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KFC Double Down
September 15, 2009 11:22 AM   Subscribe

"God clearly did not mean for humans to eat chicken, bacon, and low-quality, gelatinous cheese at the same time." Nathan Rabin tackles KFC's Double Down combo.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey (113 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
That isn't a sandwich. It's hegemony.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:25 AM on September 15, 2009 [10 favorites]


Clearly he and I do not worship the same God.
posted by Joe Beese at 11:26 AM on September 15, 2009 [31 favorites]


How could this affront to nature actually be categorized as food?

I'm really put off food now. My face feels oily and I need a nap.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:28 AM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


A transcript:
< sobbing noises >
< wretching >
< various promises to god >
< death rattle >
< silence >

posted by boo_radley at 11:29 AM on September 15, 2009 [7 favorites]


and if KFC were honest with its corporate self, they'd call the fucking thing an ortolan and serve it with a cloth napkin so that nobody could see your festival of shame and self-loathing as you gruzzle the goddamn thing down.
posted by boo_radley at 11:32 AM on September 15, 2009 [56 favorites]


Thinking about it for a second makes me feel hungry. Thinking about it for two seconds makes me feel sick.
posted by ob at 11:32 AM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


This seems weirdly...retro? Isn't the whole "Atkins craze" over?

Still not quite as gross as the "Famous Bowls" though. Why not just serve it in a trough?
posted by JoanArkham at 11:32 AM on September 15, 2009


There is no god.

"E, pass me some of that damn fried chicken."
posted by bondcliff at 11:32 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


The Colonel is test marketing these calorie bombs only in Providence, R.I., and Omaha, Neb.

I bet it feels really good to be from Providence and Omaha and have KFC's marketing team say, "You, yes, you are worthy of our bloody abortion of a sandwich." It's probably just like New Yorkers and the people of LA feel when they get to see artsy movies before everyone else.
posted by oinopaponton at 11:33 AM on September 15, 2009 [4 favorites]


And remember, if you're not sure about something, just rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain!
posted by porn in the woods at 11:35 AM on September 15, 2009 [8 favorites]


Why not just serve it in a trough?

It would be too difficult to fiddle with my iPhone while eating from a trough, but one of these should happily suffice instead.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:36 AM on September 15, 2009


that sandwich is disgusting. but the article, oh the article. that dude thinks he's hysterical. the headline should be "i think i'm as funny as patton oswalt."
posted by shmegegge at 11:36 AM on September 15, 2009 [11 favorites]


Cue Patton Oswalt.
posted by adamrice at 11:38 AM on September 15, 2009 [3 favorites]


Oh man, that was funny. I am eager to read Nathan's book. He's become one of my favorite writers from that site.
posted by Ratio at 11:39 AM on September 15, 2009


Nathan Rabin is pretty much my favorite pop culture writer these days. His My Year of Flops feature is the best thing on the A.V. Club. I feel a little sick after reading this, but I still want to try the Double Down. Maybe I'll assemble my own.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:39 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


Sometimes combinations of foods that we would normally consider not to go well together turn out surprisingly good.

This is obviously not one of those times.
posted by tommasz at 11:39 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


It's not even Atkins because the patties are breaded. Ooof.
posted by rainbaby at 11:39 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


shmegegge: ""i think i'm as funny as patton oswalt.""

For a long time, I didn't think Patton Oswalt was that funny, and then I heard him on Tom Scharpling's show. Changed my view of the dude, 180 degrees.
posted by boo_radley at 11:40 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


That isn't a sandwich. It's hegemony genocide!

As they pull you off of the stomach pump, you ask for the latest party..
posted by InfidelZombie at 11:41 AM on September 15, 2009 [8 favorites]


I know it's not fashionable to say so, but I gotta be honest with you: The KFC Famous Bowls are really, really good. There's mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, cheddar cheese, and fried chicken. How could such a delicious combination be considered gross, just because they put all the ingredients in one bowl instead of five?
posted by JDHarper at 11:41 AM on September 15, 2009 [6 favorites]


Like grief, the Double Down is experienced in stages.

It's funny because it's true.
posted by GuyZero at 11:42 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


They'll eat it up here in Tennessee!
posted by blucevalo at 11:42 AM on September 15, 2009


just because they put all the ingredients in one bowl instead of five?

