I have the self control and would drown to death in delicious gravy-curd joy.
posted by Gary at 8:06 PM on January 8

Here's that Patton on Conan clip, gompa.

Very much obliged, kingfisher. I'd only ever seen it from the 67-year-old-childbirth story onward (starts at about 3:30, for the record), so I thought that was a different appearance. Oddly, though, the spectacular Cornish game hen gag is cut or washed out or something - it's the reason, at like 5:20 in the clip, Conan launches himself to the far side of the stage on his wheelie chair - but it'll have to do.

Here's that link again. Watch it - Patton's timing on the KFC Bowl riff is a bit tighter, I think.

Cheesy and gravy together is just no good.

Spoken like a person who's never scarfed back poutine while stumbling crosseyed drunk down Boulevard St. Laurent in Montreal at 4:30 in the morning, knowing that it is the finest concoction in tout le monde and that, more importantly, the spongelike congealed lump forming in your stomach is the only thing that can possibly save you now.

On preview: see dirtynumbangelboy's link.
posted by gompa at 8:07 PM on January 8 [4 favorites]

aerotive said that gravy and cheese are bad together, not gravy and cheese CURDS!

Poutine made with shredded cheese (like at Mel's Montreal Deli in Toronto) is disgusting, but toss some curds in there and yeah.

Gary, if you're desperate, try the poutine at NY Fries. It's actually better than some (some) I've had in Montreal or Ottawa.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 8:11 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

They played a long version of the famous bowl bit when Patton was the guest on The Sound of Young America. It's a great interview, and they also feature a short bit about Cirque de Soleil at the end that is just brilliant.
posted by ulotrichous at 8:20 PM on January 8

Poutine made with shredded cheese (like at Mel's Montreal Deli in Toronto) is disgusting

The attempted poutine that this total francophone girl I used to hang out with had in Florida was worse, I guarantee you.

She'd gone down there one winter and was in a restaurant, jonesing for a melty cheese fix. Calls over the waiter and tries to convey the poutine concept to him in mangled Franglais: "Uh... patate with... uh, cheeeeeeeeeese, ouais? And... tabarnaque.... sauce?" Waiter shrugs, and brings the order to what must have been a very confused kitchen.

He comes back with a baked potato with a Kraft Singles slice on it, with a side of white garlic gravy.
posted by CKmtl at 8:33 PM on January 8

Overthinking a plate of failure.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 8:52 PM on January 8

Cheesy and gravy together is just no good

Communist.
posted by jonmc at 8:54 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

When you sya gravy do you mean that white shit?
posted by Artw at 9:06 PM on January 8

I laughed at the first couple of wordplays, before i realized how hard he was trying and it became overkill.

Yeah, hate to say it 'cause I laughed, but his stuff doesn't really hold up because it's too focused on specific analogies ("like a pile of laundry on top of another pile of laundry") and juxtapositions ("failure pile in a sadness bowl") to survive second watchings. I know I'm comedy-greedy, but I really wish he would have taken it further.

Watching comedy is a lot like watching magic shows. They'll wow you the first time, but the second time it feels like the tricks are so scripted and rehearsed that it completely sucks the feeling of spontaneity from it.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:15 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

OK, that bit about the 67 year old woman giving birth killed me. (I may be about 11 years old, from a maturity standpoint.)
posted by maxwelton at 9:19 PM on January 8

Watching comedy is a lot like watching magic shows.

Hey, comedy is not pretty.
posted by maxwelton at 9:20 PM on January 8

I've never heard of this before, but now I have to have some. It looks so good.

Just like poutine, only more hardcore.
posted by jb at 10:11 PM on January 8

...

I had no idea this existed.

I must have one. I must have it inside me. NOW.

And a handful of Crisco to follow, or would that be gilding the lily?
posted by Epenthesis at 10:18 PM on January 8

 MR. CREOSOTE:

    I'll have the lot.

MAÎTRE D:

    A wise choice, monsieur. And now, how would you like it served? 

    All, uh, mixed up togezer in a bucket?

posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:53 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

I will now have to try a KFC famous bowl. I will report back to you.
posted by puke & cry at 12:41 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]

Man, that was funny (both the posted piece and the Conan bit)—thanks! But there's a bit of false advertising in the post I must take pedantic issue with. The post says "after years of mockery," but Oswald first saw the KFC ad "in the autumn of 2006." You do the math!
posted by languagehat at 6:45 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]

The Conan clip is a not-quite-as-good recitation of his standup act from his album, which is wee-wee inducingly hilarious. Seriously worth checking out.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:14 AM on January 9

Point of interest: Wikipedia refers to the bowl as a version of Shepherd's Pie.

Oh.
posted by The Deej at 7:27 AM on January 9

I don't get what's so difficult about poutine. It's fries and gravy, except that you add cheese curds before the gravy. Voila!

As for the galvaude, well, that's a Quebec City thing and it's not supposed to have cheese, dammit!
posted by clevershark at 7:45 AM on January 9

Epenthesis: I had no idea this existed.

I must have one. I must have it inside me. NOW.

A Patton Oswalt? Weird, I've seen him a bunch of times and never gotten that urge. Different strokes and all that, I guess.
posted by quin at 8:47 AM on January 9

I will now have to try a KFC famous bowl. I will report back to you.
posted by puke & cry at 12:41 AM on January 9

We all appreciate your willingness to live up to your chosen name.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:08 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]

cheese + gravy is basically the same as bechamel sauce + cheese -- the same thing used in homemade macaroni and cheese.
posted by garlic at 10:18 AM on January 9

That's cuz he didn't eat it right!

There's a reason why food critics don't go to fast food places and write articles about them. Everybody already knows. We go anyway.

Fast food is made to be consumed, not savored.
posted by ZachsMind at 10:32 AM on January 9

"Is there a way the bowl can play This Mortal Coil's It'll End in Tears album while I am eating it at 2 in the morning in my darkened apartment staring into the middle distance?"
posted by porn in the woods at 10:45 AM on January 9

There's a crematorium just up the road from us, right next to the KFC. I've always appreciated the way the former masks the smell of the latter.
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:39 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]

There's a crematorium just up the road from us, right next to the KFC.

On the next block over, there is a former Pizza Hut, built with the distinctive roof shape and trapezoidal windows. When the Pizza Hut moved to a new location, a crematorium started business there. They didn't change a thing except the sign.

It's now a Mongolian Grill. Yes, I eat there.
posted by The Deej at 11:49 AM on January 9

i quit eating at kfc the day i had chicken coop - (a fast food chicken chain in the upper midwest with no site on the web) - beats the crap out of kfc

In the South there's Popeye's, which beats the living crap out of KFC. Their red beans and rice alone is fucking heavenly, the biscuits are amazing, and the chicken...whew. It's beyond what you expect fast food to be.
posted by zardoz at 10:17 PM on January 9

Popeye's is in the northern US and Canada as well, and it is better than KFC; I love the biscuits. But the best southern-style fried chicken I can get locally is from a Chinese take-out - much better than either KFC or Popeye's.
posted by jb at 8:33 AM on January 10