And when they finally did…they went straight to the vibrator.

May 28, 2009 1:19 PM

Too Lazy to Masturbate. One blogger's ranty critique of another blogger's snarky review of a new book entitiled "Thanks for Coming: One Young Woman’s Quest for an Orgasm".

Silkstone castigates both Kelly and Altman's implicit assumption that women are unable to achieve orgasm without the use of a vibrator: "It’s not that these women stayed virgins, or even that they tried to make themselves come but couldn’t. It’s that they didn’t even fucking try until their late 20’s! And when they finally did…they went straight to the vibrator."

posted by Liver (83 comments total)

If this chain of reviews has brought us nothing else (which seems to be the case), it has brought us the phrase "vagina-gazing".
posted by gurple at 1:26 PM on May 28, 2009 [2 favorites]

With her writerly competition thus beaten off

Ѳ_Ѳ
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:28 PM on May 28, 2009 [2 favorites]

What needs to happen is for female masturbation to be deemed a sin.

Whether it's the explicit ban of Onanism making it all the more appealing, or simply its mention informing those youngsters still unaware of it, well, banning shit makes shit popular.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:30 PM on May 28, 2009

You know, it costs real electricity to have the servers store, host and serve up all this shit...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:41 PM on May 28, 2009 [6 favorites]

and to power the vibrators
posted by Mick at 1:46 PM on May 28, 2009 [6 favorites]

vagina-gazing

Ted scans the valley below in the post dawn light, slowly, carefully looking from north to south. Suddenly he, freezes.

"Bob!" he whispers, shaking his sleeping friend. "Get up!"

"Whaa, what is it?" asks Bob loudly.

"Shhh, you'll startle it!"

"Oh my god, you've found one?!"

"Yes, yes, an early '70s vagina!"

"Are you sure?! Did you check it against the videos?!"

"No need, they're memorized."

"My god," exclaimed Bob, "Look at its coat, so thick and luxurious."
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:47 PM on May 28, 2009 [61 favorites]

Too Lazy to Masturbate
that is going right on a t-shirt of which i will wear.
posted by the aloha at 1:49 PM on May 28, 2009 [10 favorites]

What a load of unhappy wank.
posted by Elmore at 1:55 PM on May 28, 2009

I'm glad for the writer that she can come easily by her own hand. But everyone is different, and what works for one person isn't automatically what will work for another. Just pulling from the small sample of women I've dated, some could come easily with fingers, some only with specific models of vibrators, and some from intercourse; a couple said that they couldn't come at all. None of them were "broken" or inadequate -- their bodies just worked in different ways.

And even the supposedly more straightforward male sexuality has a lot of variability. There are things that (I am told) get all men off -- but that simply don't get me off. Conversely, there are things I enjoy that others no doubt do not.

Nor, I think, is it really all that unusual for someone to be well into their twenties before they get their sexuality mostly figured out. (I'm a decade older, and still learning.) Haven't we all known people struggling with such basic questions such as "Am I gay?" decades after the beginnings of their adolescence, much less with fine-tuning things in terms of orgasms and suchlike?
posted by Forktine at 1:56 PM on May 28, 2009 [9 favorites]

I mean, if you want to pull your plum or flick your bean, or whatever, stop blaming my ma about feeling guilty about it. She only appears in the last moment an' anyways.
posted by Elmore at 1:57 PM on May 28, 2009

Forktine, it appears her issue that that these women didn't even seem to try to use their own hands. Which I think is telling. Not that it isn't OK that some women need additional outside stimulation.
posted by Jezztek at 1:59 PM on May 28, 2009 [2 favorites]

@Brandon Blatcher, excerpted from Beyond the Valley of Vaginas.
posted by ryoshu at 2:03 PM on May 28, 2009

From Silkstone's sidebar bio:

I'm current seeking representation/publication for an "erotic-neurotic" memoir that traces my quest to find love through any means necessary, from becoming a Christian Fundamentalist to dating hundreds of men through the personal ads.

I offer 100 American dollars to whoever successfully locates and annihilates this manuscript.
posted by DaDaDaDave at 2:04 PM on May 28, 2009 [8 favorites]

I dislike the easily-offended wanker more than the "ignorant" wankers. If it gets easier with practice, then blazing a happy trail with a vibrator just makes sense.

