Traumatic anal intercourse with a pig

February 23, 2008 2:41 AM

Zoophilia: a rare cause of traumatic injury to the rectum (first link PDF).

Related post.

posted by homunculus (85 comments total)

. . . damn near killed 'im
posted by isopraxis at 2:46 AM on February 23, 2008 [15 favorites]

You've got to love the diagram of the boar's erected penis. And by love I mean be slightly disturbed.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:49 AM on February 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Mental note: avoid homunculus immediately after dinner.

Also, we've previously heard about the horse.
posted by blender at 2:53 AM on February 23, 2008

If a bolt has a left hand thread, and you try and use it with a nut that has a right hand thread, you really shouldn't be surprised when you find the poor nut gets it's thread all torn off.

Especially when you're using a power driver with the torque of a boar on heat.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:59 AM on February 23, 2008 [4 favorites]

Metafilter: a rare cause of traumatic injury to the rectum.
posted by farishta at 3:01 AM on February 23, 2008 [4 favorites]

Metafilter: a power driver with the torque of a boar on heat.
posted by wendell at 3:10 AM on February 23, 2008 [4 favorites]

I don't think this farmer could have been rasher in getting porked, unless trottering off into hamicide. I mean he could have got smoked.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 3:11 AM on February 23, 2008 [12 favorites]

A pig in a poke will likely be a bad deal; a poke from a pig is a whole other order of bad.
posted by Abiezer at 3:34 AM on February 23, 2008 [9 favorites]

(raptor species have been reported co-operating to flush prey, as have coyotes and American badgers)

Obviously that raptor reporting took place in Jurassic Park. But coyotes and American badgers, surely not.
posted by mattoxic at 3:40 AM on February 23, 2008

No, no.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:04 AM on February 23, 2008

I don't understand. The Bulgarian farmer liked getting fucked up the ass by a pig?
posted by Meatbomb at 4:05 AM on February 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

I will never again say that only the boring are bored.
posted by srboisvert at 4:11 AM on February 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

No, no.

Harder, piggy, harder!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:11 AM on February 23, 2008

> I don't understand.

well, the poor farmer was probably looking for small torque; he simply picked the wrong boar.
posted by de at 4:24 AM on February 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

Thank you for turning me into a nine-year-old.
posted by Dizzy at 4:26 AM on February 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

If a bolt has a left hand thread, and you try and use it with a nut that has a right hand thread ...

Don't get me started.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:28 AM on February 23, 2008

Apologies to Bob Dylan

I pity the Bulgarian pig farmer,
Alone upon his land,
Who after many lonely years,
Grows tired of his hand,
And so he turns to other things,
The sheep, the cows the dogs,
But experiment grows tragic,
When attention turns to hogs.

I pity the poor pig farmer,
Had he but stuck with fowl,
He might have kept his rectum,
He might have kept his bowel,
But he had to turn to other things,
Cause life was such a drag,
But it wasn't half as miserable,
As shitting in a bag.

The scene was so romantic,
He'd been there oft before,
A stable lit by candle light,
A mattress made of straw,
But the pig had different ideas,
One too many farmyard clout,
Had given the pig an inkling,
To fuck his insides out

I pity the poor pigfarmer,
And heed my good advice
It's something that we all might do,
When we're cut off from vice,
If you have to screw an animal,
Be cautious of it's strength,
And examine well it's penis,
For barbs and girth and length
And should you find it much too big,
Or fear that it won't stop,
Make sure the beast is underneath
And you are on the top.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:30 AM on February 23, 2008 [25 favorites]

♪ Hakuna Matata…♫
posted by XMLicious at 4:38 AM on February 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

Anyone have sex with a boar has to be a little twisted inside.
posted by pracowity at 4:51 AM on February 23, 2008 [11 favorites]

Now that's what I call getting porked.
posted by Poolio at 4:56 AM on February 23, 2008

[boar joke]
[/boar joke]
posted by Mister_A at 4:58 AM on February 23, 2008

Wow, he sure got baconed in his asshole.

Sorry, I got nothing.
posted by dgaicun at 5:00 AM on February 23, 2008 [7 favorites]

It is perhaps unfortunate that I refuse to click those links, however, I will comfort myself in the hope that I have seen enough sick and/or disgusting stuff for a while, and I will also comfort myself by adding a MetaFilter: joke to the thread, to wit:

MetaFilter: a whole other order of bad.

