Like a Virgin... Rehymenated for the very first time!

January 10, 2009 3:10 PM

WTFJapanFilter: Artificial Virginity Hymen. Jezebel and Salon discuss.
posted by crossoverman (68 comments total)

clinically proven non-toxic to human

Note the singular.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:17 PM on January 10, 2009

I want to flag that artificial hymen as offensive, but unfortunately the world isn't Metafilter.
posted by bluishorange at 3:20 PM on January 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

Actually, this could become very popular amongst muslim women who live modern lives but have very traditional families. It atleast beats getting a surgery to fix your hymen* and at 14.90$ it's very affordable.


* Yes, this happens and is more common than it should be.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:22 PM on January 10, 2009

Though any man who would ask you to use an "Artificial Virginity Hymen" probably doesn't need such items, as he's most likely a giant dick already. (From the Jezebel article)

Err. I think you're missing the point.
posted by lunit at 3:23 PM on January 10, 2009

I've fooled everyone I've ever slept with into thinking I'm a virgin, simply through incompetence and nervous flailing.

But seriously, I wish I could think of a use for this product, the underlying roots of which do not make sad.
posted by chudmonkey at 3:27 PM on January 10, 2009 [5 favorites]

If I trust any industrial nation to manufacture a product that will ultimately be oozing things out of my vagina, it's China.
posted by norabarnacl3 at 3:30 PM on January 10, 2009 [6 favorites]

The real question is: can it be used anally?
posted by aubilenon at 3:31 PM on January 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

The people who really need it won't easily fool the entire village that gathers around their bed on their wedding night.
posted by Brian B. at 3:36 PM on January 10, 2009

No. Just no.
posted by dead cousin ted at 3:40 PM on January 10, 2009

Hanne Blank's book, Virgin: The Untouched History, while then unaware of this particular piece of virgin-faking tech, does cover several more methods of doing the same thing

Exactly, virgin fakery isn't something unique to Japan.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:56 PM on January 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I've fooled everyone I've ever slept with into thinking I'm a virgin...
Ha! I've proven to everyone I've almost slept with that I'm a virgin.

Hmm, that's somehow less funny after I've typed it all out like that.
posted by aftermarketradio at 3:59 PM on January 10, 2009

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing: "Exactly, virgin fakery isn't something unique to Japan."

But Japan is a modern industrialized secular nation. Very strange. And in 14.95 in USD. Stranger still.
posted by stbalbach at 4:04 PM on January 10, 2009

I dunno, I could think of some roleplaying situations where this could be a non-squickey* novelty item/prop.

*may not comform to your particular squickey-ness multiplier
posted by porpoise at 4:05 PM on January 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

I always figured men who wanted virgins must be dealing with enormous fear of inadequacy. Me, give me a challenge! Give me someone with some experience, and I'll try to best it! Give me Catherine the Great, post-horse! I'M UP FOR ANY CHALLENGE.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:06 PM on January 10, 2009 [21 favorites]

Exactly, virgin fakery isn't something unique to Japan.

Yes, but Japan is the only one marketing it for profit.
posted by crossoverman at 4:09 PM on January 10, 2009

Yes, but Japan is the only one marketing it for profit.

Really not true, especially if you include the "vaginal reconstructive surgery" procedure which, while not necessarily devoted to restoring the hymen, is supposed to restore the vagina to its previous, seldom-to-unused glory. And I'm sure all ~130 million Japanese are simply thrilled about this product.

Virginity as some sort of prized virtue is definitely not restricted to one culture alone.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:14 PM on January 10, 2009

WTFJapanFilter

Oxymoron
posted by mannequito at 4:14 PM on January 10, 2009

No worries, I have found that, given enough time and abstinence, it does indeed GROW BACK.
posted by Foam Pants at 4:16 PM on January 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Suddenly, all the pieces are falling into place!
posted by stet at 4:17 PM on January 10, 2009

You gotta admire AZ's pluck, if nothing else.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:17 PM on January 10, 2009

Do they have one that's strawberry-flavored?!
posted by markkraft at 4:18 PM on January 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Exactly, virgin fakery isn't something unique to Japan.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:56 PM on January 10 [+] [!]