Like I tell my kids, it all ends up in the same place.
posted by GuyZero at 11:42 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


From the second link: The calorie count has yet to be posted on KFC’s Web site. But an independent analysis by the Vancouver Sun (yet another example of Canadians looking down on Americans) estimates the Double Down has 1,228 calories.

Go with the meal option (with fries and soda), and that could be your caloric maximum for the day.

From the first link: I first read Taste: Like grief, only to realize the food item being experienced in stages. I was a bit sad.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:44 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm curious as to why Providence? There are a very few fast food chains that are able to make it here, due to Pizzarias, sub shops and chinese take-outs being every-freakin' where, and offering better food at lower prices than the burger-clown places.

Taco Bell, McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, Subway, D'Angelos, Boston Market and KFC are the only national fast food chains able to survive, and to be honest, KFC is more of a competitor to Boston Market - family take-out for people who aren't into pizza for whatever reason.

There are only three KFC's I know of in Providence, and the one I bike past every day on my commute home is very busy with take-out of the bucket variety - but the inside is dead. No-one is sitting down to eat dinner, or ordering any of the individual meal combos. I can only assume this is a ploy to get college students to stop by to try the thing for novelty's sake, and maybe remember KFC the next time they want take-out, but aren't feeling pizza or chinese. (Brown and RISD are nearby, and RIC isn't too far away).

Also, this is not Atkins-friendly, as there are a ton of carbs in the breading.
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:49 AM on September 15, 2009


I ate a lot of fast food as a teenager. A shocking amount. As the years went on, I ate less and less, but it retained its allure. The Whopper is, as far as I can tell, the best use of MSG and liquid smoke the world has ever known. Until very recently, I might have murdered a hobo for a Crunchwrap, should the situation have presented itself.

But this thing. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I've gotten too used to my own cooking. Or maybe this is just a bad idea. Whatever the reason, it's horrifying. It's like watching someone taking a shot to the goolies: it's not happening to me, but it feels like it is.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:51 AM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


There's mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, cheddar cheese, and fried chicken. How could such a delicious combination be considered gross, just because they put all the ingredients in one bowl instead of five?

I'd settle for two -- the fried chicken separate from everything else.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:52 AM on September 15, 2009


I think, like pretty much all fast food, if this was made with quality ingredients and cooked in a healthier way, it might be mighty tasty. But ugh... the description of the ass quality cheese is enough to turn my stomach.
posted by utsutsu at 11:55 AM on September 15, 2009


I tried it. It was gross.
posted by lunit at 11:55 AM on September 15, 2009 [3 favorites]


But, hey, I considered it part of my duty as a proud Providencian.
posted by lunit at 11:56 AM on September 15, 2009


ortolan

I had to look that up. +1.

"For centuries, a rite of passage for French gourmets has been the eating of the Ortolan. These tiny birds—captured alive, force-fed, then drowned in Armagnac—were roasted whole and eaten that way, bones and all, while the diner draped his head with a linen napkin to preserve the precious aromas and, some believe, to hide from God." source
posted by Ratio at 11:59 AM on September 15, 2009 [6 favorites]


Yeah, I don't quite get the Famous Bowl hate either (other than, I guess there is a famous comic routine by an esteemed late comic about how bad they are.) It amounts to some mashed potatoes with gravy, corn, a modest amount of cheese, and a modest serving of popcorn chicken. Not a tour de force of healthy eating, but probably as good or better than 90% of the meals ordered at KFC, if for no other reason than serving size.
posted by blenderfish at 12:04 PM on September 15, 2009


It's been years since I've had ortolan. Now I'm hungry.
posted by atrazine at 12:04 PM on September 15, 2009


Oh. He's still alive. Okay, he can change his routine to talk about this monstrosity, then.
posted by blenderfish at 12:05 PM on September 15, 2009


Why am I not surprised to see the guy doing the eating was wearing those glasses?
posted by jbickers at 12:08 PM on September 15, 2009


...As I devoured my first bite, I embarked on a Proustian reverie that ushered me back to all the happy moments I’ve shared at various KFCs...

-A.V. Guy.

I tried it. It was gross.