Thank you, and good night.
posted by cgc373 at 5:12 AM on February 23, 2008

This really isn't funny, people. A man is dead. HAVE YOU NO SHAME?
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:14 AM on February 23, 2008

We Have A WINNER!!! No, no.... not the guy in the link....but THIS POST!

This is the first post in weeks that has cause me to actually YEARN for more politiFilter!
posted by HuronBob at 5:24 AM on February 23, 2008

This really isn't funny, people. A man is dead. HAVE YOU NO SHAME?

??

“A 62 year old male Bulgarian farmer suffered from abdominal pain, and it was eventually discovered that the cause of the pain was a 0.5 cm ragged tear of the rectal wall. This was repaired and the patient recovered without event.”

posted by XMLicious at 5:29 AM on February 23, 2008

Joseph Gurl writes "This really isn't funny, people. A man is dead. HAVE YOU NO SHAME?"

Eponysterical.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:32 AM on February 23, 2008

Wait, OK, I got it!:

He sure hogged that penis... with his butt...hole...

Nevermind, still don't got it.
posted by dgaicun at 5:37 AM on February 23, 2008

SOME PIG*
---------
* answer to the question, "So, Vassily, you gettin' any?"
posted by PlusDistance at 6:08 AM on February 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

This vid, while only involving a small cadaver, make my balls ache up in my belly.
Also, a classic Straight Dope.
posted by dawson at 6:20 AM on February 23, 2008

Boink, Boink!
posted by Poolio at 6:23 AM on February 23, 2008

i think this farmer took the phrase "back bacon" just a bit too literally
posted by pyramid termite at 6:24 AM on February 23, 2008

your puns sure are funny
posted by signal at 6:35 AM on February 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

NNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRYESSSSSSSS!

That'll do, pig. That'll do.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:48 AM on February 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

your puns sure are funny

and by funny you mean not funny.
posted by kolophon at 7:06 AM on February 23, 2008

zoo is a documentary that was released last year. (no, it doesn't actually document acts of zoophilia). it is loosly organized around the case of a man in WA state who *did* die after an encounter with a horse (complicating factors including his friends' hesitation to get him to the ER).

it's not the best documentary ever made, but it is quite interesting. i found it fascinating that the director actually got several of the men involved in the case, zoophiliacs all, to talk on camera. it's a pretty rare look into a forbidden subculture.
posted by CitizenD at 7:32 AM on February 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

This puts into question the Southern delicacy of "pig in a blanket."
posted by moonbird at 7:40 AM on February 23, 2008

+1 for the SwinePenis tag. Cock 2.0?
posted by lalochezia at 7:48 AM on February 23, 2008

Why did I choose to write this article? ... it took ten minutes to write and is bound to prove popular.

They're on to us.
posted by wigu at 7:53 AM on February 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

it's not the best documentary ever made

You can surely say that again. I struggled to figure out how anyone could make such a boring documentary, given material that was so intrinsically interesting.

I put it down to lazyness on the part of the film maker. Having secured the interviews with his pig fuckers, he decided that he had it in the bag, so he really wasn't going to bother with providing a wider historical, cultural and social context.

But even his interviews with the pig fuckers weren't that great. Again, I had the impression that he'd do a one take interview and boof, that was it, got it in the bag.

The documentary made by Channel 4 a couple of years ago, Animal Passion, is a much better treatment of the subject, IMO. At least in that, the pigfuckers come across as real, three dimensional human beings -- albeit human beings with a rather unnatural interest in corks and beads, pigs and donkeys, etc.

I didn't develop any sympathy for anyone in this movie at all. Very, very disappointing.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:17 AM on February 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Wow, some animals really are more equal than others.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:19 AM on February 23, 2008

I guess this would be "squeal for the piggy" instead of "squeal like a piggy". Oink Oink.
posted by mrbill at 8:25 AM on February 23, 2008

Is this the thread where I say how many animals I've tagged and released?
posted by not_on_display at 8:26 AM on February 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

If you value your mental health and sanity at all, I beg you, please, do NOT do a Google search for "mrhands.mpg". (re: above-referenced horse incident)
posted by mrbill at 8:26 AM on February 23, 2008

> Wow, some animals really are more equal than others.

Or, "Two legs good, four legs baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad."
posted by mosk at 8:39 AM on February 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

This is outstanding, thank you. Best of the Web, indeed.

What's wonderful about this is that the journal article is not hidden behind a paywall. I suspect, but do not know for a fact, that this is the case with most of the really juicy forensic science articles.

