Alligator takes boys arm, boy takes alligator's head

August 23, 2008 8:35 AM

"Get me a robot arm that looks like the Terminator."Slidell, LA boy recounts fight with 'Godzilla' gator

While playing on the banks of the former gravel pit where neighborhood kids often swim, the kids spotted the 10-foot, 8-inch reptile known as Big Joe on the other side of the lake. Devin said one of his friends began throwing sticks in its direction. Bad idea.

posted by ColdChef (39 comments total)

From the video: "I used myself as bait..."

Generally not a good idea, no?
posted by caution live frogs at 8:46 AM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

"He just seems to have no fear, " [his mother] said.

Yeah, I'm not sure that's such a great thing sometimes.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:48 AM on August 23, 2008

"It takes my arm, I take its head, " said Devin

Wow.
posted by grouse at 8:53 AM on August 23, 2008

When this kid gets his robot arm he's going to be hardcore.
posted by Artw at 8:58 AM on August 23, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

That kid is an idiot. First, the "throwing sticks at it", then he gets into the pond where the alligator is, thinking he's going to "keep an eye out for it?"

Stupid, somewhat unintentionally funny, yes...but "the living legend?" No. And the part where he's going to be presented with the alligator head at a car show fundraiser? Gross.
posted by Liosliath at 9:07 AM on August 23, 2008

Kids do stupid shit and it's good when the stupid shit they do actually results in negative consequences. This, on the... other hand *cough*, is very sad. I did so many dumb things when I was growing up and it's amazing that I made it this far in one piece. Poor kid.
posted by HotPatatta at 9:15 AM on August 23, 2008

Awesome comments on the NOLA site. All the discussion we need is right there. OHHRAH!
posted by fixedgear at 9:16 AM on August 23, 2008

As a shirtless Devin stood still while prosthetic technician Paul Beaudette took measurements, Bordelon offered to cover the metal arm in foam and a spray-on latex "skin, " if Devin wants a more realistic look.

Devin wasn't interested.

"I want a robot arm, " he said.

This kid won't live to see twenty, and he's pretty much a complete moron, but I gotta admit: I love the little guy.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:16 AM on August 23, 2008 [12 favorites has favorites]

"It takes my arm, I take its head, " said Devin

He should have the alligator hand on the end of his prosthetic arm, that would be totally self-explanatory.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:19 AM on August 23, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

Just you wait. In 10 years, Devin and Jamison Stone will lead the New South into battle, laying waste to Yankee lands with their robotic arm and .50 cal hog-killin' pistol, and lo, how the North will tremble.

THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN and this time we've got robotic arms
posted by suckerpunch at 9:20 AM on August 23, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

He wants a robotic terminator-esque arm, give him one.
posted by cashman at 9:22 AM on August 23, 2008

"It takes my arm, I take its head"

And all this time I thought it was "an eye for an eye"....
posted by HuronBob at 9:45 AM on August 23, 2008

Dumb though this kid may be, at least he's got good taste in arms.

Not sure if the same can be said about the alligator, however.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:13 AM on August 23, 2008

Devin later got in the water, intending to keep an eye on the alligator. But the animal had apparently slipped under water

Can they do that??!?? Poor kid. I would never have seen that move coming.
posted by vito90 at 10:35 AM on August 23, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

This kid is like a real-life Hank Venture.
posted by Avenger at 11:01 AM on August 23, 2008 [8 favorites has favorites]

This kid is in for a world of disappointment when he finds out that cool robotic arms, even state of the art ones, have far more in common with simple wooden or plastic prosthetics than they do with anything from the movies. It's especially depressing that he lost the entire thing, since hand replacements seem to be working out better, and hand transplants have been done successfully.
posted by Mitrovarr at 1:13 PM on August 23, 2008

The kid fifty years on, when he travels back from the future to stop the past.
posted by Artw at 1:23 PM on August 23, 2008

The next minute, he was being dragged by his arm through the waters of Crystal Lake, fighting a 500-pound alligator named Big Joe with all the tenacity a 12-year-old boy could muster.