- Lunit. (a very well done tl;dr version of an article devoting way more words than should ever be devoted to a non-sandwich.)
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:08 PM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


Man. With food like that, it's good thing we have the greatest healthcare system in the wor...ah, crap.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:10 PM on September 15, 2009 [7 favorites]


In other news:

Delicious snacks distract Congressmen from horrors of war

And for dessert:

Taco Bell's New Green Menu Takes No Ingredients From Nature
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:18 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


APPARENTLY I AM GOING TO HELL

My immediate mental response to the quote was: "then God can SUCK IT!"
posted by edheil at 12:22 PM on September 15, 2009


just because they put all the ingredients in one bowl instead of five?

Like I tell my kids, it all ends up in the same place.


In one bowl, in fact.
posted by fourcheesemac at 12:24 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


God clearly did not mean for humans to eat chicken, bacon, and low-quality, gelatinous cheese at the same time.

Fixed that for him. Whatever other redeeming qualities this "sandwich" might have, life is too short to eat processed cheese.

Also, I'm a bit disappointed he didn't go into detail on what exactly "The Colonel's Sauce" tastes like. I'm betting it's that horrid ubiquitous ranch dressing which I've ranted about before.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 12:25 PM on September 15, 2009


Wait, KFC is serving Ortolan? O Brave new world.
posted by everichon at 12:27 PM on September 15, 2009 [3 favorites]


A friend of mine was in Providence a couple weekends back and I asked him, if he had the chance, to try the Double Down.

I present his review of the abomination:
Yesterday, I ate a double down sandwich, effectively, at the request of people I don't even know. It was an interesting experience, that's for sure. For those who don't know about the Double-Down, it's an experimental Kentucky Fried Chicken sandwich that is currently being marketed in Rhode Island and Nebraska. It consists of two fried chicken breasts, that substitute for the bread, jack cheese, special sauce, and bacon. A brilliant (And fattening) idea to be sure. Nonetheless, I was dared to eat this creation and one of my friends in the game I run up there was kind enough to stop by a local KFC to provide me with the experience.

Let me just start off by saying that eating at KFC is usually an act of desperation. I don't usually wake up in the morning and head off to KFC to eat, unless it's the only restaurant for a hundred miles, there's no real food in my house, and I haven't the patience to go to the supermarket. If I eat at KFC twice a year, I go into anaphylactic shock. The bad news is that the sandwich is extremely heavy. The good news is...so what?

This is probably the best sandwich idea I've ever had out of a fast food place. The idea of replacing the largely nasty rolls that KFC uses with fried cutlets made out of the chicken itself turned out to be fairly brilliant. It is awkward to eat, and difficult to understand the taste sensations, but the idea itself, that this is both possible and desirable, is very cool. The chicken turned out to be not as greasy when separated from the bones of it's usual serving choice, and the cheese itself was mediocre. I would have preferred a mozzerella or a cheddar, something that stuck together a little better and held the two pieces together. I have no idea what was in the sauce, and it was only okay. However, I will say this: Bacon makes everything better. Everything. There is almost no food that bacon doesn't make better, iand this sandwich is no exception.

For the sauce, I would have preferrred something with a biscuit gravy base, just to lend a more "Fried Chicken" ambiance to the whole affair, and I've never been a fan of jack cheese. There are so many more basic cheeses to choose from, and adding a spicy cheese to the already 11 herbs and spices KFC chicken isn't the most brilliant move they could have made. Despite all that, it's really good, if awkward to eat. (Bring a couple napkins and spread them out.) You'll have fun, and it tastes better than the bucket of chicken.

Thumbs up, KFC. Maybe I'll eat there more often.
Please note this is from a man who once ate an entire sausage pizza without thinking, and then went for more, which is why we occationally look at him dubiously when he talks about food and have a betting pool on how many bypasses he'll need when the time comes (mine is triple; one guy has 'they'll just replace the whole thing'). Therefore, as always, your milage may vary. As may your fear.
posted by mephron at 12:28 PM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


Can't wait till Patton Oswalt uses it in a stand-up bit.
posted by PenDevil at 12:30 PM on September 15, 2009


I'm no food snob but I just can't get behind the bowl idea. It just looks depressing to me...like you're expected to shovel it in as fast as possible. If I'm going to eat that many calories I want to savor each one individually.

a ploy to get college students to stop by to try the thing for novelty's sake

During the brief "clear beverage" fad of the early 90s my college town (Richmond) was a test market for a clear beer. Awful stuff, but they sold it in $2 pitchers so plenty of people drank it while it lasted.
posted by JoanArkham at 12:31 PM on September 15, 2009


The Famous Bowls are some god's gift to human-kind. This sandwich (do we still call it that without bread?) looks a bit over the top though...
posted by ish__ at 12:31 PM on September 15, 2009


Please note this is from a man who once ate an entire sausage pizza without thinking, and then went for more, which is why we occationally look at him dubiously when he talks about food...

