Grreat stufffff.

December 19, 2008 9:51 AM

Just slow down the video a little... and voila! It's drunk Jeff Goldblum, rambling about beige!

BTW, when I was younger I saw Jeff Goldblum actually drunk... and he didn't sound like this at all, he still spoke freakishly fast.
And had wandering hands. It was like meeting an octopus. Aaah.

posted by miss lynnster (41 comments total)

I thought this would be stupid, but it's actually pretty funny. And it gets funnier the more you watch.
posted by Dr. Wu at 10:01 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

I love it.

An old boss ran into Jeff Goldblum in the elevator at a snooty hotel in Toronto while we were working on an event. He looked at her, and asked her where he was. She told him, and he said "Sounds about right," and walked out of the elevator into his awesome Jeff Goldblum world.
posted by yellowbinder at 10:02 AM on December 19, 2008 [16 favorites]

Not drunk... 'ludes.
posted by netbros at 10:02 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

A fine replacement for the last Goldblumian Internet meme, now sadly defunct.
posted by neroli at 10:06 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

It works with other people too.
posted by EarBucket at 10:08 AM on December 19, 2008 [7 favorites]

Half-speed video makes everyone sound either drunk or high. This works especially well with talky filmic drama, actually. Scully and Mulder zinging each other in slow motion: baked. David Mamet repartee? "Fffuuuckk yoooouuuu, tthhhaaasss mmmyyyy naaaaammmee".

If your software DVD player supports audio at half-speed, I highly recommend this as something to do with friends.
posted by cortex at 10:09 AM on December 19, 2008

Jeff Goldblum rules. Growing up, my friends and I played what we called the Jeff Goldblum game, which basically consisted of stream-of-consciousness word associations done in our best (but still shitty) impersonations.

His appearances on Conan are some of my favorite television moments. Classic.

ALSO

I saw him in The Pillowman and, well, his stage drunkenness was the most believable I've ever seen in live theatre. Not overacted whatsoever; pitch perfect.

Are we noticing a trend here?

(Great stuff)
posted by defenestration at 10:10 AM on December 19, 2008

Apple ads. Timelessssssssssssssss.
posted by cavalier at 10:12 AM on December 19, 2008

I'm with Dr. Wu. That was great. "Are they in thinking jail? That's crazy."
posted by Rock Steady at 10:21 AM on December 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

isn't he from Pittsburgh and was it here on MeFi that someone said their sister had dated him in HS?

i have no fathomable reason why I found him uber attractive in Independence Day, sat through the movie twice
posted by infini at 10:30 AM on December 19, 2008

That GB one is uncanny. Without the context I would have believed it was actually a clip of him smashed giving a speech.
posted by cmoj at 10:30 AM on December 19, 2008

I want to see this done to his work in The Fly. "Youuu donnn'ttt haaaaaaffff tooo beeee aaahhfffrraaaiiidd...."
posted by waraw at 10:33 AM on December 19, 2008

One of my quirks is that I'm really impressionable with voices. I can't do impressions on purpose but I've accidentally ended up doing impressions of Mickey Rourke in barfly, Christopher Watkins, and especially Jeff Goldblum. This is probably good, but I can't watch it because I'm worried about getting infected.
posted by I Foody at 10:37 AM on December 19, 2008

From the sidebar, this is perhaps the creepiest thing I've ever seen. I thought it was just going to be one of those "haha, weren't 80's movies silly in their unwitting double entendre dialogue" videos... but instead it was a fucked-up single entendre.
posted by hincandenza at 10:45 AM on December 19, 2008

i developed an exponential case of the giggles watching these
posted by NikitaNikita at 10:56 AM on December 19, 2008

Jeff Goldblum for WaitMate
posted by saul wright at 11:01 AM on December 19, 2008

He sounds the same as always to me. In fact all of these examples sound normal.

Oh wait. I'm drunk.
posted by rokusan at 11:28 AM on December 19, 2008

miss lynnster, once again a top-notch find. while they say this was a huge meme all year, this is the first i'd heard of it. so, thanks for making my friday infinitely more bearable.

infini, you're not alone: GB is on my shortlist of sammich celebs.

...as in, i'd love to be the sliced cheese in a viggo mortensen/jeff goldblum sammich...
posted by CitizenD at 11:40 AM on December 19, 2008

I never heard of this either, but it's fantastic. Thank you for posting it.
posted by MegoSteve at 11:53 AM on December 19, 2008

I don't know why I find Christopher Walkin's weirdness to be adorable but Jeff Goldblum's to be unsettling.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:55 AM on December 19, 2008

He may be the hottest Jewish guy on the planet, for our money. Many of us would turn gay and interspeciesist for him, if our mothers would allow it.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 12:00 PM on December 19, 2008 [3 favorites]

On non-preview we can see that infini is one of us.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 12:00 PM on December 19, 2008

"...infini is one of us."

infini

An Infinity Of Monkeys.