Eponysterical?
posted by vorpal bunny at 4:28 PM on January 10, 2009 [9 favorites]

Oh really, crossoverman?

I stand corrected. Congratulations to America and its Virgin Cream!
posted by crossoverman at 4:37 PM on January 10, 2009

If King Missle is still around, this could be the perfect counterbalance to Detachable Penis
posted by dr_dank at 4:54 PM on January 10, 2009

With this I can make anything virgin. Olive oil, snow, trains... the possibilities are endless!
posted by SciencePunk at 5:03 PM on January 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

Insert one in each ear. Attend Spinal Tap concert.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:18 PM on January 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

Is it cheaper than the chicken blood you drop on the bed before your new husband waves the sheet out the window to the relief of your village? Consumers deserve to know!
posted by The Whelk at 5:29 PM on January 10, 2009

The Hymen Repair Kit is real?! Man Show inventions are not supposed to be made real! Are we soon going to see flesh-colored wedding rings and midget-launchers as well?
posted by Ndwright at 5:45 PM on January 10, 2009

Actually, you can put pigeon blood in a fish bladder and stick it up in there.

Oh, that's your answer to everything.
posted by PlusDistance at 5:57 PM on January 10, 2009 [22 favorites]

I'm with AZ. Why the hell is this idea that virgins are valuable sexual partners being maintained? Unless you're into some serious medievalism where wives are more common than prophylactics, virgins should be pretty far down your list of potentials. Think of the kinda SROI (Sex Return On Investment) you're getting with a virgin compared with the opportunity cost from not shacking up with a fabulous kinky mistress.

Men need to ask for sexual résumés, and turn down anybody who doesn't have five good years of kinky shit, and references to prove it. Only take virgins if they agree to pay for your time.
posted by Sova at 6:01 PM on January 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

I saw this earlier and it makes me physically ill to think of any woman who thinks she needs this - as well as anyone who thinks it's a helpful product, actually.
posted by agregoli at 6:13 PM on January 10, 2009

But why is there two to a packet?
posted by b33j at 6:16 PM on January 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Harmless. A real WTF is here: http://www.vbs.tv/video.php?id=659820662
posted by yoyo_nyc at 6:18 PM on January 10, 2009

But why is there two to a packet?

Please see my comment upthread.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:20 PM on January 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yes, that's certainly an awesome secondary use, flapjax, I only wish I'd known of this product when I accidentally took my daughter to her first music festival - but I was wondering what the manufacturer had in mind.
posted by b33j at 6:23 PM on January 10, 2009

AZ, the fourth comic down here is for you. Catherine the Great did what she had to do, man.
posted by emjaybee at 6:23 PM on January 10, 2009

Only take virgins if they agree to pay for your time.

Some people mate for love. Does that count?
posted by a robot made out of meat at 6:28 PM on January 10, 2009

I suspect this is going to sell to people who want to role-play. Hence the two-in-a-box: that way you can deflower your middle-aged wife twice, once in her schoolgirl outfit and once in say, a nurse's getup.

Spinal Tap not withstanding, of course, flapjax.
posted by Jilder at 6:46 PM on January 10, 2009

This is useless without Edward Gorey pics.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:47 PM on January 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

In the great "classic" Clan of the Cave Bear series*, I distinctly remember the early human tribes having official, highly skilled, de-virginizer dudes for the ladies and there being certain experienced ladies who took on de-virginizing young dudes and teaching them what women want.

Why can a cheezy romance/prehistorical fiction series come up with something sensible like that but we're still marketing fake hymens?

*which had lots of juicy sex scenes, of which many adults were completely unaware, and so became VERY popular with every girl at my junior high, heh.
posted by emjaybee at 6:49 PM on January 10, 2009 [5 favorites]

There's also the AIDS/disease factor.
Virgin cleansing is a myth that has occurred since at least the sixteenth century, when Europeans believed that they could rid themselves of a sexually transmitted disease by transferring it to a virgin through sexual intercourse. Although the exact prevalence of this belief is unclear, it is believed to occur worldwide; however, the majority of modern reported cases of this event have occurred in sub-Saharan Africa ^

I don't think Japan would be likely to have a huge market in Africa, but ignorance isn't confined to that continent.