The fact that he used the word "ambiance" in a review of a KFC food product makes me dubious myself.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:34 PM on September 15, 2009


A friend of mine cane up with a word for food that looks so disgusting that you have to try it-- rancilicious.
posted by empath at 12:38 PM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


EmpressCallipygos: he's got a master's degree in English and a compulsion to use words no one would really use in situations.

There's reasons we kind of use him for tests of odd foods, like when a local pizza place advertised a "Southwest BBQ Pizza" (BBQ sauce instead of tomato, cheddar instead of mozzarella, ground beef, and onion rings). His vocabulary is just one of them.
posted by mephron at 12:40 PM on September 15, 2009


boo_radley: "shmegegge: ""i think i'm as funny as patton oswalt.""

For a long time, I didn't think Patton Oswalt was that funny, and then I heard him on Tom Scharpling's show. Changed my view of the dude, 180 degrees.
"

jesus, I keep hearing about this show! I guess it's a good thing a friend of mine is making me a disc full of episodes to listen to.
posted by shmegegge at 12:41 PM on September 15, 2009


This is definitely the kind of sandwich that requires a chest bump from one's brodawgs upon completion.
posted by The Straightener at 12:42 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


This tastes like shame and disappointment.
posted by Ding! at 12:42 PM on September 15, 2009


Oh, and it could have used more bacon.
posted by lunit at 12:47 PM on September 15, 2009


shmegegge: "jesus, I keep hearing about this show!"

I started listening to it when Google Listen couldn't find the comedy podcasts I usually subscribe to and *then* discovering it was wildly popular. Check out their podcast page for a "best-of" bit.
posted by boo_radley at 12:50 PM on September 15, 2009 [4 favorites]


oh they've got a podcast. well now I'm certainly going to be listening it on my way into work.
posted by shmegegge at 12:54 PM on September 15, 2009


Big day for AVClub on the blue.
posted by Edgewise at 12:57 PM on September 15, 2009


heh patton oswalt ortolan kfc famous patton bowl ortolan oswalt right guys did i get it
posted by Optimus Chyme at 1:02 PM on September 15, 2009 [6 favorites]


There was a thread on this on Something Awful where people debated for weeks whether this was real or a hoax.
posted by smackfu at 1:04 PM on September 15, 2009


It's only a 3 hour drive away for me. Airfare my ass.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:05 PM on September 15, 2009


(The Colonel’s Sauce, incidentally, only sounds like a crude euphemism for ejaculate.)

Yes, thank you, dear author; I couldn't possibly have come up with that on my own.
posted by gurple at 1:11 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


oh my dear lord WHY DID HE GET THE COMBO?
HES LAUGHING IN THE FACE OF GOD HIMSELF
posted by nomad at 1:14 PM on September 15, 2009


Optimus Chyme: "did i get it"

snikt bub heh ortolan bub heh colonel
posted by boo_radley at 1:18 PM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


I think, like pretty much all fast food, if this was made with quality ingredients and cooked in a healthier way, it might be mighty tasty.

You mean, like chicken cordon bleu?
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:21 PM on September 15, 2009


I liked this article if only for the sentence "The mystery second cheese claims to be Swiss."
posted by Spatch at 1:23 PM on September 15, 2009


just because they put all the ingredients in one bowl instead of five?

Like I tell my kids, it all ends up in the same place.

In one bowl, in fact.


And dare I say it, looking pretty much exactly the same for the passage.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:40 PM on September 15, 2009


This was also nicely turned: "The Double Down did to my gastrointestinal system what Sherman did to the South"
posted by pineapple at 1:45 PM on September 15, 2009


"Double Down" is a terrible name. It sounds like a term for what dogs do when they eat, vomit, and then eat the vomit.

