POTUS profanity

February 5, 2009 7:21 PM

Shit's gettin' way too complicated for me 1. Barack Obama puts some salty language (in quotations attributed to others) in his memoir Dreams of My Father. 2. Obama reads the audiobook himself. 3. Obama gets elected President. 4. Blogger posts remix-ready clips of POTUS profanity online. I can't wait to see what teh intertubes make of this.
posted by Artifice_Eternity (79 comments total)

After Obama Saves the World...

Obama Soundboard with choice snippets
posted by Rhaomi at 7:29 PM on February 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

Meh. She's just copying a few Greatest Hits off the Obama "Fun with Whitey" Soundboard.
posted by terranova at 7:29 PM on February 5, 2009

OK, I see the remixing is well under way.

Mods: Thanks for the link fix.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 7:36 PM on February 5, 2009

Buffering....
posted by delmoi at 7:38 PM on February 5, 2009

Oh hmm, there was something wrong with firefox.
posted by delmoi at 7:40 PM on February 5, 2009

Yeah I listened to both Dreams and Audacity over last summer and I kept thinking, why isn't anyone cutting this up yet?

"I am... a devout Muslim."
"When I first met President Bush... we played basketball all day."

These I pulled out of my proverbial behind, but really, the possibilities are infinite. It's about time, is all I'm saying.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:42 PM on February 5, 2009

Obama is relatively badass, but he probably learns it all from Rahm Emanuel. Now, that bitch is crazy.
posted by mmmleaf at 7:45 PM on February 5, 2009 [8 favorites]

Niiiiice.
posted by acro at 7:47 PM on February 5, 2009

Barack and Rahm. That would be a great TV show.
posted by Flex1970 at 7:52 PM on February 5, 2009

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PRESIDENT
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:59 PM on February 5, 2009 [9 favorites]

"You ain't my bitch, nigga. Buy your own damn fries." The audacity!
posted by Curry at 8:00 PM on February 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

"You ain't my bitch, nigga!" If I cared enough about cell phones to have anything but the cheapest one possible, and there was a way to put ringtones on it, that would be my ringtone.
posted by DecemberBoy at 8:06 PM on February 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yep, we all agree, this is the funniest thing any president has ever said.
posted by paisley henosis at 8:12 PM on February 5, 2009 [10 favorites]

This makes me feel...dirty. But good dirty, like when you hear someone moaning lustily in the row behind you at the movies.
posted by ColdChef at 8:14 PM on February 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

America: You ain't my bitch, nigga. Get your own damn fries.

A universal truth we can all live by.
posted by ColdChef at 8:15 PM on February 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

This made my evening complete. Thank you to everyone involved in creating this moment(s) of awesomenessitude.
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:17 PM on February 5, 2009

I love this president!
posted by wolfewarrior at 8:18 PM on February 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

We're really not getting all the use we could out of the 'motherfucker' tag.
posted by echo target at 8:23 PM on February 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

What? That our President is a human being who has observed other human beings and can communicate to us what they said in a way we can understand?

Oh, the horror!
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:35 PM on February 5, 2009

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PRESIDENT

His font got serifs goddamn
posted by louche mustachio at 8:36 PM on February 5, 2009 [5 favorites]

...and can communicate to us what they said in a way we can understand?


See, that's the part we're not used to. It frightens us. It's akin to the effect of the midday sun after one crawls out of a cave after, oh, eight years or so.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:40 PM on February 5, 2009 [4 favorites]

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PRESIDENT

is he great, or the greatest?
posted by heeeraldo at 8:46 PM on February 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

And this is why this man is the first true 21st Century President.

Buy your own damn fries.
posted by Super Hans at 8:47 PM on February 5, 2009

What? That our President is a human being who has observed other human beings and can communicate to us what they said in a way we can understand?

Hey, it's an understandable reaction, you know, the incongruity of it all...kind of like seeing a rabbi in a wrestling match, or your dad in a clown costume on top of aunt Flora. Especially on Easter when you didn't even know she was in the house.
posted by Edgewise at 8:50 PM on February 5, 2009 [13 favorites]

Sure, you can have my number baby!
posted by Artw at 8:52 PM on February 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

Heh.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:53 PM on February 5, 2009

Fucking Republicans gonna learn how we roll, the stupid bitches.
posted by jamstigator at 9:28 PM on February 5, 2009 [6 favorites]

His font got serifs goddamn

president has got no mercy
posted by Avenger at 9:37 PM on February 5, 2009

or your dad in a clown costume on top of aunt Flora. Especially on Easter when you didn't even know she was in the house.

Cousin Eddie, is that you?!
posted by codswallop at 9:43 PM on February 5, 2009

Hope. Progress. Yes we can. Now buy your own damn fries.

