I'm on a Boat

November 13, 2009 8:44 AM

If you're like me, you're in the market to buy yourself an island-sized boat, but you're not satisfied with the world's current inventory of formulaic, fuel-guzzling, cruise-ship-like mega-yachts. You might want to consider picking up a WHY 58x38, which offers 36,000 square feet of living space, a 120-foot "beach," three decks, and an 80-foot interior pool, topped by a vast solar panel array. It won't break your budget -- at a mere $151 million, it doesn't even crack the top four most expensive yachts in the world!

More on the WHY 58x38 here.

posted by brain_drain (68 comments total)

Or just pick yourself up one of these.
posted by Joe Beese at 8:47 AM on November 13, 2009

and fly between them in one of these.
posted by kliuless at 8:53 AM on November 13, 2009

That's no yacht. It's a space station.
posted by adamrice at 8:54 AM on November 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

I wonder if the solar panels do anything other than make an extremely profligate douchebag feel all "green". I doubt they could even keep the indoor pool warm.

I'll be rooting for Somali pirates, rogue waves and really heavy following seas when this one gets launched.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:55 AM on November 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

That thing is gorgeous. Beautifully designed.
posted by billysumday at 8:59 AM on November 13, 2009

Outstanding, I'll take thre—wait, where are the sharks?
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:00 AM on November 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Agreed, that's a beautiful boat. Or more accurately, rendering of a boat. It's not going to look so clean once you have a bunch of ropes, safety equipment, etc on the deck.
posted by Nelson at 9:01 AM on November 13, 2009

Why's out of left field.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:03 AM on November 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

What's that? Land ho!
posted by elder18 at 9:05 AM on November 13, 2009

Now look at what you've done Mrs Billionaire.

I told you not to steam press my mega-yacht!
posted by MuffinMan at 9:07 AM on November 13, 2009

the yacht kind of looks like a vagina. that's all i'm sayin'
posted by Jon_Evil at 9:07 AM on November 13, 2009

You're not doing it right.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:09 AM on November 13, 2009

*reviews the "mega-yacht" page*

....jeez. Those are not yachts. Those are ships.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:09 AM on November 13, 2009

$151 million?

Why? is a very good question.
posted by jontyjago at 9:10 AM on November 13, 2009

I may not know that much about economics, but one of my pet ideas is a 100% yacht tax. Everybody wins: the government gets hundreds of millions of dollars from the obnoxious rich, the obnoxious rich get to double the number they tell everyone they paid for their stupid yacht, and the rest of us can hopefully deal with fewer assholes with giant, stupid yachts.

I suppose this ends in a world with a 1000000% tax on "Being Donald Trump", but I have to say that I'm comfortable with that.
posted by Copronymus at 9:12 AM on November 13, 2009 [10 favorites]

Why on earth does it need a library? No one reads books anymore
posted by Melismata at 9:14 AM on November 13, 2009

I think that the person who would choose to spend $151 million on this is lacking something. But I don't think a giant boat is what they're lacking.
posted by gurple at 9:14 AM on November 13, 2009

I may not know that much about economics, but one of my pet ideas is a 100% yacht tax.

I'm afraid this idea is both an old and famously bad one. It's even been tested empirically via luxury taxes on things like...yachts. The end result is that the harm falls disproportionately on (non-rich) ship builders. The rich just shift their spending onto non-taxed luxuries, therby avoiding the tax. If you want to tax the rich, then tax being rich through income tax, capital gains tax, inheritance tax, etc. Taxing the behavior of rich people is too indirect.
posted by jedicus at 9:16 AM on November 13, 2009 [6 favorites]

Why on earth does it need a library? No one reads books anymore
posted by Melismata at 12:14 PM on November 13
Where else could you be killed by Mr. Mustard, with the candlestick?
posted by pointless_incessant_barking at 9:16 AM on November 13, 2009 [4 favorites]

A yacht is a hole in the ocean that you fill with money.
posted by mullingitover at 9:18 AM on November 13, 2009 [7 favorites]

What's the point of being on the sea, if you can't even see it from most parts of your crazy boat?
posted by orme at 9:22 AM on November 13, 2009

You might want to consider picking up a WHY 58x38, which offers 36,000 square feet of living space...

Best product name in a long, long time.

I can't wait for next year rumored "floating hallway", the legendary WTF 52x2.
posted by rokusan at 9:23 AM on November 13, 2009 [12 favorites]

It looks creepy.

The tree was a nice touch, though. Maybe there should have been two of them so that you could sling a hammock between them. Sort of a homey touch.
posted by leftcoastbob at 9:24 AM on November 13, 2009

What's with the giant square stern? Those solo-around-the-world racing boats feature them, too.
posted by notyou at 9:25 AM on November 13, 2009

I think that the person who would choose to spend $151 million on this is lacking something. But I don't think a giant boat is what they're lacking.