The fee to view online my all time favorite journal article, The Love Bug, by JC Rupp is twenty-five dollars!

Briefly, The Love Bug details how a 40 year old airline pilot died while engaging in bizarre auto-erotic(!) practice. He and his Volkswagen Bug found a remote location that was flat and bare, and larger than the turning radius of his car. He securely lashed the steering wheel "in the extreme counterclockwise direction", and set the car in low gear. He was attached to the rear bumper of the car by a 10 foot chain and a custom chain body harness "very similar in construction to a parachute harness"'

"It is not known whether the subject simply allowed jogged after the moving automobile or allowed himself to be dragged."

"When the subject tired of this form of exercise, he apparently approached the car with the intent of taking it out of gear or turning off the ignition."

"At this point there was a serious "pilot error", for he neglected to detach himself from the chain on the bumper of the Volkswagen before he approached the car. As he approached the car, the chain attaching him to the bumper became slack and the back wheel of the car rolled over the chain. The chain then began revolving onto the back axle."

"Ultimately, the chain wound completely around the axle and the subject was asphyxiated against the rear fender of the Volkswagen."

And yes, the term "pilot error" is Rupp's, not mine
posted by Tube at 8:42 AM on February 23, 2008

Well, this has almost put me off sex with animals.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:46 AM on February 23, 2008 [15 favorites]

If it isn't traumatic, you're not doing it right!
posted by papakwanz at 8:59 AM on February 23, 2008

It looks like YouTube has the entire Animal Passion documentary uploaded. It does look quite good, and I'm impressed that they had the good sense to interview John Money, who was undoubtedly the world's foremost sex researcher.

A different sort of "pony request", indeed...
posted by Tube at 9:16 AM on February 23, 2008

I can more or less remember watching that Animal Passion documentary when it was first broadcast. The level of self-deception and rationalisation is incredible - the woman who regularly had sex with her alsatian honestly believed that "he started it" was sufficient justification and the man who described the horse he shagged as "having a gleam in her eye" and giving him the come on.
posted by patricio at 9:28 AM on February 23, 2008

Mental note: avoid homunculus immediately after dinner.

Speaking of dinner: New Restaurant lets you Pork your Pork
posted by homunculus at 9:34 AM on February 23, 2008

Post-operatively, he declined discussing perforation’s etiology.
Psychiatric evaluation was requested. The patient
eventually confessed that the complaints started after he
committed sexual intercourse with a boar.

Poor dude just got torn a new one, they can't even leave him alone about it and have to bug him until he tells them all the embarrassing details?
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:48 AM on February 23, 2008

Th-th-th-th-th-th-That's All, Folks!
posted by gimonca at 10:19 AM on February 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Reminds me of that one really disturbing Onion article about a zookeeper dying after being raped by a bear. WTF was up with that one??
posted by ORthey at 10:26 AM on February 23, 2008

CitizenD: Zoo is a dramatization like you'd see on Unsolved Mysteries. Categorizing it as a documentary is misleading.

It's also very, very, very, very bad.
posted by ryanhealy at 10:35 AM on February 23, 2008

Boar's Head™.
posted by darkstar at 10:42 AM on February 23, 2008

He should have stuck with the animal dildos.

Seals, hyenas, and gryphons (gryphons?!), oh my! Then there's Thor. Thor is really worth the look.

I have been waiting for an opportunity to post this on Metafilter for YEARS.
posted by schroedinger at 10:49 AM on February 23, 2008

Well of courth he wath thor!
posted by darkstar at 10:56 AM on February 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

SQUEAL LIKE A PIG! SQUEEEEEEEAL LIKE A PIG!

sorry
posted by jason's_planet at 11:01 AM on February 23, 2008

posted by PeterMcDermott At least in that, the pigfuckers come across as real, three dimensional human beings

Dude, don't say "pigfucker" in front of Jesus!
posted by fandango_matt at 11:04 AM on February 23, 2008

They all pay... in the end.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:25 AM on February 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

GOD WTF META!
posted by Wanderlust88 at 11:35 AM on February 23, 2008

Spiderpig, Spiderpig
He does whatever a Spiderpig does.
posted by HyperBlue at 12:14 PM on February 23, 2008

Aww, Ambrosia, you beat me to it!

Seriously, some people may not want to view the video in her link there. But it's apropos to a discussion of pigs and rectums. (Though… what isn't, really?)
posted by XMLicious at 12:29 PM on February 23, 2008

And where do the people that like to have sex on top of a freshly killed animal fit? And then where do the people that post that on the internet fit? And then where do I fit, making oblique references to shakethatbear?