It's like a zen koan for the post-Neocon age.
posted by mattdidthat at 9:50 PM on February 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

MetaFilter: There are white folks, and then there are ignorant mothafuckas like you.
posted by Mikey-San at 10:14 PM on February 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

ok, "fuck an eskimo" made me laugh.
posted by arcanecrowbar at 10:15 PM on February 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

"and your mother was begging Barack to stop" LOL
posted by stinkycheese at 10:31 PM on February 5, 2009

My favorite part of this, to me, is how unnatural he sounds using some of the more exuberant expressions. I can't tell if it's because I'm not used to hearing the president use twelve-letter words, or because Obama's not at ease himself using them.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:49 PM on February 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

Still sounds too similar to Dwayne Johnson.
posted by querty at 11:27 PM on February 5, 2009

Please someone do some prank calls with this, a la those Al Pacino and Schwartzenegger ones. I don't have the guts but if you do I'll be your best friend. Pleeeease?
posted by zardoz at 11:36 PM on February 5, 2009

Oh, hold up, I should've looked at that site more. Got 'em.
posted by zardoz at 11:40 PM on February 5, 2009

"Fuck an Eskimo" made me lol too — but then I looked it up. The words in the book are actually "fucking Eskimo."
posted by Bizurke at 11:40 PM on February 5, 2009

If I cared enough about cell phones to have anything but the cheapest one possible, and there was a way to put ringtones on it, that would be my ringtone.

Oh, these are all on my phone now. That's as good a reason as any to care about cell phones ; sometimes, the most amazing .wav file falls into your lap and you need a way to share it with the world.*






*Within reason. I'm not That Guy - I believe in vibrate.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:50 PM on February 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'M RICK JAMES BARACK OBAMA, BITCH!
posted by matteo at 2:13 AM on February 6, 2009

I'm waiting for the Barack Obama/Alexyss K. Tylor mashup.

Obama: "Sorry ass motherfucker got nothin' on me."

Tylor: "He be hittin' the back an workin' the sides, twistin' you all inside out like a pretzel"

Tylor: "This man won't even buy you some shrimp from Long John Silver's"

Obama: "Buy your own damn fries, nigga!"

Tylor: "All you'll get is a mouth full of sperm and a rectum full of sperm."

Obama: "Man, I'm not going to any more of those damn porn parties."
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:23 AM on February 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

Sorry. The soundbyte I want is Obama saying "Suck my chocolate salty balls!"

This hit my head yesterday, for some reason, at the grocery store (maybe I saw some Lindt balls). The Swiss aren't very accepting of folks bursting out laughing out loud in public! I realized that President Obama really ought to have a dish of chocolate balls on his desk, to offer guests. You can understand why I was cracking up!

But why do I have such thoughts? Simple: Barack is my President. He's smart, fit, and black. The country is in shambles. He's got Rahm there, to handle his light work, but damn, I want to see some real ass-kicking. Terrorists be damned, the real enemies are the ones that just left office, and a few fools still warming seats in Congress.
posted by Goofyy at 2:49 AM on February 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

Prank calls to Obama's field offices using the sound board.
posted by mikeweeney at 3:17 AM on February 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I know it's wrong that I keep clicking to hear Obama say "Lurid and perverse", but somehow I don't wanna be right.
posted by Pallas Athena at 3:35 AM on February 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Cooler than Taft
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:17 AM on February 6, 2009

My favorite part of this, to me, is how unnatural he sounds using some of the more exuberant expressions.

I disagree. I think he sounds... what is the term... fucking awesome saying most of those things, especially the twelve-letter treat.

Not at all the way I would imagine the average senator half-balking on the words awkwardly and self-consciously.
posted by rokusan at 4:23 AM on February 6, 2009

I love posts like this, where four tags pretty much tell the story.
posted by rokusan at 4:26 AM on February 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I was prepared to love these, but he actually didn't seem to put much feeling behind them.
posted by DU at 4:33 AM on February 6, 2009

What the world needs now is a Bale/Obama swearing mashup.
posted by flashboy at 4:38 AM on February 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

Sorry. The soundbyte I want is Obama saying "Suck my chocolate salty balls!"

At my election night party, this is what blared over the loudspeakers the moment the election was called for Obama.
posted by EarBucket at 4:44 AM on February 6, 2009

Barack and Rahm. That would be a great TV show.

So that would be the BarackaRahma?
posted by nax at 5:09 AM on February 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

That's a really great blog attached to the ObamaSoundoff soundboard.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:52 AM on February 6, 2009

I haven't read Dreams from my Father, but now I really want to.
posted by the_bone at 6:22 AM on February 6, 2009

After 13 years of marriage, I found myself to be fully domesticated, soft and helpless.