He should have known better than to get anywhere near that place to begin with, especially when all those teenagers keep getting killed by some madman at the nearby camp.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:43 PM on August 23, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

If only they'd read The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin.
posted by BinaryApe at 2:41 PM on August 23, 2008

This kid is not dumb, he's a kid. And he has more guts than any kid I've ever known. Little shit gets his arm ripped off by a gator and his reaction is "I want a robot arm, " Why? So he can hunt gators better next time. God's speed you ballsy little diver.
posted by nola at 4:18 PM on August 23, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

I ain't never known of a lad of such spunk
As the alligator fighter, young Devin Funck
Who battled a beast way down in Slidell
And Devin lost his arm, but Devin lived to tell
That in the water of Crystal Lake, lurking below
Was a half ton monster by the name of Big Joe.
He was a 12-foot lizard from his teeth to his tail
And he was spoken of in whispers down in Slidell.
But Devin had no fear and Devin he did go
Into Crystal Lake, and he faced down Big Joe.
The the alligator lunged and the alligator bit
Into Devin's arm from his shoulder to his mitt
And he pulled at the boy and he tried to pull him down
Into Crystal Lake, where Devin he would drown
But Devin he was scrappy and Devin knew to fight
And he struck at Big Joe as Big Joe took a bite:
Devin struck him in the eye and the beast he did go
But took the boy's arm as he swam down below.
Devin called for revenge from his hospital bed
And the police told Devin that Big Joe was dead.
Devin thought a while, and then Devin said:
"It takes my arm, I take its head."
Devin looked at the stump left by the alligator
And said, "I want a robot arm like the terminator."
Lizards, if you're listening; beasts, if you can hear:
There's a killer out there that should make you slink in fear.
He's half machine and he's half Slidell punk:
He's the alligator fighter, young Devin Funck.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:22 PM on August 23, 2008 [112 favorites has favorites]

I wish I could favorite Astro Zombie's epic tale a million times. It's a dystopian, moonshine soaked, Dr. Seuss--drunk on Dixie Beer and bug-spray inhalants.
posted by ColdChef at 5:37 PM on August 23, 2008

Thanks ColdChef! You can listen to me read it, if you like.
posted by Astro Zombie at 5:39 PM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

If you've ever been to Slidell you'd know that throwing sticks at a gator is what you do when you're a kid. It's the equivalent to putting pennies on a railroad track, or taking apart your Xbox with it still plugged in. Not really dumb, more being a kid.

And, if you've ever been to Slidell you'd know, you don't really need two arms to succeed there. In fact, from the sounds of it, this kid will be a Louisiana Senator in no time. You don't need two arms to be a senator. There have been a couple of excellent one armed senators. This might make taking bribes a little more difficult, but I suspect he'll do just fine.
posted by Toekneesan at 6:24 PM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

This crocodile won.
posted by gomichild at 6:54 PM on August 23, 2008

I wish I could favorite Astro Zombie's epic tale a million times. Also, someone should set this to music.
posted by fixedgear at 6:59 PM on August 23, 2008

AZ I can't help but think after hearing this story and reading your poem to the young lad, well don't take it the wrong way but Jerry Reed's Amos Moses. I'd like to hear your words done up this'a way. I call on you flapjax at midnight! No pressure
posted by nola at 7:14 PM on August 23, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Hell, I'd love to hear something like that.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:24 PM on August 23, 2008

Only Johnny Cash could have done justice to AZ's lyrics.
posted by SPrintF at 8:49 PM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Oh, god, I wish Led Zeppelin weren't so past their prime.
posted by dirigibleman at 9:47 PM on August 23, 2008

Someone should send AZ's poem to the kid.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:51 PM on August 23, 2008

I just emailed the address of Devin's myspace page.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:31 PM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

The little idiot deliberately pissed off a half ton alligator, and then, as an encore, got into the water with that alligator?

He's lucky to be alive, with any number of arms, and there is no one to blame but himself, and possibly his parents.
posted by paisley henosis at 3:40 AM on August 24, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Not sure which thread to post this in (there are four ;-)) but I'm thinking that at least one person followed the links to the MeFi music page and had a listen. NOLA.com Comment

....not!
posted by fixedgear at 11:51 AM on August 24, 2008

Just read through all the comments.

There are sharks in Lake Pontchartrain? Shit. That can't have been good when the levies burst.

Glad I fled NOLA the day before Katrina. Now I will have nightmares about tidal waves infested with sharks coming after me. Probably with alligators on their backs. And balls of fire ants in their mouths.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:02 PM on August 24, 2008

The lady trooper in the video must have seen some serious shit previously, because she is fully blasé in the 911 recording: "Yes um my name is Trooper Jones with the Louisiana State Police, um I'm calling from Pinehurst subdivision. There's a kid who got bit by a alligator in the retention pond, and he, does not have a arm."
posted by nicwolff at 8:19 PM on August 24, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Update.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:41 PM on August 25, 2008

Who wouldn't want a robot arm that looks like the Terminator?
posted by sero_venientibus_ossa at 7:50 PM on August 25, 2008

My future offspring would totally do something like this... thanks, boyfriend-genes!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 1:29 PM on August 26, 2008