I think this is the boat you buy when you're lacking a whole lot of ocean between you and the grand jury/special prosecutor/pitchfork-wielding villagers/vengeful drug kingpin/People's Committee of Glorious Liberation of the Means of Production. It claims to have a range of four Atlantic crossings, which seems a bit gratuitous unless you have to worry about only tying up at places without an extradition treaty.
posted by enn at 9:25 AM on November 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

$151M and it won't submerge? I mean, more than once?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:27 AM on November 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

A yacht is a hole in the ocean that you fill with money.
posted by mullingitover

A yachtie is an a hole in the ocean who is filled with money.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:34 AM on November 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

I do bodywork, clearly I need to get hired at the spa on one of these.

Because really, rich people looking to overspend? TIP TIME.
posted by yeloson at 9:35 AM on November 13, 2009

Highlights include onyx countertops, 9,900 square-feet of teak-layered decking, a movie theater and a basketball court/helipad

When I read specs like this, I seem to hear them in the voice of a ten-year-old boy, who goes on to describe "a candy maker, and a room with an SNES and a Genesis and a big-screen TV, and a catapult to throw my sister in the water if she tries to come aboard. Oh, and I didn't mention that the movie theater is 3D, like the Muppet show at Disney World." He scribbles a clarifying note on a schematic crunched into the margins of his geometry homework.
posted by Iridic at 9:36 AM on November 13, 2009 [12 favorites]

I guess the outside looks kind of neat, but all those cavernous low-ceilinged spaces on the inside don't look comfortable at all.
posted by echo target at 9:36 AM on November 13, 2009

DIY.
posted by The White Hat at 9:36 AM on November 13, 2009

We have no conception how rich the rich are. Think of the richest person you've ever known. If you knew them, there's no way they were actually rich. The people who are actually rich are worth 10 times more than that. They buy yachts like this out of sheer boredom.

And they laugh at us.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:37 AM on November 13, 2009

I'm afraid this idea is both an old and famously bad one.

Sure, it might be dumb and a bad idea, etc, but yachts are really stupid and I'd rather destroy the yacht industry and let the wealthy move on to conspicuous consumption that I find less irritating.

Minor, futile class warfare: how can kicking investment bankers in the shins be wrong if it feels so right?
posted by Copronymus at 9:40 AM on November 13, 2009

fine, I'll say it: that thing is awesome, and if I had the money to, I would buy it and live on it for the rest of my life and be sooooo happy.
posted by jermsplan at 9:43 AM on November 13, 2009 [7 favorites]

Melismata: "Why on earth does it need a library? No one reads books anymore"

Bite your tonguefingers.
posted by Mitheral at 10:00 AM on November 13, 2009

That's not a boat. That's a render of a boat. Listen, when you build one... call me. Then I'm going to ride my pony up the pier and onto that boat, and I'm going sing the PONY ON THE BOAT song because there's NO SUCH SONG but I'm going to SING IT ANYWAY. With beer. Lots and lots of beer. And those little crackers that make your mouth go all dry so you spit when you whistle, and I'll whistle and spit crackers all over MY BOAT by whistling as the deck chairs go sliding around in the HURRICANE FORCE of my DANCING PONY!

That's what I'm going to do.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:03 AM on November 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

It'd be awesome to live there but owning it would be shit. Just think of how much gas would cost.
posted by creasy boy at 10:05 AM on November 13, 2009

to me, this looks like a totally perfect item for the next james bond villain
posted by lazywhinerkid at 10:06 AM on November 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

No Such Song.
posted by rokusan at 10:12 AM on November 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

We have no conception how rich the rich are. Think of the richest person you've ever known. If you knew them, there's no way they were actually rich. The people who are actually rich are worth 10 times more than that. They buy yachts like this out of sheer boredom.

And they laugh at us.

And I laugh back.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:22 AM on November 13, 2009

I pay people to laugh for me.
posted by rokusan at 10:23 AM on November 13, 2009

First thought on seeing the splash page: it's my scanner!
posted by TWinbrook8 at 10:27 AM on November 13, 2009

Let's all chip in and get one. I think the SS Metafilter has a nice ring to it. It will make a nice investment: we can rent it out to not-quite-super-rich-enough-to-buy-this-outright rich people and then make fun of them, as per usual.
posted by Davenhill at 10:33 AM on November 13, 2009

It's only a model.
posted by Pantengliopoli at 10:45 AM on November 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.
posted by parki at 10:54 AM on November 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's cruising speed is only 12knots, or right about 13 mph. 4 atlantic crossings would only take, wait.....carry the 4..... 196 years.

Maybe it is solar powered...if its top speed is 14 knots and cruising is 12. I mean hell, you can double that in a sunfish.
posted by TomMelee at 11:00 AM on November 13, 2009

[The SS Metafilter] will make a nice investment: we can rent it out to not-quite-super-rich-enough-to-buy-this-outright rich people and then make fun of them, as per usual.