I'm on whatever side isn't accusing someone of lacking the proper work ethic in masturbating.
posted by Pronoiac at 2:06 PM on May 28, 2009

Is Ms. Silkstone selling "GO FUCK YOURSELF" t-shirts?
posted by Joe Beese at 2:08 PM on May 28, 2009

The Protestant Masturbation Ethic.
posted by klangklangston at 2:09 PM on May 28, 2009 [3 favorites]

This is why, when we finally get brain-to-computer interfaces down, one of the first things to be installed will be an automatic orgasm switch. And after that, there will be people who will have never had an orgasm until their late 30s, because they haven't gotten around to installing the neurocircuitry, and can't conceive of someone using, you know, their body to have an orgasm.
posted by happyroach at 2:19 PM on May 28, 2009

You know, I could pretend to be all objective about this and go on about my still-imperfect understanding of women's sexuality and discuss it as if it were any random MeFi topic and that my interest in this subject was purely intellectual... but that would be like pretending that I bought those Nancy Friday books (and you know damn well which ones I'm talking about) to read Friday's ruminations about what all those fantasies really meant. And who would I be fooling?
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:25 PM on May 28, 2009

Yeah, fuck this.

Three days ago, I had an orgasm for the first time. I'm 21. I've been trying for seven years. It took a Rabbit to do it.

No matter how much manual fiddling around I tried in the past, I got nothing. Frankly, I might as well have been picking my nose. I am just not very sensitive, and what my hand is capable of was not enough.

Yeah, I often didn't 'practice' as much as I might have, but that was because I felt practically nothing when I tried. No matter what my friends suggested, no matter what internet tip I tried, nothing. So I basically gave up for years, because it was so frustrating. I assumed I was broken. It wasn't worth trying because, despite the fact that EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET (it seemed) could come by bumping into a table, I could screw around down there for hours and feel nothing at all.

Thank god for batteries and shut up, Silkstone.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:27 PM on May 28, 2009 [18 favorites]

"It’s not that these women stayed virgins, or even that they tried to make themselves come but couldn’t. It’s that they didn’t even fucking try until their late 20’s! And when they finally did…they went straight to the vibrator."

...And shaming them for their masturbation technique is precisely the right way to get them to feel better about who-knows-what kind of societal or religious shaming they might have had to overcome before they even dared to try masturbation.

And shaming them is exactly the way to support their attempts to claim knowledge of their bodies and what it takes for them to achieve an orgasm in the first place.

Yeah, you're doing a lot to support the sexual freedom of others, there.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:31 PM on May 28, 2009 [7 favorites]

Too Lazy to Masturbate
that is going right on a t-shirt of which i will wear.

Take a picture and put a link here, please?

Also, this seems kind of related.

And Forktine, yes, absolutely.
posted by zinfandel at 2:32 PM on May 28, 2009

I would like to take this opportunity to promote the use of my personal euphemism for female masturbation: "counting the bacon".

(And congrats, showbiz_liz!)
posted by JoanArkham at 2:32 PM on May 28, 2009 [8 favorites]

Mick: "and to power the vibrators"

Ok, because I will probably never get the chance to post this anywhere else:

[from a usenet discussion about Hello Kitty™ vibrators]

<> > > And who is it who collects everything "Hello Kitty"? And do they have
<> > > one of these?
<> >
<> > Me and Connie-Lynne, and I've already got one. ;)
<>
<> Oh lord, I should have known.

<
< Well, it is the obvious intersection point between my Hello Kitty (and
< other Sanrio/random bizarre kawaii Japanese stuff) collection, and my
< antique vibrator collection...

Coal fired? Water powered? Six serfs in the next room and a big
guy with a drum?

All credit goes to alt.humor.best-of-usenet...
posted by PontifexPrimus at 2:44 PM on May 28, 2009 [2 favorites]

tl;dm
posted by Ufez Jones at 2:46 PM on May 28, 2009 [11 favorites]

There's some moment in a person's brain, I suppose, where you think to yourself "these women didn't try to masturbate with their hands. clearly they're lazy," and you don't immediately reject that idea as stupid and mean-spirited. I don't understand how that happens. Especially because both of these bloggers acknowledge the effect that various upbringings can have on the way we experience particular bodily sensations, and even the fact that people's bodies vary greatly from person to person.
posted by shmegegge at 2:46 PM on May 28, 2009

"...and therein lies the rub."
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 2:53 PM on May 28, 2009 [3 favorites]

It’s that they didn’t even fucking try until their late 20’s! And when they finally did…they went straight to the vibrator.