Preach it brother.
posted by milarepa at 6:31 AM on February 6, 2009

Ok, now I have to find the audiobook of "Dreams of my Father."

I really enjoyed Obama's speech last night to the House Democratic caucus. He had some of this attitude. I like to see him get angry. I'm so proud to have an ass-kicking president.
posted by threeturtles at 6:58 AM on February 6, 2009

I'm so proud to have an ass-kicking president.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? WE JUST FINALLY GOT RID OF MR. "BRING IT ON"

breathes into paper bag ... sorry about that
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 7:31 AM on February 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

Well, to be fair, Bush was an ass-kicking president. That was kind of his problem: *all* he wanted to do was kick ass. At any price, for any length of time, regardless of whether it involved lying to We The People or not. He was like the ultimate ass-kicker. It must have been the only thing he thought he was actually good at. And yet, he wasn't even good at that, even if deceives himself about it.

There is just a ton to like about Obama, but coming off of eight Bush years, Obama looks even better than he would compared to even a mediocre president. If I had to pick my three favorite things about Obama, I guess they would be:

1) Empathy for the common man. Obama grew up poor-ish himself, or maybe middle-class, so he knows what the life of an average person/family is like, the problems they face. This isn't something you can read in a book and 'get' anywhere *near* as well as living the life.

2) Sheer raw intelligence. Obama is the first president in my life that I could listen to and think, 'That dude is smarter than I am.' That has never been true for me before. And just when I think I'm getting a handle on just how smart Obama is, he does something else that makes me realize I'd actually underestimated him.`How can you synthesize a plethora of disjointed and complex ideas and pick the best path for the country if you're not freaking crazy-ass smart?

3) An appreciation of history. Bush didn't start thinking about his legacy until it was just about time for the door to hit him on the ass on the way out. The historical legacy of a president begins on the very first day, and really it begins before that. So, if you want to be remembered in the gloriously appreciative and thankful way that, say, Lincoln is remembered, you have to be willing to think big and act bold, yes, but you *absolutely* have to do the right thing for the country. If you don't, well, fuggeddaboutit. Obama knows that, and he knows it NOW. This instills confidence in me, that he will do good things for us.
posted by jamstigator at 7:43 AM on February 6, 2009 [4 favorites]

I'm going to have to go through and see if I can find enough phonetic samples to have Obama's voice on my phone announce "Quin, you're a crazy mother fucker!" whenever I get a message.

That would be pretty sweet for when I'm in a management meeting.
posted by quin at 8:33 AM on February 6, 2009

I thought we were entering an era of hope + change. Now it's certain we're just entering a new era of Internet weirdness.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:36 AM on February 6, 2009

on bill clintons inaugrial day (Augries?) He could be heard shouting
"hurry the fuck up" to hilly

i kinda liked him after that
posted by clavdivs at 8:42 AM on February 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I love April Winchell
posted by celerystick at 8:59 AM on February 6, 2009

Well, to be fair, Bush was an ass-kicking president.

No.

Bush wanted to be an ass-kicking president.
In reality, he kicked ass like Charlie Brown kicked footballs.
posted by bashos_frog at 10:04 AM on February 6, 2009 [6 favorites]

Bush was Charlie Brown without the pathos or the cool dog.

Obama? Obama is Hobbes manifest.
posted by ooga_booga at 10:22 AM on February 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

A wise man once said, "Discretion is the better part of kicking ass."

Something like that.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:28 AM on February 6, 2009

I'm waiting for the Barack Obama/Alexyss K. Tylor mashup.
-posted by PeterMcDermott


Genius, sir.

Also, don't give me projects when I've got too much shit to do already. If anyone else gets around to mixing those up before I do, please, feel free to do so, but it must be done. Kickin' ass, hittin' the sides and workin' the middle.

Those would be some seriously fantastic ringtones. (I already have some Alexyss K. Tylor tones; let it not be said of me that I do not Stand Strong in Vagina Power.)
posted by louche mustachio at 10:39 AM on February 6, 2009

DecemberBoy, I don't know why that wasn't the first thing to pop into my head. As of thirty seconds ago, whenever I get a call I'll now hear this. (self-link, obviously).
posted by Squid Voltaire at 10:47 AM on February 6, 2009

Fucking Republicans gonna learn how we roll, the stupid bitches.

Damn right!
posted by Pollomacho at 11:00 AM on February 6, 2009

during the campaign a minor issue was 'do black people think obama's black enough?' but perhaps the better question is, 'do white people think obama's black enough?' the white folk i know (that would include yours truly) are positively digging obama saying 'nigga' and 'motherfucker.' is it because we want our black president to talk the way we expect black folk to talk? having said that, the 'fries' line is fucking funny.
posted by barrett caulk at 11:05 AM on February 6, 2009

I thought we were entering an era of hope + change. Now it's certain we're just entering a new era of Internet weirdness.


