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Before I die I want to make a cool polaroid project.
August 23, 2008 9:22 AM   Subscribe

Before I die I want to...
posted by Lutoslawski (72 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
Dear trendy webdesigners: until there is an analogous page up/down key for sideways scrolling, dont do it, thanks.
posted by norabarnacl3 at 9:25 AM on August 23, 2008 [3 favorites]


What a surprise, they're selling a book.
posted by jayder at 9:29 AM on August 23, 2008


Yeah, this is instantly annoying. I'm still waiting for my coffee to brew so I don't have the words to express myself yet: something to do with hating cute ideas in the name of [capital A] Art ... while wedding receptions in Afghanistan are getting bombed to hell by our side, by mistake, and it barely makes the papers.
posted by philip-random at 9:39 AM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Before I die I want to snark on someone's stupid photo book project.
posted by Nelson at 9:43 AM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Many of these people haven't really thought about what they want to do before they die. C'mon. Visit Ireland? Have a baby? Learn harmonica? Those are short-term goals. With proper planning, a lot of these can be accomplished in a year to three years.

You have your whole life ahead of you, people! Challenge your desires! Think long-term! Think impossible, and then strive to make it possible!

Before I die, I want to have written one song that is considered a standard, won the Pulitzer, spent at least a solid year just driving around America, worked with eighteen Academy award winners (one down), been on the NY Times bestseller list, found 50,000,000 fans, created a classic cocktail, and become a cult figure. Hell, I hope to achieve this by the age 50.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:43 AM on August 23, 2008 [8 favorites]


*curses HP for not putting in a horizontal scroll bar on their laptops*

*curses Web designers for not knowing that HP doesn't put in a horizontal scroll bar on their laptops*
posted by shoebox at 9:44 AM on August 23, 2008


I don't know, this one was pretty funny:

"Before I die: I would much like to have 20 dwarves, each sucking a finger + toe. Please."
posted by dixie flatline at 9:45 AM on August 23, 2008


I think they prefer to be called little people.
posted by found missing at 9:50 AM on August 23, 2008


I haven't had a chance to read this post yet, but I wanted to express my delight at the way it leads in to the previous post.

Before I die I want to...
Get me a robot arm that looks like the Terminator
posted by graventy at 10:02 AM on August 23, 2008 [4 favorites]


Before I die, I'd like to have a goal.
posted by lumensimus at 10:05 AM on August 23, 2008


HORIZONTAL SCROLL BAD

BOOTICON SMASH
posted by booticon at 10:08 AM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


I could deal (barely) with the horizontal scrolling on the Peloton post, but here? Not so much. Anyway, before I die I'm gonna grow a handlebar moustache. I'm starting right now. No one will know if it's ironic or serious.
posted by fixedgear at 10:08 AM on August 23, 2008


I was thinking the exact opposite of what Astro Zombie said, and mocking all the people with goals we all know they will never accomplish, and are just choosing in an attempt to look cool.

My personal favorite was "Before I die I want to spend as little time as possible with assholes." You and me both, sister.
posted by bchase at 10:09 AM on August 23, 2008


Yeah, this is instantly annoying. I'm still waiting for my coffee to brew so I don't have the words to express myself yet

Okay now I've got it: the source of my loathing for this project. I can see it working as a very effective ad campaign for selling credit cards or whatever (maybe it already is). Cute, average, middle class people with cute, average, middle class goals championing the great emptiness within. I prefer the Andy Warhol dictum: "You haven't lived until you've fucked life in gall bladder" ... or words to that effect.
posted by philip-random at 10:13 AM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Stuff White People Buy

"Before I die I want to spend as little time as possible with assholes."
Ditto, that's when I closed the tab.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:16 AM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


"You haven't lived until you've fucked life in gall bladder punched life in the dick."
posted by fixedgear at 10:16 AM on August 23, 2008


This would be cooler if the artist were willing to follow up on the implicit promise of violence in the work, flush with Polaroids of these same yuppie mugs in frozen states of pursuit/bloodied terror/denial. When pressed, Ethan didn't really want to bed a supermodel after all. More than anything, he just wanted to hug his assailant's leg and buy back his life with timeshares in Martha's Vineyard.
posted by kid ichorous at 10:18 AM on August 23, 2008 [6 favorites]


Before I die I want to get over the fact that I wasted 97 minutes of my life watching The Bucket List.
posted by Devils Slide at 10:19 AM on August 23, 2008


it'd be nice to see a follow-up: now I'm dead it like to... or the more probable (but very morbid) now I'm dying i wish i had...
posted by chelegonian at 10:20 AM on August 23, 2008


*i'd even
posted by chelegonian at 10:20 AM on August 23, 2008


Also, on their choice of medium:

The following excerpts are press that resulted from ks rives' and Nicole Kenney's curated exhibition entitled "Death + Extinction: A Polaroid Exhibition." The exhibition includes 5 Chicago and 6 New York artists who explored death and extinction through the "dying" Polaroid medium. It is on display at the Chicago Art Department (1837 South Halsted, Chicago) for August 2008.