OFFS. I didn't "try" to masturbate at any point; it's not like I woke up one day and thought, "Hey, I'm gonna rub myself until something happens." It just happens that some women are sensitive enough to make the discovery at a pretty early age. By that, I can conclude that if someone wasn't particularly shamed to not masturbate, and yet they didn't, it's probably because they're really not as sensitive or whatever. It has nothing to do with "laziness" and to claim so betrays a shocking lack of empathy.

I don't agree with the claim that women need vibrators, since I've personally never used one. But to end a piece on masturbation with "Give it a good, old-fashioned try. You might be surprised to find out what a really great lover you can be" makes me wonder whether the author still cooks over an open fire or hitches up her horses every morning to plow the fields...

And I haven't even gone into the fact that one of the first home-uses for small-form motors was for female "relaxation aids"
posted by muddgirl at 2:58 PM on May 28, 2009

maybe it comes of the belief that men are more sexually experienced. But that’s not because they’re particularly sexually talented as a gender, but rather because the mechanics of male masturbation are so much simpler. Dudes don’t need electronic devices purchased at stores with names like Good Vibrations, books with names like Sex for One, or DVDs called Viva la Vulva.

as an aside: some of us men (despite the simplicty of our masturbation needs) still go out collecting plenty of videos to, ahem, aid us in our voyage of self discovery. And we've also got toys of our own to use, thankyouverymuch.
posted by shmegegge at 3:15 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

Dang. And imposing one's sexual mores on others is usually such a good plan ...
posted by EatTheWeak at 3:27 PM on May 28, 2009

A critical discussion of one blogger's ranty critique of another blogger's snarky review of a new book entitiled "Thanks for Coming: One Young Woman’s Quest for an Orgasm".

Doing our best to put the Meta in Metafilter.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:29 PM on May 28, 2009 [4 favorites]

And we've also got toys of our own to use, thankyouverymuch.
Speak for yrself, buddy!
jk
posted by dawson at 3:30 PM on May 28, 2009

I didn't "try" to masturbate at any point; it's not like I woke up one day and thought, "Hey, I'm gonna rub myself until something happens."

I, uh, did. A friend described masturbation to me (I was 11, he was maybe 12 or 13), and I thought (and, to his embarrassment, said) "Hey, that sounds neat, maybe I'll try it tonight!" And I did, and it was pretty nice! (I'm a boy, though, so this might not be relevant.)
posted by Casuistry at 3:32 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

A female friend's sister was recently charged and convicted of arson, so she's serving time in a woman's maximum security prison.

Apparently, the women are allowed to have vibrators, but they aren't allowed to retain possession of them in their cells. They are kept, along with other electrical equipment like razors and hair dryers, at a central facility, where they have to check them out for the periods that they're planning on using them.

It's all a very long way from how things were in maximum security 30 years ago, when women would fill a sock with porridge and dangle it behind a radiator to dry in their efforts to make an illicit bootleg dildo.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:36 PM on May 28, 2009 [2 favorites]

All the critiques aside, that sounds like a godawful boring book. 270 pages of ruminating on why, exactly, the author hasn't yet had an orgasm?
posted by graventy at 3:46 PM on May 28, 2009

10 favorites to whoever can spot the sixcolors new account...
posted by Elmore at 4:04 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

"so you can make me cum/that doesn't make you Jesus!"

So true, Tori, so true.
posted by Sparx at 4:08 PM on May 28, 2009

Three days ago, I had an orgasm for the first time. I'm 21. I've been trying for seven years. It took a Rabbit to do it.

You had sex with a rabbit?
posted by xmutex at 4:11 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

"I kicked off my cyber-shoes" has to be one of the worst turns of phrase I've seen in a while.
posted by Locative at 4:12 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

zinfendal, Take a picture and put a link here, please?
how about i show up at your place wearing only the shirt?
posted by the aloha at 4:12 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

tl;dm
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:21 PM on May 28, 2009 [2 favorites]

Bootleg dildo was the name of my rap group in high school. We were Ill-licit, ‘yo.