Jessamyn will ban us all for LOLYACHTRENTERSing when we should be playing shuffleboard.
posted by rokusan at 11:08 AM on November 13, 2009

Two words: penis envy.
posted by double block and bleed at 11:13 AM on November 13, 2009

Say what you will, but that staircase/ramp is jawdroppingly beautiful.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:14 AM on November 13, 2009

Why on earth does it need a library?

Why on earth doesn't need a library. Why on water needs a library.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:41 AM on November 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

Them laughing at us would be like us laughing at bacteria. Bacteria may gang up and kill us some day, but we aren't going to even be aware of their existence until they do.
posted by digsrus at 11:55 AM on November 13, 2009

Copyronomus, why the hate on yachts?

As a yacht owner, I first want to dispel the rumour that we're all rich with small dicks. Hey, I'm not rich. [rimshot]
posted by Artful Codger at 12:15 PM on November 13, 2009

For half that, I can get a luxury submarine. I mean, come on - I didn't sketch up plans for a secret yacht dock when I spent afternoons drawing extensive blueprints detailing what my home/fortress would contain when I became an adult.
posted by Moonster at 12:16 PM on November 13, 2009

If I had $150M to spend on myself, I would acquire a few Old Master paintings rather than one claustrophobic (however large) yacht that I would eventually tire of anyway.

One disadvantage of a yacht compared to a beach house is that you can hardly get rid of the guest you're sick of without either forcing her to walk the plank or dumping her into the your yacht's customized shark tank through the secret Montgomery Burns trap door.
posted by knoyers at 12:26 PM on November 13, 2009

"It's cruising speed is only 12knots, or right about 13 mph. 4 atlantic crossings would only take, wait.....carry the 4..... 196 years."

Just in case you slipped a decimal point instead of exaggerating for effect: An Atlantic crossing is kind of a fuzzy metric but if we take the distance from New York to London at ~5600 kilometres then at 22 kilometres per hour you'd make the trip in, (5600/22/24), eleven days, give or take.
posted by Mitheral at 12:35 PM on November 13, 2009

I enjoyed the splendid isolation depicted. Are the lifeboats, sickbay, and safety gear as elegant?
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 2:20 PM on November 13, 2009

I'm afraid that boat is likely to be a deeply uncomfortable place to be. A similar hull design was tried with an anchor handler a few years ago (I cannot find the name I'm afraid) and it apparently suffered very badly from roll. A wide hull like that catches beam waves in a way that a narrow hull doesnt.

It looks beautiful though. Just a shame Mr.Rich will be reeling and green.
posted by BadMiker at 2:42 PM on November 13, 2009

The specs state 'stability assured without stabilisers' and 'autonomous for 4 Atlantic crossings'.

Personally, the fittings are very nice but; no thanks.
posted by BadMiker at 2:51 PM on November 13, 2009

I think we just found the perfect get-well present for mathowie.
posted by armage at 3:43 PM on November 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

One disadvantage of a yacht compared to a beach house is that you can hardly get rid of the guest you're sick of without either forcing her to walk the plank or dumping her into the your yacht's customized shark tank through the secret Montgomery Burns trap door.

FTFY.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:15 PM on November 13, 2009

OK. Several floors of living space. Several floors of lounging space. A spa (or two). A music room with a grand piano. A library. A screening room. A dining room that looks like it seats 16.

But.

No. Kitchen.

Are you fucking serious? $151 million and you couldn't throw in a grill or something?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:17 PM on November 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

That is the just ugliest damn boat I've ever seen.
posted by stargell at 5:33 PM on November 13, 2009

Yeah... no kitchen, no control room, no obvious bathrooms or laundry facilities.

No space for my green roof where I grow oranges and tomatoes year round...

Those designers totally hit a dud right into home plate.
posted by Severian at 7:43 PM on November 13, 2009

How vulgar.
posted by kathrineg at 8:58 PM on November 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

There's another Wally Yacht: 118 ft, 60 knots, looks cool. Yes, it's still obscene, but I can understand why someone might buy one. (Particularly young boys and Batman fans.)
posted by ryanrs at 10:49 PM on November 14, 2009

...and for the price of one WHY floating island, you can get six WallyPowers. That opens up all sorts of ridiculous, foolhardy possibilities. I mean, solar cells are nifty and all, but the Brayton cycle makes for much better youtube videos.
posted by ryanrs at 11:42 PM on November 14, 2009

If you bitch about these things, it means you're envious and insignificant.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:47 PM on November 14, 2009

I am so envious that I put a little floating mini-library in my bathtub. I filled it with those teeny books they have next to the checkout at Barnes & Noble. I think the effect is quite regal.
posted by kathrineg at 11:56 PM on November 14, 2009 [2 favorites]