See! It's like, about awareness of mortality, and Polaroids are a dying medium. So liminal, man.
posted by kid ichorous at 10:22 AM on August 23, 2008


Before I die, I want to make a song about punching people in the dick.
posted by hellojed at 10:32 AM on August 23, 2008


Before I die I want to learn good spellin and handwritting.
posted by Zack_Replica at 10:48 AM on August 23, 2008


I'm glad to see some people have as bad handwriting as I.
posted by keijo at 10:56 AM on August 23, 2008


Man, people are fucking boring.
posted by ZaneJ. at 11:00 AM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Wow, what a snarkfest.

I thought it was interesting. The pictures tend to group together by trend in different locations. Two older men on a beach say remarkably similar things.

My favourites, "Before I die I want to have 20 dwarves, one on each finger and toes, Please" and the simply put, "playin it day by day"
posted by Suparnova at 11:05 AM on August 23, 2008


I think they prefer to be called little people.
posted by found missing at 11:06 AM on August 23, 2008 [3 favorites]


Also, in some people are intoxicated, as shown by both the expression and the handwriting. "Drive a Tank!" is one entry, and one man actually writes, "before i die i want to think about grammar"
posted by Suparnova at 11:09 AM on August 23, 2008


Think impossible, and then strive to make it possible!

I'm going to grow arms out of my nipples!

*concentrates really hard*
posted by dirigibleman at 11:09 AM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


"You haven't lived until you've fucked life in gall bladder / punched life in the dick."

A little research reveals: "To know death, Otto, you have to fuck life in the gall bladder." (from Andy Warhol's Frankenstein aka Flesh For Frankentstein).
posted by philip-random at 11:14 AM on August 23, 2008


How is it possible that all these people own a polaroid? Or is the "artist" walking around taking pictures of random people? (I'm too annoyed by the site to see if this is answered in a pretentious artist's statement. Besides, it crashed my browser.)
posted by desjardins at 11:17 AM on August 23, 2008


Before I die I want to make these pretentious artists pay with their lives.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 11:20 AM on August 23, 2008


Astro Zombie you're already a cult figure.
posted by Caduceus at 11:36 AM on August 23, 2008


Interesting - there's a "go to South Africa", and there's a "swim with sharks", and there's "swim with sharks in South Africa".

Anyway, before I die, I want to discover a cure for death.
posted by Flunkie at 11:45 AM on August 23, 2008


I think they prefer to be called little people.

Nope. Dwarf is acceptable, so is little person. Midget is not.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 11:45 AM on August 23, 2008


> ...a handlebar moustache. I'm starting right now. No one will know if it's ironic or serious.

Ironic fashion statements have a way of becoming permanent parts of people's identities.
posted by ardgedee at 11:49 AM on August 23, 2008


Not what I expected an NSA agent to look like
posted by Flunkie at 11:50 AM on August 23, 2008


Confidence
posted by Flunkie at 11:51 AM on August 23, 2008


Don't know how the NSA link got screwed up... it's actually this (I hope).
posted by Flunkie at 11:52 AM on August 23, 2008


Not a single person referenced Mr. Show. Talk about waisting the chance of a lifetime.
posted by vorpal bunny at 11:55 AM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Meet the next Genghis Khan
posted by Flunkie at 11:58 AM on August 23, 2008


Oh, that reminds me of another life goal: To make a movie with Peter Dinklage.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:12 PM on August 23, 2008


Before I die, I want all of these people to go first.

My favourite was: "Before I die I want to suckle on your still beating heart". I'm with you sister.
posted by Blackadder at 12:20 PM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


If I die, the terrorists will already have won.
posted by found missing at 12:24 PM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Obviously, before I die I want to discover immortality. Duh.
posted by codswallop at 1:29 PM on August 23, 2008


before i die i want an end to this sort of public masturbation.
posted by kitchenrat at 1:29 PM on August 23, 2008


That's a whole lot of future-disappointed people.
posted by Target Practice at 1:30 PM on August 23, 2008


Before I die I'd like to have worked out my last words.
posted by ob at 1:43 PM on August 23, 2008


Some of them I related too. Like the "have another drink". I would say something equally inconsequential...
posted by Student of Man at 1:46 PM on August 23, 2008


We Mac notebook users can use two-fingered sideways scrolling on the trackpad.

Not that it's worth it for this shit, though.
posted by fourcheesemac at 1:55 PM on August 23, 2008


You guys, your right arrow key doesn't show you endless people wanting to live before they die?
posted by imperium at 2:23 PM on August 23, 2008


Before I die, I want to find a cure for the common snark!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:42 PM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


(Ok, ok, I really like this as an idea and I think Polaroids make any silly project just *adorable* - so I was disappointed to see the snarking here.

AND THEN.