Hey KFC here's a slogan for you: "The meal so nice you'll eat it twice!"
posted by emjaybee at 1:53 PM on September 15, 2009 [5 favorites]


Wait ... we've got them here, in my town?

Alright, I'ma try to get one for myself and report back to everyone.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 1:54 PM on September 15, 2009


Would sir care for a mint? It's only waffer thin.
posted by Artw at 1:56 PM on September 15, 2009 [4 favorites]


While Mephron and I were coming up with ways to convince his friend to go to KFC, one of our other pals called KFC customer service to figure out the nutritional data-- which the KFC people didn't even have yet. Experimental sandwich creature ahoy!

We're getting closer to the chickenpedes Neal Stephenson described in Cryptonomicon, I fear.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 2:04 PM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


Tracy: Dr. Spaceman, is it true that bread eats away at your brain?

Dr. Spaceman: We have no way of knowing, because the powerful bread lobby keep stopping my research.

Tracy: Well, folks, bread will never maybe attack your brain again because with the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine, say it with me now, meat is the new bread!
posted by bibliowench at 2:11 PM on September 15, 2009 [9 favorites]



Alright, I'ma try to get one for myself and report back to everyone.



.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 2:19 PM on September 15, 2009 [7 favorites]


Since when did two chicken breasts, some bacon and cheese become overindulgence? Sounds downright scrumptious to me. If you wanna hate on fast food try Carl's Jr. If you wanna hate on overindulgence, try ANY all-you-can-eat buffet in the US.
posted by HyperBlue at 2:39 PM on September 15, 2009


Nutritional estimates:
[KFC] wouldn't normally do a full nutritional run on a product unless they decided to roll out a product nationally, but . . . has volunteered estimated figures for the information of the eating public . . . putting the calorie count at 590, the total fat content at 31g, the saturated fat at 10g, and the cholesterol at 190mg. . . . putting the meal in line with the mid-to-high range of most fast food outlet menu items.
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 2:41 PM on September 15, 2009


HyperBlue: "Since when did two chicken breasts, some bacon and cheese become overindulgence?"

they replaced the bun with chicken.
posted by shmegegge at 2:42 PM on September 15, 2009


If they replaced the bun, then it was a pretty crummy sandwich to start with. BLT with no L.
posted by smackfu at 2:44 PM on September 15, 2009


they replaced the bun with chicken.

So I gather, shmegegge, but when eating chicken do you normally eat only a single piece?

Personally (as someone known to eat a 5-piece extra crispy all by my lonesome (BURP)) I don't see the issue except for the grease.

Full Disclosure: I live in Oklahoma. Grease is one of our 4 food groups ;).
posted by HyperBlue at 2:48 PM on September 15, 2009


Pondering this, I think the vegan substitute would be awesome. Slice a block of tofu so that you end up with a 3 by 3 inch "patty" that is maybe half an inch or more thick. Deep fry it so it gets a crunchy and solid exterior. Fill this "sandwich" with peanut sauce, bean sprouts and, say, crunchy-fried thin-sliced marinated tempeh. I am now drooling. Thanks!
posted by R343L at 2:52 PM on September 15, 2009 [4 favorites]


The Light Fantastic: "I think, like pretty much all fast food, if this was made with quality ingredients and cooked in a healthier way, it might be mighty tasty.

You mean, like chicken cordon bleu?
"


Heh, synchronicity is a strange thing - just yesterday I prepared Jamie Oliver's Parmesan Chicken Breast recipe, which is similar to a higher-quality-version of this KFC stuff (except you don't eat it like a sandwich). It also consists of chicken, ham, and cheese, but of better quality, and it tastes really great.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 2:56 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


When all you've got left to gamble is your life, you... DOUBLE DOWN!
posted by blue_beetle at 3:20 PM on September 15, 2009


I had to search for ortolan, and of the possible wiki articles, I thought it was this one. Strangely, the comment still made sense.
posted by desjardins at 3:21 PM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: incidentally, only sounds like a crude euphemism for ejaculate.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:49 PM on September 15, 2009


boo_radley: I just spent 10 minutes laughing and crying at your Ortolan comment. Thank you for the endorphin rush!
posted by smcniven at 3:50 PM on September 15, 2009


I dunno. I mean replacing the bread with chicken is a brilliant stroke and all. But just bacon and cheese? That's a pretty anemic sandwich, the likes of which only skinny-jeans wearing lightweights would find a challenge. Why not a nice big all-beef patty along with that bacon and cheese? Better yet, a nice thick slice of rib-eye? Oh yeah! I'm getting kind of hungry.