Don't blame me, I just felt it had to be said.
posted by Cathedral at 2:10 PM on February 23, 2008

W T F ?!?

Must...bleach...eyeballs...
posted by mosk at 2:20 PM on February 23, 2008

Was this really necesary?
posted by Pressed Rat at 2:40 PM on February 23, 2008

Yes.
posted by homunculus at 3:08 PM on February 23, 2008

Mosk, I didn't even post a link. That means you had to go out and SEARCH to abuse yourself. And I can't help thinking you're blaming me a bit.
posted by Cathedral at 3:21 PM on February 23, 2008

Dude, don't say "pigfucker" in front of Jesus!

But according to William S. Burroughs, Jesus *was* a pigfucker! Has he been guilty of misleading me all these years? I don't know, first Scientology, then Christianity -- that man is turning out to be downright unreliable when it comes to theological matters.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:32 PM on February 23, 2008

I didn't search, Cathedral, I just read your post and stuck an "http://www." in front of it and a ".com" at the end because, y'know, I'm stupidly susceptible to posts with oblique references. And I didn't call you out by name or anything or hold you personally responsible for the content; you are absolved of blame. My "WTF" was directed towards the content of your first two sentences, and the proof offered by the third. To which I say, again, WTF?!?

Now shut up and had me that eyeball bleach ;-)
posted by mosk at 5:08 PM on February 23, 2008

A transmural tear occurred when pressure exceeded the rectal wall compliance at a fixed point of contact.

That has to be the most eloquent way I've ever heard "ripped him a new one" put.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:33 PM on February 23, 2008

dawson writes "Also, a classic Straight Dope."

I knew I recognised the image on the blog post.
posted by Mitheral at 8:41 PM on February 23, 2008

Mosk, I didn't even post a link. That means you had to go out and SEARCH to abuse yourself. And I can't help thinking you're blaming me a bit.
posted by Cathedral at 6:21 PM on February 23 [+] [!]

You are so flagged.
posted by humannaire at 9:33 PM on February 23, 2008

[I mean, you don't know [hsugh]? Please.]
posted by humannaire at 9:47 PM on February 23, 2008

I always wondered why Porky never wore pants. Hmmm.
posted by pearlybob at 8:01 AM on February 24, 2008

I guess you could say the farmer was a back-gammon player.
/archaic
posted by Muttoneer at 8:06 AM on February 24, 2008

He truly was makin' bacon.

(I can't believe no one has come up with that yet)
posted by mammary16 at 8:35 AM on February 24, 2008

The level of self-deception and rationalisation is incredible - the woman who regularly had sex with her alsatian honestly believed that "he started it" was sufficient justification and the man who described the horse he shagged as "having a gleam in her eye" and giving him the come on.

I see what you're getting at, patricio, but I'm unclear as to how this differs from the vast range of anthropomorphizing that the more common-or-garden pet lover goes in for. They appear to attribute all manner of human-like intent and emotion that a non-animal person like myself just isn't seeing. If I'm to accept their attributions as valid, why shouldn't I do the same for the zoophiles?

I mean, if Porky didn't actually fancy old Dejan, surely he wouldn't have actually stuck it in him? Or are you making the argument that Dejan, as a somehow more 'evolved' human, had a special duty of care to Porky, in much the same way that a hot young female teacher does with the boys in her care, and so even though Porky might have wanted to stick it in him, Dejan was abusing his porcine trust by letting him get his end away before he was butchered and turned into sausages?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:07 AM on February 24, 2008

In short, patricio, you seem to be suggesting that it wasn't so much the man that was traumatized here, but the pig?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:08 AM on February 24, 2008

Boar n. The male of swine : when applied to the wild species the term is used without reference to sex.

Bore v. To pierce or perforate and make a round hole in; to drill a hole in; to form by pircing or drilling; to force a narrow or difficult passage through.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:19 PM on February 24, 2008

ahem -- piercing
posted by Sys Rq at 12:21 PM on February 24, 2008

Oddly enough, it tastes like chicken.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:23 PM on February 24, 2008

Under West Virginia law it is ok if a man has sex with an Animal as long as it weights less that 40lbs.
posted by Rancid Badger at 11:32 PM on February 24, 2008

Dude, I really, really wish your username wasn't "Rancid Badger" right now.
posted by cgc373 at 12:43 AM on February 25, 2008