I dunno, I think the solution is to find someone who enjoys making you cum and has the patience, etc. to explore and find the technique, etc. Granted, some of this is physical. But a great deal is mental. Some women have to be highly distracted and get out of their own headspace in order to have orgasms. And yeah, like anything else it takes practice.

I suppose the biggest obstacle is convincing someone that it’s worth it. (?) The pursuit. The time and energy. I dunno, some people don’t go to the gym because they don’t want others to think they’re narcissists. But really, it’s a quality of life thing. It's good to know your body. Maintain it. Etc. Some forms of physical deprivation might be a component of a spiritual growth exercise - but that's not the same as plain neglect. Nor is healthy sexuality and exploration lasciviousness.

But I’m not going to call someone who uses something to help them cum lazy. By the same token I don’t think they’re getting the benefit of knowing their body. And yet – perhaps a vibrator (rabbit or whatever) is what some women need to get over that initial reticence. From there, once they know what makes them cum – perhaps they can move on to other methods.

Generally speaking though complacency kills anyone/thing. And really sucks the life out of you. There’s no reason anyone should be deprived of orgasms. So, whatever works really. Long as it works. And grows, etc.
Got something better to do, do ya? Too much on t.v.?
posted by Smedleyman at 4:26 PM on May 28, 2009

"You had sex with a rabbit?"

You better believe it buster.

(No, seriously, it's this - nsfw)
Are people not genuinely interested in this field of endeavor? I can't think of too many things that otherwise occupy my mind. ...well, there's a refractory period in which I tend to contemplate sleep and or pizza. But for the most part...
posted by Smedleyman at 4:31 PM on May 28, 2009

Sort of related: Six Things Science Has Revealed About the Female Orgasm
Also kinda related: Everything you always wanted to know about female ejaculation (but were afraid to ask).
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:35 PM on May 28, 2009

I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember - so long in fact that I can't even remember my first orgasm. You know what? I've never once been able to finish with just my hands. I'm just not built that way, and as another poster said "my hands are not enough" - and NOT for lack of trying!

That being said, I rarely use vibes when I want to masturbate, there are a lot of ways it can be done. I dislike that this woman assumes that just because you don't come with your hands means you're not trying.
posted by Malice at 4:37 PM on May 28, 2009

These fingers, they don't vibrate?
posted by No-sword at 4:51 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

Here is the problem: If you are not very sexually excited, manual stimulation doesn't do much. We are not designed to orgasm simply by rubbing our privates. We are supposed to get into a receptive mode first, and then it becomes easy.

Each of us has a sensory template which will quickly and reliably get us into that mode. Men tend to figure out our templates early because there is an obvious conscious feedback mechanism guiding us. The source of that template is technically a mystery, but I'm pretty convinced that it is recorded during an imprinting event around the age of two. It's not obvious externally that it has happened, but at some point we record an impression that will become the trigger for our sexual response.

It can vary wildly. For the late Robert Anton Wilson it was red hair. For many it is the obvious stereotype of male or female beauty, but for many (and perhaps most) it isn't that simple or obvious. It can be obesity ("Because that's ALL woman!") or race or petiteness or cheerleaders or some abstraction like power, expressed via artificially amplified domestic strife or more overtly with whips and chains. It can be shoes or shiny vinyl tightly covering skin. It might be that you should be thinking about people of your own sex instead of the opposite. In one dry academic text I read of a man who was so enamored of his car he would masturbate into the tailpipe.

I have met a lot of women who don't seem to know what their trigger is. Some of them, so long ignorant of the possibilities, are quite disturbed that such a thing might even exist. It's like having some terrible and unpredictable animal coiled up at the base of your spine, that when it hears a tin of cat food being opened will simply take over your body and run after it. I think for women it's a bit more difficult, if you are distracted and you never notice the difference between sexual and other forms of excitement, you might not realize that such a trigger exists or bother to trace it to its source when you feel its effects. Without knowing the value of the payoff, it might be hard to trace past some cultural taboo.

There is no reason for any healthy woman to have trouble having an orgasm. The clitoris is far better enervated than the penis. If you are really ready for pleasure you won't have to go looking for it, it will lead you to it very readily.

When you find the trigger, you will not need mechanical help to masturbate. If you don't know the trigger it's a wonder you can manage to have an orgasm even with 220 on the money.