There's got to be a way get another animal in there...
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 3:50 PM on September 15, 2009


Encase the whole thing inside a turkey?
posted by anthill at 3:56 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Fuck you, I'm eating!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:00 PM on September 15, 2009


2 chicken patties around a fried egg, bacon, an all beef patty, 2 slices of cheese, sausage gravy, put a biscuit in the middle, and the whole thing dipped in batter and deep fried.

Serve with butter.
posted by empath at 4:07 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


2 chicken patties around a fried egg, bacon, an all beef patty, 2 slices of cheese, sausage gravy, put a biscuit in the middle, and the whole thing dipped in batter and deep fried.

Serve with butter.


I like the way you think. But then, take two of those puppies and make them the buns of an even more incredible sandwich with mouthwatering piles of finely shaved roast beef inside! Serve hot with au jus for dipping. empath, you're a culinary genius!
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 4:37 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


The Double Down did to my gastrointestinal system what Sherman did to the South, leaving a scorched-earth trail of destruction in its wake.

Jeez. Shit it out and man up. Have we evolved with digestive systems made of paper mache' only fit for miso soup? I could eat three of these things and go on a 10K run.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 4:51 PM on September 15, 2009 [5 favorites]


empath, you're a culinary genius!

pshaw. I didn't even managed to get a glazed donut in the mix.
posted by empath at 4:55 PM on September 15, 2009


more like doubled over.


yes, i am a vegetarian.
posted by janepanic at 5:05 PM on September 15, 2009


KevinSkomsvold: "Jeez. Shit it out and man up. Have we evolved with digestive systems made of paper mache' only fit for miso soup? I could eat three of these things and go on a 10K run."

Bet you?
posted by boo_radley at 5:16 PM on September 15, 2009


No man could eat 50 eggs. or 3 double-downs.
posted by GuyZero at 5:41 PM on September 15, 2009


Also noticed this at the KFC the other day in Lincoln, NE.
posted by thewalledcity at 5:57 PM on September 15, 2009


Once again, this is why you're fat.
posted by anthill at 6:00 PM on September 15, 2009


Every time I looked down at the giant gob of grease, meat, and cheese in my hands, I felt sick.

What is it like to be this precious?
posted by nola at 6:44 PM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


The calorie count has yet to be posted on KFC’s Web site. But an independent analysis by the Vancouver Sun (yet another example of Canadians looking down on Americans) estimates the Double Down has 1,228 calories.

WTF, Chicago Sun-Times? We do it to our own food too, and trust me, we have our share of shite fast food and fatty fat fats walking around. It ain't paradise up here and this we know.
posted by mannequito at 7:42 PM on September 15, 2009


boo_radley: "Bet you?"

As long as I can wash it down with some beer, you're on.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:55 PM on September 15, 2009


Talk about someone psyching themselves out. He ate two pieces of chicken, the equivalent of an order of poutine, and a slice or two of bacon.

Had he had the components separately, he'd probably be wondering where the rest of his snack pack was. Ridiculous.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:56 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


You know, supposedly good Jack cheese tastes like ass. I can't even imagine what the kind they're using here tastes like.
posted by signal at 9:03 PM on September 15, 2009


dgaicun's observation that this is mostly skinny, white hipsters eating this shit is coming true again.
posted by ollyollyoxenfree at 9:53 PM on September 15, 2009


If it makes you feel better, I was thinking about that thread while I was doing it. Ironically.
posted by lunit at 10:31 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


I do ads for KFC. We get nutritional profiling certificates for many foods we get in, as in the UK food items considered high in fat, salt or sugar have to be aired at different times to those without. (This covers about 90% of what you eat, assuming you're not macrobiotic.) They don't even bother to send these in for new KFC products. THEY KNOW.

Sadly, this means I can't verify exact calorie content (this hasn't come out in the UK yet - a lot of new KFC products are only available in test regions, which tend to be Scotland or Tyne Tees) but it does amuse me when I get scripts through for fast food/bakery products and they have in-depth guides to how they're made or ingredient profiles - you can't kid yourself this stuff is healthy.