Those factors are in no way mutually exclusive. In fact, they are complementary.

I disagree. I think he sounds... what is the term... fucking awesome saying most of those things, especially the twelve-letter treat.

ITA. I love that he sounds equally at ease using twelve letter and four letter words. He understands the nuances of spoken language well enough that he can engage in stirring, erudite discourse and deploy the F-bomb like what.


Like any speech, there is an art and a skill to swearing properly. I mean, you can't just carelessly toss those effenheimers around like confetti, they lose their impact. Context is key; style, brio and passion turn an everyday four letter expletive into a thing of quotable greatness. Remember what a douche Bush sounded like when he called that reporter and asshole? Or what about when he was clowning around and gave that famous finger - which is also a profane expression - did he not look a smug, immature tool?

Lenny Bruce and George Carlin smile upon you from Cool People Heaven, Mr. President Badass Motherfucker, sir. Please feel free to unleash the Fury of the Seven Words upon the Senate.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:09 AM on February 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

A president using obscenities is so much better than an obscene presidency.
posted by ericbop at 11:12 AM on February 6, 2009 [4 favorites]

Obama? Obama is Hobbes manifest.

Nasty, brutish, and short? I hope not.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 11:18 AM on February 6, 2009

Obscenity is the spice of language.
posted by zoinks at 2:19 PM on February 6, 2009

3) An appreciation of history. Bush didn't start thinking about his legacy until it was just about time for the door to hit him on the ass on the way out.

Wha!? Bush (& Condi) used future history as an excuse to brush aside criticism & I think they were doing it back in 2005 or at least 2006.

Yep- I (for once) was right about the dates:

I still think it was the right decision to make. But history will judge.

President Bush on Iraq, 12/19/05


I think the outcome, the judgment, of all of this needs to await history.

Condoleeza Rice on Iraq, 3/16/06


Fortunately, history is not made up of daily headlines, blogs on Web sites or the latest sensational attack. History is a bigger picture, and it takes some time and perspective to measure accurately.

Donald Rumsfeld on Iraq, 3/19/06

posted by morganw at 4:02 PM on February 6, 2009

Obama? Obama is Hobbes manifest.

Obama? No. Harlan Ellison, maybe. But not Obama.
posted by Super Hans at 5:02 PM on February 6, 2009

Obama is the first president in my life that I could listen to and think, 'That dude is smarter than I am.'

I realize that, most of the time, Clinton did not talk like an egghead, but if Obama's smarter than you, then Clinton is, too. Frankly, George H. W. Bush is really, really smart, as well. W., not so much. But don't let W. make you forget how smart WJC and GHWB were.
posted by The World Famous at 6:33 PM on February 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Obama? No. Harlan Ellison, maybe. But not Obama.
posted by Super Hans at 5:02 PM on February 6 [+] [!]
Obama? No. Harlan Ellison, maybe. But not Obama.
posted by Super Hans at 5:02 PM on February 6 [+] [!]

Wrong Hobbes. Perhaps I should have been more explicit in my comic strip treatise on presidential equivalence.
posted by ooga_booga at 7:51 PM on February 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

ooga_booga: I managed to transmogrify "comic strip treatise" into "comic striptease." I need more coffee.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 6:36 AM on February 7, 2009

Here you are: a repetitive techno remix of these sound snips.
posted by hattifattener at 4:09 PM on February 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

jamstigator, all three of your items can be and were said of Clinton when he was inaugurated. THings may be different with Obama, but it'll only be because Obama will have learned from Bill's mistakes...

WJC grew up (1) poor white trash with a single mom, became a (2) Rhodes scholar and worked his way to the presidency, and specifically decided not to run in '88 because he had that (3) appreciation for history and knew it wasn't "his time" yet. IN his autobiography, he notes his understanding of history sometime around age 16 - when he decided he wasn't going to dedicate his life to music because he knew he could never be John Coltrane, but he could dedicate it to politics because he thought perhaps he had what it took to be the next JFK (whom he had briefly met).

And he did make big moves as soon as he was elected, including attempting national health care in 1992, & gays in the military... A lot of it ended up in disaster, as two years into things, the Repubs took back the house and senate, and he struggled the rest of his time in office to get anything passed. But when he was first elected, he had a +6 pt mandate, a promise for change, and majorities in the legislature, much like Barack. (And he was even called the "first black president" - played his sax on Arsenio Hall, comfortable at historically black churches, etc.)

Basically, I think you are just comparing Obama to GWB, not to presidents generally, others of whom meet your criteria - Clinton certainly does.
posted by mdn at 10:00 PM on February 7, 2009