We should have seen this before.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 12:01 PM on December 19, 2008

I'm going to have to try speeding up some video of my dad to see what he sounds like sober.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:14 PM on December 19, 2008 [13 favorites]

I've accidentally ended up doing impressions of Mickey Rourke in barfly, Christopher Watkins, and especially Jeff Goldblum.

My sister told me once that I go into what she calls "Jack Sparrow mode" when I drink too much wine. Hands waving all around, wobbly head and smart ass comments.
posted by SheMulp AKA Plus 1 at 12:24 PM on December 19, 2008

Has anybody tried this with Sam Waterston? He always sounds semi-plastered at regular speed.
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:42 PM on December 19, 2008

I met a guy at one of Bruce Sterling's parties one time that looked exactly like Jeff Goldblum. He even sounded like Jeff Goldblum, but I don't think he was drunk.
posted by jeffkramer at 12:44 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

My sole mission in life is to ensure that Jeff Goldblum plays the Riddler.
posted by Shepherd at 12:52 PM on December 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

My sole mission in life is to ensure that Jeff Goldblum plays the Riddler.

That would be...well, I don't know what that would be.
posted by davejay at 12:57 PM on December 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

Hey! It's SIMPLY JEFF GOLDBLUM!!!!

(Might I say, my experiences with meeting him actually weren't much less surreal.)
posted by miss lynnster at 1:10 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Jeff Goldblum plays the Riddler

The best way of having Goldblum play the Riddler would be to take an old Adam West batman script and have Goldblum play all of the characters.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:14 PM on December 19, 2008 [4 favorites]

I used to have an early digital answering machine which had a "speed up" and "slow down" function that did exactly this.
posted by anazgnos at 1:16 PM on December 19, 2008

I know a narcoleptic that sounds EXACTLY like this (sober).
posted by desjardins at 1:34 PM on December 19, 2008

I don't know why I find Christopher Walkin's weirdness to be adorable but Jeff Goldblum's to be unsettling.

Chris Walken's weirdness is never vaguely sexual. Goldblum at all times looks like my dog when he's about to go find a stuffed toy to hump.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 3:40 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Chris Walken's weirdness is never vaguely sexual

Except for when he's gotten his nose into the chamPAHNyuh.
posted by cortex at 3:51 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't know why I find Christopher Walkin's weirdness to be adorable but Jeff Goldblum's to be unsettling.

Question: Do you bring furniture and diamonds to the dump? And live on a cubical planet?
posted by DU at 5:22 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Thas crazy. CRAYsee.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 10:32 PM on December 19, 2008

I thought this would be funny, but it's actually pretty stupid.
posted by e40 at 6:13 AM on December 20, 2008

I'm the half-truth in the lie
I'm the why not in the why
I'm the last roll in the die
I'm the old school in the tie
I'm the sprit in the sky
I'm the catcher in the rye
I'm the twinkle in her eye
I'm Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly"
Well who am I?
posted by kersplunk at 8:06 AM on December 20, 2008

Jeff Goldblum is all-out hilarious using his own cadence, why bother slowing it down?

Oh, dear, that hidden camera link was fantastic. i could only imagine that it would be a very fine line between everyday-JG antics and wow-this-is-some-out-there-stuff-is-someone-pulling-my-leg-JG antics.

Still, one of my stranger movie star mini-crushes.
posted by five_dollars at 2:31 PM on December 20, 2008

i could only imagine that it would be a very fine line between everyday-JG antics and wow-this-is-some-out-there-stuff-is-someone-pulling-my-leg-JG antics.

That's exactly what made that Jamie Kennedy hidden camera clip believable. I mean, you just really don't put any kind of eccentricity past him, all weirdness is strangely natural. Case in point, it was actually believable that he tap dances when he's happy and jumps around like a girl. Of COURSE he does! My favorite part though was when his assistant was cradling his head as he screamed "What did The Goldblum ever do to YOU!?" Because OF COURSE he calls himself The Goldblum. What else would he call himself?

That said, I have *never* been able to understand why people didn't immediately look at Jamie Kennedy in his wigs and fake teeth and realize the guy was in costume. His costumes were always just so bad.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:27 PM on December 20, 2008