It is possible to sharpen the trigger image after puberty; in fact one's first orgasm is considered by some to be another imprinting event. If your first orgasm is triggered, against the absence of all other mental stimulation, by a humongous vibrator, then you might just get imprinted on the idea that a humongous vibrator is the stimulus that gets you ready for repeating the experience.

But we all have something else that we were either born with or picked up in toddlerhood, depending on who you believe. If you have trouble reaching orgasm, that is what you are really looking for.
posted by localroger at 4:52 PM on May 28, 2009 [3 favorites]

thanks localroger, now everybody is trying to remember their first orgasm. No wonder boys like porn and masturbation.
posted by fistynuts at 5:18 PM on May 28, 2009

localroger, I agree with you on almost everything.

I agree about triggers. Sexual fantasy is very important, too, when it comes to masturbation. However, for women (I cannot speak for men) it just isn't that easy sometimes.

Sometimes a woman can be very sexually aroused, into it, fantasizing.. and just not be able to come. It just happens that way.

Also, some women who are very in touch with themselves just CANNOT have an orgasm without some outside force (like rubbing against something physically), and cannot use their fingers.

Not all women are alike when it comes to masturbation.
posted by Malice at 5:20 PM on May 28, 2009 [3 favorites]

now everybody is trying to remember their first orgasm

We're supposed to have to try?
posted by cortex at 5:54 PM on May 28, 2009

I have been with several very orgasmic women in my life and, what strikes me most, is the capacity of these women to just let go and throw themselves into the act.

Interestingly, I found that with these women I never had the male inverse problem of women who can't 'get there' -- premature ejaculation - an issue I have had with some relationships I have had. I suppose that, as I was confident that I would get these women 'there', I had infinitely less anxiety and was able to get into the act myself while maintaining my composure and being fully confident.

I was in one very long term relationship where I was unable to get the woman 'there'. Needless to say, this was very painful for me/us. In fact, I think it was our ultimate undoing because, once I really had the deep-seated feeling that I was just not going to get her there, it was very difficult to be sexually intimate. Even more frustrating was the fact that she had been and still is able to get 'there' with others. Still, because of the dynamic of our relationship - which I will not go into in this little box because it was insanely complicated - she was never really able to let herself go with me and that is something I felt very strongly.

I'm not exactly sure what my conclusion is at this point. I can say, having been with women who reach strong and frequent orgasms, I would have a very difficult time being with one who isn't capable of that. Or, to better phrase that, who I am not able to bring to that point. Or better yet, who is not able to reach that point together with me : )
posted by pwedza at 5:55 PM on May 28, 2009

Not all women are alike when it comes to masturbation.

I think what he is saying is that generally the hardware is pretty much the same out of the box (pardon the pun) with only a few exceptions— indeed naturally better wired than the hardware of men.

It's the software that is infinitely complex and unique. And acording to every scrap of research I've read that seems to be true.
posted by tkchrist at 5:57 PM on May 28, 2009

I was in one very long term relationship where I was unable to get the woman 'there'. Needless to say, this was very painful for me/us.

People have learn one thing: Be in charge of your own orgasm. Until you are you can't expect anybody else to "gift" you with one.
posted by tkchrist at 5:58 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

JoanArkham > I would like to take this opportunity to promote the use of my personal euphemism for female masturbation: "counting the bacon".

That's awesome. My favourites: "spelunking" and "polishing the gates of Heaven".
posted by fatbird at 5:59 PM on May 28, 2009

Malice: I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember

Wow, that's what I call dedication! I hope you haven't neglected to take a break and stretch every once in a while - watch out for Repetitive Strain Injuries.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:05 PM on May 28, 2009 [2 favorites]

@Malice -- that happens to men too. Really! Especially as we get older :-(

The "outside force" thing is very interesting and telling. You know, the one very thing that O could not do in The Story of O was masturbate for her lover, even though she was willing and able to orgasm while enduring almost any other torture. Yes, O was fiction, but I think it was based at least in part on an untold reality.

That's an inhibition. I had a similar situation, which was that when I lost my virginity I was unable to have an orgasm from intercourse. (No, really. Stop laughing. Yes, it happens to guys too.) I was so used to the strong and totally self-controlled stimulation of masturbation that the more lubricated and indirect and out of control stimulation of actual sex wouldn't put me over the edge.