I ate at KFC for the first time last year, and was amazed that a meal for one person consisted of: a chicken burger in bun with mayo, fries, two chicken wings, a portion of beans, and a soft drink. For one person.
posted by mippy at 1:34 AM on September 16, 2009


Mippy, In that last sentence I honestly can't figure out if you think that's too much or too little. Are you miniscule?

As someone (with a "healthy" BMI, I hasten to add) who can easily scoff a large Dominos pizza in one sitting and still have room for dessert, this Double Down thing sounds like food for pussies.
posted by dickasso at 2:24 AM on September 16, 2009


Waaay too much. Though, I'm happy to eat a 12" pepperoni pizza and only get food fatigue on the last couple of slices. It just seemed a lot more than one would get at Burger King or McDonalds.
posted by mippy at 4:18 AM on September 16, 2009


dickasso: Mippy, In that last sentence I honestly can't figure out if you think that's too much or too little. Are you miniscule?

As someone (with a "healthy" BMI, I hasten to add) who can easily scoff a large Dominos pizza in one sitting and still have room for dessert, this Double Down thing sounds like food for pussies.


That's peachy and all, but you are probably 23 and when you turn 35 you will discover that your arteries are filled with cement.

Because they're pussies.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:33 AM on September 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


just because they put all the ingredients in one bowl instead of five?

Like I tell my kids, it all ends up in the same place.


The British Army serves a concoction called 'range stew' when you're out on a training day at the shooting range. Once, I was queueing up for a helping of this stuff (which was actually quite tasty, if filled with bobbing bits of mystery meat) when I noticed they had an extra container there.

"What's that?" I asked the grizzled Mess Sergeant (a veteran of the Malayan Emergency called Buz).

"Rice puddin' me young fella, fer afters," he replied.

"But I've only got the one mess tin," I said, downcast. The set comes with two but I usually only carried one to save weight in my webbing.

"Doesn't matter, all ends up in the same fackin' place, dunnit?" he chortled.

"Um, okay." I said, holding my mess tin out.

I ate it. It was gross.
posted by Happy Dave at 7:30 AM on September 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oh, oh, also, I've just remembered.

There's a takeaway in Aberdeen that had a variation of the Double Down yeeears ago. No idea what they were called on the menu, but we just asked for a deathburger, and they'd make them for us*.

Take two cheap frozen burgers.

Layer cheese slices on both sides of each burger.

Deep fry burgers until crisp and golden.

Place one deep fried cheeseburger on shop counter.

Layer four cheese slices on top. Place other deep fried cheeseburger on top.

Grab with tongs and deep fry the whole fucking thing

Put between toasted buns and serve.

*Only edible when very drunk, and even then not sure I ever managed a whole one.
posted by Happy Dave at 7:39 AM on September 16, 2009 [6 favorites]


It's all part of health care reform.
posted by alshain at 8:22 AM on September 16, 2009


A local student breakfast favorite just off campus at the university I went to served something called "breakfast stew" which was a delicious mix of scrambled eggs, hash browns, ham, bacon, sausage, and cheese with optional onions and green peppers. Kind of seems like the breakfast version of the Famous Bowl (which I have never had).

But if you're ever in Kalamazoo for breakfast give Maggie's a try!
posted by Green With You at 11:34 AM on September 16, 2009


The pic in the 2nd link looks wonderful. As someone who rarely eats junk food nowadays, I could see myself eating something like that once in a blue moon and not feel too guilty.

We’re a mob of Luddites out here. Back 25 years ago I don’t think you could order a piece of breast at any of the chicken take away chains. You had to order a "quarter with a wing" or try your luck with a bucket.

Then one day KFC bought out the "Works Burger" and it blew my tiny little mind.

Ortolan. These tiny birds—captured alive, force-fed, then drowned in Armagnac—were roasted whole...

Thanks for that, Ratio. What sort of bird is captured dead, I wonder?
posted by uncanny hengeman at 12:51 AM on September 17, 2009


Probably anything you shoot out of the sky with a shotgun.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:00 AM on September 17, 2009


Umm, Mulp never made it back. Time to send out the rescue party armed with balloon catheters?
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 10:03 AM on October 11, 2009


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