[COTCB]*which had lots of juicy sex scenes, of which many adults were completely unaware, and so became VERY popular with every girl at my junior high, heh.

My mother was aware, and offended by the author's answer as to why she got so graphic: "It's a natural part of life" Mom's answer: So's farting! And vomit! I was amused.
posted by lysdexic at 7:06 PM on January 10, 2009

In the great "classic" Clan of the Cave Bear series*,....which had lots of juicy sex scenes

Leading to it's inevitable 'adult' reincarnation, Cave Of The Bare Clams.
posted by jonmc at 7:42 PM on January 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Well, jonmc, that's just the original book with all the dialogue and plot taken out. (/ot)
posted by emjaybee at 7:44 PM on January 10, 2009

Emjaybee, yeah, but you left out the bit about the female tribal elders whose job it was to take the hymen. *shudder*

You're right about the popularity, though; I wasn't aware that it had reached near Flowers in the Attic status amongst the opposite sex until I had a girlfriend who started doing that hand gesture for sex as some kind of in-joke between us.
posted by adipocere at 7:45 PM on January 10, 2009

This is nothing new. In John Cleland's Fanny Hill or the Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure, the title character fakes her virginity with a sponge and some fake blood.
posted by jonp72 at 7:47 PM on January 10, 2009

Clan of the Cave Bear series

Huh, for us it was Harold Robbins and Judith Krantz. And the Dollanganger sagas.

/dirtypillowsbooks

I can't tell from the image on the page for the rehymenizer what it looks like. Granted, I just found out what a real hymen might look like only a few seconds ago.
posted by droplet at 7:50 PM on January 10, 2009

The Hymen Repair Kit is real?! Man Show inventions...

A real man would do it himself with stuff he's cached in the drawers and in the garage over the years.

Or with stuff from an army surgeon's kit from the surplus store.
posted by porpoise at 9:25 PM on January 10, 2009

A real man would do it himself with stuff he's cached in the drawers and in the garage over the years.

I don't even want to think about a Red Green version with duct tape.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:32 PM on January 10, 2009

If I put this in my car's dipstick holder, will it be restored to cherry status?
posted by zippy at 9:33 PM on January 10, 2009

So company in Japan is marketing this... product. It really has nothing to do with Japan or Japanese culture.

The intro to the post "WTFJapanFilter" is kind of annoying, because it's shorthand for "look at what crazy sexual practice or fetish the Japanese are displaying this time."

The thing is, Japan gets a bum rap because sexuality is pretty open in there. You don't have to dig around to find the weird stuff. However, in North America (and, presumably other Western societies) the weird fetishes (like this) are out there, but North American society tends to hide it. How strange and uptight is that?
posted by KokuRyu at 9:40 PM on January 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I don't even want to think about a Red Green version

How about a Bert and I version?
posted by zippy at 9:40 PM on January 10, 2009

So company in Japan is marketing this... product.

The marketers in the first link (Gigimo) seem to be based in Malaysia. They accept Malaysian and Chinese currencies along with Euros and dollars, and the merchandise is "shipped from China." The only Japan connection seems to be the "made in Japan" label on the product.
posted by crustacean choreographer at 10:52 PM on January 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm offended; where's the male version? It would simulate false bravado and premature ejaculation.
posted by hattifattener at 11:19 PM on January 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

It would simulate false bravado and premature ejaculation.

It's called "alcohol".
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:26 PM on January 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

The only Japan connection seems to be the "made in Japan" label on the product.

THANK YOU, crustacean choreographer, for pointing this out. I mean, sure, there's wacky stuff going on in Japan, much of it silly and good for a chuckle here and there. But this knee-jerk "WTF Japan" stance is getting a little tired, and, as pointed out in cc's comment, not even especially accurate in this case. If the product was manufactured in, say, France, would there be a "WTF France" included in the FPP wording? I doubt it.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:07 AM on January 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Does it break on the first try? I had to try unsuccessfully six or seven times to break that damned thing. And this was after a lifetime of non-Catherine-the-Great-esque horseback riding.