I wasn't "just built different" from other guys, I had a hangup which I was fortunately able to trace (since dick hardness is a pretty reliable indicator of how well a fantasy is working) and work around. I really don't think men and women are so different that women with similar problems aren't likely to have similar underlying causes.
posted by localroger at 6:07 PM on May 28, 2009

Be in charge of your own orgasm.

Because given our propensity to finish, fart and fall asleep, that's the best chance you've got of actually having one.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:07 PM on May 28, 2009

My favourites: "spelunking" and "polishing the gates of Heaven".

I like the onomatopoeic qualities of 'thrumming' myself. It sounds a bit like strumming -- which implies a kind of action, but it also evokes the senses of throbbing and humming -- the desired effect of the action.

"I'm off to have a bath and enjoy a good long thrum."

And I've often posted here about my foul-mouthed mother. "Go frig yourself", or "frig off" were two of her standard terms of abuse, but it was many years before I realized that it was a euphemism for female masturbation. Derived from a middle English word, meaning 'to quiver'.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:18 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

Because given our propensity to finish, fart and fall asleep, that's the best chance you've got of actually having one.

Who is this "our?" Best you just speak for yourself there.
posted by tkchrist at 6:19 PM on May 28, 2009

PeterMcDermott -- the two meanings of "frig" actually come from the same source.
posted by localroger at 6:23 PM on May 28, 2009

Well, no, they likely don't. There are a variety of sources cited in etymology dictionaries, from fryggen (to wiggle) in M-W, to fricare in Take Our Word (which explicitly mentions the goddess theory as "tenuous at best").
posted by klangklangston at 6:43 PM on May 28, 2009

@Malice

No.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:56 PM on May 28, 2009

Who is this "our?" Best you just speak for yourself there.

Would that it were so.

Why do guys get sleepy after sex?

posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:25 PM on May 28, 2009

This is why, when we finally get brain-to-computer interfaces down, one of the first things to be installed will be an automatic orgasm switch.

There was an experiment done where rats had electrodes wired into their brains' pleasure centers, and the electrodes were hooked up to a button they could press. The rats did nothing but press the button, until they died of exhaustion and starvation.

It'd pretty much be the perfect drug. Humanity would die out with... a whimper, I guess.
posted by spitefulcrow at 10:05 PM on May 28, 2009

I dislike that this woman assumes that just because you don't come with your hands means you're not trying.

I didn't get that from her post - I thought she was saying that the women in the original book, and the lame review of the book, waited to to buy specialist equipment instead of using what was freely available to them any time during the last couple of decades.

It isn't said anywhere that these two women *can't* orgasm by themselves, it's that they didn't even try so how would they know? If you've tried and it just ain't happening, get hold of a Rabbit or whatever ASAP. But if you haven't even tried by your late 20s, it is a bit odd and worth thinking about why that is.
posted by harriet vane at 10:07 PM on May 28, 2009

There is no reason for any healthy woman to have trouble having an orgasm.

Thanks for mansplaining.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 10:15 PM on May 28, 2009 [8 favorites]

It'd pretty much be the perfect drug. Humanity would die out with...

A cheese-eating grin.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:40 PM on May 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

Idunno, I think tasp addiction would be a helluva way to go.
posted by potch at 12:55 AM on May 29, 2009

How does this square with Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss?
posted by caddis at 4:13 AM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

"But outsourcing your own orgasm?
...
I know manual labor is out of style, but is this generation literally that fucking lazy? "

Yes, because using a washing machine to do my own laundry is fucking lazy, as is using water heated by an electric heater to have a shower in the morning rather than going out and gathering wood to heat the water, and dragging the water up from the well myself is also fucking lazy.

Also, those women portrayed on Ancient Greek vases using dildos? Also lazy, because they didn't use their own fingers and probably didn't even make the dildo themselves.

Yeah, there are loads of hangups in female sexuality - both to do with manually touching yourself and using a vibe! There should be a hell of a lot less of preaching about right and wrong ways to touch yourself. Well, perhaps against things that are actively harmful, like using a porcupine as a sex aid. But apart from that.