And then I saw the woman who states that before she dies she wants to "Start a family w/Ryan." and all I can think about is Kelly from the Office (US). OK, SNARKERS. YOU WIN.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:45 PM on August 23, 2008


A little research reveals: "To know death, Otto, you have to fuck life in the gall bladder." (from Andy Warhol's Frankenstein aka Flesh For Frankentstein).
posted by philip-random at 11:14 AM on August 23 [+] [!]


Warhol died after gall bladder surgery.
posted by lucia__is__dada at 3:24 PM on August 23, 2008


Before I die I want to see Aubrey de Grey and Ray Kurzweil die.
posted by Dumsnill at 3:39 PM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Looks like they're all dead.
posted by strawberryviagra at 3:51 PM on August 23, 2008


Looks aren't everythingl
posted by Dumsnill at 4:08 PM on August 23, 2008


Not what I expected an NSA agent to look like

Maybe he's not an NSA employee. He may need to join before he can leave.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 4:08 PM on August 23, 2008


Weirdass l's are invisible and should be full stops.
posted by Dumsnill at 4:10 PM on August 23, 2008


MetaFilter: I want to spend as little time as possible with assholes
posted by bwg at 5:21 PM on August 23, 2008


Before I die, I want those 30 seconds of my life back.
posted by bwg at 5:21 PM on August 23, 2008


Only like 5 of them are even remotely interesting, the best of which being "piss my pants," "fuck a supermodel," and "cum in my jeans." I also really like that several of them don't even answer the question--one even starts, "if I died tomorrow..."

Nine thumbs down.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 6:00 PM on August 23, 2008


Not what I expected an NSA agent to look like

He probably works for the AT&T branch.
posted by Poolio at 6:48 PM on August 23, 2008


I liked the question. After copious thought:

Before I die I want to see the aliens come. Yeah, space aliens. From outer space. Not bacteria found on Mars or some other frozen gasball. Not fossils. Not people-from-another-country-"illegal"-aliens, smartasses. Real live intelligent fucking extraterrestrial aliens. In spaceships. Or at least in unambiguous broadcast signals. It's going to happen eventually, even if it takes 30,000 years and we humans have to go out and hunt those fuckers down. Sometime before the end of time we'll have aliens, and before I die, I want to see them.

So there.
posted by bigbigdog at 8:41 PM on August 23, 2008 [2 favorites]


Before I die I want to...
"Get me a robot arm that looks like the Terminator."

nice pairing of posts
posted by edgeways at 9:55 PM on August 23, 2008


Before I die I want to have sex at the Olympics. The Summer Olympics. With Olympians.
posted by jdotglenn at 10:27 PM on August 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Before I die, I want to fuck Andy Warhol in the gallbladder. Then be famous for 15 minutes because of it.
posted by piratebowling at 10:50 PM on August 23, 2008


"Before I die, I want to write my will." Seriously, that was the best you could come up with? Christ.

The stupid Mighty Mouse makes these kinds of pages pretty easy to navigate, but everything that needed to be said was in the first two comments.
posted by paisley henosis at 2:28 AM on August 24, 2008


I can see what they're doing in the project and it's not without merit. I just think that the people being asked this question should be given more time to think about their answer. So you want to go to Ireland before you die? So, actually, what your life is missing is a bank-holiday weekend and a thousand dollars (if even that). I think that if people were pushed and really asked what they wanted to do before they die, it would be something less casual. I want to see Japan before I die, but if I die without having seen Japan, my life will not have been wasted. Before I die I want to be content with the life I have lived.

It's easier to think about 'Where do you want to go' & 'What do you want to do/be' etc. These are concrete things with single sentence answers and, in all honesty, no one really knows what they want to do with their lives until they are dying. I imagine that very few people go to their deaths with every single thing they ever wanted to do (in their heart of hearts) completed.
posted by slimepuppy at 5:02 AM on August 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


This guy is kind of^H^H^H^H^H^H^H totally awesome, though.
posted by hincandenza at 7:29 PM on August 24, 2008


Cute, average, middle class people with cute, average, middle class goals championing the great emptiness within.

You know, most people have small dreams because they have small lives. Not everyone's cup runneth over with education, cash and economic opportunity. Falling in love, having some kids, and living long enough to meet your grandchildren has been the recipe for a happy life for generations in America. Just because it's average doesn't mean it's empty.

My first instinct was the laugh at the young woman who's answer was "I want to go to four countries" because I was thinking, "Well, honey, you can drive to at least two, so..." but you know - there are a boatload of people who will never see four states, let alone four countries, so good for her.

Being dismissive of relatively humble dreams is elitist and pretentious. Just because they don't meet your standards doesn't mean they're not worthy of other people's time and attention.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:28 PM on August 24, 2008 [3 favorites]


The ones who want to skydive and bungee jump - that's not *right* before, I hope?
posted by AppleSeed at 11:50 AM on August 25, 2008


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