I feel like my ultra mega-hymen was wasted on me and should have been saved for some poor girl who needed to show *proof* of virginity. Man, she would have had plenty of proof. No sponges or fish bladders needed.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:58 AM on January 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm offended; where's the male version?

Most guys come with that pre-installed.

Right guys?
*sob*
posted by graventy at 7:54 AM on January 11, 2009

In the great "classic" Clan of the Cave Bear series*, I distinctly remember the early human tribes having official, highly skilled, de-virginizer dudes for the ladies and there being certain experienced ladies who took on de-virginizing young dudes and teaching them what women want.

This is kinda, sorta, like the sexual practicies of the Oneida Society but I understand that was more like a form of birth control in which young men who couldn't ...control their moment of expulsion, slept with post-menopausal women. Although, as in almost all group-marriage groups like this, the older men got to sleep with as many virgins as they liked.

Noyes often used his own judgment in determining the partnerships which would form and would often encourage relationships between the non-devout and the devout in the community, in the hopes that the attitudes and behaviors of the devout would influence the non-devout. ...In 1993, the archives of the community were made available to scholars for the first time. Contained within the archives was the journal of Tirzah Miller, a niece of Noyes who was initiated by him into the system of complex marriage. She reveals in her journal that at the age of 26, after a decade of sexual activity, it was unclear to her whether she was obliged to engage in sex with any man who requested it, regardless of her own personal feelings.

Okay, ick-y.
posted by The Whelk at 10:10 AM on January 11, 2009

The thing is, Japan gets a bum rap because sexuality is pretty open in there. You don't have to dig around to find the weird stuff.

Well, yes and no. Any country that has to create special subways so that women don't get groped or jacked off on on their way home is a country that has some issues about sex that go beyond just being "open."
posted by you're a kitty! at 10:33 AM on January 11, 2009

Your mom will never know!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:55 AM on January 11, 2009

I'm hoping that no actual hymans were harmed in the manufacture of this product
posted by ElvisJesus at 1:37 PM on January 11, 2009

Actually, this could become very popular amongst muslim women who live modern lives but have very traditional families.

New York Times, June 11 2008:
"Gynecologists say that in the past few years, more Muslim women are seeking certificates of virginity to provide proof to others. That in turn has created a demand among cosmetic surgeons for hymen replacements, which, if done properly, they say, will not be detected and will produce tell-tale vaginal bleeding on the wedding night. The service is widely advertised on the Internet; medical tourism packages are available to countries like Tunisia where it is less expensive."
posted by iviken at 2:38 PM on January 11, 2009

Okay, kalessin, you linked to your partner's book once... pimping it again feels like you're trying to rehymenate - that special feeling never really comes again.
posted by crossoverman at 3:44 PM on January 11, 2009

It's important to rehymenate after every cross-country run.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:31 PM on January 11, 2009

Of course, pursuant to the portable edamame and portable bubble-wrap gizmos that the Japanese have come out with recently, which allow you to respectively deshell soybeans and pop plastic bubbles whilst out and about, it's only really a matter of time until....*shudders*.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:33 PM on January 11, 2009

You know, I agree with crossoverman....it was a very relevant point to bring up the book first time around, but bringing it up twice seems a little excessive.

The comments on Jezebel are pretty great, though.
posted by fantine at 3:39 AM on January 13, 2009

Does it break on the first try? I had to try unsuccessfully six or seven times to break that damned thing.

I hear this sort of story all the time lately - it would have been really nice if someone had told teenage me that this is a common problem and I wasn't a freak. Seconding grapefriuitmoon that I would have been happy to trade with some girl who needed one.
posted by naoko at 9:11 AM on January 17, 2009

Incredibly late to the party, but, yeah, you're doing WTFJapan wrong. WTFJapan is used when something is crazy/weird but not considered so in Japan. Not when something is crazy/weird and also considered so in Japan.
posted by Bugbread at 3:28 PM on January 26, 2009