The comment about having an orgasm on a bicycle one of the articles made me think that some women apparently get orgasms off riding their high horses...
posted by Coobeastie at 4:23 AM on May 29, 2009 [5 favorites]

Malice: I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember

Wow, that's what I call dedication! I hope you haven't neglected to take a break and stretch every once in a while - watch out for Repetitive Strain Injuries.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:05 PM on May 28

I already have carpal tunnel. =(

That brings me to another topic, seriously, is ... oh I can't remember what they're called.. orgasm headaches? Masturbation headaches? Anyone else experience those?
posted by Malice at 10:51 AM on May 29, 2009

Malice: Have you tried moving away from the headboard?
posted by Sys Rq at 11:05 AM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

I don't, but some folks do, yeah.
posted by cortex at 11:05 AM on May 29, 2009

PeterMcDermott: "I'm off to have a bath and enjoy a good long thrum."

Best pronounced with a rolling 'r'.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:15 PM on May 29, 2009

It surprised me that New Scientist could turn female ejaculation into a dry treatise, but I suppose it can be done with any topic.

I also think it's odd, and maybe indicative of their level of comfort with their bodies (versus the high-horse blogger who came of age when feminists would have rap sessions featuring mirrors to examine their vulvas), that the book's author and reviewer didn't try a lower-tech method of masturbation before reaching for the vibrator. Back when I was anorgasmic, I had helpful friends making all sorts of suggestions (and offers of help) that didn't involve batteries, though they frequently involved running water. Regardless, if they're now among the orgasic, that's much more the point than how they get there.
posted by notashroom at 1:31 PM on May 29, 2009

Malice: many people have conscious or unconscious orgasm apnia, holding one's breath in order to intensify orgasm. This often leads to headaches. Also if you are on the verge of a potential sinus headache the extra blood pressure will definitely push it over the edge into full blown headache.
posted by idiopath at 1:44 PM on May 29, 2009

You had sex with a rabbit?

No, no, no. Didn't you notice the capital 'R'?

.... Obviously, she had sex with a Volkswagen Rabbit.
posted by webmutant at 2:14 PM on May 29, 2009

Malice: Have you tried moving away from the headboard?
posted by Sys Rq at 11:05 AM on May 29 [1 favorite +] [!]

That'd be funnier if we were talking about sex.

Malice: many people have conscious or unconscious orgasm apnia, holding one's breath in order to intensify orgasm. This often leads to headaches. Also if you are on the verge of a potential sinus headache the extra blood pressure will definitely push it over the edge into full blown headache.
posted by idiopath at 1:44 PM on May 29 [+] [!]

I've heard of that too, this one is different. Let me see if I can get some info on it.

From this site it appears to be blood pressure related.
posted by Malice at 2:37 PM on May 29, 2009

"In one dry academic text I read of a man who was so enamored of his car he would masturbate into the tailpipe."

Hey, look, the Audi came on to me. Doors were all open. Honking. Winking her lights. She wanted it.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:01 PM on May 29, 2009

.... Obviously, she had sex with a Volkswagen Rabbit.

Was it a white Volkswagen?
posted by Sys Rq at 3:10 PM on May 29, 2009

So did they get off? I'm too lazy to read to the end.

Seriously though, you know how you can't tickle yourself? Apparently there some sort of negative feedback loop in the cerebellum that inhibits the tickling sensation. Maybe it's more active in some women...
posted by c13 at 5:23 PM on May 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

I’m still trying to imagine feeling entitled to criticize the way somebody else masturbates.

Is it me, or is society getting increasingly more comfortable minding other people’s business, especially with regard to their bodies? What you eat, how you look, what you weigh, who you love, how you express your sexuality or manage reproductive choices – the right way to masturbate? (Really?!) – subject to public scrutiny and debate. I thought we were moving towards more tolerance, not less, and when I look at it all added together like that it kind of freaks me out.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:06 PM on May 29, 2009

Forktine: And even the supposedly more straightforward male sexuality has a lot of variability. There are things that (I am told) get all men off -- but that simply don't get me off. Conversely, there are things I enjoy that others no doubt do not.

It was a fairly rude awakening when I actually had experience with other men to find that no, it's not all the same. Which put the way my previous female partners approached sex in a new light.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 11:30 AM on May 30, 2009

Wow, that's what I call dedication! I hope you haven't neglected to take a break and stretch every once in a while - watch out for Repetitive Strain Injuries.

INSERT Horrifying image of Health and Safety forms to be signed in triplicate HERE
posted by Sparx at 2:35 PM on June 3, 2009